Saturday, December 13, 2014

Does it disappoint you

to see someone go crazy?

cont.

This is pervading my life.

Why I was upset.

Saying, "here it is again."

I once again find myself musing over nothing but a stinking trash.  More insults.  I was supposed to not say it, but it was a big thing, again, and I don't like it.

Problem

Why are these people watching me all the time and talking to me?  Who do they think I am?

Problem

What cheap trash is this?

Problem

They keep being mean to me like I like it to stimulate me.

Problem

You being mean to me is pretty ridiculous in and of itself.

Problem

HERE IT IS AGAIN.

My dad puts stress somewhere on my body, and I can't enjoy myself.  Because of the psychiatrist yelling with us!

Reason

These people don't do anything.  They aren't trying to make it in the big game.  So, they'll make it thinking their kids are better cuz they had them right away.

Problem

You can't just have me be born to say you tested me and said I was a failure.

Someone coordinated 2 people in my family having babies cuz they are the youngest with fair hair.  It's okay if they decided without that, but I must admit I am feeling very "annoyed."  Supposedly just anyone can come in and affect who my babies would be, but they can't.  I almost wanna have them to bother them.  However, I was thinking of having a career.  How can I teach and raise a baby?  + I might not want my own biological kids nor to "adopt."

I noticed

my dad backed away from bothering me even more before.  Now, he "gets" to participate in talking to me, when no one should be cuz I have no friends!

I'm not sitting here pondering

over shit from people day after day, addressed specifically to me, by certain people.  People think I'm bad, but I never cause bad things.  No one can help me.  I don't need help with something I didn't do.

etc.

There seems to be quite a bit more coming up in other areas.

More

a "chance" for "something great" in the UK

link

More Prep

for "kids today" and anyone not my age

link

Mattering

"It's not the people that matter!"

Old

I feel old as a person.  Like I've been mistreated.. thanks to Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

Audition Tips

The Phantom of the Opera

link

Sounds open to people "who never posted a karaoke online."  Otherwise.. "anyone but oneself."  But yea pretty open.  How were we to know karaoke is not legal online?  There are karaoke channels, didn't realize they were licensed and paid.  Hard to think about that kinda stuff here sometimes.  No rules saying no karaoke online, tho.  I took the ones down I had the passwords to.

Of course

I should seem old next to younger singers, but it seems to be about older singers.

I can't see why

I'm uncool, unless you're playing a game with me and want me uncool.  I'm just another nice girl who doesn't really think it's all that funny to look like and be shit.

Save them!

People did something wrong and then didn't remember to be like and to also like Late Boomers!  It was them being bad or careless.

Undeserving

Do you look at me in any basic success and what happens is I do not deserve it??  What's the underlying lie.. race but pretend it's something I did?

It's interesting

what people think makes a person bad.

So

You are busy worrying about young people who are younger than Late Boomers worshipping the bad ways of people born in the early 1950s..  I'm worried about people younger than Late Boomers who were never allowed to amount to as much.  :(

How can you do that to a kid who doesn't have it good?  You just want to - forgot I was doing something.  Oh, you just want to escalate the pleasure of other young people from a different group of a generation of kids and parents to see how it turns out and stuff someday?  It wouldn't hurt if I had shit.  Right?  Are you just out to hurt people and make them state the truth of something that should not be brought  up?  What clowns!!  What?  We make our way.  We're not nothing, are we?  You could have been nothing, too!  }:)

PROOF

It's not because I'm older they want to pair me with typical women a bit younger than my dad.. they aren't getting better for people just as they get younger.  It's proof when you see Late Boomers live how they want without being picked on like me about Earlier Boomers.  You see younger kids today not have it better than the typical age of younger kids of Late Boomers.  So, they lied to kids born after Late Boom because they should have been the same to be as good.  They probably had too much of it shoved in their face, the shit of the ways, and never got to be raised properly but with new fandangled thinking that is only partly of interest, quite apparently.  They say Late Boomers do that better, even.

