Sunday, October 18, 2015
Starting Over
I'm getting new accounts, like Facebook and maybe everything else I can. I can still like to old accounts. I'm saving up for something now, so maybe by around Halloween.
Problem
They are always fighting me and finding something wrong with me. They aren't my parents, and even if they were it wouldn't matter.
Something Very Strange
What is this like older young adults are so respectful and, like, servile towards Ellen DeGeneres.. while teenagers just sit and gape at her like she is actually their mother and like "that's what children do".
I mean, the older ones act like they did something or aren't something and own up to it. They probably wanna ruin the show and make others feel they set the standard/par.
I mean, the older ones act like they did something or aren't something and own up to it. They probably wanna ruin the show and make others feel they set the standard/par.
What does this mean?
@bellathorne сыграет в шоу от создателей «Милых обманщиц»: http://t.co/SqSo00nCUj pic.twitter.com/ydcDiMsB3Z— ElleGirl Russia (@ElleGirlRussia) October 16, 2015Can't you tell she's mean to everyone except Ellen DeGeneres in a way? Why am I still putting up with this?
Did you know people rub her in to me? They are experimenting on me or know about her as a tool to try to "punish" me.
Things were much better before all this confusion with Ellen DeGeneres. I realize everyone likes her and she's nice to most people. It's just that I was in a bad situation. Anyway, who else would be declared a n***** all the time but me?
No offense to anyone. Bella Thorne reminds me of an old best friend. She seems to wind up and wind down, no offense in what you might be thinking that could mean, tho. She wound up in jeopardy. Did you know she is mad at me and thinks I should somehow give her everything I have as a person, my accomplishments, "my brain," etc. I realize Ellen has a thing, but this is not Ellen. She probably doesn't want to realize that. She's changed since I started following her. I hate how I linger online like this and stuff like this comes up. I can't forget about Ellen, but she's abnormal about this. She comes in my house, too, tho, Bella, or my "home." It's like I don't have an identity. I'm not the racist person. Racism is a specific thing. I just don't understand some people sometimes. I experience so much racism myself..
It's interesting. I wonder "what is going on with this child." She just doesn't get that other people in the world want to feel like they're an A in their game. She seems very confident that she's everyone's preference. I think she's still young. She's trying to stay young in some ways.
You gotta be careful and know when putting yourself out there is too much. I think she's making an overstatement.
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I actually posted this for the 2nd picture, but notice in the 1st she seems to think, like a lot of people annoyingly do, that she's Johnny Depp and everyone else sucks. She's getting physical pleasure for comfort for her own mistakes, like I'm not even a person and I don't get to feel stuff without being bumped off etc. when I'm good and people keep being mean to me, like my dad, like he has to do it or he won't be cool.
You know, some people think I have time to sit here and figure out everyone's "mistakes," while they do, like, diddlysquat.
When I have a new interest, like in Finnish things, I get told it's not for me in a certain way and it's for her. I don't mind if it's for everyone, but it's for me, too.
I see her act like this a lot, too:
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She quietly surrenders into her reverie, like, "Yea," if you wonder about it.
She looks good with big sissy, her bf:
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She wasn't a tough act to wanna follow. She probably, like, did it all in a way and got fair as another bonus feature, ehe he he.
Her mom seems fine to me. I guess she has lived in Southeastern Florida. Those people are protective and tough for their children, like down to the bare bone. I feel I am almost killed for the sake of these things I've seen in people.
I don't wanna be blamed for her problems as I didn't cause them. I've seen my aunt interact with an Italian person, and I'm just guessing it's my responsibility and no one else's to be the "punching bag" or "stress toy" or whatever. She's not all Italian, tho. Bella Thorne had an attractive Spanish father who passed away. I loved the picture of her with her dad.
Overall, very nice, but saying.. I don't seem to have a grasp on my point, anymore.
She's just a kid, here.
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Here's her now..
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Well, some people seem to think it's not Bella's responsibility to even be excited to make herself someone who's happy with who she is. I keep getting all this "do this do that" for young celebrities. It doesn't work that way. I've already given advice I had.
Every day, I approach Twitter and for the past 2 years or year and some time I've checked her and I just feel trapped as a loser for some reason still. That's not an insult but a statement. I don't know, wondering if it's because of Ellen DeGeneres. It's like my identity was stolen by them. Just look, see how much Ellen DeGeneres writes. She just has the TV to use her body to express herself. No offense or anything. What am I, nothing? I get swiped away by racial default? You can also get mad at me for it?
