..people I meet fix it somehow.
For some reason, I sometimes am blamed for it when I tried to be a good friend/listener/help and others maybe not like that.
Wednesday, November 30, 2016
Huh Huh No!
I'm not supposed to / gonna sit here where all the people I like get stimulated inappropriately.
Disturbed..
Why would I be made not to feel stimulation in a certain way so someone else does too much instead of remaining my relationship and someone I look up to? "Too much" means unnecessary wants and burning out.
What, did I do something? No..
Why are they so agitated and have people involved in my relationships? They think they have something to deal with here and cut me off. What? How old are we now?? I don't need things like this and do not look up to people who do it.
How am I supposed to feel after all the attention going to others?
I'm sorry if I sound mad, but I'm just saying. Did you know people have often been jealous of my brain? I'd hate for this to be the end cuz I said something cuz I don't have instructions to get me what I need in life. I never said anyone had to do anything for me. I mean, do people wanna leave me tho? cuz that's fine.
If people are ruining people I look up to, what am I supposed to do? They are taking everything from me it feels in ways. I feel I get attacked for everything I say.
So, I got the idea someone I look up to had an experience with fluttery feelings of pleasure to do away with me. It involves the eyes. Maybe, I'm just making it up, tho. I got a grave message. Why are people at me? I just don't get an intelligent response from what I see in people.
What's important is if the person is doing well. It's not time to say people like me and what I want that they have in them don't matter. I'm not mad at anyone, nor pointing fingers. Yea, I mean are they well really? They may have issues with the problems, other than me. It's not all about me. It's also not about getting rid of me. What if I'm important to them? Do you think a lotta people think they should change that? No! So, don't focus on getting rid of me while you focus on what the person needs cuz you won't notice them otherwise.
What, did I do something? No..
Why are they so agitated and have people involved in my relationships? They think they have something to deal with here and cut me off. What? How old are we now?? I don't need things like this and do not look up to people who do it.
How am I supposed to feel after all the attention going to others?
I'm sorry if I sound mad, but I'm just saying. Did you know people have often been jealous of my brain? I'd hate for this to be the end cuz I said something cuz I don't have instructions to get me what I need in life. I never said anyone had to do anything for me. I mean, do people wanna leave me tho? cuz that's fine.
If people are ruining people I look up to, what am I supposed to do? They are taking everything from me it feels in ways. I feel I get attacked for everything I say.
So, I got the idea someone I look up to had an experience with fluttery feelings of pleasure to do away with me. It involves the eyes. Maybe, I'm just making it up, tho. I got a grave message. Why are people at me? I just don't get an intelligent response from what I see in people.
What's important is if the person is doing well. It's not time to say people like me and what I want that they have in them don't matter. I'm not mad at anyone, nor pointing fingers. Yea, I mean are they well really? They may have issues with the problems, other than me. It's not all about me. It's also not about getting rid of me. What if I'm important to them? Do you think a lotta people think they should change that? No! So, don't focus on getting rid of me while you focus on what the person needs cuz you won't notice them otherwise.
At It
They said someone I look up to was reduced to nothing.
I wanna go to bed, but they're being fresh.
No, this person is a normal person and cannot be reduced to nothing.
I wanna go to bed, but they're being fresh.
No, this person is a normal person and cannot be reduced to nothing.
Why?
Why do some of you all be the ones be causing all these problems to come up with others?
Heh heh, look at those people thinking I'm bad out there.
Yer just gonna have to accept the new me. 😉
Heh heh, look at those people thinking I'm bad out there.
Yer just gonna have to accept the new me. 😉
So, what happened?
That makes no sense!
That's essentially what got me. I heard a relationship of someone I look up to was drugged out from me. I just had a feeling. Maybe, it's only a possibility. It kept me up. I don't feel well. I keep getting bothered.
So, is that my supposed paranoid schizophrenia at its work? My Asian genes? Like that matters in the end, like I'm just some subhuman species mutt.
Come on, really, why do you wanna test people out to prove they're God?
That's essentially what got me. I heard a relationship of someone I look up to was drugged out from me. I just had a feeling. Maybe, it's only a possibility. It kept me up. I don't feel well. I keep getting bothered.
So, is that my supposed paranoid schizophrenia at its work? My Asian genes? Like that matters in the end, like I'm just some subhuman species mutt.
Come on, really, why do you wanna test people out to prove they're God?
What's the big deal?
I got that I was in big trouble and they would stimulate someone I look up to with some perverted pleasure.
Why is my life so bad?
How can I have a relationship if it's raped and ruined?
I just typed up my feelings, and something from them flared up and I look bad now. There, you can read what I said if you want to say what happened like it's not even there.
I don't mean to call anyone's glory with supposed bad things, but I thought things worked out and were connected. I should not be in trouble, anyway! So, someone gets in trouble, someone gets it? I know usually the person who caused the issue gets it.
What's wrong with what I say? I'm being offended. I never got much outta this except things only a stupid person would not know about, like me in the past. I can't even relax about my home.
I will not take any of this, me in trouble, sending bad stimulation to someone I look up to. That person does not deserve the treatment they are getting. This is not what it was about.
Disclaimer: I'm sorry if I've offended anyone. I just wanted to journal about something bad keeping me up, but now they think something happened. I think people think I don't deserve anything. I didn't say anyone had to do anything. I don't need other people to steal it from me, tho.
Why is my life so bad?
How can I have a relationship if it's raped and ruined?
I just typed up my feelings, and something from them flared up and I look bad now. There, you can read what I said if you want to say what happened like it's not even there.
I don't mean to call anyone's glory with supposed bad things, but I thought things worked out and were connected. I should not be in trouble, anyway! So, someone gets in trouble, someone gets it? I know usually the person who caused the issue gets it.
What's wrong with what I say? I'm being offended. I never got much outta this except things only a stupid person would not know about, like me in the past. I can't even relax about my home.
I will not take any of this, me in trouble, sending bad stimulation to someone I look up to. That person does not deserve the treatment they are getting. This is not what it was about.
Disclaimer: I'm sorry if I've offended anyone. I just wanted to journal about something bad keeping me up, but now they think something happened. I think people think I don't deserve anything. I didn't say anyone had to do anything. I don't need other people to steal it from me, tho.
More?
They said someone I look up to said I get too much attention when I don't get any, save for what goes on being experimented on. You can't say that. I already said I didn't say anyone had to do anything. They are channeling negative vibes physically and disfiguring me, supposedly someone I look up to. I don't get real attention.
Things in My Life
I have people I'm related to out there involved in my private life being told to do things about it, but it seems like pretend. 💋 You know where my life isn't exactly private. 👅
If people are rooting for and edging on certain people to go silly, the answer is usually that other people would be more suited in that role. They didn't succeed in glorifying one person, so it would seem. Things happen that tell me no.
What's so great about going too cross-eyed and getting one too many orgasms.. I don't want my eyes closer and closer. It's not really a straight path.
I just keep getting teased and taunted by the people experimenting on me partly, like they have to do it like it comes out naturally. What that means is I'm in trouble or something is wrong with me. True, I'm not much and something's wrong with me. I feel I've been in disturbing situations. I didn't want to get on anyone's bad side, and I have sorta interrupted privacy that might cause me to malfunction and I get in trouble and get pressured a lot.
I should just sit here like a Dali Llama and predict the future, what I knew would happen. I just have these feelings. I knew there would be some issue made up to do with people related to me.
I had "things" going for me! I just had this weird vision. I have strange feelings about the future. I was recently surprised to encounter someone'e race.
I always thought younger people from earlier in history has more later on felt more babylike feelings. I don't know if it's a number or what. Did I not have something going? Maybe, some people want to do things I don't want to do. About people in history, I think they felt a lot cuz I see the pictures of them cuddling and sometimes nude with a mother or maybe maid.
You know, before the Presidential Election we didn't have this very problem, except for some things maybe. If someone needed something before, they should have gotten it. I know some people don't get what they need or want people to leave them alone, like me..
I don't know if humans are all they're cracked up to be. Pretend to expect too much and it might cause an unwind or something. I don't want to see my world fall from under me! It doesn't have to happen. I wasn't talking about real people, just things in general. It's a mistake to give up and forget the past.
...
There's nothing for me to be interested in cuz everyone is programmed to think a certain way about me and to treat me a certain way. I do want to help people, but people don't seek me out for assistance. I have my own life, too, and goals to be an attractive human. I believe in talent and money. I don't want to experience not being accepted in some way because people ratted me out in lies! I just get ignored, tho it's funny there's no one there to ignore me it feels. I know people out there are interested in me. I just feel bad when I could have met someone and I get in trouble and I don't have it good with anyone and can't find anyone but can't be alone in a good way, neither. I like the people experimenting on me, but I just have my regular world issues. Why did people know so much about someone I looked up to connected to me? Before, it was about me! Do you think the people I look up to are just babies to molest? I already feel it's a crime how people treat me. I've called the police non-emergency, several times. I hate being treated like I did something wrong, too, like right now. I might call the police about how I feel about things, now. You know, I didn't hear that people appreciate what's going on. That means they were unsuccessful at their supposed intentions. You know, why are the experimenters mad when I talk about this? Since when would someone feeling good elicit so much jealousy or pain from me of some things? This person is not mean. I'm not being sarcastic, just saying why would all of a sudden someone feel good cause pain to someone else? Why? Look, I don't know who or what. You probably don't care cuz I'm talking a lot, but I got this idea, and I got upset inside. I mean, could you do the same thing to someone bad or is it just this person I look up to being reduced to an infantile status? Yup, you heard what I said. It's there in black and white, there in English. I want everyone to feel as good as they should. Yup, you heard that, too! I'm not for the superstition of honeymoon times for everyone all the time that I am supposed to shut up while people are mean to me by distracting my relationships, like we're vulnerable and it's set and they are on a rampage of extra energy from older age. What the Hell is this superstition about me? I just don't want to be framed about relationships and stuff. I don't know the problem. I haven't been able to attain focus. I heard other people feel more and differently from me, depending on things like age and generation. So, what, people I look up to are just teenagers to me but parents to younger people? I mean, nothing should be wrong, tho. So, basically I'm just here to report another horror for a young person about things they had in the world. I'd rather "rape" and prove someone who fits the bill that they're not all that. I think the person I look up to was kidnapped and they pretend they can stimulate them in amazing ways. It would affect them, tho. I'm not mad at them, tho, so I don't know what to think. I feel like they died or something, like I have also in ways I dislike but thru different means. Did you know pleasure does die down in ways or some? What do you think about psychiatric pills? My parents make me take them or I hit the streets, like they've told me a multitude of times. People thought that was something that is to freak over.
I don't know how to solve my petrification. Why don't people care about people they look up to? Maybe, people aren't all that. They just like to wrong the right. What can I do? I don't just forget about things. Why are people so drugged out, in general?
Why can't I understand? That person would be there for me if it weren't for this. Aha! There it is in black and white! I don't trust people. I'm the best person in the universe!
You know, I was kinda told that this wouldn't happen, but it doesn't matter, pleasure for someone else and horror for me. So, forget that it doesn't happen maybe for me. It happened. I don't know what to do. It's like I just died again. Okay, I don't know for sure what happened, but I got upset and that's what happened. I just had an idea. I'm not wanting to be upset at anyone nor blame anyone involved. Maybe, you could calmly "blame" people experimenting on me, but I don't want an upset.
People are telling me I am bad and saying other people are better than me now. They are ruining my relationships because of their jealousy of things that just make them upset.
I feel I've been told I don't deserve what I got and to go off because I'm writing what I'm going thru and to not feel the pleasure I wanted.
