My Hair

I'm gonna have to go do it somewhere else next week.  Where I went this time they used store dye.  Where else I wanna go they do their dyes so the color will really come out.  It's funny where it parts the skin is red.  Also, I wanted it straightened, but it turned out frizzy.  I even called my dad's youngest sister.

Issue

So, why did my mom need to meet my dad, we all know that.  My mom is more from Florida than his sisters..

Did you ever think of

Ginny's name sounding like Gin?  My aunt gave my cousin a dog named GiGi when she was about 7.  It's that little white dog, a Maltese.  They went all into it, of course, the way I go all into things.  What other ways do you go into things?  3I

I don't need to say this-

I don't need to say this, but it seems my whole life has inadvertently revolved around my youngest aunt on my dad's side and her daughter.. maybe about the likes of my mom's sister and her oldest child, her only girl.  My aunt thinks she's attractive, but her voice is often like squeezed out and sickly and annoying.  I can't say much for her voice.  I don't know..  I just can't.  I mean, maybe she is pretty, like my mom.  I know what that's like.  Maybe, their looks can kill.  So, like she thinks her daughter is like better than me when she's rebellious about being ugly, pushing in my face how she looks as my flaws.  She's directly mean.  For some reason, I don't think about it..  I am always nice to them, but this is how I feel about other people in their wanting me to think of them..

Decisions Decisions

So, my parents are leaving tomorrow @ 4 to visit my grandma at my aunt's on the way to Gainesville until Wednesday.  I just am too tired to even visit..  I do want to see a movie I missed, maybe will see it in 2 weeks or pile up?

My brother is going to where he's going to college until Friday, I think..

Not Happy

Hey stop looking at me like I have to be in the style of my dad's generation, you messed up dweebs.. and stop telling me I'm a dork!

So, he came home early.. Spring Break.

Wasn't really happy to see his sour attitude, and he acts like my mom is younger, like his younger sister, I should s*** him.

Facebook Post

I just called to ask you when it was, guess I will have to call you tomorrow if I don't ask on Thursday while I'm waiting for my Therapist appointment.  I don't really know anyone in Orlando, so I don't know who to ask to come with me.  Lots of people I know have been interested in singing and things..  :(

♥ http://cab1986orlfl20.blogspot.com/2013/02/20130227-1.html

To: ginny.kopf

"Join me for the next Voice workshop! The Professional Voice (which includes training for the world of Voiceovers) starts Sunday 2-5. Call and we'll talk all about how it can help you get the acting work you want, whether it's voiceover, commercials, narrations, infomercials, and for vocal improvement for any kind of business you are in. It'll give you CONFIDENCE and CONTROL in your auditions and communication. Ginny Kopf 407-381-5275"

I think the voice is a personality tool and today I croaked up an emotion. Most people have something like a slur. They think their voice is just a product of their health. They don't even think about how their nose affects their voice. They don't even use singing in their lives... They don't care about race and don't attune to the accents like New York state, Boston & NYC, South Carolina and Georgia, the New Orleans dialect, and then the country, sometimes thought to be "the west." Floridians and Californians are really annoying but open, but I can't do anything about it because I'm a Floridian and people aren't open to me since my mom they somehow know is tan I guess and my dad might have Native American indian and the seemingly common German Jewish, like a lot of people. They really won't help me if I'm Native American. I just realized that in the south, they are more comfortable, the Native Americans. So, yes, I do have and have been told by my peers all the time when I was cool that I have a pure Floridian accent or rather that I have no accent I'm from Florida my accent is no accent that is the way everyone should be!!! I heard in L.A. and I guess throughout California.. like San Fransisco and the area that they have the Valley Girls and I grew to like it when I was in the New Orleans region. I heard that was all there was and all there will ever be, that there will be no new generations. :| Yes.. They just have really ***y voices and aren't muddled up in northern culture, but I had this friend who I think has a dad or maybe also mom from Canada. xp So... :| They not only have the pure voice but are so ...ed up, you know? They won't even think straight. They're like a hiccup, a ditzy. They just want to know where your parents are from because people from up north want to .... me for being from Florida and then criticize me for having blood from Scranton, etc.. PA Dutch? Also somewhere in NY. Like, they want to hurt me for my culture but never my voice. See, my mom has a European accent. You know, Ginny, not everybody can sing. I had to learn. My parents love good music. I grew up close to my mom ***ually but didn't like feel that tingly feeling so much. With my dad, we had the proper English relationship, no ... with my dad. I don't know about my brother, he's not very European and mocks me under protection of my parents.. I al ways grew up being the most European and was whiter than everyone else I told the people in the racial crisis type forum, but I changed since then. 8| In Loo eez ee anna lazy louisiana, they thought I was a foreign exchange student because of my mom. I actually sang more alone, there, so my accent kinda was lost. Oh, I just called but see you must have already gone to bed after class, I would but decided to do more singing and am eating and had to get my stuff etc., loading some practice videos, too. In Orlando, I got a sorta s--- voice.. I picked up on the tacky things here, also had this ½ Spanish ballet teacher who was young who said things funny maybe like brruther. I also picked up on the really low things in the New Orleans area. I didn't really connect with the girl from San Fransisco's voice. :| Same with the girl from L.A. I just don't in that sorta bland, raspy way. I finally got rid of the accent of the girl from NYC I'm working with for a lot of the part.. So, I feed off of people from California. I see you feed off of people from certain places. I saw Pennsylvania, Wisconsin, and Washington (state,) 2 from Wisconsin. Ah I'm gonna go eat guess I'll catch you later.. :) I see we can't Share, anymore, is there a reason? I see that sometimes.

