(I will keep resubmitting the same thing to see if I get tallied a spot, again, to some level in the game. I will probably edit.)
Hello, Dr. Phil show, my name is Christina Barrett, and I am a 28-year-old female who lives with my parents. I am Irish, Dutch, French, German, and 1/2 Dutch Chinese-Indonesian. I'm straight and single. My height is 5'3", and I have black hair and dark brown eyes. I look mostly Caucasian, but a lotta people seem to sense I am Asian.
So, I am from an interracial marriage. I felt even very young my life was just a contest where I couldn't feel anything but had to get things down so I could function emotionally and socially in my future. My parents just made sure I always had a good attitude and were suggestive to me in the silence if they sensed I did not like the things they did to me, treating me with a cold shoulder like I wasn't as good as my dad racially cuz I was darker supposedly and that I wasn't as attractive as my young-looking mother. This made it so I was rather dysfunctional. I always sensed those around me "knew the whole rap about me" from birth, like I have 2 parents with perfect manners. I feel them rolling their eyes at me that that didn't matter but that I would never be as social as most people, on top of the racial and differences issues. I suppose a lotta more obese women make me feel good about myself for being a more substantial person. However, there are so many ultra-skinny, spoiled brats of youth today. They get skinny, but they don't seem more holistic. I wake up each morning feeling I don't matter because of them, with their younger sexy mothers and youthful dads. People, I feel, do snap at me inconveniently for wanting to be thought of in the world as part of the youth socially. I feel no one wants me cuz I was told to leave college and get rest at home, but it's been 10 years and I think I'm going back to my old major now.
It seems that no matter what I do, my dad will try to secretly manipulate my life to hurt me cuz it came out when my dad came home just for fun, I said, "O, no," but he didn't say, "Don't say that, Christina." So, I kept doing it, probably assuming he knew it was a joke that I was just sad my homework was still not done after working - all - after - noon. I did stop when my mom told me. Eventually, 6th grade, I could no longer focus on studies and kept slowing down but did not want to think of why. I was tall off the charts but stayed short the rest of my life therein. I blame this sin for this. Perhaps, it's not in my dad to bring it up nor forgive me. I feel it's killing my life. I wonder about a lot of things, like why my dad's bank was gonna close, or, rather, merge, and we had to leave Florida. We'd been moving back and forth between the key areas of Florida.
In school, people would pick on me, probably for my race.
Another big thing on my conscious was when I was a younger kid, like 8, my cousins from Indonesia wrote to us. I forgot to write back, like I could not think of it around my mom. They had such nice stationary, and I didn't.
In my junior year of high school, I was called to the counselor, like I didn't look as good. I had a teacher for American History Advanced Placement/Gifted who said not to take the course simply if we didn't wanna take the AP test. I had a D in the 1st test, and I would lose my 4.0. I fell behind because of going to the counselor during class. I was in Physics, Advanced Math, and English IV. That New Year's Eve, I was taken to the mental hospital. I said not to make me take medicine, and they lied. I was told I had nothing wrong. They just called it schizophrenia. I threw some things mad in the house more recently and got sent to the mental hospital again, 2010. They said since it said I had schizophrenia before that I had it, along with bipolar and Autism - Aspergers. I was set on pills again. I got off. I went to college with a theater teacher I liked, and she and the class I felt picking at me and got sent away for overreacting, like hitting my folder with a pen or kicking chairs when mad. People in Orlando are extremely ridiculous in how mean they are in how they act to you. Things do change here, tho. I ended up in the hospital again, and now I have no freedom to get off medicine according to my mom. I think she's doing it to please my dad, who said if I went back after 2 times here, that he wouldn't come get me to come home. He acted like I got a big break by pleaing to come home, like maybe the psychiatrist isn't right. It was an out of place judgement.