The people involved experimenting on me won't stop trying to stimulate the person I look up to in a bad way. They said the person has to be for someone else. They just dumped that on me after this long rant to break off the readers's concentration and make my writing shit to them. I am not bad, and they are stealing from my relationship. They said someone I like pressed the button that said to somehow hypnotize me from someone I look up to being for someone else instead just cuz they felt like it. Why do that to the person I look up to, trying to test them not to like me. They still think I'm bad and stealing someone hypnotically in a stimulating way that's bad because of something that they have a problem with. I wouldn't mind it, but they said they are hypnotizing me to do this and keep me off like I'm some danger and lose something for yet another day. What do you think about that? They are just suddenly worried it would come up and decided to do it. I am not gonna fight, and apparently they won't stop acting Autistic. I thought I was the one who was labeled with Autism. I'm not, tho, duh. Lotta people would understand me. I already feel bad about me saying I dislike the need to state I need to be hypnotized like some animal in that someone is doing wha tI said that something bad could happen to me. They keep saying other people are important and finding ways to hurt me in a message to do with them. I can't trust anyone. Everyone seems to be upset at me because I cursed on my blog about the hurtful, illegal noises Ellen DeGeneres supposedly put in my room for a long time. Anyway, I thought they made a claim that this was good for me, and now they are changing. I knew it. That's what I said. I was unfriended by someone on Facebook, like I'm bad and did something, but I didn't. They just act like that. A car outside talked about death of someone I look up to because I didn't like their joke about how I would be hypnotized, like some tool. So what? I just said it. They are not being nice after I posted about what bothered me. No, it is not right. I always see people revealing that others are bad, and whatever this is where something worse is coming up from others is really bad. What is this?
Who can I talk to? People are all so mean up in my face.
Why are people rattled about what I talked about? They just set me off. What do you think I said this for?
Supposedly, someone I look up to, the cars outside say, is with someone else insteada me like I'm the bad guy and forgotten.
Nite I Guess
Christmas concert tomorrow!
😴
I did all my laundry for up to this day. I'll be busing for the concert tomorrow.
Looking forward to getting my doll the day after!
😴
I did all my laundry for up to this day. I'll be busing for the concert tomorrow.
Looking forward to getting my doll the day after!
Overly Suspicious
Have you ever been suspicious of people who are not well-behaved but are overly nice to you? In the end, people feel for them because they were nice to you, but if you get in trouble they will take your life from you. It's not that you weren't nice to them. They just didn't really wanna talk to you that much.
Looking Forward to Christmas for Once
Advent 't'is the season.
I am buying myself a doll for $50 and having my mom wrap it.
I am buying myself a doll for $50 and having my mom wrap it.
Apology
So, I was talking about different situations, not focusing on things people would not want me to.
Changing the Situation
They went on to put someone before me in a sneaky message just because I'm not a mute socially.
They want everything quiet and dumb.
They want everything quiet and dumb.
"It has to be!"
They think I did something wrong to someone because they think I felt what they're suggesting as true. Don't you know you're wrong? I am thru.
Why do you want to think of me as bad? Can't we all just get along? I can't believe people want what's mine all of a sudden. I'm sorry, but that's "gay." Disclaimer: no offense nor pointing fingers nor being sarcastic. The only reason you think everyone wants it.. which everyone does that you can see.. is because they want to hurt me, I see as this does not happen to anyone else.
Why do you want to think of me as bad? Can't we all just get along? I can't believe people want what's mine all of a sudden. I'm sorry, but that's "gay." Disclaimer: no offense nor pointing fingers nor being sarcastic. The only reason you think everyone wants it.. which everyone does that you can see.. is because they want to hurt me, I see as this does not happen to anyone else.
Ah've moved on. (I've moved on.)
Not sure how I haven't fixed anything I could. Why is my responsibility over everyone? I'm not some dork in Central Florida who thinks you have to go around changing situations to hurt people because it's only right. Like, if you don't look flawless, you can't feel good, too, and you will be bothered and have your rights taken from you in ways.
What?
I can't ever trust people who are mean to me, in some ways, or others who would think it okay for them.
What?
Just because my life isn't perfect, I ruined the situation, when someone else had problems I did not have? Go blame some starving kid in Africa.
Racial Mixup
People think people should mix racially when having a child to give back to the world, but by the same people they forget they also believe it is even sin, that the child is a sin.
"In the Know"
I feel I'm being told I'm bad by people who didn't "know" what they think they know now.
You know, I'm still in the right.
You know, I'm still in the right.
I think..
..they said no.
Now, why are the people I look up to all feeling trapped to appear mean to me?
You can go into this more, but that supposedly isn't necessary. You can talk to whomever you want thru the grapevine if you have the chance, but this is just nasty!
So, I am interested in some things/people.. and I'm just normally interested, and people I know were bribed to get something instead of me and they said no they don't want to hurt me, but these people still do it.
There, I did it! I did it with the love!!
"You can talk to whomever you want thru the grapevine if you have the chance 💘"
You know, this is serious. I for some reason feel for no reason I'm being drained of things. Maybe, it's my dad keeping things how they are, like keeping a cauldron filled to the brim.
I just feel in general things for me are that I'm in trouble for no good reason and without ever liberation. You know how I'm surrounded. I've seen ghosts/UFOs, and maybe I'll just be abducted someday. Why not just make the change now? I heard people I depend on emotionally are the only key to hurting me by turning on me and it's a must. Life can be happy if things get worked out right.
Now, why are the people I look up to all feeling trapped to appear mean to me?
You can go into this more, but that supposedly isn't necessary. You can talk to whomever you want thru the grapevine if you have the chance, but this is just nasty!
So, I am interested in some things/people.. and I'm just normally interested, and people I know were bribed to get something instead of me and they said no they don't want to hurt me, but these people still do it.
There, I did it! I did it with the love!!
"You can talk to whomever you want thru the grapevine if you have the chance 💘"
You know, this is serious. I for some reason feel for no reason I'm being drained of things. Maybe, it's my dad keeping things how they are, like keeping a cauldron filled to the brim.
I just feel in general things for me are that I'm in trouble for no good reason and without ever liberation. You know how I'm surrounded. I've seen ghosts/UFOs, and maybe I'll just be abducted someday. Why not just make the change now? I heard people I depend on emotionally are the only key to hurting me by turning on me and it's a must. Life can be happy if things get worked out right.
So..
You claimed things were okay, but now you're bringing up a problem you suggest that I said was how you did it.
Why am I repeating myself?
Let me make clear that I grew up being nice to people, and other people weren't, but I'm being blamed for their problems, seriously, like because of some feeling in the air I didn't do right to in my subconscious being the cause for all problems. That's "fucking retarded." 😄 That's the base excuse for many of their actions. "Oh my fucking God," is this still happening? 😇
What do people think??
I'm not sitting here saying over and over bringing up someone. I'm not the one doing that. They think I am whining in what I've said. I just talk about when I get hurtful messages.
Why didn't I get anything out of this 11 year experience? Why is it going to other people in my life, some of whom are on my bad side, like because they're not in it for reasons that say I'm in trouble for intentionally doing something wrong?
Why didn't I get anything out of this 11 year experience? Why is it going to other people in my life, some of whom are on my bad side, like because they're not in it for reasons that say I'm in trouble for intentionally doing something wrong?
I think I said this, but..
..I am ready for something, and others don't want it but get encouraged while I'm swept under the rug.
People don't care of my accomplishments as a person. They just make an excuse that someone else was poor in some facet and needs it but instead. I'm speaking in general. This doesn't happen to other people. I don't need this in my life.
People don't care of my accomplishments as a person. They just make an excuse that someone else was poor in some facet and needs it but instead. I'm speaking in general. This doesn't happen to other people. I don't need this in my life.
You know..
..my dad and many people seem to just laugh off my socialization to them.
I think people didn't elect Hillary just because they dislike me.
I think people didn't elect Hillary just because they dislike me.
What?
You think my dad is still hurting me without me knowing? I'm not stupid.
Everyone says they have to be mean to me or else my dad can do something bad to me or thru the experiment, like saying my relationships are not important and that they exist still in a certain way.
Everyone says they have to be mean to me or else my dad can do something bad to me or thru the experiment, like saying my relationships are not important and that they exist still in a certain way.
What?
I don't get to feel pleasure cuz I'm not mute and brainless and without a computer?
No, I didn't bring it up. I'm just interested. I want to make sure in my life I don't go down under.
Why am I supposed to look for support like I'm the one who is upset at myself for doing something wrong? I don't want this funny flipping nonsense to be the end of me. I sense a disturbance in the force. Just saying, not being sarcastic. Look, I am just a normal person. I don't know what this is. Maybe, you can just use race as an excuse for the moment.
Why are people acting like I'm bad? I keep getting messages that I'm shit out of nowhere for no good reason. It's too much and if I'm good doesn't mean you can be really mean to me just to make me believe I'm flawed to others.
No, I didn't bring it up. I'm just interested. I want to make sure in my life I don't go down under.
Why am I supposed to look for support like I'm the one who is upset at myself for doing something wrong? I don't want this funny flipping nonsense to be the end of me. I sense a disturbance in the force. Just saying, not being sarcastic. Look, I am just a normal person. I don't know what this is. Maybe, you can just use race as an excuse for the moment.
Why are people acting like I'm bad? I keep getting messages that I'm shit out of nowhere for no good reason. It's too much and if I'm good doesn't mean you can be really mean to me just to make me believe I'm flawed to others.
I said..
..I didn't mean to do anything wrong. The situation is in the negative. People are going into my life as I slowly die.
Tuesday, November 29, 2016
"I've been tested."
People think I am shit, after I lived a hard life being tricked and trying to figure things out as a minor.
Sad
People think they don't have to be nice to me because maybe I have friends in high places, but I don't seem to have anything. I have no one to cope with about our similar conditions.
I don't have some things I need, and people are teasing me like I offend people and giving them attention but like it's instead. When I talk about this, they do something else "big" to hurt me.
I don't have some things I need, and people are teasing me like I offend people and giving them attention but like it's instead. When I talk about this, they do something else "big" to hurt me.
Did you know growing up
I never got met my harbored desire to do music interacting with others so much-
Enemy Creatures
Everyone said Christina doesn't matter, "I can 'do it' say Christina doesn't matter, but I don't know why."
Look, there is nothing wrong with me writing about my problems just because you're watching rather than enjoying any thing. My problems are there, and I'm not so stupid as to say a problem is if someone else is happy. Maybe, you didn't follow.
Look, there is nothing wrong with me writing about my problems just because you're watching rather than enjoying any thing. My problems are there, and I'm not so stupid as to say a problem is if someone else is happy. Maybe, you didn't follow.
Not at My Prime
How am I just lazy trash?
I look more prettified than a lot of people. I'm not some thing that spiked off the chart.
I look more prettified than a lot of people. I'm not some thing that spiked off the chart.
German German German!
Are Germans really "better," is this about me, or is this about my personal discovery?
I kept asking my mom what other language should I fall back on.
I kept asking my mom what other language should I fall back on.
cont.
Like, who is making real "sacrifices" socially in their lives?
What would you spare if anything had to be spared?
💊
What would you spare if anything had to be spared?
💊
If it's not okay for me..
..it's not okay.
Why did I get told maybe things were good potential before but now better? It's just to punish me.
That's a big statement. It says that things were already okay, but now they're better for someone else.
😊
Why did I get told maybe things were good potential before but now better? It's just to punish me.
That's a big statement. It says that things were already okay, but now they're better for someone else.
😊
Who cares?
Someone I like is being raised above me and the people who want to stimulate them are freaks of nature.
(I want what's best for them!)
😂
So, what do you want?
To end up with your eyes mysteriously crossed or your head inadvertently sunken in?
😲
😲
I'm still not that dumb.
They are punishing me this hard, ruining someone I looked up to. You can't just go out and do that to anyone.
I see a problem-
Look, I am not stupid. I do not like how I got worldwide attention only for it to go to someone else I look up to just to stimulate them to not be the same in a good way anymore concerning me.
My Life
No one can decide my life for me. I'm the best person in the world. You can do what you want, but you can't change that.
On This Here Earth
I've got a long life ahead of me and a lot of work to do or to be an invalid outcast.
I don't know why things are not clicking for me because of the world.
I'm creeping up, doing things to make me happy, instead- I'm saving money to buy clothes and some toys. I don't want to give up being a musician.
I don't know why things are not clicking for me because of the world.
I'm creeping up, doing things to make me happy, instead- I'm saving money to buy clothes and some toys. I don't want to give up being a musician.
As usual..
