My Old Blog: 09/06/14

Saturday, September 6, 2014

Are you for

child m**********? Are children ever for it?

I feel

Orlando made me feel like shit like I have to speak shit in my head to them, like say things funny, and my singing. I know I was a better singer.

Do I seem stupid?

Who has to do nothing but sing all the time just to say they are better than someone else?

Problem

Why are you saying 1 person is someone else?

Now what?

You think I can't go on the computer? You're just making this up now. You were old when the computer came up, Ellen DeGeneres.

Problem

Ellen DeGeneres wants to take people from me and suggest I am not good enough to listen to Josh Groban, but she can't say that cuz then she's not.

I am a Republican.

I want to know why I couldn't sing.

Shouldn't I have been told?

When you are the only one who comes out alive

You'd think you'd be praised.

Yes, I like things with others. See, if they were negative, I'd be negative. Like, if there were no pretty people to play with it'd be like living with toads.

Did you see

Charlotte Church and Josh Groban go phew and Sarah Brightman barely make it? In singing with fame, regardless of what they sound like? They are beautiful to me.

If someone isn't singing every day, they can't sing at all? People like Josh Groban and Sarah Brightman turned out to have loving personalities. It's not my fault how I'm stuck at home. I do sing there.

I'm a classical folk singer.

Well

I did what I did. I'm sorry you had the problems you had. I wasn't given much a chance to be myself. Always being manipulated.

Why can't you just -get it-

and get over it.

You know people said I could sing well when I did.

Do you suppose..

..they had my best interests at heart? I asked again at 7, and my mom was frustrated. Where could I sing? I was always with them!

My dad doesn't even talk to me.

Why would I twinkle bunny sing at him? You all suggest I do some perverted things. My parents didn't have me sing that ****ing early. I wanted to at 5 when I was introduced at school. Pre-K was just art, and I already was a good artist. I still like being an artist, but I'm not right now, focusing on getting a living acting. I do more than 1 art. My stuff is all messed up, I need to refurnisth or put things away.

So, do you think my parents thought I needed to wait? I know they would think my singing was silly if I did it when I was 1 or 2. They would think I was their little twinkle bunny, some insignificant fantasy to be manipulated and m*****ed. I can't believe it. I even wanted to play flute. How can I face those losers?

Why are people telling me I am no good?

What about acting? Today, my dad kept saying I couldn't act. You think you can live with yourself?

Problem

I don't take secret orders from my dad through others. I'm the President compared to him.

Problem

Why does my dad want to keep me from singing? I'm not his twinkle bunny. So what if I didn't sing like his twinkle bunny? I don't want to sing like anyone's twinkle bunny!! I want to be confident and ure of myself alone without singing "up" to him, like some twinkle bunny. I didn't talk about it before, but you're invading my life. My voice could have been great. I will stop at nothing whoever did this to me.

Frank?

Why do you think I can't sing, Ellen DeGeneres? I have sung well many a time. Is that also not true? People loved my singing and still would. I even know how to get my voice back. I'm focusing on getting a job as an extra in a movie, now, so I don't die someday without having done anything in the world and aim to get a college degree.

Apology

Yes, I stopped singing to be like Johnny Depp, but it's not his fault. Maybe, he didn't influence anything.

I shouldn't have done that.

You might know what I was thinking last night.

I could have been great.

Aren't I? Why do people shy away? Don't mind the reference I got it from. It does seem like a statement has been made. Pretty much, people think I'm nothing? Naw.

Some people reject others as a living. Then, they say you're tacky for wanting approval, attention, time.

Considering how sick my throat is

I sound really good. Like better than a pro. Details.

I feel unaccepted..

..like I don't wanna do some things.. but I wanna.. I will?

Number them.

I'm waiting to get famous as a performer and artist.

So..

..schools don't help guide you directly to fame. Casting doesn't work.

What's worse?

My friends being spammed help and concern by my incessantly over a long period of time like I'm not a bundle of sunshine

or

Ellen DeGeneres putting the noises in my room and it bothering people that it happened .. and my "sins are not to be forgiven" that I was in pain when I cursed about it and you can look at it in past blogs? I cursed at her only a little and subbed my dad in more so as not to get mad at her. Silly, I know, but possibly an important start. The thing is you could get me mad enough to curse more..

