I did another video of me acting. I might watch "The Ellen DeGeneres Show," I missed again, maybe find good episodes and go through clips. I mean, I won't catch all of her. You know, I'm getting very uncomfortable. I've always said this. I made a category in my blog somewhere of her show. So, I'm trying to talk about it, now, wow, must have gotten smart, I mean I -am- busier. It doesn't seem successful, might ... oh, yes, the "Discussion" category. Are you wondering why 1st is Emergency, then Issues, then Tags, the point of the blog? I think Discussion is next here. Tags is most important. I don't know about Emergency, sorta psychiatric threat crisises. Issues is for people who don't want to read my whole blog and don't visit it every day.. :|
Saturday, March 9, 2013
My Eyesight
I can't play piano until I get a spotlight lamp. My eyes are becoming farsighted, as well, 1st time.
So
My brother's here, and I found my parents might use my monthly money for transportation and food at school, whereas before they were gonna give me money. Also, my dad wouldn't buy me the type of clothes I picked and didn't contribute any money for it. I just picked 1 outfit. It was $100, though, but I was gonna pay for some of it. It includes pink boots, tights, socks ... gloves, think that's all, though, oh yes, and an undershirt?? He just thinks it's not important, but I don't think he knows. My brother just got back from visiting his new college, graduates actually.. not something I would do.. and he seems all mad about something, like not watching "The Ellen DeGeneres Show" when my life was hard. I didn't know I wouldn't, and I was gonna go back, doesn't look like I will necessarily be going out this weekend, just to practice.. ':| I dunno though what's that to you really? My brother is not more related to me than my parents nor anyone.
What I Did
I woke up and looked around for a way to stimulate myself and did, was kinda lame kinda cool, not disappointed. I was in bed avoiding it, but it doesn't scare me, anymore. I mean, I am glad I was able to sleep so much, may not go anywhere tomorrow but need something for school for Tuesday. I might just think of something and ask my dad. Ah, gotta pee-
Dreams
I remember seeing my old psychiatrist, wondering why he was Spanish, forgot he was, shorter, bald top, more thin but sagging weight, knew he had an accent, seemed more Italian than other things I thought at random. I came up to a machine where I could slit in coins, or other things I don't remember, and a machine with candy, my dad put in 81¢. I wanted to get some seafood platter, but I couldn't. There was a little fat boy on the other side eating it. There was 1 with swirly seafood, like a pointy seashell. I ended up getting a candy bar, and I got like a quarter, a dime, and other things back. It was a specific thing, think it was peanuty but didn't seem full of nuts.The next dream, I kept wanting to **********. So, I remember being with my mom and brother, and there was some sorta holistic somewhat sadistic cartoon on a television perched up somewhere. I went into the little bathroom, without bringing my shower stuff, just waking up, and I turned on the baths, 1 of them stopped short after pouring a burst of water. The other would fill up and seemed almost like it was full of pee. I went to *********, but it ended like a sorta art|ballet image, nostalgic.. Then, I was in bed, and I wanted to be hugged like in a picture of a girl with nearly white hair on the lap of a lady with light brown hair.. It seemed so important. So, I was in bed like a feline or a rodent. I really did this in bed, too, but couldn't do it and refused to flip around. I imagined I was in a womb kinda, in my bed, and little sorta clinically off feeling would emit to the womb from me. So, I just sat there. I guess, oh yes, I was facing up like a cute crustateon. My mom I felt, with her broomstick hair.. came and hugged my like she was a rolly polly Olly. She did it twice. It gave me some sensation. She said my ideas were grotesque and stimulated my ******* but you know like I don't get stimulated there so much. 1 of the things there is purple and stretched out and doesn't seem to feel, and I remember it used to feel. Anyone else have this problem? She thought that was something. You know, I've never really felt like the way you'd imagine would blast in. I thought I had to suffer for being ½ Chinese, and people make fun of my nice dad. Just that he's not nicer than me, so, I mean doi.
Going to Bed
Leaving this evening, probably..
I lay down waiting for my video to load, and I felt I was in a room with a typewriter and it was like all quiet. I was thinking about working. I was thinking like trying to concentrate, relax, falling asleep maybe but had to stay awake and had a hard time concentrating.. wondering about my lifestyle and some things I thought.