I feel so intruded upon.

I am just being nice and do the right things and look what happens.  I post about it.  I didn't get nasty.  I just posted about it and said what I wanted to think.

So

I post it on my blog for forgiveness and sorting it out and then ignore it.  If it happens again, I'll feel inclined to wanna repeat it but can't cuz there'll be too many useless messages.

Lies

Maybe, this girl does not come up?  Okay, weave it in to society?  Keep em coming?

So admit it

Someone was wrong to me.  They were trying to hypnotize me outta being cool like a teengaer can be by saying my aunt's feelings were hurt because of the pleasure I feel but that younger kids don't have to do it.

Career

The psych meds make me tired, and I can't live at home w/o them and can't really live on my own despite what my parents think.  I was gonna move to Miami, but even if I'm here my mom said she doesn't really want to go out and help me.

So

Why am I the only one who has to do this?  I'm not gonna act like a woman my dad's age is my mom.  No one said that before.  This is mean and selfish and rash.  I know it doesn't happen like this to others, but I can wonder if something else worse happens to them not something they did themselves.  Anyone know for sure?

I'm not sitting here shoveling thru your crap

that I'm shit.

If you go into it..

..any aunt born around 1953,  you'd enjoy as a parent in some way.

"I solemnly swear" that you're up to no good.

Now, you give me big problems.  Like, that my mom should be my dad's age or just a tiny bit younger.  I don't like the way people rub that in.  It's disgusting.

Story

Kristin was a nice girl with black and brown hair and brown eyes and light tan skin.

There were some little girls, one so frightened and sad that she had to pick her up.  Everyone around was so rough.

Kristin liked being older than them at age 9.

At the end of the day, all the girls went by the dock.  A lady of 25 was loading them in.

Kristin stood with some pirates, and learned their ways of having fun.  She swabbed the deck.  Her clothes were not bad but sorta poor.

There was a little girl named Ellen who was 10.  She rubbed her back.  She seemed younger and was smaller.  She had pale hair and fair eyes and sun bathed skin.  "Aw, come here, dear!" she said, and Ellen almost *beep*ed.

The lady who showed them in came over and lifted Kristin to her and put her hand on little Ellen, who was not really too little.

Then came a girl named Britney with goldish sand colored hair from Ohio and crystally blue eyes.  Her hair was sad and limp.  Her age was a solid 8 years old.  She had a big grin and she very much loved the sea.  Her friend Francis with white gold hair was with her who was 7 and she was lucky to have her.  They wanted to see something interesting for themselves and decided to fish.  The fish tasted immensely good, and they were quite fond of the fishy aftersmell they experienced.  They were getting tired but stayed up and laughed.  They wandered around and seemed to not find an end.  Some boys came up who were older, 10 and 11, and they became like the world to them!  They touched the girls and gave them *** somehow.  The boys were quick to their needs and knew what they were lacking in somehow.  They went to bed under the stars.  The girls were delirious and spoke to the boys.  They told the stories of days of glory aboard pirate ships, and it was just so romantic especially to Francis.  She was very happy.

Story

There was a girl with black hair, brown eyes, and tan and white/pink skin named Christine Daae.  She lived with other people, part Jews, other Europeans, etc.

One day she went by the bay, and looked out at the water and visibly saw a small whale-like creature going thru the water.  She was scared for her people.  She was actually half Chinese..

She went to go see others.  A lady with dark hair touched her low on her back, holding her with a rub.  She knew that she was scared about something!

Story

There was a brunette named Christina who loved to dive into the creek.  She was 14 and high-spirited and ready for marriage.

She laughed and played.

She ran into Abby, a dirty blonde..  It was the most happy meeting.  She wa only 9..

Then, a little girl who was about 7 came up crying.  A teacher who was 34 came and picked her up and wondered.  What was wrong?  Christina piped in, "I think she's depressed.." and shook her head.  She was ignored.

"I know," said the teacher, I mean woman..

