Friday, September 12, 2014

Apology

If I've been inappropriate.

Legal?

legal or not legal that is the question link

New Video of Me

New Pictures of Me




I'm disgusted

by how mean everyone thinks they can be to me.
It's hard to imagine going to school in Orlando.  It's sick, the professors maybe.  It's all about Disney.  I want a different culture.  I like it here with my parents.  I need a future.  Too bad like the schools I like aren't here, but that's how it is.  Sad to grow up.  I don't know how I'd concentrate here nor have fun so much.  The private school is also hard to start to get into.  It was #1 in the South.  There's something wrong with this place.
They are acting like something's wrong with me.
I'm not extraneously mad.

If they say no..

..maybe University of Miami.

IMDb - The Soapbox

I might return to college.

I was at Loyola in New Orleans in music and ballet. I'll probably have to audition to sing but just sent them a clip. I'll probably start in Ballet 1, though it's a busy class. They have a Prep program in the evening. I feel like I know what all I'm doing. My dad thought all I need to bring is a roll of paper towels and a bottle of cleaning spray. I remember packing things in boxes. I need money for food and my toiletries. Then there's clothing, shoes. What else? Cell phone, backpack..
But I don't even think I dislike you.

Why won't you leave me alone with that?

I'm not allowed to be mean to you all/

Who did that, anyway?

Why am I wasting my time here!

So what was it?

You don't like the "!" ?  Why?  I didn't put anything to indicate other ill feeling.

If you're mean to me, don't expect a response.

Audition YouTube

Are you just gonna brush everything aside!?

My old town is not here to m***** me like they're some thing over me.

And

It's that maybe it's okay, then they laugh that it was a trick and they weren't kidding.  You have no business in my life like that.  My dad doesn't.

If you can call me a nigger

Why can't we call everyone that?

I'm not here to label

when you're kidding me.  It feels disgraceful.

I just e-mailed

everyone at Loyola about returning, admissions, music, and ballet.

They changed the College of Music to College of Music and Fine Arts and Ballet with Theater.  I'm just wondering if Ellen did it.  It's obvious she's ***, I honestly feel.  She does these things all the time to try to make me get a rise, but I don't feel good about that.  I'm tired of her thinking I'm bad or listening to my dad.

Her show is seriously messed up in how other people have seen it to be.  It's very slow paced, in a way, and it's all about how the guests feel of course, but I feel a weird sense of being tricked into silence in my life.

Me Singing Now

IMDb - The Soapbox

Post Your Race

ASIAN & INDIGENOUS INDIANS (like Native Americans, Eskimos) 

WHITE & INDIA 

BLACK 

MIDDLE EASTERN
 

My culture is white.. Does anyone believe me? I am not like an indian. Indonesia, where also live Chinese, has been settled by the Dutch for a long time, like what the Middle Ages?


Indians are actually a mixed group of people, might have some Austronesian black from the Pacific Islands.

I know

cuz Ellen is afraid to be nice, what a sissy.

If she's comfortable hurting me, I describe concisely.

Problem

I think Ellen tried to mess up my head for reading.  Don't go into how she "actually" fixed something to be different.  An Asian poster came along my book thread and was acting obliviously smart.

Actress

What do you think of Keira Knightley's height at 17?

You don't even believe

my dad is smart.

You can't do that.

Come one, now what?  These lunatics won't stop acting like they're something to me.

Problem

They won't get off the joke they said til I have a kid.  Shouldn't they be arrested?

Funny

My dad should be so judgmental.

IQ

It's hard to see my dad still has 1, ahahaha.

But..

Nancy Grace is a big thing.

Try and match my personality..

..to what you consider pure dumb.

So

Nancy Grace just wants to be mean in personality?  She is so smart it seems.  She's born late 1959.

Guess you don't mean it.

Why you act a fool?

IMDb - the Soapbox

What is your family's personality types? and friends?

Me: ENFJ 

Brother: ISTJ? 
Mom: INFJ? 
Dad: INTP? 

Gramma: ESTJ 
Aunt #1: ESTJ 
Aunt #2: ESFJ 
Cousin #2: ESFP

You're the 1 who won't stop attacking.

