Tuesday, November 11, 2014

YouTube

*yawn*

Guess I will go lie down, now.
Website

God bless..

TV actors.

How can they memorize all that?  Now, I've been in plays, but I'm not really a theater major, which Acting 1 wasn't bad.

Problem

I'm tired of going around having people bark at me for privately hitting things and screaming in my room.  I really don't like being in trouble for any particle of dust of thought.

Am I supposed to even write more to "explain myself" and explore?  Am I to sit here totally silent?  People are indefinitely being lame to me for my bad week.

I don't think I had anything against anyone.

I know this is just picking at me for a kick.

What's the big deal?

Is this just another button to press for you about me??  I see Bella Thorne being perfectly happy, except she's not watching what's on Ellen.. but just because I watch Ellen and post about it online people think they can be mean to me, but that's actually a separate issue.

I don't know what you'll make of me ending up extending this post.  I don't mean anyone any harm.

Something else happen that forks an afterthought.  So, I was in the kitchen and my dad strongly acted like he said I was "shit."  I was upset and the thought of hitting him with my cup came, and there are more details.

He also had his fingers behind his back and twiddled them, one hand.  What could that actually mean?  It sucks being here.  If he k***s my mom with cancer, I'm movin' out.  I think he's saying he's smarter, but he's not.  I've lived with him, that stick on a log.  I did want to encourage him, but that's how he comes out.

The purpose of this post was not to attack but to say I noticed this is getting out of hand.  Maybe, not.  Maybe, it will go away soon for me and if for anyone else..  I know some people think it's good I hit stuff and screamed because I was being attacked.  Why should I be expected to remain sane?  I'm not sure how I put this, but I said that Ellen for freaking me out with noises in my room or whoever that the feeling to curse is natural and does not stop.. I said I didn't do it, tho, but I didn't understand why I couldn't do it.  All my dad would do is say I was shit in secret and stuff.

So, the big question is what of that?  Well, you should not curse at people.  If they put you in danger, that might happen, tho.  The people experimenting on me get physical and just inject things, noises, etc., that bother me.  It makes me wanna hit things and scream.  I am not the monkey..  Is that point even accepted, that I'm not a monkey?

I'm still freaked out and should not be expected to apologize but do, anyway, to anyone for anything.  I think you all should get on the ball and figure out it's not okay.  Hope you are smart enough to know the alternative.  Most people wouldn't.  I am not mad at anyone, otherwise..

So, what are you gonna do with the base of the population disagreeing with your freaking me out thinking it's productive to call me "shit?"  What's wrong with this, now?  Just the appearance of the word "shit?"  This is being used at last resort!  It's too common a definition that exists.  At a last resort.

So, yes, I apologize if I made anyone upset.  I guess my other point is what can I do?  Things are gone wrong.  My parents take me somewhere tomorrow, an appointment..  I hope nothing happens.  What can I do to stay like I am, now?

I think this post mainly got long because I said I thought I should feel free to curse about and unfortunately technically even at whoever put the noises in my room.  I figured that was debatable to them.

So, over, for now?  My blog is filled with problems!  D:  (I realize the smiley might seem inappropriate, but I think I've gone over that barrier)

So, sorry?  I'll try to post better posts?  I might go back to bed, now, too, in fact.  I'll wake up and at least watch The Ellen DeGeneres Show.  I watched some other things this morning.

You know, though, I don't see things as getting better.  I might, but others should not drag me down somehow.  The thing is there is supposed to be a service there for others to you.  I guess in Florida, it's not like other places.  It's not supposed to be like throwing yourself all over someone.  You greet people and find out who they are and what they are like.  Then, if they are worthy you give them a more servile attitude or helping attitude.  It's about trying to make people comfortable and good.  I find this is not true in my life.  I always feel so stressed, and this is probably bad for you.  It's worrying about something you post online to people like in this place, who can do things like segregate you.

So, what should I do if I don't see that things are getting better?  I did not mean to act like hitting my  dad with a cup, but it's one of those things.  I am not eating with them, now, but usually do.  I ate before.  My therapist and psychiatrist don't do much.  The Hope Line expects me to help myself.  I didn't do it, and I didn't mean to do it.  I don't like them reaching out like that and then insulting me.  I can't even react in private here.  "They know what they're doing."  They follow me carefully, like they knew they insulted me.  They are going crazy thinking I could get mad but not other people.

x0

It's a yes or no question.

My dad is threatening people.

People are threatening him.

Let's keep it comin'!

You bow to Bella Thorne!

So

I guess lots of people share interests, and I hope they can all follow their individual dreams and be who they wanna in the world soon.

Tribute

So, Bella Thorne is to appear on the Today show now.

Problems

People question things in me other than being nice.

We got something to mention.

My dad should not be involved and enraptured about his feelings on the question of my existence because I don't lean on him.

Don't stop tomorrow, stop today!

If you are gonna sin every time you mention Bella Thorne, stop it today.  Learn to love.

A Ruckus

I am watching The Voice Kids - Germany, and I got the wind that Ellen look-alikes not only have the world at their feet but no one else seems to.. like they caused us to not feel good. like they caused the problem.s

I know

cuz I can't really do it, I shy away.

So

How do you earn the right to be rude/intrusive..?  =0

How I Go

I am always on good terms with everyone..

Taunting Me

People think Ellen is popular for annoying people who deserve it in how they do.  People in Orlando like that.  She might do it for Britney Spears.  They don't seem like the same type, just both famous.  Britney is sure remodeling herself.

Because she is popular for that, they are mad I got mad when she literally was mean to me, cuz it was just to even it up.  I bet it's because we're younger, us younger fans than before.

