I am personally upset about all the cursing I did ruining things for me, but I've explained why. Basically, I think it is the right thing to do just to prove to people that anyone can communicate, not just bad guys. I was careful not to directly curse anyone, in some ways was upset at my dad bothering me but didn't take it out on someone else. I am sad people believe they need to get into my life all of a sudden and be mean to me, whoever does this.
So, what, just be sorry I was so stupid and supposedly mean? I have suffered a lot from others. Even my dad does not seem to know me in the right way. I am not gonna be tacky and say I accept this, and I must say it is not a nice thing to do to someone. My life seems always halted and tired with the unnecessary meds. I have to adjust to what's slammed into my face by the likes of people like my dad, who I care about, too. I don't wanna be treated like I'm okay, but I cannot forgive people for manipulating me and interfering me. People make mistakes, and I explained mine which was not really intentional. It's too bad. I have adamantly supported not torturing people in prison and finding out what's wrong with them because it is crazy to commit a crime more than being paranoid. I know it sets an example for others. Another thing I wonder is if not on a place online to get out your thoughts available sorta to the world, then how else? I had to relearn what I grew up seeing other people encouraging. I find if I am good, I do not get what I want still. Even when I didn't have grudges on me sorta. What I have to relearn is that it's not for me about saying whatever I feel to a close friend/person, but I have to always be on guard. See? That's something people are told to do. There's no answer. I'm not the baby of the world, like people born in 1997-1998. They would accept a mistake as small as "what" I've done overall from them. I didn't harass anyone. I didn't start the fights.
I am told that I can't figure out what was wrong. I do not want to live in the bad ways of things my dad does. Why is it all about who my dad is and not my mom in any good way?? They think it's blocked out as wrong already cuza how my dad thinks. Well, I am not gonna be the sacrificial lamb to get close to these ridiculous things.
So, these things do happen. I don't mean to rub in my innocence. I don't want someone else to have this happen to them, to be mocked in front of "important people" and the world. Can we talk about this? Or just go and watch others fall?
It's okay if you don't like me, but I'm not bad.
You might think I did bad things, but I grew up as a very good person 99.9%. Why be so mean to me? That is the only time you can get mad at someone, too, I learned growing up. So, I have to unlearn this, since you all made new rules I could not seem to register in my brain. I don't believe in Jesus, if that's what you're wondering. I believe he was a crazy man. Everyone today knows what Jesus said more than ever. To be nice and forgive. I can certainly see you all don't believe in Jesus, as well. You all don't even care if I d**, supposedly, but who knows, could happen.
So, yes, I am sorry for my stupidity but do not submit to you, you were mean to me, someone was. I don't submit to people. Is that cuza being Chinese? Why harass and be suggestive to my mom, too? I see my dad thinking my mom did it if he doesn't like something I was trying to think in private, often. I don't mean to be rude, but it sounds like I am submitting to bad people in apologizing properly.
You do act like I harassed someone, when I think I was just mad and they supposedly did it and I didn't really do anything like that directly at them like you think. I take it back. I don't mean it. You don't have to forgive me. Fine!
You all have announced you're liars and drained of any emotion for the likes of people such as myself. You used to act like the world was all that. But when I chose to open up, this is what it is. I never meant anything bad on purpose. I am 99.9% so careful, but if I do one thing by accident, probably fainting from stress and that I should react to insult.. you just take away my life and go on and want me to think about this 1 thing on and on. You never taught me nothing. You silently monitored and manipulated me. I was not provided with any emotion, so maybe I had none to judge with. I was harassed and tested and competed with because of being part Chinese. I don't wanna be mad about it, but it seems that's why I've gotten confused and done things without being able to think. You are just looking for unnatural ways of getting me in trouble and harming me in some way, emotionally or what be it. My dad should not be allowed to harm me in this. It seems he's gonna do it anyway. I probably would be taken away to an institute and later get out with a respectable life alone. But of the noises planted around me, maybe the police would accompany me in my new abode.
So, I am sorry for all I've done. I usually don't act directly mad, tho, so I don't like the inconvenience of people pretending I intend to be sarcastic. I am independent, and I didn't know I had problems. People always said how amazing I was until I grew up and racism came up even more.
I hope things are okay and you don't have to pay attention to me. About the fact people do, may I suggest finding ways of meeting other people of different ages and walks of life??
I hope it is okay I said all this. Trying to at least straighten things out as they are if I can now. I know you like to go crazy all over and pester/test me. Hope it works out?..