I hope things go well for Bella.
I hope if Ellen likes to write that she does it. She doesn't write much online, and I read some of her book but didn't get it other than that it looked long and was laborious to read. I would just get that I read it out of it and a small factual outline of topics breached.
Honestly, with Bella, I sometimes personally feel she is angry about her ethnicities and that's why she gets mad at some people and looks down on others. I don't think children from Southeastern Florida were meant to attack me if they are Italian, neither. But little kids..they always come 1st! Bella is not supposed to worry about things like Asians being whiter. They seem like that compared to any ethnicity. I'm fighting racism, myself, I guess especially the Italians and Spanish getting jealous of people who are mixed. I've accepted other ethnicities into my life, and I don't want to ever experience a tug of discrimination and on the other end my choices. I mean, they're all nice, right? I probably am Italian, 0.4%.
I said I don't talk negatively about Ellen that easily or whatever. If I don't talk about people, what the H*** are psychologists for?? Apparently, Ellen has a case. + none of this was to be mean but to be factual.
No offense to anyone.
Even if Ellen DeGeneres is soft on me does not mean she is really being, like, nice to me. I literally feel unwelcome as like a hit or something. Too much negativity should not = too much Ellen, but I mean Ellen should do what she likes. I don't present myself for attention. People do it to you. With all this holding off in weird ways for some ethnicities etc. because Johnny Depp is famous and Tim Burton etc. other people are being stunted of their ability, potential, etc. It's not all Johnny Depp and Tim Burton's fault for this part. Ellen does not have it in her to accept me. She doesn't care it she did something wrong to me and that's all I was mad at. It might seem fine for me, but I keep getting residue of it from others. That's why I'm even talking about it now. Why do other people get 2nd chances? I'm not evil. They can't admit people that something made my life c***. I guess with Ellen that's all, no 2nd chance. You know, that's kinda too bad cuz I kinda liked her. Know me or not so much, I don't want to remain as naughty and stupid. If that's okay with you in the big picture and meaning, then that's some of you. That's not me.
So, I hope I haven't said anything the wrong way. I just was interested. No offense to anyone. Let me know if I need to change anything.
I think Bella is very nice. I hope she has a lot of good friends. I would love to know her in real life or if she wanted to talk to me.
I don't know why she is acting uncomfortable to me. Why would Ellen DeGeneres give a sweet girl a task to be mean to me? Out of all things, this is how it is? I understand she might be mean to me anyway, but this thing where I'm connected to Ellen like this seems to be consuming me in my environment. Ellen DeGeneres can only make certain rules. We can't hurt or be so mean to people. Part of my problem is my dad. I want everyone happy. I believe in life and being nice, and sometimes we mess up. With Ellen DeGeneres, it's out if you mess up, supposedly? That seems to be the sentiment going around. I wonder if she even pulls people out of their place in the real world. It seems like it. What does she want? Can't you be good to her and still have it good if she doesn't wanna marry you? Like, think of it as she's married to Portia but it doesn't mean you're bad. That's quite spoiling Portia and Bella Thorne. I'm sick of being the one in trouble just because people hate me and think others are "trash." You wanted me to stop the cursing? You should have thought to say so. I'm not cursing at anyone and never tried to hurt anyone.
I don't need changes so much from others as myself. They're actually fine, but this situation found its way to me. Can I blame someone for making me use curse words when talking about Ellen illegally hurting me or other people doing it and her saying she did it? I think it was a bad influence and I just kept going cuz no one acted like they said I should stop, in a way seemingly. I just think the way it was mean was so bad that I decided to use bad words. It seemed pathetic and rather lazy and pointing me out in a negative way that isn't true. It seems if you flinch, she tosses you. I bet she wouldn't do this to a teenager. I have to worry about people 10/15 years younger than me, and she tosses aside what happens with people closer to her age than the teenagers today. No offense, but that seems to be the disciplinary tactic. She might not see it that way, but it's easily seen that way to most people with their headlights on, ehe he. So, my point is, like, these teenagers will be all submissive to her and not feel upset by her. I think I'm off her good list for no talking to my grandma every day, anymore, cuz sometimes she hurts me. Something silly, anyway, taken seriously. What's all this nonsense about you're not that much younger than her but if you're young enough you can feel free with her like you're her kid? I am neither. Like, her generation can't handle anything but their own children, yet they are the designated spokesperson for the times. Getting all for only their generation.
