I don't think I felt that good when I was younger. I could have felt this way in 2000 when I went to a public school. That's all, though. I guess in 1997 when the internet came out, it was the same. I really grew up after that, when I was 11. When I was 11, I wanted someone to lift me from under my arms. When I was 10, I used to dream of starting over and having someone carry me on their back. When I was 9, I was just becoming more European, but life flashed before me. I just kept going. I understand, though, I am more classical. I read the books. Starting with early American tales, the Little House Books (not all) and American Girls. My mom wanted me to get the Swedish girl, but I liked the redhead from 1776. Before that, I guess my life was more modern. I became stimulated in a weird way, though, until I was maybe 15. I owe it to meeting a nice choir director and organ teacher. I think though more I owe it to Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. I just feel so over the hill, I guess since I went to college and then was told to go home and it's been awhile, too. I always had that ricochet feeling, that though I was still the same, it was literally too late and I should be allowed to enter in Heaven and just go through life like dreaming I would have fun if I was a businesswoman. Have dinner dates and such and host big parties in a big dining hall since I got such a high rank often.
I don't understand the jealousy people have for me. I guess I should really be a demonstrator. You should talk to me online. I wish I did this sooner. Things would have been okay, but I got through a lot. I just wish I didn't have the problems I had with my grades in college after I was I guess downhearted kicked out of Voice and Music Education at a prestigious institute for music in New Orleans and my life become viewed on camera. Everywhere I went, it was so funny. I had a good life my last year of high school, too, funny and harsh, though. I had a foreign exchange student, but I had my private life very much so. Yes, my f.e. student was 3|4 French 1|4 German, German last name I think that could be I guess Austrian but dunno. She was a blonde soccer player, a little younger and shorter. All she wanted was the camera she saved for, a nice video camera. She showed me her singing with her friends, like guitar songs, and I found it amusing.
Yes, the feeling I got from what I saw was overwhelming. As was lots of different things I saw, moreover this being the only example primely I found befit to my musings. I experienced some pretty perverted things but in a good way, not nasty, just silly and stimulating, like in a caring way, you know? When I was a kid, these were only suggestions in a very realistic, physical world that flashed by rather thickly, you might say. I became connected to my environment, enveloped in all experiences that came.
I guess the problem is I still fantasize about being stimulated. I mean, I want to be okay later, a nice lady and such. I've already mourned the deceasity of my parental force. Well, not literal! It was very depressing and very huge, but we seem to have gotten over it all, somehow, though not really. It seems to have been locked under the bush. People really sacrifice a lot for Asians and people with older parents. They really want "the" experience and feel guilty with their own kids.
Ah, still unanswered questions.