"Upset"/..

It seems that people just don't wanna hear from me or something, but I was actually explaining myself and trying to apologize for anything that might have happened from people snapping offensive in some way thoughts in my head.  I probably "had a nervous reaction."  My dad has asked me to wait for 2 things.  The 1st time he didn't really sound as friendly.  He changed his mind but then bothered me in another way.  My mom got upset this time when I asked.  She was upset all morning I was just trying to eat my breakfast, using curse words in secret message yet taking everything from me if I thought of one.  We never used to dwell on these things 10 years ago.  I said I was sorry I did anything wrong.  I know there is nothing wrong with asking when someone changes their mind.  I'm not about to listen to my parents as a kid, neither.  I want to make friends outside of my family.  I don't like being pushed to my family all the time.  My brother just wastes my life because he always wants his mom.  What am I sacrificing for this people?  How funny is that??  So, here's a brief of facts.  I thought asking was good because it seems like they are just trying to make me feel off, not nurture my discipline by submitting to their presence/"existence."  They do that here in Orlando.  I'm 28.  I'm not gonna be the one to take this.  Fine.  What about the trying to make me feel off?  Is that something my therapist will help me with?  She lives in Orlando, too.  I know I don't have to ask, but it's the best thing to do to heal a relationship.  :|  I also don't believe it to be true that I am given all these unsaid rules not made clear to me like they just came out and constantly could randomly come out.  Just for the sake of feeling in charge.  That's not important to me.  No one should suffer this.  I know it could be more efficient overall.  I just work this way.  If it was something ongoing, I could see not doing it.  I don't know, it's like dressing up as a clown to set these weird guidelines along the way that don't make sense.  Don't make sense!  I wouldn't do this with other people, so same with my parents.  I don't listen at 28.  I just don't break the law.  What else?..  Like I said, I was just explaining what happened, not trying to just complain and criticize.  I admit, this is my life.  I'm surrounded by this.  If you wanna know more, I am gonna see how much money I can make from selling things: my book, my singing..  Otherwise was gonna put myelf in a college dorm.  It's not easy to commute to and from college.  There is a community college, but I think it'd be too hard.  I would go to the public college, which I can now afford.  I dunno if I still have my scholarship at my original college.  I have to ask again.  They said I had a financial hold, but it should have been lifted by now.  So, yea, just trying to explain things that happen in real life off the computer.  There may be things that haven't been fully looked into.  About the asking why people do things, they don't leave an explanation when there should be one.  It might be private, but then you have to admit that when asked.  About other people rubbing into me, I just said I felt uncomfortable.  I don't wanna mess up..  I managed to do better last night.  It's when I wake up and my mom's there sending secret messages.  They are things I cannot say to anyone else..  They are bad and just because she feels uncomfortable.  My parents send lies about what other people say and threaten to hurt people who are nice to me in how they act.  I guess this'll be about all?  Any problems with me explaining what I sometimes would ignore, apologies?  I don't really want what is happening to me to happen to anyone else.  Yes, you might know what I'm talking about.  I guess you think I deserve it.  No one deserves this.  I was wondering what would happen if you brought up someone else all the time and as a false punishment when you did something to others.  See, not a good idea.  Not something I wanna worry over when nothing that bad has happened.  You can talk about that, too.  I think I've been treated badly and blame the adults making others mean to me.  You think life for me is designed by my dad, but I know him better.  You think it's just I take whatever anyone says like I don't matter but like I think I'm better?  I don't believe in Jesus.  I don't sit there not working, not doing anything, just to say I hate myself and I'm bad.  That's what you have at the end for me.  You think I have to be that way cuz my fam is from PA.  Not so.  You think I should just be submissive, but that's like sucking the soul outta me.  I go about quietly not bothering anyone.  That's what you do.  No one else submits their soul.  Submit to what, goodness or hating on yourself?  I don't know how the end fits the beginning, but here it is if anyone wants to read it or wishes they could help.  I guess I am saying I am a good person and am being bothered by the speakers in my room and controlling things loading on my computer at certain times.  I did list my problems on my website.  If you just say I'm bad, I'd say that doesn't explain how these mistakes are considered on purpose misdeeds.  I don't wanna force anyone into anything about me.  No one has to give me attention in this way.  What I want is to be known I am good and to have some goals stakes in my life, like such and such would like to speak to me but only for a certain length of time.  I have goals for a career.  I might go to the college dorm.  If I cannot sell things.  So, I am very sorry, not sure if I should experiment being quiet again or that I typed all this..  I'll try to go onto other things and not get mad.  I'll try to remember all the lessons I gave myself.. ignoring, there's something good, there's a reason, don't do it, etc.  Yea, who wants to read all this?  Why would I feel I need to fess up with these things and defend myself?  Not defend as in fighting but seeing what sacrifices I am wanted to make and stuff and find out what it means eventually maybe.