But people keep worrying about my old friends doing something mean because of that - see, they didn't e-mail me back, etc.. like I wasn't a cool friend. No note on their part of this as to why. I think they should be considered guilty for things they've done to me, along with what I did.

Update

I added my old Twitters.

Vocaroo

It sounds better now! I just managed to play around and give more expression specifically. Not sure how much is successful.

I liked knowing others places.

I just wanna go back. My aunt and cousin live there, and I wanna be occupied. I was thinking of it being:

1) Miami
2) Fort Lauderdale
3) Key West
4) New Orleans
5) the Cleveland area

Who's wit'me?

I feel pangs of pain when I think about how I left Fort Lauderdale and how it's considered to be unreachable. Why? Because other people grew up there.

Why is Key West

so crappy? It's like New Orleans, but New Orleans has NE influence. What about the cool places like Texas??

So

Miami is modern.

Fort Lauderdale is beachy.

Key West is the loner.

Fort Lauderdale has lots of nice beach architecture and is a nice family palce.

What would you say about

the uniqueness of Sarah Brightman's voice? Is it so unique and so good that it's thee winner? I used to be "good."

IMDb - The Soapbox

What would you say if

all of a sudden famous people were reaching out to enough teenagers after it's too late for you to care?

Budding Ideas

take time

Things famous people took a peanut-nosed stand on I am open to figuring out. I mean, it's not just who I am but ideas.

I mean like giving other people attention..which I assume they will.

Vocaroo

overall 1/5 :( - felt different, but who knows.. maybe I will change the rating.

Record music with Vocaroo >>

I only mean well.

These questions came up..

Is she appropriate?

No one would say that if they know it's about insulting someone else.

Worried

Why didn't Ellen say she doesn't want to be treated the way she treats us-?

So what..

Ellen is making everyone wear glasses for safety in Hollywood? I said sorry and that I thought she was an adult and wouldn't mind I said that. Ellen implies most of her beliefs when they are so obvious it should be all she says on the show ahaha not really.

She's smart. My mom had an eye cancer and then breast and then bone.

What's this?

Now, Tina Fey owns glasses? OMg, is it cuz I said Ellen DeGeneres was m********ing in pleasure over my mom's glasses? I didn't mean it like that! I'm not the evil 1 on the net. My mom got glasses, for Christ's sake, and I know it was when I'd been watching Ellen and she got in 2 car accidents that made her wear glasses.

Don't blame your glasses on me!!

Hmph..

My dad was rough.

They think I NEED and WANT to live in a college dorm for 4 years? Well, I didn't..

Do you think people are

*** with happiness however they found out I thought to spam advice to old friends? They didn't say not to. I was being tortured by my environment and had no one to talk to, nothing to do. Forgot about blogging, etc.

He can't do that

diss me cuz he's older and stuff.

Why should I deal with my dad

if he doesn't listen to me but does with others?

Question

Is it now appropriate to call people Chinese and stuff, especially if it's 1/2? I learned that they like full Chinese and being mean to a 1/2 Chinese is because they are not all. But that's not what I just got.

Another Thing

I feel guilty for my mom's bone cancer that will leave her weak for 1/2 year. What if it is supposed to happen to me, in others's view? You could take that too far and do it with every little thing. It is a marker in the road.

What to Do

Even if I say, okay, I'll have those old friends in my life, which makes no sense cuz I was gonna.. but they wouldn't write to me that soon.

I just don't like how when I do something it means I'll never live life as a person without being bugged about it. Like, I see everything has gone to them for me spamming them advice cuz I was worried. Actually, it was cuz I didn't think of getting a blog most of my life. I just knew it wouldn't be perfect. I wasn't always too late, but I feel invaded of my privacy because of Tim Burton for some reason, like my writing is so shallow and and not very personal.

Who are the ringleaders in being mean to me for stupid stuff? I didn't spam spam. I just spammed. I had no one to talk to, like nowhere to go (no car at least and no money,) and nothing to do. I'm sorry if you are a ringleader and I called it stupid. I really am not the kind of person you think judging by minor mistakes. Why is it that it's such an accepted joke all of a sudden not to be interested nor aroused by me cuz I'm 1/2 non-white? You get aroused by non-whites.