..sorry if anyone was offended by anything I talked about that's been happening to me. I hope I improve, but I heard brain cells don't regrow. I wonder if I'm an invalid. I don't know if I've imposed myself on anyone. I just don't have a life where the sequence is smooth acceptance in my opinion, in some ways sometimes. I think initially it was my race, and that's not my fault. I respect all races, tho. I noticed too that when Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005) starring Johnny Depp directed by Tim Burton.. that life changed then, too, like opportunities and guilt. Everyone was jealous of it the movie or the people involved. So, lies came out and people fought, and the world was never the same. I think older people were mean to us younger people and for me I had weird issues, not sure why no one told me to change because they weren't telling the truth before about what life was and going to be for me, other plans. I think I said I was concerned that the experiment on me was more important than spending more time on a school that maybe was not in line with my academic history. Later on, the classes were too hard and I ended up dropping out or going on a sabbatical. Now, I want to start a new instrument and since musicians don't really need to go to college I'm not going to college and am lonely and feel out. Transportation would be hard, and money may be impossible. My record is not exactly spotless, concerning scholarships. The main problem is money for a surplus of food. My appetite has gone down since the psych pills, tho. People think my mind wanders, but they are just spending too much time looking at the big picture and not what I feel like I'm doing. I didn't even know anyone cared. Also, what I say they think I'm silly that I don't know it doesn't matter. I can see it's just racism. I miss talking to people. It makes me better.
Nite!
Watching Pitch Perfect 2.
I wanted to go to church tomorrow morning, but I don't know if I'll be awake/tired.
I wanted to go to church tomorrow morning, but I don't know if I'll be awake/tired.
What do I do? What do I do? What do I do?
Did you know that since they started spying on me and other things from my past that aren't very bad compared to others.. that I can't seem to shrug off the guilt. I'm worried cuz I can't even go to confession cuz it's not cuz they're really sins but still matter.
I had a hard time thinking for some reason. I know I lost it when I was kicked out of what I was doing in music after a year at a choice college with a high scholarship. I was lied to about what I would do being spied on and it was like I didn't matter and was interrupted and had a hard time thinking for myself. I felt hypnotized to do some things and lost it when I was overly lonely with I felt for some reason nowhere to go and nothing to do that would do anything for me.
It seems they think since I'm so good that like I know my dad wants worse things to happen to me so that it will have an affect on my conscience, when what I did was not illegal, a sin, nor that bad.. nor fully covered in the Bible.
I had a hard time thinking for some reason. I know I lost it when I was kicked out of what I was doing in music after a year at a choice college with a high scholarship. I was lied to about what I would do being spied on and it was like I didn't matter and was interrupted and had a hard time thinking for myself. I felt hypnotized to do some things and lost it when I was overly lonely with I felt for some reason nowhere to go and nothing to do that would do anything for me.
It seems they think since I'm so good that like I know my dad wants worse things to happen to me so that it will have an affect on my conscience, when what I did was not illegal, a sin, nor that bad.. nor fully covered in the Bible.
Question
What if we just keep making young people who are not born in 1997/1998 with Late Boom parents feel and be worse and worse? What is wrong? I know your parents's birth years are actually important. What if my mom is born in 1959 and I was born in Generation X? What can be done? ..and I act like my mom's age in ways.
Hm.. points for me.
Why are people going into my home and telling me I don't get treated like I'm good?
Thoughts
Someone is not in check in the world/US/Orlando.. tho I think in Orlando I know they are trying. Not to say they'd need it more than others.
I don't want people to tell them bad things about them, too.
Has anyone masturbated over this for any reason?
I mean, this person is not really a public figure in that way. It happened underground thru telepathy between those of similar racial dispositions.
I don't want people to tell them bad things about them, too.
Has anyone masturbated over this for any reason?
I mean, this person is not really a public figure in that way. It happened underground thru telepathy between those of similar racial dispositions.
Hmph!
Why get mad at me wanting to feel okay and letting others feel so pleasured in complicated ways? I mainly am upset at stealing my relationships cuz I know it doesn't matter to anyone. Like I said, they were assuredly feeling enough pleasure already.
Um..
I don't live to suffer here just to go out and feel oh boy it's a good thing I did that cuz it feels so good to be home-free!
cont.
I know! That's a good one. That's just throwing away people.
It seems someone was always there for others, like Late Boomers had a lot of support from whatever their parents were to them. It's not impossible to do it again for other generations. What about kids today? I guess they have some improvements, tho not if you're labeled Autistic.
Why do people get offended if I have needs, like if I say I am unwantedly labeled a paranoid schizo? Late Boomers do that? They don't do that about their younger kids. What's so good about it, anyway? the kids born around 1997/1998, when fancier computers, or good affordable PC's with their features basically, and Titanic came out. I never realized it that way until this moment.
It seems someone was always there for others, like Late Boomers had a lot of support from whatever their parents were to them. It's not impossible to do it again for other generations. What about kids today? I guess they have some improvements, tho not if you're labeled Autistic.
Why do people get offended if I have needs, like if I say I am unwantedly labeled a paranoid schizo? Late Boomers do that? They don't do that about their younger kids. What's so good about it, anyway? the kids born around 1997/1998, when fancier computers, or good affordable PC's with their features basically, and Titanic came out. I never realized it that way until this moment.
What?
I've lost my college major where I had a prestigious scholarship.
Is Hillary more important than me?
It's been 11 years. Then, they were spying on me in private and started telling me it. Do you think Hillary needs a break like they say I do? I thought a lot of people needed breaks. I don't know if that means quitting.
Is Hillary more important than me?
It's been 11 years. Then, they were spying on me in private and started telling me it. Do you think Hillary needs a break like they say I do? I thought a lot of people needed breaks. I don't know if that means quitting.
Okay
I just want to know what this is.
I'm surrounded by semen and discharge of nostalgia, and I am not liking the view.
I'm surrounded by semen and discharge of nostalgia, and I am not liking the view.
Problem? *raises eyebrows*
If they said it was okay, then why is there a problem with what I talk about cuz I have my own problems here?
You may have done something, but that was because of another problem. I just realized that you can't get dizzy from a split decision in front of the world cuz that doesn't say much alone itself. So, I wonder.
You may have done something, but that was because of another problem. I just realized that you can't get dizzy from a split decision in front of the world cuz that doesn't say much alone itself. So, I wonder.
So then.. what can we do?
This person probably is "ruined" for me and I can't "fix" it. Well, I can do anything, in a way, so we'll see.
Don't say it's not true cuz I saw what just happened. Whatever just happened, happened.
Pitch Perfect 2 quote and speaker, highlight for spoilers: "Let us have it, let them have it, let the world have it!" That's by the Green Bay Packers.
You know, this is like a story I read in school, highlight for spoilers: The Poisonwood Bible, and it was a favorite of mine. It's like in Africa, a white family, and the youngest girl is so affected by her sick mom and wastes away, a blonde with maybe curly hair, and she dies from a snakebite and she talks in the end of her life saying she's the eyes in the tree..
💚
Don't say it's not true cuz I saw what just happened. Whatever just happened, happened.
Pitch Perfect 2 quote and speaker, highlight for spoilers: "Let us have it, let them have it, let the world have it!" That's by the Green Bay Packers.
You know, this is like a story I read in school, highlight for spoilers: The Poisonwood Bible, and it was a favorite of mine. It's like in Africa, a white family, and the youngest girl is so affected by her sick mom and wastes away, a blonde with maybe curly hair, and she dies from a snakebite and she talks in the end of her life saying she's the eyes in the tree..
💚
Heh Heh Heh
Funny people wonder if I'm okay, like someone else I like, but I kinda like how things were before, in some ways, concerning someone else I like, who said things were really all groovy already. How has this craze positively affected anyone, joking I'm no longer important cuz I did some bad things that weren't? If things were okay, how is it okay now too?
Monday, November 28, 2016
What Happened Instead
or to you "What Didn't Happen Anyway"
Supposedly, I am helped out for supposedly (like comforted cuz it was unintentional, not really my fault, and hard to take the *brunt of) changing the Presidency, but instead things got worse for me. I just noticed this one joke just now.
*brunt - the worst part or chief impact of a specified thing. (link)
Supposedly, I am helped out for supposedly (like comforted cuz it was unintentional, not really my fault, and hard to take the *brunt of) changing the Presidency, but instead things got worse for me. I just noticed this one joke just now.
*brunt - the worst part or chief impact of a specified thing. (link)
Talking About Important Feelings
Why are people uncomfortable talking about how they like Johnny Depp?
Heh Heh Heh
Funny.
There's one person I like people find problems with, but I don't mind whatever those things are in the end.
Someone else, I just think they're not really a problem, compare them to others.
There's one person I like people find problems with, but I don't mind whatever those things are in the end.
Someone else, I just think they're not really a problem, compare them to others.
Foils
Why would someone only be happy if others don't do breakthru things if they are not part of their generation, older or baby to them? I mean like wearing old-fashioned clothes. Did you know people felt more long ago maybe? It's a big thing. They didn't have pop music, tho, I guess. *bump bump* 😊
Is something wrong?
Why should we go thru this, the nostalgia of getting attention etc., as I've been going into some lately and getting to focus on?
I just feel the opposite was sorta what was on the program.
I mean, yea it's fine, but is something strange? I don't think people even know why it happened.
😰
I just feel the opposite was sorta what was on the program.
I mean, yea it's fine, but is something strange? I don't think people even know why it happened.
😰
Being "Overly" Stimulated
Why would people be more easily stimulated if they're born into a popular generation?
Problems Problems
They said people I like are giving me problems and turning into *problems so no one can cope with me.
*I don't mean to offend anyone in saying this in this way. I'm just stating something, something that is.
*I don't mean to offend anyone in saying this in this way. I'm just stating something, something that is.
Well, I almost made it!
I think I'll have to fold the rest of my laundry hopefully by tomorrow. That's all for now, tho.
Lose!
They said I don't get some of what's most important to me because of some of the points I make.
How Different Races Feel
Well, Germans and the Irish are similar in that they like deep, serious feelings and have good music provided to the world. 😊
Why?
Why are people so excited to make an adult older than me immatured? I don't think they are achieving, anyway. If so, I wonder if it is accompanied with a feeling of really using someone, me, to maim emotionally and psychiatrically feeling-wise. You know, I don't matter so much as a person in some ways, but people are pushing the envelope.
What It's Like Being 1/2 Asian 1/2 Germanic
I was thinking about being 1/2 Asian and 1/2 White. I know I get dizzy feelings without being tingly at all. It's more like air and thin cartilage in a climate with warmth.
Huh huh, you know I was getting some hope in my life in some regards, but a lot of that I was said to be undeserving of, like there are too many people.
Huh huh, you know I was getting some hope in my life in some regards, but a lot of that I was said to be undeserving of, like there are too many people.
Took a Walk
Other than that excursion, listening to music, out for 3 hours, more laundry!
I think I just have a bunch of blankets to wash now and more of my clothes to fold.
My brother will be here tomorrow! I think he might live with us. He's in his mid-20's with his Masters.
I think I just have a bunch of blankets to wash now and more of my clothes to fold.
My brother will be here tomorrow! I think he might live with us. He's in his mid-20's with his Masters.
Making Food From Scratch
I love making my own food as much as I can. I want to grow it, too. Fertilizer, fertilizer! Water, water! I may even play it music and sing for it!
I made lemonade! This is my 1st time I remember. I did it myself with a squeezing tool. Wow, so a batch of lemons for what I had, a little "pitcher?" A lot of it is already gone!
🍹
I made lemonade! This is my 1st time I remember. I did it myself with a squeezing tool. Wow, so a batch of lemons for what I had, a little "pitcher?" A lot of it is already gone!
🍹
Apology
the person will experience more of being at the *center themselves*I just mean that I had a certain kind of situation that was taken for not deserving of me. It's complicated, but I do not mean to offend.
Why I Talk About Generations
I talk about generations for the love but partly because I don't have it good or okay in that way. If it doesn't matter for me, why would it matter for someone else?
It doesn't have to involve anyone having to talk to me, but I guess I'd figure in some way it would in situations. I mean, I know people supposedly need people to talk to. Sometimes, other generations are interested in me, and sometimes they are not. So..
It doesn't have to involve anyone having to talk to me, but I guess I'd figure in some way it would in situations. I mean, I know people supposedly need people to talk to. Sometimes, other generations are interested in me, and sometimes they are not. So..
Being Aroused by Others
I lost my "sexual" feelings for others in ways that may be good. I feel pressure about other important things in other relationships being tested by many/all people in the world but in a way that arouses certain people or the one they are talking about in some way we don't know.
