I can feel it in the air, can't quite put my finger on it, but I'm fine. I just have partial grudges I feel for each "person." Why? Not to be mean. To be smart. That is why I recognized the system of not fully feeling a grudge against a person but realizing people caused it cuz it's true.
1st off, one has to admit no one has to do anything.
I watched Perfect High last night, to be easy and just say it. *sigh* So, everything I've been seeing lately is about Bella Thorne having red hair supposedly like someone. I do feel a bit out of place and awkward saying it. All in all, that made me a happy person. Every outfit she wore had something to do with it. Like, purple means friendly, for whatever reason. It used to mean feeling like royalty back in 2005. Also, I in another movie, an attractive girl dyed her hair red. This was all for Bella. When I was younger, a little older than her, it felt like all the people dressed in clothes that meant something I was allowed to interpret. They finally stopped. Even the cars and the license plates I believed were true secret messages. Weird. So, this seems to be a similar story. I know Ellen supports her by force choice because she sent me a secret message saying, "What I don't think ya will..cuz ya haven't yet," about me acting, which is what I've been trying to do. I would be good, no mistakes made. It's racism. So, Bella doesn't have to feel like she can't do anything. It was that anyone at any age could act, just have to be appealing. I don't get it. They say no to surprise people like me. Those people who do that in charge are those bitter Italians who hate people like me with Asian.
What is so taboo about feeling happy like you're a good person? Bella does it with you guys. You're probably picking the "stupid" reason that I had a hard time with college studies. You thought I should take away from my free time, which I seemed not to have much of. Sure, I had a little fun outside for my health and probably cuz I thought it was still just an experiment. The work was too hard, anyway, and I tried to do it, of course, maybe not enough. I felt like I could not study and did not want to go home and probably lost my train of thought and did not withdraw! Well, if you are mad because I didn't study enough or couldn't while they waste time in class with things that aren't on the test like at all, you sure let actors go by having fun with their individual study plan and the afforded tutor.
What, is there something else or something bad that makes me not perfect? Do you think I have a problem? Yes, I felt blocked out from the world. I forgot to withdraw but didn't do it again after a specific experience.
So, what's so bad about feeling good about myself? I am a good person. Are you still asking about college? I don't remember, but I did take walks at night. If I missed class, it was cuz I was trying to get my major back. You guys lied to me that I could relax and expect a happy life! Didn't even encourage my studying and practicing!
Who's threatening people who are nice to me because of college? Racists. No one told me to stay home after that, if you're wondering, but I wouldn't have a battle. It would be stupid to tell me I'm stupid. I realize battling is not the original crime and doesn't do as much, but if it was not with another situation it would.
I just assume I am worthless. People are racist and picking at me that I'm not perfect anymore. I am not mean! I did not turn into a mean person! Like, if I hit my sofa they threaten to go in my life and take people out or make compensations. They don't care if someone else hits their sofa.
So, you're just picking on me for college and not being perfect, but you didn't tell me to not go to college at the time. I don't know what I was supposed to do. There were noises outside my dorm after the hurricane, workers probably building something or something. Maybe, that's why you didn't tell me not to go to college anymore. I was wasting my scholarship, but then the plane ride. What is it? No, you don't be mean to all these rich people out there who flunk out. Can you provide a reason? I don't want life to turn into a battle for me.
I don't want to wonder if I'm in trouble by being "punished" at things being inappropriate to others, like punishing me as their special moment. That's not good for them. By the way, I have a good attitude and do things appropriately, just made these mistakes because of the ambiguity of the experiment because it is indeed a factor and therefore what's to blame. I was depressed and dysfunctional after being kicked outta my major for being shy supposedly. What can I hope for? I have no other scholarship and got marked down in some classes, true marked up in 1 at least. But it should have said a lot of A's in music. Why were the general studies classes so hard? Nothing I read nor heard and took notes on in the class were on the test, it seemed. Should I have figured out to leave at that ot re-enroll in honors for special students? I took too many classes under pressure. No one knew to tell me. They encouraged it. It seems weird I did that, even. It seemed as tho I got something out of it as opposed to music without my desired major/classes.
I never had these problems before, and that tells you something and it's your fault. Your fault. It was not all my fault. I should have tried, tho.
So, all I wonder about is these other people having it easy and me seeming like a social invalid. I didn't present that picture! How racist. I hope it fits your fancy.
About where anger was struck.. People are taking back what they said to me that they liked me and instead have a relationship with someone else. What makes me mad is the people who made the world think I'm a social invalid. You wanna talk? That's not appropriate of a way to do it. I'm not saying no to anything in some ways, just got sad and didn't want a few "mistakes" in my past to lock me up for life!!
It just seems so pathetic. I "did my part" and supported Bella Thorne feeling good. She felt generous and will be rewarded for being so, where the part where I support her .. well, in any way, they are "comfortable" making Bella feel good but seem to not want to be nice to me. They think something bad would happen if they were nice to me. No one is gonna care I am nice to Bella, but Bella gets rewarded for pretending about my life being glorious.. or for being nice and caring about others. I do that, too, but you're just racist! I like being white more than most anyone. I am respectable to the interests of other races, and you overlook that, naturally.
You may guess who I must be talking to, but it is hard to post and direct it correctly. I don't mean anything bad against anyone. You're just gonna say I do, some of you.
How can you be uncomfortable to be nice to me anymore but go on and are comfortable with someone else? Why does she seem so involved in being apologetic to me? She's a good person. Maybe, she wants more friends. I don't know that style of living can last. Maybe, she had no one else in this realm and stuff. It seems like a new way of logic. I dunno about the past ways. I'm a bit uncomfortable and don't know other than my dinky blog how others know about me. If you knew about other people, then you could talk about them. I guess people predict my life the way they know how to detect if someone is Asian. I do like it when I get little signs or something once in a blue moon that someone has met me, hopefully via my blog if anything, as it's appropriate.
I'm not mad and was 100% happy for Bella, as I said. I am mad kinda but not at all to Bella. I mean, sometimes, she's a little harsh for a moment for reasons, but it's not her fault.
Ha ha, let's just sit here and laugh. I wasn't "mad" trying to be mean to people writing this.
Don't try to pretend it's just some fling. Like I said, I was very happy for Bella, nothing should be changed for the worse. It just made me realize how much meaner people were to me. Who made Bella act apologetic the whole time. That's probably your "modesty" there being played out. I forget what I was gonna say with that.
Basically, to sum it up, I think someone is trying to punish me and fully approved of someone else without problem. I am happy for that person, tho. It angers me greatly that my life is so trashed and people who are nice think I'm so bad. They are so careful with this other person. She should get it and could. You said part of things like this are to make people feel someone other than me could have it all. Well, she says she doesn't have it all, but you go back and "comfort" her and me taboo for what? No, I don not want what you are thinking as I am not a mushy person - I don't "want it" ugly! I'm just saying in some other terms.
Let's talk about it outside the wrath of my king dad. It does seem like Bella is more accepted than me, glad for her, but to do with my race. To do with my race without these people. I still go back. Bella could not even enjoy her present of the nice clothes because some of you are so mean.
All I can feel is rejection with spite in ways. It is specifically that I got into trouble for cursing about being hurt! and that other people get what they want and I don't! and I stopped cursing anyway.