Bingo!

Ellen is looking for smart people.

I care..

..because I do want to talk to people

Sucks

I will not listen to something that isn't true!

Problem

Why do people worship Bella Thorne over me, like now it's final?  I hope you *feel good*.. no offense.

If you wanna copy..

..go help starving kids in Africa

Ugh!

Watching Ellen closely before, she seems so intrusively critical.. mad and saying, "no" ..annoyingly and really wrongly, which others know.  I can say a fact and not get dumped for it.  I said I wasn't rude.  I didn't even call anyone rude.. I hope it doesn't come out somewhere else later.... I am NOT rude.
I am NOT rude..

not rude

Problem

Why are people doing stuff for other people against me?  I am not even sitting here cursing you out, but I felt a bit bipolar there.  So what?  I can e-mail if no one says to stop, and they claimed to like it.  I already said I had nothing to do and I was trapped in a room.  I don't watch movies.

Wow

No one in her audience can sing, which is probably a good thing.

I know..

..I am adding videos to my YouTube, and I find Ellen thinks I'm bad and just keeps like going off that people are wrong and she's right.  She has it too easy.  People love her and don't even want her to love others..

Problem

I don't want to be guilty of starting anything.

Now, my dad positions himself in a weird way all fascinated about it and like that part seems stimulating when you are there and see it.  He thinks that means he's helping me from being stimulated by the world, but that only triggers a hate response.

cont.

I got the message I'm not good enough for her.  There are ways that I'm better.

What It Is

They are taking this girl by the hand and giving her things that I've supposedly earned and having a cow if I want them.  If Ellen put annoying noises in my room, why wouldn't I be allowed to curse her out forever?  I didn't, but don't hold a kn*** to me.

Ow!

I just can't contain myself.

Humor

Ellen being mean to others just to be different is not "funny" and I caught wind of it.  The thing is it's not funny, not just that it's the opposite-

Question..

What the Hell is so easy about memorizing things that mean nothing?

And

We don't care to do other parents's mistakes just to not make them look bad.

TV

Dr. Phil

He thinks if society says cigarettes are bad, they change their mind and say it's not.  It's the same with other things, they can't say it has to be a certain way for someone else that doesn't make sense.  Why don't you just stop being bad to me?

Contribution

If my thoughts go overboard for a slight bit does not mean you can end the conversation as me in moot.

So I h..opened up Facebook

Nothing but flies.

Something Personal

There is no reason and you have no right to take away a relationship from me and tell me all of them have been planted there by someone else and just snuff it off.

So what if I was upset and hit something?  I try not to do it.

They are hand guiding another girl into someone I was into when they bite at me about it.  They rub it in good.  Can you explain to me this is all something more than prestige??  This sounds like a grade school lesson.

cont.

What about "the real Ellen?"  Is it Portia's wife or Ellen DeGeneres?  She refuels using Portia.  What about having a mentor?  Is she too old for that?  Does she have a psychiatrist?

I know what you're thinking..

Ellen.  What about her?

Well, what about her?  I'm expecting the genius posts to flood the internets and drown me out forever.  You might not need that, anyway, with what I told you happened..I don't think it'll totally jeopardize me, but there's not much left.

Twitter

I follow lazy actors and actresses who do nothing but prop their stinkin' feet up all day and curl up with 1 of their many scripts.  They wind down and forget what they are for, for they are racists with racial impurities themselves, if you will..

Actors

Get in step with the world!  Even Tim Burton is out of the park.

Ha Ha

I feel I go on Twitter to hear Bla Bla Bla.

TV

Dr. Phil

He made me think some things.  Like, my dad thinks it's okay to keep being punishing in attitude all the time to be right, when it actually has to be partially wrong, while he's trying to be right.  Sometimes, I feel he's like a magnet who wants to mimic everything I do.  That's a big thing that people know is very hated.  No one wants that to happen to them in that way.  It's not like the kids I played with who were younger saying, "I wanna be like Christina Barrett."

..cont.

I think I thought it was ridiculous that people would watch Ellen every day for so many years and just be normal people, I guess.

cont.

I respect Ellen as a long-time and well figure for the public.  I just know that you don't have to be famous nor old to be considered something significant compared to others.

Recently, what's gone on is I was upset and screamed and hit things every day during the weekdays last week.  The thing is I didn't know my parents could hear me until then.  Last night, as they got back from somewhere, I hit the chair hard when they acted like someone would corner me, with whom I was already feeling on good terms with.  I think I fumbled a button, etc.

I have to admit it upset me because it ruined my relationships and what went on in my life.  It made me sad, but I might have seemed frustrated.  In the end, I just accept whatever anyone does, even if some of them were actually wrong..!  Maybe, there is a real reason behind what they do, tho, in certain things.  I've been vying for other people as big Ellen fans, but they just wait behind the TV for the next victim and are probably awaiting their turn.  I see things that I personally admittedly feel are ridiculous.  (I forget why I just said that.. but it was about Ellen and what I just said.)

What I Watch TV For

1st off, for entertainment, Ghost Adventures, Forensic Files.

The real deal is to see Ellen.

The other shows I watch to better my behavior with the baggage I carry from Ellen.  It's also just me branching out and something to do.  I don't work right now.  I'm not really supposed to because I am labeled as some sort of schizophrenic and my therapist is a more freakish type.

I'm ba-ack!

I took a shower and feel better.  Dr. Phil is on.  Hopefully, I will learn something that helps me in my life, right now.  You know, I do this for the greater good..

Well!

I'm about off for a jog!  :)  Have a nice morning.  I've been up alll..night!

Welcome!

Welcome to my BlogSpot!