My Old Blog: 11/19/14

Wednesday, November 19, 2014

I'm really sorry.

I can't see what I've done that's my fault. Don't go blaming anyone.

Nite!

What's wrong with what I said? No, I will not accept that you called me "not crap" and "crap.." I didn't go all out and go batshit crazy. I was taking about things. That's what you do for plenty of reasons.. a problem will be seen more easily, you don't have to get mad but be informative.. What a waste of time explaining this load.

Trust Me

That was real shit. I'm talking to my blog readers and the stars in the sky. I'm warning them about the truth. I didn't sit here and diss them cuz I don't care..

When Punishing

You cannot take away someone's kid.

Problem

My Gramma ruined my mom's laptop. Now, she wants to move on to my brother. Why call or visit her?

Problem

Why do we need "shit?"

On the drive home, my dad made it feel like m***********, and I feel he's putting something there now and being all loony with it. I thought my day with him was rather well. Then, this?

Um, excuse me.

The water was an accident, and you were all being mean to me. So what if it wasn't an accident? What if there was a reason? Nah. It was an accident. It was because you all were then being mean. I'm just going thru stuff. I don't wanna roll over in bed about this.

OK

I wanna know who this shit is for.

I wanna know.

I don't even remember what made me upset, now

Attacked

They are doing some things that get to me, I think someone g** is being selfish. I'm just saying. It's like I woke up at a slumber party.

I'm serious about how stupid this is.

What do you want me to bow down on the floor to you?

They keep bothering me. Oh well, it's not anyone's mind to make up.

What did I say wrong? Just the fact I said something stirs people up. I didn't go out big. I just keep begging for this to be right. This is a bit radical and unnecessary, really.

Apology

I apologize I came off the wrong way. I have shizophrenia, suppoedly. I hope this doesn't stick out. I only had a few things to touch base on. I was apologetically explaining myself.

I don't care what anyone says. I'm not afraid. I don't care. This is life.

It does seem related to what I was upset over in something of a subconscious. Okay, they said I would not be "picked up." Erm, I would be worried if that happens in some way. It would give me an o*****. I dunno, I just find that sensitive because sometimes it's a fantasy like.

Threatened

I see they strung issues together.

Just talking on my blog.. I will not listen to the secret messages. What were they? I don't remember.

How can I continue with people telling me what things mean and constantly blocking out the feeling.

You just have to understand these things don't effect one another. It's something bad to fix, not something good to make worse.

I mean, I can post about it on my blog, period. I don't care what you say in Hell.

Oh, did my writing come off as a shouting e-mail? No, I just write that way. I have before and still do. I use curse words to be funny!

I just wanted to say I sense a lot of wasting of time and wondering why I can communicate this.

What did we do?

Why don't you stop being mean?

Do you think I wanted to spill water? It just overcame me. It didn't even really go in the holes. Maybe, it was the 6th sense striking again. This computer is better.

The End

Well, I don't think I'm bad. I have goals in my ends. I do feed off of knowing other people in high places. I don't have many available connections, in general.

I'm getting fed up with the threats constantly for shit reasons and will not put up with this. Why are you acting so smart alec about knowing what you think this means?

Why.. Must all mortal flesh keep silent, for God who loves you is no stranger.

This is pathetic and unheard of. Go pick up the next buggar from the past?

Cell

I got mad with it, too, gave me something to squeeze.

My Computers

I didn't jeopardize any machine, but these things are too fragile. The water was an accident, I was mad. It didn't even go in the holes. Every time I got water I had to lean over the monitor onto the other big table here in my room, the garage.

Serious Talk on Attitude

I'm not here to be laughed "at."

Going around?

What effect do you think Sarah Brightman has on me?

I am a bit fed up.. of things being so messed up.

How often do you get literally punished?

I feel as though Ellen led me to terrorizing my room. I feel punished simply from life.

Schizo-labeled..what next?

I hit the table, not realizing it'd rattle the screen.

I spilled water where I thought there were holes on the monitor.

So, my computer is slowly breaking and I have a tablet, now.

Back

I just showered. I used Neutrogena today. I also own Pro-Active, my usual. I want to try Fructis.

I just trimmed my nails short, again. I keep them short. I had them longer at times. It probably works well for playing piano. I really dig in there.

Shah were (Shower)

ItsTime.forMuhShoWer

Apology

Did I say something offensive? I also wanted to say I did notice the flip of people being mean to me. It's like I have no rights and I'm talking to a bunch of clowns scaring me. I know you are wrong to get mad at me for saying this and the like. I just was commenting on what's going on, otherwise might be dangerous in other ways.

Question

Isn't it a bother or just a fantasy that fits that we bring up non-singers for unknown reasons when there might be something about singing?

Support

She has a motley crew.

In the Way

I'm finding my life means shit.

Ellen keeps seeming mad to me.

So, I am singing, and..

..my voice is strong, but I am so much more nervous to "mess up"-

Look At-

All the teens today getting guidance.

hi

I'm uninteresting/not that interesting, but I'm talking about what's popular and goes on.