I lay down waiting for my video to load, and I felt I was in a room with a typewriter and it was like all quiet. I was thinking about working. I was thinking like trying to concentrate, relax, falling asleep maybe but had to stay awake and had a hard time concentrating.. wondering about my lifestyle and some things I thought.
Facebook Posts
To: Disney ABC Careers
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Yes, you are supposed to be able to achieve anywhere, to have a seamless relationship.
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Well, some people are more multicultural.. Adults tend to have fetishes and can't provide as people, as far as I can tell. They are consumed by reality and don't really have any gut to offer. ;/
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That looks like an internet meme. You know, a logo. Like a virtual chat world|arena. Like connected to Facebook, you know?? Just a place to go to when you're not busy on IMDb. :(
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You know, Orlando doesn't have much nor New Orleans in way of like tall skyscrapers. I mean, it wouldn't be as much of a threat. Classes tend to fill up. We shouldn't have like hard general studies courses. I mean, classroom math I know is good, but I mean English online is so easy, in my experience where I took. We just spend time looking up stuff in most classes, maybe not as much in classroom classes but really don't know. Speech seemed really prestigious. I saw the author of "Fast Food Nation" as an assignment in a place with tables all along the edges. He like tilted his shoulders at me and kept looking at me sometimes, acknowledging my prestige. This was 2007. I mean, we have to have like passes to classrooms, I guess. Then, I guess we'd have to have police monitor parking lots. Not sure where else to go from there. Too bad we don't have subways? How would we get to the neighborhood? I am not afraid to walk alone at night, know I could die. I just don't have any stake in life, don't want to just sit and home and people will know I am gone. I mean, I don't make it obvious where I go, somehow, though. You know, that classroom looks like an apartment.. 8p Guess like dorms you stack it up. I'm living at home. I was gonna go somewhere for summer, but I live at home so my parents can take care of home needs. :( Dunno. Yea, things should be fixed up, but I mean, like how? I mean, make a new campus? }:)
Photo
Yes, you are supposed to be able to achieve anywhere, to have a seamless relationship.
Photo
Well, some people are more multicultural.. Adults tend to have fetishes and can't provide as people, as far as I can tell. They are consumed by reality and don't really have any gut to offer. ;/
Photo
That looks like an internet meme. You know, a logo. Like a virtual chat world|arena. Like connected to Facebook, you know?? Just a place to go to when you're not busy on IMDb. :(
Photo
You know, Orlando doesn't have much nor New Orleans in way of like tall skyscrapers. I mean, it wouldn't be as much of a threat. Classes tend to fill up. We shouldn't have like hard general studies courses. I mean, classroom math I know is good, but I mean English online is so easy, in my experience where I took. We just spend time looking up stuff in most classes, maybe not as much in classroom classes but really don't know. Speech seemed really prestigious. I saw the author of "Fast Food Nation" as an assignment in a place with tables all along the edges. He like tilted his shoulders at me and kept looking at me sometimes, acknowledging my prestige. This was 2007. I mean, we have to have like passes to classrooms, I guess. Then, I guess we'd have to have police monitor parking lots. Not sure where else to go from there. Too bad we don't have subways? How would we get to the neighborhood? I am not afraid to walk alone at night, know I could die. I just don't have any stake in life, don't want to just sit and home and people will know I am gone. I mean, I don't make it obvious where I go, somehow, though. You know, that classroom looks like an apartment.. 8p Guess like dorms you stack it up. I'm living at home. I was gonna go somewhere for summer, but I live at home so my parents can take care of home needs. :( Dunno. Yea, things should be fixed up, but I mean, like how? I mean, make a new campus? }:)
So
My parents will wake up soon, feel tired, want to watch "The Ellen DeGeneres Show" from before. I watched some of yesterday, should look through and pick. Gonna load me watching it, though.. I was gonna watch it, and I'm trying to analyze it. I just was losing sleep. Not sure what happened, but things happened, actually.
Where I'd Like to Live
I was thinking maybe Oregon or Montana, but I mean I liked going to college in Cleveland.. You know, think about it, not San Fransisco, not Washington state.
