What is it about my dad?
And what's with the black stripe I saw on my computer?
I think that this is foolish and unforgivable. I saw the people at my college just lose it and kick me out of classes where I did nothing to break the rules. It's been 10 years. I didn't do anything to be punished. People just come on to me all the time, and I am gonna figure out how to get back at the unforgivable.
I am not gonna read into constant messages that start out as an insult in an unfavorable contained environment. I'm not staying on the ship.
Is this the best you can do? Trap me in a cheap living area with whom I'm with?? Getting mad at the slightest thing when I've done too much already? There are other things to do than to lie about and pick on me.
I think I'm not talking to nor about anyone. I guess it started with my dad. He tried to stimulate me, and I'm writhing on my sofa. You know it's illegal?
My point is 2 things. Why is my dad being brought into my life all annoying and dysfunctional, and what is the plan to get revenge on me.. no civilized talking to me, just trying to stay "in" and popular and getting at me for what I write on my blog.
My dad I think goes about his work, but then when he sees me it's like he won't acknowledge me like a person. There's constant battles at me for simply what I turn around in my head.
Have I said anything I oughtn't? What's really hanging over me? I plan to take dance at college in the summer and on until I finish if I feel up to it. I wanted to work in a coffee shop. I caught wind you need to be in field, like I wanna do dancing and singing, but like the dancing requires more training with me now if I wanna get in musical theater ever. I'm 28, seems like a good thing to chase. I sing, too, on my own, and possibly one day again private lessons. The dance degree I'd finish by the end of next summer.
I'm so sorry for what I've said or done. Please forgive me. It's not totally rash, so I left it up and maybe it will touch someone out there and I will get help. I'd prefer not to have to post these things. I just wanted to know why people keep shoving my dad too close to me and ruining it. Also, I felt hatred I guess and people wanting me to be revenged on. I'm truly worried about it. It seems silly. I am a nice person. So what if I mess up? I probably didn't mean it, or something. Maybe, I wanted to look cute. I didn't know it was that bad. I look out for myself, too, including my dwindling health everyone is so keen on with me getting out of sync so.
So, I'm sorry this is not okay, but I tried to be nice. A bad word came to mind. The fact anyone wants revenge on me made me very mad. All these things people see me for and don't see me for, it shouldn't be an issue now. I said sorry. People actually do things to me but things that others do, too.
I hope this does not jeopardize my sensitive situation. :( You should really look out for yourself, you all.
OK, so sorry. I don't know what to do about what I wrote. I tried to be nice about it. Do I accept it? I see there are reasons, so I guess it's weird. About the revenge.. I mean it's not a joke? I feel I am a joke. O well. My room isn't clean. I saw a dog I wanted today. I need another shelf to clean. I'm worried about things and people. What did I do wrong technically? I know you like to calculate to a clean finish. What is the revenge? I am wondering and shudder to think of how this came up. Why isn't sorry enough? Are a lot of events planned? I think some people are lying about me and threatening me, too, tho. Like, they say I'm all these bad things, and I have no reassurance from anyone, who believe me to be shit naturally.
Did I waste time posting? I should at least say what is the problem about my dad and why do I sense revenge at me when people all say they'd like never get mad at me? or have at least at a time it felt. I don't hold a record of crime. People are criminal to my sense of stability and ability to focus. I grew up in a quiet home, at 1st. So what about 1 thing? You think everyone who is good who messes up should be locked up? I will not take these arguments anymore. I can't get them to stop, tho! I said what I said, make a match. Not just the same thing I negated. Getting mad about something from 15-20 years ago???? What about my wasted years? What can I do? I shouldn't be poked at like this for the sake of other people. It's like other people want me to look bad so they look good and say when they are bad never matters. It doesn't matter who they are.
I don't mean to be mean. I came here to ask that question and up comes the other issue.
So, sorry, tried to explain myself. If something is wrong, why can't I fix it? I can take back what I did I cannot be suddenly "grounded for life." I think what you all do is a pity. You all don't realize I already feel this way and keep coming back for more. Some people think they can treat me like a slave. No, I do not believe the bad parts about being Chinese are good. I should not be treated as such. No one does that! This is just another waste of time, 1 more reason I don't feel like watching Ellen, just feel bothered. She puts the Chinese in place but is scared of blacks, I feel/think. I like her and her show, I don't know why I haven't watched this week.
I'm just really sorry I am so stupid but must post my feelings and problems. I want help, and it might relay to people in the world and spread in micro-molecules. So sorry, ya'll. I mean no harm! :(
The point was what is wrong? Sorry it is not so presentable. Most people don't have a problem with me like this, I know, too, so that's interesting.
:(