Why would someone who gave a care for me be okay stimulated not to care about me? Like the question comes up, and you have to say yes do it and it doesn't really make them feel more stimulated anyway. It is probably connected in some way that doesn't matter.
Why would someone who gave a care for me be okay stimulated not to care about me? Like the question comes up, and you have to say yes do it and it doesn't really make them feel more stimulated anyway. It is probably connected in some way that doesn't matter.
Destroying Me, Like That Matters
People are destroying my relationship and esteem as a person and then wondering why I don't have one.
They just take anything they can and take big things away from it in my life. It has to do with love but not the kinds you're probably thinking like mushy stuff or things to do with sexual intercourse etc. Like taking a cigarette from a person with lung cancer or candy from a little kid.
People got mad that I experienced feelings about my life with someone. See, that's other people saying they can do anything to ruin my life if they want, like they have a remote control. Instead, they made it so they want to spend time talking how the person will experience more of being at the *center themselves cuz they wanted to love me. I don't think these problems existed from the looks of it. They have not come up with many conclusions. They must have experienced something pretty catastrophic for themselves, like they killed someone I needed more than a mother as a baby or a lot in a different way, something about them that once existed. The other problem is that it's not important I have it in a way, so no one will care.
People are also superstitious about me talking about something everyone else does but with the opposing view.
*I just mean that I had a certain kind of situation that was taken for not deserving of me. It's complicated, but I do not mean to offend.
They just take anything they can and take big things away from it in my life. It has to do with love but not the kinds you're probably thinking like mushy stuff or things to do with sexual intercourse etc. Like taking a cigarette from a person with lung cancer or candy from a little kid.
People got mad that I experienced feelings about my life with someone. See, that's other people saying they can do anything to ruin my life if they want, like they have a remote control. Instead, they made it so they want to spend time talking how the person will experience more of being at the *center themselves cuz they wanted to love me. I don't think these problems existed from the looks of it. They have not come up with many conclusions. They must have experienced something pretty catastrophic for themselves, like they killed someone I needed more than a mother as a baby or a lot in a different way, something about them that once existed. The other problem is that it's not important I have it in a way, so no one will care.
People are also superstitious about me talking about something everyone else does but with the opposing view.
*I just mean that I had a certain kind of situation that was taken for not deserving of me. It's complicated, but I do not mean to offend.
The Root of My Current Problem Level
It seems like people are actually, truthfully, especially mean to me because Ellen DeGeneres thinks I am bad (mostly for cursing on my blog about hurtful, illegal noises she put in my room for a long time and still) and that people should offend me and hurt me socially and emotionally somehow. They are sick people and can think up ways, no matter how weird and off.
If Ellen DeGeneres reads this, she'll probably sum it up as an insult, but I'm just saying what it is. She says what it is. I am not mad at her and think she's a good person compared to most people. You know, she may not admit it, but she also just does it to tame the crowd, which I could care less about.
If Ellen DeGeneres reads this, she'll probably sum it up as an insult, but I'm just saying what it is. She says what it is. I am not mad at her and think she's a good person compared to most people. You know, she may not admit it, but she also just does it to tame the crowd, which I could care less about.
I've been catching.
If I act a different way sometime, people say I'm not a real person, anymore.
If a Late Boomer did it, it'd be worshiped like God.
I will not trust these people who think these things. They know they did it to hurt and insult me socially. They don't care. I know they just forgot.
If a Late Boomer did it, it'd be worshiped like God.
I will not trust these people who think these things. They know they did it to hurt and insult me socially. They don't care. I know they just forgot.
Something Weird
You would throw away Generation XY for Late Boomers and their Generation Z children born around 1997 and 1998. However, when you talk about Early/Mid Boomers, you throw away Late Boomers showing love and affection for Generation XY.
Morning
I woke up and had a hot dog and chocolatey cake I baked and vanilla ice cream we already had.
I folded my baskets of clothes, hung up my new clothes after washing, washing more fancier clothes, and I just realized I have more of my towels left to fold.
I folded my baskets of clothes, hung up my new clothes after washing, washing more fancier clothes, and I just realized I have more of my towels left to fold.
Sunday, November 27, 2016
Nite Again
I went to the 2 morning masses today. We have a busy schedule for church in the coming 2 weeks. I plan to attend.
After I exercised and stuff, I found I was 5'1" at the end of the day. At the beginning with a good night's rest, I was over 5'3".
I'm feeling better after the masses. I am watching people around me to see how they feel for a thermometer, to gauge how I feel about things, rather than waiting for someone to help.
I have a lotta laundry tomorrow.
I was a bit tired some of today. I have to remember to ignore people when I don't know how to react and they make distracting noises that probably channel the bad words in my mind. I know alone it generally doesn't go that way. I don't have time to think and don't decide. I am getting better. I just go in with a happy face and nothing bad happens. If someone hurts you, you just keep going and tell yourself it's alright. I need to learn to ignore some things that hurt, tho, cuz I dunno how to react.
Sometimes, I feel people are just out to get me.
I'm too tired to do much more. I don't have many more thoughts, with the energy to recollect and disperse.
So, bed, breakfast, maybe a jog for my exercise, more breakfast, a shower, fold towels and clothes, watch and hang clothes. I think I got it.
~ * ~
After I exercised and stuff, I found I was 5'1" at the end of the day. At the beginning with a good night's rest, I was over 5'3".
I'm feeling better after the masses. I am watching people around me to see how they feel for a thermometer, to gauge how I feel about things, rather than waiting for someone to help.
I have a lotta laundry tomorrow.
I was a bit tired some of today. I have to remember to ignore people when I don't know how to react and they make distracting noises that probably channel the bad words in my mind. I know alone it generally doesn't go that way. I don't have time to think and don't decide. I am getting better. I just go in with a happy face and nothing bad happens. If someone hurts you, you just keep going and tell yourself it's alright. I need to learn to ignore some things that hurt, tho, cuz I dunno how to react.
Sometimes, I feel people are just out to get me.
I'm too tired to do much more. I don't have many more thoughts, with the energy to recollect and disperse.
So, bed, breakfast, maybe a jog for my exercise, more breakfast, a shower, fold towels and clothes, watch and hang clothes. I think I got it.
~ * ~
I guess..
..relationships are important in how you behave and care for yourself and it really changes "who you are."
I wonder..
Why if I can't talk to someone are they the ones who're in dire straights in a diverse set of people in a relationship? They matter, but maybe they like different people. I just got thru trying to assimilate with them and ended up in a rut. I think I did it again more successfully. However, the people spying on me are mad at me even tho I was nice.
Certain Words
When people trash me and make a lot of commotion so I can't think, bad words come to mind, like "trash" and "nigger." "Nigger" also comes up when I'm treated like one 1st. I like the word "bitch" and "fuck," tho. At 1st, I didn't, but I saw a 15-year-old English girl on the Pirates of the Caribbean 3 MySpace forum called "It's [Hayley] Bitch."
I have a plan!
I can see when they punish me if they say someone who we look up to is hurt from too much stimulation attention that might not be all that good from what I've seen. You know, I have something insulting to the people to say, that I don't really believe in what they're doing, in a way. You know, it might not have happened if I didn't look at Ellen DeGeneres's Twitter.
Funny
People who have people who like them are being told to come inside so people like me who are younger can't have them.
So, that's where all the people went. You thought there wasn't anyone. Just some slimeballs. ..and I'm having a great time!
So, that's where all the people went. You thought there wasn't anyone. Just some slimeballs. ..and I'm having a great time!
Ah'v Joined Up (I've joined up.)
I am not accepting arguments from other races and ethnicities because they are just trying to hurt me.
Saturday, November 26, 2016
Calling It a Night
I went to mass this evening and got home by bus. It was an exciting mass, contemporary music too I sang in plainsong. I'm going to 2 masses tomorrow morning! Wonder what we will sing!
Well, exciting now I record myself singing better, better technology usage.
It's funny people acted like they served me dinner on a silver platter only to throw me to the streets socially. Don't act like that didn't just happen, amidst other big things happening out there. People will say this is the biggest accomplishment yet in history, whereas before it was Late Boomers being born into the world. "You mean, they're still alive!" Yes! Just a funny catch phrase that came to mind realizing how cool it is that we're talking about it and it's actually people who exist in history in important things today. Baby Boomers encompass the 1950s it seems now. Late Boomers are most popular treats. Their families probably have all the fun. It's funny how suddenly it's all about families. That's definitely not what it's about for me. I wanted to meet people I both am and am not related to. It's hard having 1/2 Asian blood, but I like my mom. It's hard just having a Caucasian dad. I don't know if anyone likes me.
Yea, so people acted like I should be glorified for some reason before, and I tried to say I wasn't good enough it feels or that I don't think they want to do that. Now, I'm nothing, like they had it planned all along. I'm not even nor mean. I only feel sad and upset on the inside and eventually soon the outside when people deny me my rights as a human being to be able to live and prosper in the world and socially, not to feel bumped around for something I did that's past and forgotten. I don't get it. I just see people think I'm an issue. They want me not to exist and end my life, like I'm just a deed to be done and k***ed for fun. I want more than what people will let me have or think they have to do to ruin my life.
Like, before, people are telling me I need all this stuff socially that I don't. Now, I'm called bad.
I hate to break to to you, but I think the reason I get what I do is because I am well-behaved and normal, tho some people may disagree. Also, I call it being experimented on cuz I'm not all that amazing and awesome as others and how I could be. So, that's what you'll get from me, tho I feel I was a lot better off on my own accord cuz I wasn't in trouble for believing weird things that are unspoken. I feel bumped out of family. It is devastating and for some reason re-enters my life.
Hey, I was looking at this star and wondering why people think we should respect Nazis for being white. I respect the Jews that got killed. I know people always respect white people, tho, and if you're not all white think when you're good and cool it's to be shunned as nothing. Also, if you say you like Germany, they think you're just a worshipper of Hitler. In the mid-2000s, "kids" sat slumped over as adults said their kids all say they're worse than Hitler. How gifted and brilliant, but that implies there's something wrong with me and not them. That's not how things were before for me.
I am glad that some people are adventurous and actually talk to me and don't mind getting "the attention.." I think people in my life are being monitored, but I wonder who else out there is like me. I can't tell like I can tell myself out there for some reason, which I do not ask unless truly just interested in something for yourself a bit or how much you are interested, which I don't know why.
You know, I was right. This person I know is important. People shower them with "stimulation" of a sensual nature in a way that was considered inappropriate. They didn't listen. Now, I am guessing the person has been knocked out and is having to hide.
About now, I think of something from "The Little Prince." Highlight for spoilers from book and movie:
He is a little boy from outer space, and he meets a pilot. He has a speech about how special his flower is. In the end, he wants to die. A snake bites. It reminds me of the forbidden fruit. I actually sang the song the flower sings. The prince asks the pilot to draw him a sheep. He had visited a lot of planets. The sheep is drawn in a box, so it won't eat the flower.
