Sunday, September 20, 2015

I don't accept this treatment.

You can't downgrade me from the past to what's apparently present.  People "just want to get it out."  You're setting a bad example, and you're gonna have to deal with it.

I never meant anything bad to anyone innocent, like, you know I don't go out and start a fight.  See, now, I'm in trouble for the way we all seem to change together.

Do you do this?  When I think of Ellen DeGeneres, everyone gets all defensive for both her ..and probably themselves..

Come on.  People are secretly mean to me.  I don't do that to anyone.

If I feel upset a little inside, people notice and are mean.  Really.  How silly.  They shove themselves at me, too, like I didn't or wouldn't like nor bow down to them enough, tough luck people!

Sometimes, I have acted roughly but not meanly.

I have said things by accident I hope I can leave behind, but apparently it's a favorite blaming tool.. sad.  I don't tell people to their face mean things.  It's on my blog or the IMDb message boards, mostly.. not much tho, not too many of those repeated mistakes..  I thought we were "supposed to let it out" etc.  I guess not!!  How utterly confusing.  Why wasn't I warned?  I am just around constant meanness!!  I just like used the word "m********ing" but not in the attack way.  I realize it seems inappropriate.  It was on a message board.  I've seen inappropriate things go by unchecked.  It was just how I was feeling, but after I found it was bad like that I haven't done that.  I was stuck cursing about the noises in my room and was upset at who might have promoted it.  I guess the worst was I used my dad to curse at rather than someone else?  Or when I did use curse words with someone else?  I dunno, maybe I was just half asleep.  I don't think I'm a bad person.  I wanted to be acceptable in the world.  I don't think it's my mom's fault.

Well, too bad, too sad.