Ai, I hope what I said is good. I only sounded mean if the facts are startling, not trying to insert negativity. The theme is not to be mean to Ellen DeGeneres but to talk about "what ails me.." "seeking help." With Bella Thorne, same I meant no insult but wanted to talk about the discord I felt, to me.. So, I hope this is okay. I went back and read some of it several times.
Problem
Think of how older people are, weak. They could be intimidated easily. It was an interesting thought, but I better not do it. One thing could set them off. Baby Boomers, eh.
So, problem..
Do you wanna be hated by your own father after being kicked out of your college major for being too shy after a year? Stuck living at home cuz you're too tired from school to get a minimum wage style job? No car? Now almost 30?
Are these like my last dying words?
My dad seemed to summon me to talk to him an hour or so a night.
When we got internet, I started with a shared e-mail and never thought to make a blog but know I wanted one so bad.
He turned on me. I said, "Oh, no," when he came home, and this is what I get. He didn't ask cuz he didn't know. Usually, he just gets mad or sends me to my room for awhile.
When we got internet, I started with a shared e-mail and never thought to make a blog but know I wanted one so bad.
He turned on me. I said, "Oh, no," when he came home, and this is what I get. He didn't ask cuz he didn't know. Usually, he just gets mad or sends me to my room for awhile.
I am trying to be about me.
Why is Bella Thorne involved so intently?
You guys are mean to me.
No one really talks to me.
You do things to me that I would get in trouble for if I did.
You guys are mean to me.
No one really talks to me.
You do things to me that I would get in trouble for if I did.
Strugglesome
Do you like people who suggest good ideas when you're struggling, just to get at you and keep you from reaching the next goal?
Differentiation
I feel I'm being differentiated from others in bad ways.
Everything's usually too late, tho.
Everything's usually too late, tho.
Bad People
Whenever I get a little upset, some people just keep making things hard, when I think I've managed to settle down. They get at me for thoughts in my head.
Loopiness
Don't we watch The Ellen DeGeneres Show for fun? I feel that's not where it's at. It's more about a moralistic concern. It's too stressful, too much. It says I'm bad, that's why everyone keeps getting in my way. Maybe, I'm just not healthy enough, now. I didn't know a few cookies makes you a monster.
Because I find I'm in the wrong and wait too long for some moral refreshment/reassurance.
Because I find I'm in the wrong and wait too long for some moral refreshment/reassurance.
"Always Finding Something Wrong" With Me
Why are people always saying there's something wrong with me? They seem to "find an example" for many situations. They also pace my life bringing up bad things.
Baltics
They don't look Russian to me, so far except that they don't have freckles. I have an old friend with a Baltic mom.
Look-Alikes
I have a 2nd cousin who looks like Bella Thorne, with brown eyes and medium colored hair. Their moms might be the same generation. They are constantly pimping themselves as submissive yet mature, yet they are hungry for attention. No offense to anyone. Just trying to explain it, without injecting negative options in the relaying.
Feeling Norwegian
Why do I find myself feeling like a Norwegian? It's only Anglo-Irish/American/Asian.
Suffering
It seems my dad wants me to not do anything interesting unless it's school material.. and at that not even. He just wants me to suffer forever..
Best Food
Did you realize poor people are the healthiest? Think about it. Fresh food every day, but not like bottled water from factories.
Dissociating Personalities
They want what I like to "be" my cousin, I bet, and me something else. That's out. My cousin liked copying me and we got along fine. We did fight when my life became an experiment. I wasn't the aggressor. I don't remember! My cousin-in-law was there, as well, and I guess it became an issue that he thought I was boring and I got taken advantage of a little for being there and Chinese, which makes sense for them. Maybe, being with me is like being alone.
Drowning Out My Sorrows
Like, I had a cool aunt, 2 cool aunts, and then it was all about my little cousin.
I like someone else, too. I found she has a child. I like her, but I see it's consuming their lives.
I like someone else, too. I found she has a child. I like her, but I see it's consuming their lives.
Worried About Getting Mad
Why because any person has a child do they have to give up their relationship with me? I was once a child.
They keep ambushing me. I sorta am not in agreement but don't want anything to happen/again. Don't worry, the disagreement is when I feel like being aloof to others.
They keep ambushing me. I sorta am not in agreement but don't want anything to happen/again. Don't worry, the disagreement is when I feel like being aloof to others.
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