I am a bit confused. I don't see how what people out there are doing is exactly correct to "stimulate" someone I look up to in a sensual, suggestive way. I can just see they did it to hurt me cuz they're mad I cursed about Ellen DeGeneres putting hurtful, illegal noises in my room. No one said, "It's okay, Christina." Either, I was to figure to cope and have fun or it's a punishment too now. I mean, I feel so trashy myself in many ways and like I can't stimulate myself properly. I can see how someone I look up to deserves to be treated well. I guess the world decided it takes effort for people to be stimulated and they did it to this person for a wrong reason in this way.. to take away the leadership they once had and a love for me that is affected by them, to be used as a toy for sexual pleasure for who knows who.. the way you feel when someone you look up to is just a baby but feels more than you in some unlabeled way. The only argument of that is that I get cranky too often or only I should be it agreed to not express anger physically even if in a normal way in private in my room at home. So, they think that means it's the end for me. The person was involved, supposedly. Who knows who's involved! I don't. I wonder about people. I know you are to live more like a worker who is a good citizen and not be "me me me" I need everything and deserve social worship. So, then it's funny the commotion with this person and how people can focus with this going on. That means, not everyone is involved, maybe not the creme of the crop. I bet they messed the person up and that it could have been better like before in some ways. I think I do know, tho, that the person "doesn't have much" and lives in not always the most comfortable situations. So, they are looking for things like this, and people have provided that someone they love is in trouble and they should therefore be rendered helpless in their love for me and it hurts, like losing a parent when you're still young, among other things if you get now that other things are very important. Parents are still there, but other things are, too, obviously. Before, I think life was more about family and sometimes other people. I don't know, but maybe it can be seen in that way. Let's think about it, tho, cuz work.. success is 99% perspiration and 1% inspiration, they say. I did something that people saw as bad but wasn't. So, they go on and treat someone I look up to like they're (highlight for spoiler>) Aslan from The Chronicles of Narnia or The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. I think I have it, I didn't do anything bad to deserve this. I was upset and didn't ever get to think that Election Day was important other than that you have your vote ready. I don't think it was essentially I who caused the election not to be Hillary. Hm, I know my dad claims he cracks under public pressure about these things but also thinks his dad in Heaven wants him to beat me socially and in other weird ways, tho I just deal with it as I can. He also thinks his elderly mom puts pressure on him. I wonder why the person I look up to is the only one with problems, other than the idea that I like them a lot so why not. It should not all got one person. I feel I came and I went. I was supposed to get something, not lose something. This isn't an adventure. I got kicked out altogether from what I liked in college in music, no 2nd chance, and they just said I was too shy to teach music and sing.. 2005, 11 years ago. I've already summed up my life once again for success. I think the movies are not all that's success, but we're getting older. Movie stars don't meet enough people, apparently. I'm not mad at the experiment for this and not at Ellen DeGeneres, tho I think she definitely caused it in a way maybe the person getting too much attention and stuff, like it's not right to be nice to me cuz I cursed at the hurtful, illegal noises she put in my room. It was there for a long time. So, what happened to the person I look up to? Did they decide it was not the program to.. Are they still at adult? I'm not asking for actual things but more ideas of philosophy, not like yea they're feeling youthful now. Just, what's the program? ..and how are we to look at things? If this weren't on Election Day, it wouldn't be like this. Maybe, that, and that I didn't really do anything bad would correct how to look at what is happening outside of just punishing me. No, I did not get special treatment on Election Day. I guess I am worried the person abandoned me most. I am also wondering if they are feeling ditzy and the magnitude and specifics kinda hurt me more than most anything other than that I'm comfortable and critical things. I have worse things in my life. So, like, the person is strict and maybe thinks it's over, but oh yes that's not what they said, tho so mostly am worried about them feeling different from before concerning their affection for me as a younger person and wondering if they lost it in some way that would rattle me. So, I'm not worried about much.
I need to go to bed soon cuz I am excited about the 2 morning masses. I have slept substantially some this week so should be okay. Sometimes, being awake is the right thing to do.
Also, people are under the false belief I can just forget about anything but pleasure, but that is definitely not the case. I get rattled and I can't always find happy things to come to mind. I in fact was just addressing something to do with this point.
Apologies for several things maybe I should not mention. Passing thoughts under some bad influence. I am beat socially so much and I mean people just won't take what happens in my head, like I have something wrong with me. I know, I know, they don't care 100% about apologies. I don't know if it's just me or that other people would get away with things if I didn't live like this.
Huh, I said a lot but to no point. I'll try:
(1) I am worried about the person I look up to being "stimulated" in a certain way, thinking it's because Ellen DeGeneres said to do for 2 reasons, to punish me and because it can be seen as destiny. I am worried I lost them for being imperfect and if it got to their head.
I should go on and say other things but am getting tired to express myself in writing the story or something.
I think the answer is yes it's partly because of Ellen DeGeneres but maybe not this much. The other 2 things, I think I definitely lost something in the relationship and no I don't think it had to get to their head.
I know people used to make loud noises that bother me, but I mean are they wired up to be stimulated this way? It's not important if they care about me but that they're okay because maybe they're also hurt, like psychologically/psychiatrically.
I guess I am wondering if they are checking out of life or retiring, too, because of this. That would also disturb me if this is why because it's like they were literally taken from me. I see things that way. I have been already and have something big I think of like this, that when people say I'm not good enough when I met someone prestigious and they're getting in my business and trying to socially beat at me for it.. they're just taking away something good someone good got that they need, see what I'm saying? You can't just take away everything from me.
Well, okay, nite!
Well, exciting now I record myself singing better, better technology usage.
It's funny people acted like they served me dinner on a silver platter only to throw me to the streets socially. Don't act like that didn't just happen, amidst other big things happening out there. People will say this is the biggest accomplishment yet in history, whereas before it was Late Boomers being born into the world. "You mean, they're still alive!" Yes! Just a funny catch phrase that came to mind realizing how cool it is that we're talking about it and it's actually people who exist in history in important things today. Baby Boomers encompass the 1950s it seems now. Late Boomers are most popular treats. Their families probably have all the fun. It's funny how suddenly it's all about families. That's definitely not what it's about for me. I wanted to meet people I both am and am not related to. It's hard having 1/2 Asian blood, but I like my mom. It's hard just having a Caucasian dad. I don't know if anyone likes me.
Yea, so people acted like I should be glorified for some reason before, and I tried to say I wasn't good enough it feels or that I don't think they want to do that. Now, I'm nothing, like they had it planned all along. I'm not even nor mean. I only feel sad and upset on the inside and eventually soon the outside when people deny me my rights as a human being to be able to live and prosper in the world and socially, not to feel bumped around for something I did that's past and forgotten. I don't get it. I just see people think I'm an issue. They want me not to exist and end my life, like I'm just a deed to be done and k***ed for fun. I want more than what people will let me have or think they have to do to ruin my life.
Like, before, people are telling me I need all this stuff socially that I don't. Now, I'm called bad.
I hate to break to to you, but I think the reason I get what I do is because I am well-behaved and normal, tho some people may disagree. Also, I call it being experimented on cuz I'm not all that amazing and awesome as others and how I could be. So, that's what you'll get from me, tho I feel I was a lot better off on my own accord cuz I wasn't in trouble for believing weird things that are unspoken. I feel bumped out of family. It is devastating and for some reason re-enters my life.
Hey, I was looking at this star and wondering why people think we should respect Nazis for being white. I respect the Jews that got killed. I know people always respect white people, tho, and if you're not all white think when you're good and cool it's to be shunned as nothing. Also, if you say you like Germany, they think you're just a worshipper of Hitler. In the mid-2000s, "kids" sat slumped over as adults said their kids all say they're worse than Hitler. How gifted and brilliant, but that implies there's something wrong with me and not them. That's not how things were before for me.
I am glad that some people are adventurous and actually talk to me and don't mind getting "the attention.." I think people in my life are being monitored, but I wonder who else out there is like me. I can't tell like I can tell myself out there for some reason, which I do not ask unless truly just interested in something for yourself a bit or how much you are interested, which I don't know why.
You know, I was right. This person I know is important. People shower them with "stimulation" of a sensual nature in a way that was considered inappropriate. They didn't listen. Now, I am guessing the person has been knocked out and is having to hide.
About now, I think of something from "The Little Prince." Highlight for spoilers from book and movie:
He is a little boy from outer space, and he meets a pilot. He has a speech about how special his flower is. In the end, he wants to die. A snake bites. It reminds me of the forbidden fruit. I actually sang the song the flower sings. The prince asks the pilot to draw him a sheep. He had visited a lot of planets. The sheep is drawn in a box, so it won't eat the flower.
I am a bit confused. I don't see how what people out there are doing is exactly correct to "stimulate" someone I look up to in a sensual, suggestive way. I can just see they did it to hurt me cuz they're mad I cursed about Ellen DeGeneres putting hurtful, illegal noises in my room. No one said, "It's okay, Christina." Either, I was to figure to cope and have fun or it's a punishment too now. I mean, I feel so trashy myself in many ways and like I can't stimulate myself properly. I can see how someone I look up to deserves to be treated well. I guess the world decided it takes effort for people to be stimulated and they did it to this person for a wrong reason in this way.. to take away the leadership they once had and a love for me that is affected by them, to be used as a toy for sexual pleasure for who knows who.. the way you feel when someone you look up to is just a baby but feels more than you in some unlabeled way. The only argument of that is that I get cranky too often or only I should be it agreed to not express anger physically even if in a normal way in private in my room at home. So, they think that means it's the end for me. The person was involved, supposedly. Who knows who's involved! I don't. I wonder about people. I know you are to live more like a worker who is a good citizen and not be "me me me" I need everything and deserve social worship. So, then it's funny the commotion with this person and how people can focus with this going on. That means, not everyone is involved, maybe not the creme of the crop. I bet they messed the person up and that it could have been better like before in some ways. I think I do know, tho, that the person "doesn't have much" and lives in not always the most comfortable situations. So, they are looking for things like this, and people have provided that someone they love is in trouble and they should therefore be rendered helpless in their love for me and it hurts, like losing a parent when you're still young, among other things if you get now that other things are very important. Parents are still there, but other things are, too, obviously. Before, I think life was more about family and sometimes other people. I don't know, but maybe it can be seen in that way. Let's think about it, tho, cuz work.. success is 99% perspiration and 1% inspiration, they say. I did something that people saw as bad but wasn't. So, they go on and treat someone I look up to like they're (highlight for spoiler>) Aslan from The Chronicles of Narnia or The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. I think I have it, I didn't do anything bad to deserve this. I was upset and didn't ever get to think that Election Day was important other than that you have your vote ready. I don't think it was essentially I who caused the election not to be Hillary. Hm, I know my dad claims he cracks under public pressure about these things but also thinks his dad in Heaven wants him to beat me socially and in other weird ways, tho I just deal with it as I can. He also thinks his elderly mom puts pressure on him. I wonder why the person I look up to is the only one with problems, other than the idea that I like them a lot so why not. It should not all got one person. I feel I came and I went. I was supposed to get something, not lose something. This isn't an adventure. I got kicked out altogether from what I liked in college in music, no 2nd chance, and they just said I was too shy to teach music and sing.. 2005, 11 years ago. I've already summed up my life once again for success. I think the movies are not all that's success, but we're getting older. Movie stars don't meet enough people, apparently. I'm not mad at the experiment for this and not at Ellen DeGeneres, tho I think she definitely caused it in a way maybe the person getting too much attention and stuff, like it's not right to be nice to me cuz I cursed at the hurtful, illegal noises she put in my room. It was there for a long time. So, what happened to the person I look up to? Did they decide it was not the program to.. Are they still at adult? I'm not asking for actual things but more ideas of philosophy, not like yea they're feeling youthful now. Just, what's the program? ..and how are we to look at things? If this weren't on Election Day, it wouldn't be like this. Maybe, that, and that I didn't really do anything bad would correct how to look at what is happening outside of just punishing me. No, I did not get special treatment on Election Day. I guess I am worried the person abandoned me most. I am also wondering if they are feeling ditzy and the magnitude and specifics kinda hurt me more than most anything other than that I'm comfortable and critical things. I have worse things in my life. So, like, the person is strict and maybe thinks it's over, but oh yes that's not what they said, tho so mostly am worried about them feeling different from before concerning their affection for me as a younger person and wondering if they lost it in some way that would rattle me. So, I'm not worried about much.
I need to go to bed soon cuz I am excited about the 2 morning masses. I have slept substantially some this week so should be okay. Sometimes, being awake is the right thing to do.
Also, people are under the false belief I can just forget about anything but pleasure, but that is definitely not the case. I get rattled and I can't always find happy things to come to mind. I in fact was just addressing something to do with this point.
Apologies for several things maybe I should not mention. Passing thoughts under some bad influence. I am beat socially so much and I mean people just won't take what happens in my head, like I have something wrong with me. I know, I know, they don't care 100% about apologies. I don't know if it's just me or that other people would get away with things if I didn't live like this.
Huh, I said a lot but to no point. I'll try:
(1) I am worried about the person I look up to being "stimulated" in a certain way, thinking it's because Ellen DeGeneres said to do for 2 reasons, to punish me and because it can be seen as destiny. I am worried I lost them for being imperfect and if it got to their head.
I should go on and say other things but am getting tired to express myself in writing the story or something.
I think the answer is yes it's partly because of Ellen DeGeneres but maybe not this much. The other 2 things, I think I definitely lost something in the relationship and no I don't think it had to get to their head.
