Apology Again?

A thought came to my mind, not literally, but I thought people were deliberately trying to make me mad.  I dunno what to do.  It could happen again.  I didn't want it to.  I'm sure other people have these feelings.  My mom was acting all like she was so cool around me and I wasn't.  Like, it's the new thing she discussed with someone I hope feel we are worth it talking to.  She had messed up my face some.  People keep doing that since I missed Ellen a week, said I would, cuza appointments and keeping up with Sarah Brightman's concert online but mainly appointments I thought..  They've messed up my body before.  It must cause some anger.  It was just a passing thought while I was being tortured.  I don't like to be cornered like that..  What can I do?  Can anyone help?  I didn't do things like my dad in a bad way.  Me being fat is for other reasons.  Don't like k*** me!  I know people in Fort Lauderdale, some were like that, like think it's only about your measurements.  They were all hectic and clingy to one another, like they had something others didn't.  Anyone wanna counsel me?  Why are you quickly throwing raw thoughts at me like they don't matter and I can't say anything or else?  It's not a game and fun.  I don't think it's "gifted" to communicate like that.  You can do it, but it's not funny.  It's quite a spectacle.  So, I mean, I don't like it.  I think you're just doing it to punish me.  I can punish you.  You think I'm just a n*****.  You can't be like, what did she do now?  Everyone in real life knows I'm good.  Even my therapist who thinks I'm coocoo.  You aren't special to be mean to me instead.  You all have nothing to say.  Why?  Cuz yer up to no good.  You don't respect me.  You think my talents are a goof.  I ain't listenin' to ya.  Why can't you just be nice?