I flunked out of 8 semesters of college. I kept being annoyed ever since Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005) came out. No one knew the world would end up like it is today. There were noises that bothered me, and the classes were harder than high school. I had nothing near that hard. I do have 1 successful year of Music Education, Ballet, and Honors. They said I was too shy to sing and do Music Ed and to leave. This put my whole future on the line. I am now 28 with no college degree and wasn't working since high school. I am allowed to go back to a community college here, now, and take Music Education and singing again. Ever since we moved here to Orlando, people acted like they called me the N word, like I'd see them bend their arm or knee like an "N." The way they talked around me also suggested they could tell I was a failure and not even a member of the white race, tho I am not black.
The main reason I called to come here was cuz my whole life is messed up. These mistakes I mentioned. People all used to say I was perfect, nice, shy, sweet, and smart. Now, everyone I know for like 10 years it seems has been acting like I'm bad. It catches on so that it travels with me in public to people I don't know. Like all of them would act meanly around me, make noises that really bothered me. I think this drove me insane. I used to e-mail friends and family about helpful topics like spam but explaining myself and saying sorry for spamming. I have no real life friends. So, constantly, people act like I'm bad all around me, the general public. The people in my family and extended family act like they made some group decision to be mean with an attitude around me. I'm always surrounded by this. They do what the other people say they want done to me that's mean in attitude. They act like I did something but also that I'm not racially white. So, all around, people have attitudes towards me and bother me with like the sounds they make and have been for like 10 years. I know cuz it happened after I flunked out of college. It's not my fault it was too hard. I just was too irresponsible to to withdraw on time. Even people I meet can sense I did something bad somehow. I can tell. Every time I go out of my room and see someone, this happens. I can't even concentrate in private.
I have other issues. I'm not here to let you say you force me to get closer to my dad nor mom. I am not from LA and am from New Orleans and I know I am a grown-up who passed the test into adult independency. I like my parents, but I want to get closer to other people. No one knows how. I am on social media, such as Facebook, and I don't have much luck with it, these days. I've had so many acocunts. I've lost friends. I am here to get to know people, not crawl into a hole with my own parents, like they are strangers to me I need to meet. I don't feel sexually close to them as I do with others, and I am guessing my parents are just like that. I don't get to talk to others much, but I am more attracted to them than I am to my parents, tho I also love my parents, of course. I'm here to settle the score with why I don't know many people and not at all to learn to bond with my parents. If my parents treat me one way, so do people in public. It's people in public I wanna know who have problems with me. I can tell by some of what I've seen of the more typical people. I will say I think my parents are mad at me and treat me with an attitude because of the things I did I mentioned. I really don't like a fractured family. They can't seem to act like I don't have a problem, too.
Also, there are speakers and cameras planted around my room. They can make noises and affect how the page loads. This has been bothering me that they are mad at me. They used to be "secret lovers" and I want that back, instead. They don't have to do anything, tho, especially if they don't really like me. They act like my dad decided the bad things for me, but it seems also that even my Gramma and others have. Even before this happened, I could not concentrate because I could see my dad no longer accepted me. I had to look out for being called the N word in secret message by others since another event. I thought someone online saying I wasn't white with different IMDb Message Boards accounts wanted me to call them the N word so I did. Now I am in trouble and it was the last straw. It seems like the whole world found out and no one will be as nice to me as before nor praise me about all that I am, just because of this. I suppose the worst dagger was when the noises started. I cursed about them and sometimes about my dad's being mean. I was careful and didn't try to scar them, just curse about my anger and not so much about people totally. That's the straw that then broke the camel's back. No one will forgive me. I guess it was wrong, but lotta popular people curse.. It was a way to express myself. I thought the curse words were funny, but they call such a reaction. I grew up never cursing, see. So, this meant something was wrong, not me being possessed all of a sudden.
Here is a list of problems up on my website:
http://christinabarrett4.wix.com/official#!trouble/c1ym6
http://christinabarrett4.wix.com/official#!life-problems/cia0
http://christinabarrett4.wix.com/official#!complaints/c19hh
http://christinabarrett4.wix.com/official#!my-sins/c1xmw
http://www.christinabarrett.com/search/label/Problems
Thank you, Dr. Phil show.
Sincerely,
Christina Barrett