I know people used to make loud noises that bother me, but I mean are they wired up to be stimulated this way? It's not important if they care about me but that they're okay because maybe they're also hurt, like psychologically/psychiatrically.
I guess I am wondering if they are checking out of life or retiring, too, because of this. That would also disturb me if this is why because it's like they were literally taken from me. I see things that way. I have been already and have something big I think of like this, that when people say I'm not good enough when I met someone prestigious and they're getting in my business and trying to socially beat at me for it.. they're just taking away something good someone good got that they need, see what I'm saying? You can't just take away everything from me.
Well, okay, nite!
Casserole
I made some and see some changes necessary. It's got more bread stuff / dumplings this time. It goes with butter in it and cheese. I cut up fresh vegetables.
Friday, November 25, 2016
"Cruel and Unusual"
I've never heard of anything so cruel. Something really worked out between me and someone else, and now they're being tampered with like they have some deep, dark secret about who they supposedly are.
I feel the union of 2 made 1.
Saying I am shit and don't deserve to live and talk. Well, I think what I say on here is very interesting. Compare it to you having sex, maybe a little understatement.
💞
💞
Good / Bad / Ugly
It is okay if someone wants to feel sex and pleasure, but it isn't a good idea to mindlessly engage in random nonsense that ends up with many people feeling hurt. You's gots to WERK (You got to work!) True, it seems some things are 2nd nature. By gosh, this is bigger than 911! Naw, ain't it the truth! "Isn't this so exciting?" Um, not if you're involved in a bad way with when something is bad.
😵
😵
"This is 'The Fall of the House of Usher!'"
I became so sensitive to sound as a music major that I heard voices my 2nd semester.
People With Feelings
I cannot say any one race does not have feelings, to introduce myself.
I forget what I was gonna say.
So, what do you think people should feel?
I forget what I was gonna say.
So, what do you think people should feel?
Yes, what do people feel??
I don't know why in some way I feel dizzy. Maybe, I'm moving around. It doesn't come with a tingly feeling.
"Let's talk about love.."
What do you think of stimulating people in ways like giving them a lot of public exposure and then arousing them due to that fact? Some people face more pressure than others.
Nitey Nite
I guess I'l turn in. Looking forward to church tomorrow and Sunday. "These boots were made for walking, and that's just what they'll do. One of these days, these boots are gonna walk all over you." I got new boots for Black Friday and they even have heels, the largest size there I saw for women, tho I used to be a 3.
Hillary!
Did you know I acted on Election Day like I would any other day, just a bit mad to myself but no public outbursts?
Unfortunately, I think it's too late.
Unfortunately, I think it's too late.
Wrong!
Did you know I was told that things for me will never get better, only stay the same for awhile or get worse?
"Ain't it the truth?"
Just because someone was too mean to me does not mean I did anything wrong.
Things don't always go how I intended, and I don't foresee the future.
Things don't always go how I intended, and I don't foresee the future.
Tired
Had a snack. Was fatigue already. Maybe, I should lie down. I'm a little upset about how I reacted when I was shocked.
Just Watched the Freiburger Barockorchester!
in Pareee
They were great! It was so much fun to actually see them, and they sounded wonderful tho I did not understand what to focus on, maybe because I have so much of other ethnicities.
🎻🎩🐧
They were great! It was so much fun to actually see them, and they sounded wonderful tho I did not understand what to focus on, maybe because I have so much of other ethnicities.
🎻🎩🐧
Black Friday
I got 3 pants, 2 sweaters, and boots I can wear to church. 1 pair of pants has like a flowery indent and is black, another plaid, and 1 nice and black. The boots have like 2 1/2 inch heels. It's more like leather or rubbery. 1 sweater has the base of the neck covered and is striped, and the other is kinda funky in design in stripes with pink, black, and white. I had a Chick-Fil-A spicy sandwich and a cup of water. I just got a soda and have several pennies to my name.
😍
A Solution Suggested
Why would someone because they are born at a certain time matter over me? I should matter, too.
Why make fun of my parents only when it comes to me? I don't wanna be connected.
What would happen if this happened to someone to whom this does not happen?
Thursday, November 24, 2016
I'm watching The Princess and the Frog by Disney.
What is the most popular instrument there? Saxophone? The next could be trumpet or the bass.
*cartoon between an American and a non-American*
American - This was supposed to be about me.
Non - No!
American - *silence*
Non - We just all wanted to use fame to feel good.
American - Okay!
Disclaimer: No offense to anyone. This is just for fun. I didn't mean anything sarcastic.
Non - No!
American - *silence*
Non - We just all wanted to use fame to feel good.
American - Okay!
Disclaimer: No offense to anyone. This is just for fun. I didn't mean anything sarcastic.
Thanksgiving
We're having Thanksgiving dinner in a couple hours.
I hope everyone has a Happy Thanksgiving! This and the 4th of July and even Memorial Day Weekend and maybe Labor Day Weekend are big American holidays.
Speaking of work, how did the clowns in school make it to the top? I was promised much more than this. It was supposed to be about me.
I hope everyone has a Happy Thanksgiving! This and the 4th of July and even Memorial Day Weekend and maybe Labor Day Weekend are big American holidays.
Speaking of work, how did the clowns in school make it to the top? I was promised much more than this. It was supposed to be about me.
I really don't have to worry about this.
I know it's not my fault Hillary lost. No one listens to me, anyway.
Why
does Trump have so many supporters. I was gonna say why does Hillary have so many haters? She has since the election of 2008. I already knew there would be problems ahead.
Wednesday, November 23, 2016
Not Fair
None of my grade schools had orchestras that I know of and my parents didn't let me take violin.
"Happiness"
Why would my happiness be taken from me and given to someone else, whom I do not want to name. Imagine, someone in the family, someone popular, ex-best friends, etc.
So
Do Late Boomers give off dizzy feelings about kids born around 1997/1998? They just expect more, like older generations did with mine.
I noticed.
Ever since Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005) became popular with Tim Burton as director and mostly Johnny Depp in the role of Willy Wonka.. Adults have turned off to making young people feel good.
Misery, Agony!
My life is very miserable save for things like materialism and the things I do to make up for it and being good at building myself up in certain ways.. etc.
Someday?
They are acting like someday this pain inflicted on me will stop and life could be glorious and young.
They keep saying I'm in trouble for nothing.
They keep saying I'm in trouble for nothing.
I'd already decided..
..my parents deserve to be free from my wrath.
Why, tho, when we go out do they act like I'm scum dragging behind with a thin, raspy voice?
Why, tho, when we go out do they act like I'm scum dragging behind with a thin, raspy voice?
Tricks
I ended up flunking college and being mentally ill because they pressured us to do too much work. They acted like that's what gets you ahead in life, and like that's the only way maybe to be the best you can be.
What They Went For
Orlando, America. They went for too much sexually. Now, there's nothing left to say or do, except when I get in trouble again for my private thoughts, to report that it happened.
I never said I did.
It's not time for me to feel bad all the time and play around with other things concerning this, inappropriate things to suggest. Is this some jungle gym for others to play in?
not really
but I feel a lotta regret.. that people think I am an outspoken figment of existence. When I'm just in my room with it together.
Getting a Little Attention
Isn't it crazy how people think only young people who prostrate themselves as an actor in a movie are deserving? No, that's their own problem if they are famous and don't like something about it.
I don't believe in England and Germany :( because/in that
nor any replacement country
because/in that they are watching our thoughts to monitor them and make sure it's all microscopically "judged" or we're out. How rude. I was around foreign exchange students.
😊
For Real
Why was 10 years of my life wasted because I thought Tim Burton and Johnny Depp had big plans for the world? I'm serious. I'm straggling trying to take on the violin so I can get back into real music, something I feel I know the feel of or something well.
While we're at it, what's so mean about what I said? It's just the truth. How else should I say it??
While we're at it, what's so mean about what I said? It's just the truth. How else should I say it??
My Generation!
Why only my generation they say is like a thinking robot that cannot feel any emotion/pleasures? Like, everyone else pretends to be stupid but have all the fun.
cont.
That quote is not intended to offend and is sung by a German boy in Pitch Perfect 2, so I just thought of it cuz it was about "a girl" or whatsoever.
AH! Caught this!
I'm not supposed to look too good next to someone Ellen DeGeneres's age but people younger than me to and they can. It was supposed to be an age issue!
I knew it! They blew it!
Other people are getting respect like I used to before I flunked college.
Like, they are being moved up to the right people when they do. It's a certain thing and I have a feeling for it. Like, they are going thru the motions and then they get special treatment. Me, people are all mean to me, and no one gives a care. They know special things are going on, and they get to do big things and people love them.
Like, they are being moved up to the right people when they do. It's a certain thing and I have a feeling for it. Like, they are going thru the motions and then they get special treatment. Me, people are all mean to me, and no one gives a care. They know special things are going on, and they get to do big things and people love them.
Feeling Badly
I always have to be thrown to the floor in reverence to when I talk about teenagers etc.
While I'm Here
I'm probably the biggest fan.
I collected stuff and drew them and always thought about them, like in bed.
I collected stuff and drew them and always thought about them, like in bed.
The Original 101 Dalmatians (1961) Cover
Did you know I had the books? I flipped thru all my favorite parts, but the characters are different.
About the Virtual Holocaust Here
I was a nice, behaved, good-working person.
Now, "Oh, Christina, we have to k*** you, you're a n*****." "You aren't what you wish you were personality-wise or as a soul." "We're the good ones who do and want good things cuz we're 'white.'"
Now, "Oh, Christina, we have to k*** you, you're a n*****." "You aren't what you wish you were personality-wise or as a soul." "We're the good ones who do and want good things cuz we're 'white.'"
Oh, wow.
"How do you get?"
You behave yourself and act nicely towards other people .. whatever they do.
You behave yourself and act nicely towards other people .. whatever they do.
This is it.
It was a trick. I got kicked outta college numerous times but not as a criminal. They are preventing me and others like my generation from succeeding. We aren't happy without school.
"Tell me, baby girl, what I need to know."
People in Orlando are shit racistly.
You know, you can't look into a soul. They are dull. They have nothing in them in that way. They have nothing to say to me. Nothing has happened. I'm surprised they know what 1 + 1 is.
They think nonwhites are shit, meaning blacks and Asians. They ignore them if they know they are black or Asian. They act like they are in the Holocaust, for real, and it's been this way. They don't deserve that. I'm serious, they acted like they are ^innocently^ recreating it here in America for greatness.
cont.
and this whole experiment. I was supposed to see my real mother and know my real age and have siblings and fun.
Failed Attempts at Talking to People
I liked my group singing teacher in college, and supposedly she was secretly watching me and to be my new mother and I'd sing and dance. My life became an experiment where people watched in private, her and random folks.
I liked a singer in an Irish group and started learning harp, but she was closed off for some strange reason, very popular and well-liked.
I liked my organ teacher and played organ, but now we don't talk and I live with my family somewhere else.
I liked my piano teacher in college, but unfortunately I had to leave.
My music teachers still are where I used to live in a strange city, but now at recent have fled.
I liked my theater teacher, but I moved schools.
I liked a singer in an Irish group and started learning harp, but she was closed off for some strange reason, very popular and well-liked.
I liked my organ teacher and played organ, but now we don't talk and I live with my family somewhere else.
I liked my piano teacher in college, but unfortunately I had to leave.
My music teachers still are where I used to live in a strange city, but now at recent have fled.
I liked my theater teacher, but I moved schools.
Is that insanity?
I didn't do bad things on purpose as a child. No one would ever get at me like that. I was very well-behaved as much as I could. I remember I got in trouble in kindergarten by mistake and it was considered bad to me.
Tuesday, November 22, 2016
Generation Prejudice
They said some of my favorite relationships depend on me being treated with prejudice as to my generation.
Feeling the Pain
They say I'm a brat kid and punish me.
I feel inside like I wish they didn't do this in a way for some reasons. Before, people were in check, but now they are the ones who are silly.
You know, this was about me. I shouldn't lose things because of other people in my way. They don't.
They said someone I look up to said meanly that I "can't have" them and, "Are you still talking to me!"
I feel inside like I wish they didn't do this in a way for some reasons. Before, people were in check, but now they are the ones who are silly.
You know, this was about me. I shouldn't lose things because of other people in my way. They don't.
They said someone I look up to said meanly that I "can't have" them and, "Are you still talking to me!"
