Problem

I don't have what I need to be happy.  If I'm not supposed to have it, I don't.

IMDb - Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales (2017)

Re: How do you feel about younger generations with this franchise?

They're just snoots trying to get their way, believing only they deserve something in life.

You know, I've also sensed that people dislike things once people like me start to like them. I hope that's not why. I'm not sure who these people are nor where they come from, cuz I know a lotta people are sacrificial in ways they are confused to be. People forget them in the peanut gallery. Someday, things will be different.

And, right, little children don't notice how cool it is on the outside, it seems. They might just get their information and feelings of it from their parents, who probably grew to resent it. They keep it in and the world doesn't know. It's sad, maybe they couldn't soak it in like the previous generation of kids. 

cont.

People who know me well, like my parents and grandma, are able to channel me in negative ways, and I just think, "No, Stop, Leave Me Alone," and they won't quit.  They seem to be able to affect me in a bad way so I can't think and just feel irritated, moreso my mom and grandma in that way.  I don't see my grandma much, but I feel my dad thinks about her, his mom, and does stuff because of her, what she thinks/communicates.  I come in ready to be in a good mood, too, and this happens.

cont.

I just realized that The Ellen DeGeneres Show is head over heels.  I, however, find it hard to find the other dedicated fans and cool people who are gonna become something in the world.  I hope it's around when Ellen DeGeneres is here to reap benefit rather than just everything going downhill.

I almost feel as tho I'm preventing that happiness from seeping in.  It should make me happy.  It does make me happy.  I just feel hated.  Doesn't matter, but I am trying not to let that seep in when I'm so upset about how my life goes, like it isn't worth it to some others.

I feel taunted that I'm a suck up if I am able to behave well on the inside just to let them test me out and never have anything that means anything in a way to say.

My life is like nothing, even if others care/help.  It's because I'm considered a failure and am kinda for some reasons, mostly being kicked outta my college major.  So, if anyone cares about people like me, that'll hurt them, too, if they are nice to me and try to be good or something.

I guess some things never were or never should be for me over others.  I still have a bone to pick, tho, but not about this.

A Worthless Existing

If there's something worth it in life, I haven't found it, yet.

I'm not afraid to dip my toe in the pool, and I get things done.  Don't go off and bother me like I don't have the right to say that etc. and talk at me like I'm supposed to answer but you won't really listen.  It's not as though it's everyone's fault.  I hope it isn't.

So, what do you think about that?  What am I wasting my time on?  Being badmouthed all the time by a lotta people?  Look, I had something in life.  You don't have to get all jealous and mess it up for me.

I didn't say anyone had to do anything.  I said my life wasn't worth it now.

Americans Being Better Than People

I don't feel upset so much about the naked idea of being part American, but it gets me worked up when it's about having stuff and it's stuff I don't have, while I know White Americans are being lifted up into the spirit of Europe and defended as better by some.

Think about this.. run into Jews, Latinos, Australians, Canadians... were these better people?  There's a scale.  Europeans are at one end, and either everyone or just Americans are at the other end with everything else in between.  So, I'm not really against anyone, tho.  I've felt attacked, tho, like consistently by Jewish females, unless you mean the ones who still look "real."  Actually, the little ones get mad at me for not looking white but not being as dark.  ..Face it.  It's fact.  Ehe he he!  If you have a reaction, I hope you respond clearly and not in a derogatory and somewhat dangerous tone.. like don't shout from the ceiling/top of the wall.

The Ellen DeGeneres Show

I liked the black lady from New Orleans who we saw has been on the show a few times.  She did seem to be from the region.  Very nice lady.  It's hard to believe she runes like almost 5 miles or whatever a day.  She made me feel typecasted or stereotypical on the show.  You know, smart but feeling lo.  Like I'm outcasted racially and as a person.

Mom and Baby

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Girls should not feel guilty about raising children' - Telegraph
She looks Swedish..

Norse-Looking Girl

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Cute Picture

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It won't let me paste.

The one on the right seems to be the one triumphant, clearly.  The one on the left looks overly mature.

2 Pretty Girls

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The one in the middle looks Finnish.  The one on the right looks part Swedish.  The other looks like more of a mix of other things.

Jennifer Lawrence

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Well, yes, it looks like she's making it well in Hollywood.  She must have been working out or on a good health plan.  She is so sweet and smart.  She's really popular, must have a lot of friends, maybe more than she can handle.  This is called a pixie cut, and she looks like Tinkerbell!  She'd be a good Tinkerbell, like the one in Pan, which came out recently.  She seems to be more of an actress, so maybe that's why she's more intellectual than like a lot of other people usually overly sporty.  Of course, if she likes being sporty, she could be seen that way, too.  She just has this certain look about her that's hard to describe, but you think about it a lot.  She seems like a very independent young lady.  I remember being her age, was pretty fun..

IMDb - The Soapbox

When it comes to beating others seeming more White/European..

and you see someone extremely attractive do you automatically push someone else aside and say you wanted to be that way more all along?

Say, the other person clearly wants to be as European as they can be, and, tho, you're really a slacker. You just want it and fight it out using race and ethnicity as the bottom line, like you don't have to want it, work at it, and you don't want the other person to have it for some strange reason. 

The Ellen DeGeneres Show

Seth Rogan seems like a nice guy.

Justin Bieber seems to be looking for himself and staying cool and on good behavior.  I wonder if he is happy.

I liked the little girl from NY state who drives a go-cart.  I'm not sure who really won the driving contest.  She was spunky with nice dirty blonde hair and probably blue eyes.  It's interesting to see someone from there where it's sorta cold.  She also had 2 French braids, like pigtails.  She was so upbeat and smiling on the outside at least.  Seemed a bit tough and rough.  It surprised me how she was, but she's more into outdoor things maybe.  She wasn't fat but seemed big set.  I wonder if she'll slim out as she grows up.

Favorites

Old Favorites

On TV

Baby care.  Dark people holding any sort of kids.  A Scandinavian-looking young American girl in bare feet, maybe age 19 or 20.  She's having fun shaking instruments, blowing bubbles.  It's all about her.  The kids can tell she's no mom.

I'd like people to treat me like that's my race.

What did she do?

Kids With Southern Parents

I saw this baby on BabyFirst from Alabama, which is between Mississippi and Georgia and has the oldest city in the US.

New Favorite

Dance Time Boys on BabyFirst.  They go into a ballet studio with older girls rehearsing The Nutcracker.  Little kids are sitting around.  They show the face of one girl lying down partly and you see her eye is so clear and blue and pretty.  Her hair is straight and white.  I think we saw her get up.  Has to be Swedish.