I don't like the way I'm being treated badly just because I was upset, whereas otherwise you think it'd be perfect - well, it wouldn't. The last time things were going for me was 6th grade before I left Florida.
Usually, we just get over if I stomp my foot at home or something. I admit, I did more in private.
Point being, things wouldn't be perfect for me, like, no matter what I do. I don't play Mickey Mouse and act scared of being real. I'm not afraid to just be me like in 6th grade. I'm not afraid of being respected.. I'm not such a mess myself that I need to be taken out. It's like the world is afraid to think someone is okay and that you have to be yay skinny. I always am good, but I constantly get beat here by different people. It's nice living by Disney in some ways. Disney seems like the only thing that's good here. When people start at me, I do get upset. I never felt afraid to let someone get away just being mean to me. That's my right as an adult, the expression on my face, the pacing of my walk, the inflection of my move.. I know I've actually stomped my foot in public since moving here. I don't want to. I lose it. I should admit in New Orleans workers around were mean to me, like with a truck and I threw my backpack on the floor. This was 2006. I had thought my life was being experimented on and lost my magic touch mostly of hearing things that entertained me. I ended up hearing suicidal noises in my ears as I tried to focus on being a college student. I think being an Orlando resident otherwise must have gotten under my skin, being treated like I was a n*****. It's too bad I turned out to be a bad egg/nut. I threw my backpack because the noises from the truck they made hurt so much. I'm not sure when this all started. I should admit I thought they killed my hamster and was sneering at the priest who I thought knew and thought it was right. That was it. I do believe I was abused. I was kicked outta my major in college, and that really affected me. Well, people judge me for not finishing college and flunking out. So, that's one reason I have the right to be upset about my future being so bad.. the classes I took instead of my major were too hard.. I understand if you don't like me. I'm very sorry about that. I guess I'll just live in exile. I wish people wouldn't be so antsy about that which made me lose control, like I did something I didn't do and can't fix it. I don't need to be upset. It's funny my dad threw my backpack on the floor and somehow encouraged me to quit college. Oh well. My bad still.. I'm different now. I'm like before. I'm not as crazy but not as pretty, apparently. It was actually an extenuating circumstance. It's just so hard to go into. In the end, I'm still at fault. I didn't really mean anything, tho.