Friday, December 7, 2012
Eating
I had 2 hot dogs on wheat buns with ketchup, Heins. I got the new one with ice skates on the front. Then, I had a Philly pop, which I got last time as Italian Ice. Now, I'm having Jumbalaya (sp?) and lemon herbal quelling tea and 2 piece of mint frozen pie. Water. I'm having hamburgers later, I think.
Private Schools
So, I was wondering. Like, if I went to the private high school, how would I do theater? Talented Theater and Talented Music are big. So was Gifted, except it turned out it was AP and the public schools were bad, like the Catholic schools. I know the non-religious private school may not be perfect and supposedly less aesthetic, but I think the Catholic schools were weird. It was fun, of course, when we did entertainment stuff at school, but I mean there's no class for it and maybe there's no time for it with all the kids. Also, the teachers probably don't like doing that with us. I also dreamed I went to the Baptist school, and then I went there. I am thankful, but I had physical problems, staying awake. It's unaccredited. The English was neat but maybe not perfect. The mass was nice but only once a week. I missed religion to go to Talented Music, which was neat to play for the senior play. It was stressful coming back to change for Talented Theater, at the end of the day. At the Catholic school, my Saturdays were always spent in New Orleans in the Classical Music program, and we carpooled among 3 families, the other 2 freshman, 1 Vietnamese (whose mom was sweet but strict and cooked good food) and the other Jewish or part Jewish, named Margaret. The other was Connie. Her mom said that she was on the floor and called 911 as a baby. However, the Saturday program doesn't change. So, maybe, you'd take a different subject, each year. I went in the summer, too. I don't think I could do Dance. They encourage people in the day to go Saturdays. They don't have things like Communications and Directing. So, in a Catholic high school it's also a waste of time in Religion class. I know the History class I took was bad but assume it was just that one. Math they talked and I couldn't succeed. I could have taken Art 3 with one other girl that period, I found later. The intellectual people remind me of my friend Karen from Boston or that state.
Kids! What's the matter with kids?
Why are kids today acting how they don't want to be and then getting like to get you hurt for it? Like, maybe, they thought it was your fault or it's the big moment and you have to admit they're better than you. I know adults do that for me, but I'm not doing that.
Schooling
I guess living in the New Orleans area, I didn't really care about consoling others with Florida logic I held onto. I mean, I lived my life before that. It just seemed it was about checking if you were right and not like exploring. Maybe, I couldn't focus in the New Orleans area. Terribly, I spent a long time on homework but usually got the highest grades and like improved most on the ACT when moving schools. I was really worried about if I went to the Catholic school because it seemed that I just would stay ho tup doing wormk. xp IT seemed that I couldn't do activities. Like, maybe I would just do piano or something like that. I would consider just doing ballet. I just don't feel I'd have a normal life. I was thinking of going to modeling school to be an actor.
Also, when I was lying on my couch last night, I kept getting specific ideas of images. I saw like a real image to the side and heard a click maybe of someone turning on an old TV. Then, I heard a gunshot, and I woke up and it sounded like I really heard something.
So, I was wondering what would happen if you took ballet and went to film acting school. I knew a girl who did ballet and musical theater, and she seemed tired. They said you can go 1-6 days, and she went 6 and wanted to go where I went once a week, 3 times a week. Where I went wasn't very standard.
I was concerned that if you did dance you'd want to post it online. What if people found you? I know it's not good to say where you live because people can get you asleep. People can find you if you give your area of the state or a specific region, like the county, in time. Also, people in town can recognize a picture online you post when you're out.
Also, when I was lying on my couch last night, I kept getting specific ideas of images. I saw like a real image to the side and heard a click maybe of someone turning on an old TV. Then, I heard a gunshot, and I woke up and it sounded like I really heard something.
So, I was wondering what would happen if you took ballet and went to film acting school. I knew a girl who did ballet and musical theater, and she seemed tired. They said you can go 1-6 days, and she went 6 and wanted to go where I went once a week, 3 times a week. Where I went wasn't very standard.
I was concerned that if you did dance you'd want to post it online. What if people found you? I know it's not good to say where you live because people can get you asleep. People can find you if you give your area of the state or a specific region, like the county, in time. Also, people in town can recognize a picture online you post when you're out.