Is it generation or is it just me?
I'm not doing this.
I keep getting in trouble (for private thoughts that aren't really bad) and other people doesn't have to do anything. (In fact, I bet they do things I can't.)
How do you feel?
about Ellen DeGeneres idolizing her sexual partner by naming her after someone I look up to as an idol?
She also had her profile picture with hearts for eyes.
I'm not doing it.
Listening to people monitor my thoughts like they're toy blocks you move with hands. I know it's just prejudice about my generation.
Upset
So many people are in my face and mean to me out there. I am not satisfied. I wanna put up my dukes but not literally.
Ferocious
Why would people find me shy and in the end say I'm outspoken, like they are the ones containing their feelings and having things under control, like that doesn't matter to me? I actually do have a lot bottled up and am not timid.
Pleasure, Pleasure, Leisure
I'm just different. I don't wanna feel some kinds of pleasures others do.
Monday, November 21, 2016
I'm what?
Did you get dizzy and lose it? You like people who are younger than me with younger dads and think to tell them to forget about me, but I still exist. You can still pleasure them, but you don't have to tell them I'm shit!
What I've Been Thinking a Little Bit
My desire to make crafts, someday a porcelain/plush doll and some Christmas decorations for the house. I wonder if I can sew a purse to replace the one I got for $125, tho I like it. When is that likely to be what's done?
So, today, I'm probably cooking chicken casserole for my family.
I need to clean and since my trip. Sometime, I get laundry time.
You know, one thing is true, this election has gone in and done something by other people. Sometimes, it's not about what I get but what others can take, like Hillary being President.
So, today, I'm probably cooking chicken casserole for my family.
I need to clean and since my trip. Sometime, I get laundry time.
You know, one thing is true, this election has gone in and done something by other people. Sometimes, it's not about what I get but what others can take, like Hillary being President.
Edit
I edited my last post and yesterday the title of my YouTubes to say what I did before singing them.
An Attractive, Non-Fat, White Comedian
People think Ellen DeGeneres is really funny. Of course, I agree. I think her jokes are more funnily directed at popular people, but I find her very witty with secret jokes that have brought me great mirth. Let me get this straight, the funny jokes are her facial reaction to silly videos of other people and more to people the fact that Ellen DeGeneres cracked the funny joke. She is incredibly smart and talented with things to rehash every day, 5 shows a week. I just feel a little bad that the jokes seem to be directed at people like me, but then Ellen DeGeneres saves the day supposedly by supporting people like me. Still, the audience feels the same way.
2 Problems
Ever since Hillary Clinton lost the Presidency.. even before, people were channeling energy from someone I look up to but things were supposedly fine.. but after this, it's like they can't communicate, at least not freely like before to me. People just keep thinking of negatively stimulating them. It's become all about them nostalgically, like a joke from some people supposedly being the ones doing it for them. By people watching me in my room, they sound like they are all negatively stimulated for some reason.
I guess you could argue that everyone should feel that, looking at it in a different way, "good," so why not them? I shouldn't worry about it.
I just noticed some other things, too. It's all about Late Boomers is one thing. They always are out of it. My life just sucks. I feel alone and put down in a lonely way, as I have also lost some way of functioning. Someone came in and took it from me.
Things are bound to get better. I just feel so sorry for Hillary Clinton. What caused people to tip the vote? I feel blame, as well.
People I know want me outta there like I deserve nothing, like I was raided.
I'm not just saying I have to have something others don't but that I also feel pain when others are used as toys to feel negative pleasure, like that's on the traintrack of life. You know, all of a sudden people think I am shit. "I can't do music," cuz I don't have an instrument and in panic, I looked like a boy partly as a kid but in a way I did not like "so I can't get anything" socially today, "my life did not follow the ideal" so I don't matter, etc. I got a lesson that I can't have what I want and channeled messages that this isn't about me cuz I'm not worth it, like I just never get anything now because of things that have happened or I've done..
People who are good who like me have problems with me and things I've done that aren't 100% pre-known to be wrong, like forgiveness is nothing.
Honestly, I forget what the 2 things were that were problems, as indicated by the title.
I guess I feel pain that I'm left out, yet again, when I've made it big, and others are taking in good feels for some reason and I can't seem to be at peace. I don't care in a way, but also why did people have to go in and sexually arouse people I look up to and so that I'm in trouble with them be? so that they don't feel like doing anything for me that they wanted to?
Some people are pretending to be leaders, when they ruin my life for no good reason.
So, I am just depressed and recording it. Not clinically depressed, a little dysfunctional due to every time I leave my room to use the restroom or go to the kitchen to get food to eat .. that I can get a negative message. So, I tend to fall behind on laundry, not get around to cooking, etc. It's also hard to think when people are watching you and don't like you. It makes you aroused negatively, like feeling like "you want to fight" but not really that, you know the way people feel in movies for some things you'd feel about, tho I don't mean it about these people, not like that. I mean, like being in public you feel you want to be hysterically upset at people who are trying to bother you tho you're just gonna sit there, so that you don't really think that but have a feeling of getting up and wanting to do something about it. Oh, this was about people watching me. I guess I feel like I wanted to do something about it. That might be one reason it's hard to think. There's also this thing where when I get a message I forget what I was thinking. It's pretty bad, I think.
Disclaimer: I am not sarcastic, so let me know if I should change anything.
I'm off to have my morning: breakfast, jog, shower.. a little computer, cleaning, and supposed to make chicken casserole. I am not feeling too tired, I suppose, tho I will be at night. I have somewhere to go tomorrow mid/late morning. and back in the afternoon, a clear week otherwise. Looking forward to Black Friday, whyever it's called that. Well, hungry and looking forward to a jog and nice shower! This is my schedule, at least when I have nothing in the morning, like doctor appointments. You have a happy Thanksgiving season! I hope I can seek help. Maybe I should tell my therapist. This post is put out there so I can get ^help^.
So, feel the pleasure you want, and don't blow your fuse and lose it all. I don't know enough about these things to tell more.
I'll try to remain calm. I hope I have a good jog amidst those cars, most people maybe at work. 👀
Well, okay, I guess bye for now?
Hope I don't find ^presents^ of negativity when I go about my day, like the ones I get from cars roaring by.
Okay, bye for now! out to have my day's beginning! or pre-beginning.
I guess you could argue that everyone should feel that, looking at it in a different way, "good," so why not them? I shouldn't worry about it.
I just noticed some other things, too. It's all about Late Boomers is one thing. They always are out of it. My life just sucks. I feel alone and put down in a lonely way, as I have also lost some way of functioning. Someone came in and took it from me.
Things are bound to get better. I just feel so sorry for Hillary Clinton. What caused people to tip the vote? I feel blame, as well.
People I know want me outta there like I deserve nothing, like I was raided.
I'm not just saying I have to have something others don't but that I also feel pain when others are used as toys to feel negative pleasure, like that's on the traintrack of life. You know, all of a sudden people think I am shit. "I can't do music," cuz I don't have an instrument and in panic, I looked like a boy partly as a kid but in a way I did not like "so I can't get anything" socially today, "my life did not follow the ideal" so I don't matter, etc. I got a lesson that I can't have what I want and channeled messages that this isn't about me cuz I'm not worth it, like I just never get anything now because of things that have happened or I've done..
People who are good who like me have problems with me and things I've done that aren't 100% pre-known to be wrong, like forgiveness is nothing.
Honestly, I forget what the 2 things were that were problems, as indicated by the title.
I guess I feel pain that I'm left out, yet again, when I've made it big, and others are taking in good feels for some reason and I can't seem to be at peace. I don't care in a way, but also why did people have to go in and sexually arouse people I look up to and so that I'm in trouble with them be? so that they don't feel like doing anything for me that they wanted to?
Some people are pretending to be leaders, when they ruin my life for no good reason.
So, I am just depressed and recording it. Not clinically depressed, a little dysfunctional due to every time I leave my room to use the restroom or go to the kitchen to get food to eat .. that I can get a negative message. So, I tend to fall behind on laundry, not get around to cooking, etc. It's also hard to think when people are watching you and don't like you. It makes you aroused negatively, like feeling like "you want to fight" but not really that, you know the way people feel in movies for some things you'd feel about, tho I don't mean it about these people, not like that. I mean, like being in public you feel you want to be hysterically upset at people who are trying to bother you tho you're just gonna sit there, so that you don't really think that but have a feeling of getting up and wanting to do something about it. Oh, this was about people watching me. I guess I feel like I wanted to do something about it. That might be one reason it's hard to think. There's also this thing where when I get a message I forget what I was thinking. It's pretty bad, I think.
Disclaimer: I am not sarcastic, so let me know if I should change anything.
I'm off to have my morning: breakfast, jog, shower.. a little computer, cleaning, and supposed to make chicken casserole. I am not feeling too tired, I suppose, tho I will be at night. I have somewhere to go tomorrow mid/late morning. and back in the afternoon, a clear week otherwise. Looking forward to Black Friday, whyever it's called that. Well, hungry and looking forward to a jog and nice shower! This is my schedule, at least when I have nothing in the morning, like doctor appointments. You have a happy Thanksgiving season! I hope I can seek help. Maybe I should tell my therapist. This post is put out there so I can get ^help^.
So, feel the pleasure you want, and don't blow your fuse and lose it all. I don't know enough about these things to tell more.
I'll try to remain calm. I hope I have a good jog amidst those cars, most people maybe at work. 👀
Well, okay, I guess bye for now?
Hope I don't find ^presents^ of negativity when I go about my day, like the ones I get from cars roaring by.
Okay, bye for now! out to have my day's beginning! or pre-beginning.
Sunday, November 20, 2016
No Rhyme Nor Reason
Why are people telling me I can't have a relationship with someone I met cuz they're really good to me? but that they should. Maybe, I should ignore some of the signs. I'm not the product people think. I function and I'm up there.
On at Away
Someone is supposedly so pleasured by the world they seem to have unfortunately like floated up to Heaven and look down on me with a strange grin, and the world broke a promise and said I could not be worth anything but that people I look up to turn into infants once I come into contact or rather "pleasured" away.
Someone else I thought I once knew is tough luck themselves. They have been drained into a sexual fantasy and are no more.
I can't have the most important things to me be taken from me.
These people didn't have to ^go^ like that! I'm not gonna start caring about what caused this.
Sure, it's still okay, but I need to get this out cuz it's driving me insane and others mad, so many people rude to me. The problem exactly is that I keep getting in trouble for stupid things like this. This time I was sorta stoned in public.
So, in essence, I have lost very good things and so has everyone else it seems. People think we don't even deserve our transient lives.
I wish I could justify what I said more, my asset in saying it and however it could come out. People must have so many problems with me. Like, I'm jobless and not good at one thing.
People in general dislike when people are made to feel inappropriate things that they don't want to. They are just embarrassed people. I wonder if they want sex and candy .. or sex and kids. It gives them something else to do. In some cases or ways, maybe I should .. I forget.
I don't mean any harm in what I said about those 2 unnamed people. I'm sorry. I just want to post about it. It's probably a good start. Things can even get better even for them.
What more is there to say? Let me know, or to unsay, if you have a problem.
Someone else I thought I once knew is tough luck themselves. They have been drained into a sexual fantasy and are no more.
I can't have the most important things to me be taken from me.
These people didn't have to ^go^ like that! I'm not gonna start caring about what caused this.
Sure, it's still okay, but I need to get this out cuz it's driving me insane and others mad, so many people rude to me. The problem exactly is that I keep getting in trouble for stupid things like this. This time I was sorta stoned in public.
So, in essence, I have lost very good things and so has everyone else it seems. People think we don't even deserve our transient lives.
I wish I could justify what I said more, my asset in saying it and however it could come out. People must have so many problems with me. Like, I'm jobless and not good at one thing.
People in general dislike when people are made to feel inappropriate things that they don't want to. They are just embarrassed people. I wonder if they want sex and candy .. or sex and kids. It gives them something else to do. In some cases or ways, maybe I should .. I forget.
I don't mean any harm in what I said about those 2 unnamed people. I'm sorry. I just want to post about it. It's probably a good start. Things can even get better even for them.
What more is there to say? Let me know, or to unsay, if you have a problem.