Problem
Are you just gonna act like I'm Chinese for saying that you realize we don't have the freedom any longer to achieve, strangely, it seems every stranger I meet, since Tim Burton and me being in an experiment? I mean Charlie and the Chocolate Factory in 2005. Everyone else says, "It's Johnny Depp." What the Hell does that mean, that you get to have *** with Ellen DeGeneres like your mom? I mean, too bad you're just a piece of shit as a person. You sure don't care about anything that is cool. All you young people admit you're just crap, just gonna sit there and say you deserve people Ellen's age to be your mom and that you're better or whatever and that nothing I do meant anything.
On Top
So, I know that there was nothing wrong with me thinking I was supposed to call Tim Burton's daughter the N word in the experiment, that I was told to but didn't want to, though it was possible that I would for fun because it was considered cool, you know because people think I'm a nigger, though, otherwise would not matter because I mean it would mean someone cool said it, you know? I know everything you do is because you did not accept it was okay. I mean, is it okay you put people in jail for 30 years for drinking and driving?
What I Did
I watched 1 episode of "The Ellen DeGeneres Show." My head is so like tight like a hot air balloon. I want to watch another episode, but I feel like black people, from in the show and like that she sees, are watching me, so it hurt me. So, I am taking a break, have to wake up this evening. If I don't go out, bad things always happen, and I feel bad each time I just don't go out. I should practice more theater, see if I have theater homework, do my P.E. homework by Sunday or possibly Monday morning. I won't spend much time on it, she didn't say it was a big thing, 3 questions, might take some looking up, you know, who knows. I have to go to the bathroom, but my head is so cold. You know, it's still like freezing here. We had a slow start to the winter, barely needed any protection. Also, I didn't go to the bathroom at the mall, usually had been going every hour or like 2 times there when I go, walking around, sometimes like 3 times from like before 6 - 9. So, yea, I'll watch her show. I want to like process it and write about it on my blog. It's just I just use it to enjoy myself and acclimate myself to her. I don't feel like getting up for the bathroom, don't think I really have to go, my parents are sleeping. Anyway, I liked the girl my age. She is like a couple weeks older, from Eastern Canada. She had reddish hair, from up north. I guess you would have to accept my mom is from a hot climate, and my dad is from a climate that gets snow in the winter. Um, I guess it's not as cold as like, what Washington state, Wisconsin supposedly at least a long time ago without the technology, and maybe other places on earth. It does get cold I know in Northeastern Florida. It doesn't seem to last that long. I mean, it does, but like the more exciting, biting cold doesn't. You can imagine it, it's not like thin and watery, it's like bouncy and jittery. New Orleans is more about the wind and fog and humidity. I just remember that it was colder in New Orleans but not as biting, well the area. I don't really even know why now. I'm just kinda comfortable here in Disney, care about the people, don't seem to get them, but I mean when you see them you see that they take into account important things, like they know about people from here from 1900. I mean, Florida is nice, and Disney is like NYC. I just feel that people in places like the Miami area are reptitive. Maybe, they need to like network. It's just something that like stands in the way, I mean I just think it's something I already know, I'm from there so don't kill me. Anyway, I mean, yea I'm like a white person but not technically all related blood European. There's no problem. My family is from Indonesia, not China. So, think of me as like the best of both, really it. I just have no like prejudice like oh I'm from the South. I mean, Indonesia is probably the best, but I'm not telling you I'm not interested in you because I really really am so very interested. Don't tell me I don't know what I'm thinking all the time. Pennsylvania is 2 things, it's like smart and sorta moral about U.S. culture but don't know about how cold it is to anyone, I mean think about it, it isn't by the ocean. It really is just the postcard city, very real, but I mean you look at it and it seems to turn into like a wax paper of grease, unfortunately.
My Trip
I walked around the mal, got strawberry hand sanitizer, the other being tangerines. I had to use an old dispenser pump. I also got a new hand sanitizer holder with a little crab chain with a heart diamond and a Saint Patrick's Day sanitizer and 4 I <3 Bling 1s. I ate at Starbucks, the tomato sandwich, and the sugary littel expensive strawberry banana smoothie, also there is chocolate banana..wouldn't have it. ;[ I walked around more and got a little ham and cheese, er, panini, as well, hot, on a tray in a bag, with a little package like snuff of shortbreat, tasted like Asian food. I might go for a walk but am tired, need to do floor workouts, and get another sammich and protein bar. I might run through my theater now.
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