Dream
I remember there was a part when it was Ellen DeGeneres, and I thought of some figure in from French New Orleans, and she for some reason could recognize it and like gave a consoling gesture. She was standing with my mom. I thought Ellen DeGeneres said she was as short as my mom, and like I guess I was almost as tall as she is. Then, I realized it wasn't her and she was like 5'5". She left, kinda triumphant. I told my mom about "the problem I had" because she wanted to be bigger than me, and then I know my younger aunt was there and my older aunt burst in, in front of Ellen DeGeneres. I hugged each of them and tried to connect with my older aunt. I sized up my age, like tried to just size it up to her, now how much older she was as an adult. My mom and Ellen DeGeneres seem kinda young. I've had the experience that people a little older than Ellen DeGeneres are also young. I guess it's just that I'm half Chinese-Indonesian so think any female is too young or too old to talk to me as an adult.
Dream
A lady came over to my house in the shadows, couldn't see what she really looked like, just a shadow figure, probably had short, straight blonde hair that kinda lifted up. I heard her talk but maybe not really. My aunts were over. I was saying like what do you want to do, talk to them, stuff, that I'd be in school in the fall, almost thought to say summer. My dad was there and my mom somewhere. So, she was like wrestling on the floor with me in a way, don't remember the details. I wanted to help my aunt and sang 2 church songs, I know. I had her leave, somehow, and she tried to come back, but I held the door as it jiggled. She tried to put her hand through probably to prove she was not who I wanted her to be. I had to latch the door on the top, too. She left. I went to the office. I worked on unknotting to close the windows by a computer with my mom. My dad contacted the police. Scarily, I saw her figure, didn't know who she was, in color, too, just looked generic but was pretty, kinda bouncy, had a distinct look but could be anyone. Saw her face, and it seemed to hide her identity as she smiled at my dad. She was in front of a university. I was thinking how my dad hypnotized her and how I joined in saying that it wasn't my dad who forced her to do this but it was just that she was doing this on her own. It was like in a way that said that like she wasn't doing it under anyone.
Dream
We went to 2 big slides that were set up based on origami. They were rides, coasters. There was a big box at the top with a gym. I found that my friend were dressing up in green with guns and chasing me as cops. Yellow as few and fair. I made it back and ended up robing myself and getting a rifle. I had to like have a little tube at the bottom and like where a tennis ball would propel, but a little bullet came out that was visible. Then, I was at like a fair. I heard, "Just like me, they long to be close to you." We were picking out an "outfit" or a piece of an outfit on each shelf, and there were like shiny material with patterns like in peach with ornate flower outlines in like that thing where the color, well like it, seems to change shades, forgot the word. Like, there was skirts and pants. I found one in like 5XL and then ones that stretched that were like Medium. Iridescent.
Oh, so we were floating around, like Mew.
Oh, so we were floating around, like Mew.
Things That Came Up
So, today, some things came up. I was talking about why I didn't look more like my dad's sisters. I talked about my brother and cousin and how she was Italian but had no father.
I got mad. I posted about it, already. I've handled a lot, but sometimes I get weird images. I can't say I don't want to ever think about them.
At the doctor, I found there was no wax in my ear. I might also get a female test.
I'm worried about things happening to me but not in person.
What do you think about people denying what others feel and what you feel about how they feel from someone else and that they're going to feel that way, anyway, but don't lead into it? My dad keeps getting upset if I'm happy. He thinks I have to suffer like him.
Are you getting annoying messages from people who are incompetent or who want to be popular, to let it out?
Why should I believe I'm "not what I want to be" and that it's my fault that I can't think these things nor am how I want to be physically?
Oh, and I'm sorry if I made you feel bad about saying I want to h*** people but not really. Just ideas. I know it happened to happen at a weird time. It just came up. I mean, I have to do something like this sooner or later.
Also, watch out for twisting ideas because it's bound to occur. Let's see if we can prevent it because we can and the sooner the better.
So, do you want to be told you're not as good as someone older just because? Like, how can I figure out my desires all at once? Isn't it a process? I just can't think. Why did Johnny Depp become such an issue? It's like he shouldn't have been famous. I think we think the same thing about Ellen DeGeneres and Tim Burton. The other people are easier to handle. We also think no one should be in the world of work. People need to get blogs and post themselves online. I like Jewish things, but it's not the exact reciprocol to Chinese. I don't want to hurt the Chinese. I think that the Chinese are disliked, like the Vietnamese.
I keep being stimulated in bad ways for not letting it all out so I'm through and can't do anything that's a good idea to do. This is so annoying. These incompetent people. I don't feel confident about myself like everyone else. I also hear clicks, if you think that would do it. Like, squeaky clicks. I don't know why, but all these sounds are not broadcasted. I don't really see how it's possible, but I suppose it is. Like, they come from different places in my ear and sometimes like my head it feels. I know my ear is ringing. Sometimes, I think I hear ghosts. It's painful. It happened after I didn't do well in school. Then, I was annoyed at real world sounds.