Then, it got dark.  Christina went by the water and came up close to the woman she had met, who had honey hair under her bonnet.  The woman put her arm around her, and Christina smiled and looked off.  She gripped her hand.

Story

There was a girl named Trucy.  She had white hair and blue eyes.  She was 4.  Her mother had black hair and brown eyes and white skin, and she was 13.  There was no father.  Trucy was finally old enough to explore the world herself.  She made it big, everyone loved her.  Her mother, whose name was Benny, decided to go off on her own, as children tended not to need their parents.  She thought about her daughter, and she wondered why her own daughter, being who she was, would want white hair.  There was another little girl who looked more like her, and she also had white hair.  She stopped wondering.  She sat on the bank and stuck her toes in the water.  She eventually took off her dress and got in.  She didn't really want to be in there, so soon she climbed out.  She changed her clothes and decided to go berry picking.  She never remembered being a little girl, but she knew that she loved berry picking.  She went to see how everyone else was doing.  There was a girl named Ruby with red curly hair and sparkling green eyes dancing round and round.  A girl named Lily with white bunny hair and light blue cross-eyed rabbit eyes was dancing with her.  Ruby bounced and bent over.  They were having the best times.  Being a pirate, Benny was interested.  She went over to the food and began to eat her fill.  She decided to leave and it was dark out and people were about socializing.  She sat by the bay with some others around.  She was in a green riding sorta dress.  She didn't miss anyone.  Some cute boys were nearby, and she sighed.  So, a lady who was 30 came up to her and put her arm around her who knew her as a witch.  Benny sunk in and let her hug her.  She knew she was depressed.  She talked with her, and they took a walk, which she did not do often with others ever it seemed.  She held onto her hand as they both walked along.  Benny began crying to herself, and the lady, who had honey hair picked her up and comforted her.

Nite

soon

Dysfunctional

Just beatin' 'roun' the bush.

Happy Thoughts

It looks like that girl is making it, in a way, but at the expense of her manners.  Why not fix that?

Who?

Whoever does it!

Admit It

You are mean to some people.  You were man to me.

How Bad It Looks

Well, someone has said something.  You all increase your meanness by doing what others do to me.  You all are so .. so ..

You have to think about it.  Just because people like me does not mean I live with this girl.  Like to pay a price on getting attention given to me.  That's not even how it works.

You can be nice to someone, but you put them on top of me.  I'm not a babysitter, LOL.  You don't want me to make her look bad?  What about me?  I'm talking about what replaced my life at present.

Mean

People were mean to me before, too.

Annoying

Every time I say something that makes sense, someone is mean to me.

Reign

is over if you are gonna be that rude to me, all the popular people and this girl.  People don't like to see weird things like this happen to them.

cont.

I think the messages I got were a lie.  They won't admit outfront why.

If it's cuz I cursed at the noises in my room, I fail to see why they have nothing better to do.  Because I thought they put the noises there.

So, remind me again..

..why popular people think of this certain girl every time they think of me.. what if it happened to the people who do this?

Wait, it doesn't technically happen at every thing that happens.

Nice

when you're a kid and you don't get sick from fat and sugar.

TV

The Ellen DeGeneres Show

It was nice.  Ashton was cute.  I liked the dancer from Canada, the young girl, with her choreographer.  The 2 ladies playing the game was fun.  Their prizes were nice.

Figured Something Out

People like kids cuz they aren't defiant to being cute and inspired like teenagers.

Too Old?

Am I too late or a failure at attempting to be a performer in something?  I've been trying and have practiced to some degree.  We all grow old and die.  I could be a good director of singing and dancing for film.  Well, not like ballet or specific styles of dance.  I did do some ballet.

TV

I was in the audience of Ellen.

It was not quite like the 1st time.  I liked how she seemed to look at me/us.

I might share more later.

Things Still Cool Since 2005??

Why are people finding fault in me ever?  Why do people protect me by making me feel or look unattractive?

Are you uncool among a crowd of people?  Are people claiming you never reached out when you did and they don't seem to listen to you like you say anything at all ever?