Thanks

Thanks, Tim Burton. We all loved you, but now we're hated for being globs which are dysfunctional.

Look Around

Everyone hates this. People have wanted me to leave Sarah Brightman alone so others "get" her.. no one has hated me for Bella, yet.

Turn Around

It's wrong to tell me I can't say that. I don't get what I can say if she is put there like me to have something to talk about. She should be considered my equal, wherever that will be....

There was nothing wrong with what I said because it's cruel and unusual punishment.

Movie

All the little girls and even boys take to Frozen. They know it's all the talk to be fair in the snow. I grew up thinking it was about being warm,

Books

I'm writing a film script with music and ballet and a book about personality types.

"The South"

All these people are considered Southern.

like

She is like Johnny Depp, Tim Burton, and Ellen DeGeneres. People think she steals the show.

Weird.

Why are some people so sensitive about Bella Thorne? This is racism being practiced.

I don't even know what I mean.

Interesting?

It seems a lot of my life is orchestrated according to Bella Thorne and joked if it was a joke on me.

My Singing

I want to sing, like I said. Last time I told my mom that was 11 years ago and Dad 13.

My Goal

I want to play the organ with Sarah Brightman.

Twitter

This is out.

The scary thing is I think it isn't but in some ways I'm just too stupid to say something better. It's just a reflection of my day.

Let's Dig

What's the result in the end is it can be racist to other celebs like singing their heart out, like Ariana Grande? Why is she left alone and unattacked?

Well, she is nice in person, and that's about all I have to say. People want her to be not nice to some people, too, even. I think it is actually an accomplishment. She can be a sweetheart/angel, too.

I feel people are telling me to like act a certain way, too.

It makes me mad people think I did unforgivable things and use things like this as a tool against me. This doesn't happen to other innocent nor guilty people. You can't sin to live out your racism..

"Danger Caution Warning..

..don't let lies mislead."

A lotta people really detest anyone who gets a lotta attention. I think it's just jealousy and also sinning against others.

Jealous but Not Really

Why should it be all about this one person in this way of the world in general. Lotta babies look like this person, sorta combined with others. I think she is going about like a nice person but killing to be the one. People are making her feel a bit rather overly confident, which is fine with me but maybe not good for her. My problem with her, Bella Thorne, since I will mention her and to be informative is that she just wants to be the one and acts like she has to do it.. My biggest problem is not really a problem yet something funny/peculiar. I just wanted to point it out. I can't seem to satisfy myself, but I know it is inappropriate to some. I'm not saying like change it for me in a way.. but she is made to feel like she's easily the one "in a way I 'don't like.'" It's like people think she's better than me and use her as a tool. I know Ellen DeGeneres does it. She's fun and strict, but I don't think Portia is better than me, just lucky she's European..

How Your HIGH SCHOOL Was Wasted

Everything was about the people in Talented Theater. I wanted to do musical theater in high school but outside of school real theater. I was disappointed to see it was like a handful of people featured talking for like 2 hours. How is that even possible?

My Hopes, Dreams, and Desires

I really hoped there would be a lot of events featuring singing, like the big Andrew Lloyd Webber convention! It seems like they ended it like the Mickey Mouse Club but without tangible reasoning. It's like they think it's gonna totally bomb. Like no one in this world deserves such a simple pleasure. They do feature things in the movie theater of that sentiment.

cont.

There were a lotta roads to walk down if you really look. Downtown is a small town without the outskirts.

We walked a lot, especially down the walkway, a street of old buildings filled with shops and restaurants. We would get a cookie on Fridays walking home. We went to the oldest parish school and church. I think the original monument was burned.

Things got modern in junior high cuz I think a girl with white hair from LA moved here. Everything opened up with things like Titanic.

More About Me

I swore to myself I was who I was for living in Saint Augustine, FL, the nation's oldest continuing city, that it made me me. It is preserved and old-fashioned. We lived downtown, technically, and closest of 2 houses to the center mark of the city downtown. Most people, including old friends, live across the bay on an island. We were also closest to the bay, where the fort made of shell and rock is.

The reason it was so important was it made me more European, if you understand that.

Wuzzup

So, I just sang. 4 successful recordings to listen to when I go out like 1/2 of the day of tomorrow.

I learned to play The Phantom of the Opera in less than a day. It has some different sounds.

I am so sad about me and the Ellen show. I watched 1/2 of Friday and walked over 2 hours today and missed Monday, Tuesday, and now today. I had said it'd be an unpredictable week, tho. I hope to catch up in the morning. I need breathing room, Ellen. I don't wanna mess something up now. I dunno, but that came up. I hope to get back in the swing.

I do have dreams to be a famous singer, but I am too old to be great. What happened to Susan Boyle? She sang with Jackie Evancho. That is interesting because so did Sarah Brightman.

All I can say is I have wanted to be a singer a long time, but they tell you at school to work and study school stuff. It is true that my voice used to be less refined but fresher. I took a break at 19 and was kicked outta singing for seeming too inhibited at the end of 1 year. I took a break to save my voice for film.