What do you think about putting up with the faults of Ellen DeGeneres? Isn't she influential? I wonder if she's the most famous under Julie Andrews. She isn't really talked about like certain others, but I guess she's more famous. Maybe it's because of her age. People born then are most stimulated. People born in 1959 and 1960 must be really stimulated.
Shutting Down
Oh, we went to the grocery store and I got lots of food. The bacon, beef, burgers, dogs, of course veggies, as well as apples. I went through quickly. I also grabbed a pie and got swirlie pops. I almost wouldn't have gotten rice because a lady was there.
Also, I was thinking, Tim Burton and Ellen DeGeneres, who I spoke of illy at the therapist on tape, for probably hating my mom's race, which I mean it might be a fact, not an insult, ... I also couldn't like stop and not say anything. So, Tim and Ellen ultimately like the younger kids but think they owe time to older kids, like I know people say, "Oh, C hristina." The idea is that they pay a lot of attention to me and supposedly spend too much time doing it and that later they want me to feel bad when they are supposed to stop. I just can't not keep up with them. I wanted to be busy acting, though. I mean, there is so much to learn. Why would I watch someone I don't like? I know there's the thing about making smaller names bigger. That's probably all. I mean, they probably would like me because they're famous. If someone else gets popular, they might lose interest.
I got mad. I posted about it, already. I've handled a lot, but sometimes I get weird images. I can't say I don't want to ever think about them.
At the doctor, I found there was no wax in my ear. I might also get a female test.
I'm worried about things happening to me but not in person.
What do you think about people denying what others feel and what you feel about how they feel from someone else and that they're going to feel that way, anyway, but don't lead into it? My dad keeps getting upset if I'm happy. He thinks I have to suffer like him.
Are you getting annoying messages from people who are incompetent or who want to be popular, to let it out?
Why should I believe I'm "not what I want to be" and that it's my fault that I can't think these things nor am how I want to be physically?
Oh, and I'm sorry if I made you feel bad about saying I want to h*** people but not really. Just ideas. I know it happened to happen at a weird time. It just came up. I mean, I have to do something like this sooner or later.
Also, watch out for twisting ideas because it's bound to occur. Let's see if we can prevent it because we can and the sooner the better.
So, do you want to be told you're not as good as someone older just because? Like, how can I figure out my desires all at once? Isn't it a process? I just can't think. Why did Johnny Depp become such an issue? It's like he shouldn't have been famous. I think we think the same thing about Ellen DeGeneres and Tim Burton. The other people are easier to handle. We also think no one should be in the world of work. People need to get blogs and post themselves online. I like Jewish things, but it's not the exact reciprocol to Chinese. I don't want to hurt the Chinese. I think that the Chinese are disliked, like the Vietnamese.
I keep being stimulated in bad ways for not letting it all out so I'm through and can't do anything that's a good idea to do. This is so annoying. These incompetent people. I don't feel confident about myself like everyone else. I also hear clicks, if you think that would do it. Like, squeaky clicks. I don't know why, but all these sounds are not broadcasted. I don't really see how it's possible, but I suppose it is. Like, they come from different places in my ear and sometimes like my head it feels. I know my ear is ringing. Sometimes, I think I hear ghosts. It's painful. It happened after I didn't do well in school. Then, I was annoyed at real world sounds.
What do you think about putting up with the faults of Ellen DeGeneres? Isn't she influential? I wonder if she's the most famous under Julie Andrews. She isn't really talked about like certain others, but I guess she's more famous. Maybe it's because of her age. People born then are most stimulated. People born in 1959 and 1960 must be really stimulated.
Shutting Down
Oh, we went to the grocery store and I got lots of food. The bacon, beef, burgers, dogs, of course veggies, as well as apples. I went through quickly. I also grabbed a pie and got swirlie pops. I almost wouldn't have gotten rice because a lady was there.
Also, I was thinking, Tim Burton and Ellen DeGeneres, who I spoke of illy at the therapist on tape, for probably hating my mom's race, which I mean it might be a fact, not an insult, ... I also couldn't like stop and not say anything. So, Tim and Ellen ultimately like the younger kids but think they owe time to older kids, like I know people say, "Oh, C hristina." The idea is that they pay a lot of attention to me and supposedly spend too much time doing it and that later they want me to feel bad when they are supposed to stop. I just can't not keep up with them. I wanted to be busy acting, though. I mean, there is so much to learn. Why would I watch someone I don't like? I know there's the thing about making smaller names bigger. That's probably all. I mean, they probably would like me because they're famous. If someone else gets popular, they might lose interest.
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