I got so mad when I couldn't get the Word Captchas to work. I got bumped into a worse mood. I must be getting more and more upset, lately. I don't even know what I was on. At least, I didn't like do it for real as opposed tot thinking it. I felt like something was overcoming me.
I just told myself to ignore stuff! I just felt my opinion. They won't let bygones be bygones. I'm not mean. Unfortunately, they are. I just felt like I was being duped into submission, I think. But I just told myself to ignore things. It seems that always happens. I just didn't want to be duped, as in being told to suddenly think badly or whatever.. I also feel critiqued for what I chose to say about this aloud. I'd just like to have a nice conversation where things make sense and have reasons.
I don't need to think these things. It's like getting mad if a loved one gets sick. Or if you get poked at incessantly. I feel I'm settled, now, but I thought very negatively. I really don't wanna deal with what other people think of it. They've collected things from my past and popped them up. I wasn't really being bad and attacking. I just was being defensive and felt a bit upset at what it meant and for some reason was like possessed, I think, which is not something I should do.. Things like this didn't used to happen. I think it's too much stress now from my dad over little things. You try. I can't seem to see these consequences in a positive light. I'm actually just 1/2 his kid. I never thought of it that way before. I feel abused for my other 1/2, like he had it in him to handle me and make things impossible for me to think I'm a deserving life.
I'm not up to wanting my dad mistreated. He may be the hub/source of the issue, but I want his happiness spared. So, I have to keep that in mind..
I don't know how to right this wrong. I did sorta stomp my foot walking away if you think about it or care. No fits of anger of late, tho.
I get fed an incident every day. That's not how life goes. I can settle and be happy now, but I know I bothered them before or recently.
I feel like I'm not to be trusted yet also not left alone. I did recently realize it was up to me to propel and accept my life. I'm getting up there..
I don't know what to say for relief from these people, even prayer. I'm already settled from the incident. They get worse and harder to settle from, but I haven't had the physical fits as much. I don't feel right physically, probably the meds.
I feel like I'm okay. So, good night.