Are people mad at you for the mistakes they made, themselves? with others? trying to unglorify you so-to-speak and get in your way cuz they got nothing to do from scratch, gotta use a host victim to spray the blood so-to-speak, LOL??  Like, they have nothing to do to ask for forgiveness to the people they're wronged so use you as a tool to insult you and say the other person's better but just by comparison?  I've always tried to be nice to everyone and need to know in a civilized way if all my life is with anyone is like this, well with a lotta people who get close possibly it's seeming.  I don't think it's so much that I did anything to them specifically.  It's just that people want to see me be brought down and others raised up in some made up triumph over another being me.  I get the underdogs as friends.  Others bask in social glory by birthright.  It is important that people get attention.  But I'm "not cool" with people now, for some reason getting all the problems from others, like I did the bad things they were thought to have ended up doing now when I just haven't myself.  I ain't putting up with prejudice and racism.  I should know when it's time to go, true, but so would everyone if they matter.  Know when to let others have some attention.  I seem to have friends in the "darndest" places.  My life needs to become more of a life, tho, other than sitting at home.  I'm just like infamous with the popular.  Like, people are making fun of me like I'm not perfect and like I think I am.  They are in a strange mindset.  Like that 1 person has to be at the top and if it ever is me I am to be brought down to be made fun of.

I never got to a point.  I just feel I can't even change.  I can't do some physical activity like a kid it feels.  I'll be dedicating most of my money to singing lessons in order to sell a CD hopefully to make lots from the skills I have.  I am more skilled at singing than people think and than others.  I'm on a diet, finally, too.  I didn't realize it had to be so darned strict.  My dad says performers are like that.

Apologies for my messed up thinking in a relatively newly original topic.  I just wanted to say that I'm not really thought to be cool with things is all.  I don't get in the way of people getting attention.  I hope I don't.  Do I need some?  Either that in a good way or to have my, like, time alone in good productivity and pleasure.  Which will involve seeking out attention from one of a variety other source.  Is the question, "How can I be cool, like in all ways?"  What did I do to anyone?  Like, growing up, my little cousin was treated like she was always in big trouble.  People think my life was manufactured to get to the top and that it's mean, that my being good is to get attention I shouldn't get but for no good reason to think that.  Probably racism and plain old jealousy and prejudice.  People give me attention, and I deal with my life, disgusted at others for not making things work out right, which seems to be entering my life.  Why should I be in trouble for people getting upset at others and people thinking I was selfish to think I was good and deserved anything for being good?  Etc..  That makes no sense.  It's like they don't want you to show off or something or they are goofs who don't work hard nor act normally.  I mean no offense to anyone in particular.  I hope not.. that's not nice to do.  You talk like about people in general.

Okay, for now I hope that's okay, setting the fertilizer of a topic.

It might not seem right to talk about my relatives, but I don't mean to like share secrets they would have.  Maybe, what I said wasn't perfect, tho.  Sorry if that comes up that way.  You could tell me on my Facebook.  Thanks!  And thanks for reading!  It wasn't such a big topic, but as you right, things get solved and are interesting, like a book.

Open for You

Did you ever think if you wanted, someone would be there for you online?

Are you just sitting waiting?  For anything at all?  To be cool with you??

As for someone, I meant like say you looked up someone you liked online.  Would they be there for you?  Or are you already crossed off that person's list for any reason?  Does anyone in your area even ever show an interest in you that's online?  Does anyone actually talk to you other than Dad or Mom???  And Grandparent/s?  How are they doing, these days?.. things are still cool????

Is there anyone online who will talk to you on your Facebook?  Anyone friend you via Twitter??   Huh????  Or is it just a chat for one day or competing against you for attention from someone you all Tweet to who may be famous partly?

Bottom line, has your reputation been jeopardized in any hopes of meeting anyone within the time span of your social life?  Do you really have any current friends?  Do you have your whole graduating class there for you or anyone at all from it?