Quit wasting my time.

Guess

My parents didn't have much to offer me.

Problem

Why don't you stop trying to convince me?

How about this, you're not more glamorous than my dad, how does that feel?

I said no.

My dad is not better.

You don't even care.

I'm compared to my dad's sisters cuz he's a boy.  I'm not compared to my mom cuz she is probably all Chinese or something.
Why do you waste my time?  How do I know what you're doing is bad?  Sure, I don't mind a conversation, but it's not the kind of thing..

Can't think of what else to say, don't want to waste time, neither.  :|  This conversation was a rude onstart to think.  Most people wouldn't do that.  I guess it's just "different."  It's an attempt to annoy me and take my time so I have none, it feels.  It feels like someone hacked into my home and can say whatever they want.  Why would you ask me a question you know the answer to?  I don't have that kind of time.

Problem

Now, Ellen has people on IMDb thinking "they know the real story."  I did hope to learn from him as a dad and have and sometimes or in most ways supersede him musically, so it seems, so maybe I got somewhere dedicating so much of my life to music.

IMDb - The Soapbox

They won't stop giving me secret messages.

They keep poking at me when I ignore it.

Problem

I just got the message even if I get a college degree, I will never match my dad, which isn't true in grade school.

It was just by putting an ad on my computer mail.

I don't look up to my dad.  I look down on what he does.  True, he's in business, but that's simply not what I do.

He doesn't have things to start a conversation with me.

Why am I putting up with this bugging me?

How could you trash an institution

for a mad man?

Problem

I just got the warning on IMDb and am not sure why, maybe an old topic.  I don't like how it is associated with my dad's plunder on me for no reason and in annoyance.

Why do people feel comforted about

either black or white hair?  They are different.

Don't get me wrong.

Johnny Depp is a nice man.  I just feel the content of which he comments is controversial.

I'm listening to an instrumental version

of Free Willy now..

How did

telling Johnny Depp he was like a black man help him be more white?

A Look at the Early 1990s

The Little Mermaid (1980s)
Beauty and the Beast
Beethoven (the dog movie)
Free Willy
Aladdin
The Lion King

They stopped 2D animation with a black hero Disney movie, as well.

If everyone wants to be the same thing

no one will be happy.

I miss the early 1990s.

"The Lion Sleeps Tonight" reminds me of "The Lion King," but there was no Robin Williams in that.  That was Elton John's music.

Have I been bad?  I hope not.  Then, people won't care what I say now.  :/

Credited for Saying I'm Bad

People do that.  Apparently, I'm being analyzed as a bad person, when everyone always said I was good before I started trying to post online good things and smart things.

Problem

Is someone trying to come out and tell me I did something?

Another Good Singer

link

They are being sarcastic.

Major Problem

So, I woke up and my dad came down the hallway.  People in the experiment told him when I was coming out..  I left the TV on, and I guess it made my walking really annoying.  I came in the room and juggled the fact if I could stop walking like that I'd get in trouble anyway, which would be worse for some reason, for thinking of the terms "nigger" and "piece of shit" again.  Also, I wasn't trying to walk that way, so I was just shocked by the whole thing and walking again into the presence of my dad.  I was going for the kitchen, which is hearing of the living area they were in.  I changed it to that I was upset at someone else.  I didn't want to hurt anyone so didn't bother thinking about that cuz that's what I do.

Now, my dad did numerous some big symbols of like maybe he's carrying and caressing me between my legs.  I don't even go out and let him touch me and don't like going out and hugging him.  He won't stop it seems.  He's vicious about "touching" me..


I cannot now seem to get rid of some feelings in a certain spot.  I am appalled by my dad in many ways now and want to start making my way out of their life.  Unfortunately, I may not get off the pills until I am alone..

I see no reason my dad thinks he can naturally abuse me mentally|***-related ways like this.  He thinks that's his aim in life, though he is mean to me racially.  It wasn't his 1st concern, though.  He left life with nothing, and then this is what he thought he could do.  This is what he thought was important, making my life hard socially, too, in the house.

Don't be too hard on the man, but it is hurtful.