Feeling Down and Low
I feel bad that others are at a weakened state according to my situation and I'm expected to do leaps and turns when I've not been able to do them. I don't expect anything, but it hurts. I keep trying to think of distancing myself from some things to feed my ego from time to time. I guess I need to clean my room. I think I'm taking up arts and crafts.
Invaluable
Late Boomers may be valuable as a generation, but so am I as a person in many physical/concrete ways.
Fuck!
So, I'm alone and pondering things to do for fun, and this, like, hits me. It feels like people rolled over in their symbolic graves and got up and managed to flip me off with their commotion.
"I have to."
People got carried away and said they had to do something mean rather then indulge themselves elsewise.
Something Else Amusing to Muse Upon
People are using me for their celebrated pleasure and acting like their inconveniences regarding my happiness are inevitable rather than admit it's some sort of punishment, when I'm the one who's carried on!
The Chicken or the Egg
Do you ever "know who laid the egg?"
Disclaimer: I didn't point any fingers. I don't mean to be sarcastic and mean. Let me know if I said anything wrong.
Disclaimer: I didn't point any fingers. I don't mean to be sarcastic and mean. Let me know if I said anything wrong.
Something Amusing
Do you just wonder or have it pop up in your mind what will happen in the Catholic's view of the world to people who do nothing but hurt me it seems? Catholics are more forgiving.
Disclaimer: I didn't point any fingers. Let me know if I said anything wrong.
Disclaimer: I didn't point any fingers. Let me know if I said anything wrong.
Saturday, November 19, 2016
Since When
did I *allegedly become so unpopular?
*allegedly - "used to convey that something is claimed to be the case or have taken place, although there is no proof." (link)
*allegedly - "used to convey that something is claimed to be the case or have taken place, although there is no proof." (link)
Nite!
Church tomorrow in the early morning and late morning!
Early they sing more songs with the congregation.
Early they sing more songs with the congregation.
Story
Once there was a girl named Crystalla. She had straight blonde hair like fields of wheat and blue eyes like orbs of water. She was ballpark 20 years old.
Crystallah was technically parentless. She shared her abode with a family of several mothers and fathers, who practiced magic! She stayed with some other youth.
•There was a girl with curly red hair and green eyes named Ruby. Her hair was really red. She was 26 years old.
•There was a 22 year old boy with mousy blonde hair and green eyes. His name was Robert.
•Another girl there was Abby, who had white hair and baby blue eyes and who was 30 years old.
Crystallah was sad, depressed, and alone in her room, as usual. One of the mothers came in when she was sitting on the floor and grabbed her by the sides of her hips, sad down, and held her in her arms, one at the bottom and the other one was at the top. She held her close, as she began to sob. Her name was Joanna.
Joanna brought her downstairs with the adults where she could sit on her lap. Joanna was 40 years old.
When the babies were asleep, Joanna had sex with a man. Crystallah would never have sex with a man. The others were an enigma sexually speaking.
Finally, it was time to go on the caravan to the festival, which mainly was cool for its tunnel of love and scary rides. Not much to do there for Crystallah.
They made camp halfway. They were surrounded by fire to protect them when they slept. A little girl age 10 was scared and woke Crystallah up. She picked her up and woke up Joanna. A man shoo'd the wolf away.
They arrived at the festival and Crystallah enjoyed the tunnel of love. She was too agitated to go on the ferriswheel.
They went back home. Crystallah was in a yellow dress by the lake with a few younger girls and perfectly in harmony.
It was time to wait on the bay for a ship, and it was near Christmas.
Crystallah sat alone and Joanna came to comfort her.
Finally, they saw the boat arrive. They got on. They arrived at a cultural place int the woods and lived there happily for awhile.
Crystalla left and they don't really age. She took care of some children in a family. In the end, she left for Africa where she studied the beauty of life!
Not really the end cuz I tell this story all the time.
Crystallah was technically parentless. She shared her abode with a family of several mothers and fathers, who practiced magic! She stayed with some other youth.
•There was a girl with curly red hair and green eyes named Ruby. Her hair was really red. She was 26 years old.
•There was a 22 year old boy with mousy blonde hair and green eyes. His name was Robert.
•Another girl there was Abby, who had white hair and baby blue eyes and who was 30 years old.
Crystallah was sad, depressed, and alone in her room, as usual. One of the mothers came in when she was sitting on the floor and grabbed her by the sides of her hips, sad down, and held her in her arms, one at the bottom and the other one was at the top. She held her close, as she began to sob. Her name was Joanna.
Joanna brought her downstairs with the adults where she could sit on her lap. Joanna was 40 years old.
When the babies were asleep, Joanna had sex with a man. Crystallah would never have sex with a man. The others were an enigma sexually speaking.
Finally, it was time to go on the caravan to the festival, which mainly was cool for its tunnel of love and scary rides. Not much to do there for Crystallah.
They made camp halfway. They were surrounded by fire to protect them when they slept. A little girl age 10 was scared and woke Crystallah up. She picked her up and woke up Joanna. A man shoo'd the wolf away.
They arrived at the festival and Crystallah enjoyed the tunnel of love. She was too agitated to go on the ferriswheel.
They went back home. Crystallah was in a yellow dress by the lake with a few younger girls and perfectly in harmony.
It was time to wait on the bay for a ship, and it was near Christmas.
Crystallah sat alone and Joanna came to comfort her.
Finally, they saw the boat arrive. They got on. They arrived at a cultural place int the woods and lived there happily for awhile.
Crystalla left and they don't really age. She took care of some children in a family. In the end, she left for Africa where she studied the beauty of life!
Not really the end cuz I tell this story all the time.
Just Doing
What if I had to work to stimulate my own self to get thru while the other world has successfully done that for others?
"Rambling"
I am so upset I had appointments this week and things. I got back from vacation and had 1 good day to recuperate and did not ever get around to chores. I hate having mental health issues. I'm out for Tuesday, too. So, 2 nights I was watching concerts, actually. I don't really mind. I have a few clothes left.
I'm sick of Late Boomers always acting like everything is about them being cute and stimulated and get everything else tho they do just that and others don't.
I got some cool groceries, love my new purse with a drawstring and real leather that almost seems glittery, $125, from another special trip to the holy city or rather old city of the US.
Oh, and I really enjoyed seeing my spiritual counselor at church this week, got showered and ready for it and rode the bus.
I'm sick of Late Boomers always acting like everything is about them being cute and stimulated and get everything else tho they do just that and others don't.
I got some cool groceries, love my new purse with a drawstring and real leather that almost seems glittery, $125, from another special trip to the holy city or rather old city of the US.
Oh, and I really enjoyed seeing my spiritual counselor at church this week, got showered and ready for it and rode the bus.
Hurry! Hurry!
Why would someone care so much and be excited right away about how a famous person feels but have people skip over another for 10 years or like since and until forever?
Friday, November 18, 2016
I know the plan.
By being mean to normal people, people later say because they were mean to that person that they should take from all I've accomplished and give it to them. That makes no sense.
Thursday, November 17, 2016
You got your wish!
Dude got his crowd to bow down, what more does he ask for? it's a dream galore. Wish you were young again? That it were the hippie days again?
*tumbleweed*
Some people are "stubborn" and self-absorbed and do not want to take command over that which they hold power.
Am I "worth" anything, as a person?
Someone thinks they "have" to hurt me and can come in in private and ruin it for me.
😭
😭
Funny
In the world of people, actually I don't matter, tho other people do. I see it flash before me. Well, I matter to people, too, but I haven't been able to make myself feel comfortable. I care about other people, but people think no big whoop.
What I Found There
I saw my psychiatrist and had a revelation revealed to me. Supposedly, us "kids" went thru life making it, but we had adults in our lives and now all people wanna know about is the adults and drop us grown kids.
Changing
No one cares about what I did anymore and just turning people into me. So, bad people, who are racially superior, don't feel bad about being shit. They say it is unfair I earned.
Good morning!
I am going somewhere this morning and this evening!
Tomorrow, I go somewhere at night I think!
And Saturday.
Church Sunday.
Tomorrow, I go somewhere at night I think!
And Saturday.
Church Sunday.
Wednesday, November 16, 2016
I didn't get it. Come again?
My dad thinks he lives like a fart cuz he and my mom are already too important.
What do I mean? Their worth? No, no, no, NO! Like, they live like life is a warehouse without even the neon lights. "Florida is a parking lot." Yea! "I saw the sign!"
What do I mean? Their worth? No, no, no, NO! Like, they live like life is a warehouse without even the neon lights. "Florida is a parking lot." Yea! "I saw the sign!"
Thought Bubbles
I forget.
But, like, what is wrong with me being interested in other people than my dad and also suggesting concerning eyes?
Before I left home, I already was around other people.
But, like, what is wrong with me being interested in other people than my dad and also suggesting concerning eyes?
Before I left home, I already was around other people.
Update - Interesting/Important Things, About Me
Eyes:
•appears primarily brown but blue on the green side
•appears primarily brown but blue on the green side
Smorgasbord
I don't care if there is an endless array of possibilities of a certain shade of the human eyes.
"Get Outta Town!"
I don't need people who don't know what they're doing messing with the world like Hitler like I need to have browner eyes and everyone else bluer.
An Enigma
I feel like Ellen DeGeneres just keeps hurting me like she has to, does it by accident, or is quaintly clumsy.
Question
Are you still thinking I'm as old as my dad, older than my mom, and something else I forgot?
My Race
I'm not shit. People put a halt to my progress in life for race with supposed behavior suggested.
Oxymorons
People in Orlando pee all over you emotionally, can't stand up. You see them more plainly and they think they got you and you're stupid and need them.
Anyway
I don't have a real problem with Ellen DeGeneres in sitting down and being cooperative socially like she is.
Before
I always thought to not come in contact with Ellen DeGeneres and my pastor. They made a move on me and now they have conditions in which I am lost.
I'm alive, so I talk about life.
What do you think of how people don't have to think about things that people in high places do that are strange? but they do other weird things.
How It All Went By
Everything comes to you in a confused frenzy.
You start dance later than 2 or 3 and you're outta luck.
Other opportunities may hit, and you will be too confused to think of things other than in your subconscious, worse than an animal with instincts.
Finally, there's high school grades! to worry about and "getting into college" or getting scholarships and "full rides" with even being paid to study!
You start dance later than 2 or 3 and you're outta luck.
Other opportunities may hit, and you will be too confused to think of things other than in your subconscious, worse than an animal with instincts.
Finally, there's high school grades! to worry about and "getting into college" or getting scholarships and "full rides" with even being paid to study!
Figuring Out
There weren't any hamburger buns, but I had peanut butter and jam on bread.
I thought some and finally figured it out.
I can't figure some things. I forget what else I was gonna say.
I thought some and finally figured it out.
I can't figure some things. I forget what else I was gonna say.
Dysfunctional
I don't know why.
I was thinking of at least cooking a hamburger or finding some snack.
I was thinking of at least cooking a hamburger or finding some snack.
Feeling Down
I can't seem to satisfy myself appropriately. I was just lying in bed. I get put off when I leave the house or something, as well. Would you call this an interference of my schedule? I am tired of dealing with things all the time that people make up to keep me busy just meditating like I'm not ready.
Lost It
I don't wanna be around people I don't wanna just because someone else was stolen from me.
I can't function. I have to crank myself up. People keep putting me down.
I can't function. I have to crank myself up. People keep putting me down.
"All About Me"
People have gone and plowed their way into thinking, "It's all about Late Boomers/me, and no one else deserves to have anything." You may see it as justice being done, but it's not. I don't know who would 100% fess up to supporting this. No one should do something like this to others if it's unnecessary.
Too Few Normal People
People are pretending/thinking I am bad because I do things that a lotta bad people don't do who are just mad about their lives. Like, it's weird or too forward to admit the truth, to them, cuz what would the truth say?
Tuesday, November 15, 2016
Nite!
👽
I'm going somewhere tomorrow morning/afternoon!
I can't wait to get to laundry and tidying up.
I am leaving "Light Classical" music on tonight to keep me straight.
WDYD (What did you do?)
Are you more a New Orleans girl or New Orleans suburb girl?— Christina Barrett (@XinaAnnJoanna) November 15, 2016
I'm from FL beaches + Slidell. I later met others from + studied in New Orleans. https://t.co/MeHSAE5IWl
Did you do ^the program^?
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