Hi, yes, I would like to come. I hope this is a big turnout. I guess I have to make sure I ask you where it is. If it's not in your home, I wonder if there will be a nice place to eat. :) My mom can't make it, and I'll probably just go without my dad. I see people I knew online in Northeastern Florida.. but they haven't spoken to me and are busy with their lives, would like to come some of them, though. Even my aunts are busy. 1 of them might not be. You'd know she's about your age.. but she doesn't e-mail me, now, I guess because I haven't e-mailed her lately.  I don't seem to know anyone in Orlando but know I've seen people thru my mom.

Dream

It's hard to remember.  I was in this place.  I went on a ride, like in a big mall.  1st, we were eating something like slush, then something else, and maybe cotton candy.  We went to sit on the knee of a more gaunt but a bit blubbery yet more sharp lady, the little kids stayed, you know sorta stronger kids around age 4 maybe, but I told my brother to save me a space because I had to go to the bathroom.  I ran to this store and asked but didn't see it.  I ran and asked a handsome, quirky policeman, you know, like a guy from Atlanta.. and he told me to go to a certain corner, looked like a hotel with people coming from up north, but I didn't see it.  I ran back.

Then, I was about to audition and was thinking of Céline Dion, 2 pictures when she was little, and it made me think she was more like compiledly built then that she was hollow.  It made me get a sorta tingly shaped stimulated feeling and I couldn't get it back.  I don't know why.  I kept trying to think of it.  Then, I imagined it was my aunt whose lap I was on for a long time.  Her daughter was there.  I thought this was real becuase I wanted to m*********.  She just swept me over to another room and left me there, I guess so I could m*********.  I had a hard time.  I guess I woke up soon and realized it wasn't real.  I was hoping I was alone in this big hotel room with like a big, feathery goose bed.  It had different compartments jutting out and a big master bedroom.

Where It Started

People were racist and suggestive to me, like not open, not admitting I had beautiful white, creamy skin.  Like, visitors, friends, Gramma, then my aunts I guess.  People are always acting like safety nets.

The Image @ the Ft.L Police

I saw a demented man with a wicked grin on Twitter.  That used to be my aunt, but she moved to NW Florida, not on the beach, between Orlando and Gainesville..  She was so interested in me when e-mail came out and we became Barretts-in-New-Orleans..my friend's family did the same thing..I'm also up at Rochester where the other aunt from Fort Lauderdale lived a year, with her illegitimate daughter.

Cont.

I've lost track of what I was speaking of.  So, I should have come home from college to where we moved in the Orlando area.  I had fun playing around up until now.  My goal is so I'd take Ginny's 3 classes before I'm ½ her age.  I'm sorta stuck here..  So, that means I should have taken her courses by last summer.  That's when I auditioned and then found I should take acting classes.  I started watching "The Ellen DeGeneres Show" in Fall 2012, though, and that was Summer 2012.  The n word thing happened in 2009, and I talked to my grandma a year until that summer, coping with my age in relation to my mom's.  So, Summer 2012.  We read from the Bible and a reading, but she got mad at me and made me suffer even after if I just felt mad from her treating me racistly now.  It's since the n word thing.  You know, I don't know who started it, my dad or the community or Tim Burton.  So, my dad's youngest sister came for my birthday in 2011 I think yes.  I realized in 2 years my age would be ½ my mom's, but I finally counted since I was created.  For some reason, things didn't work out.  I think my aunt did it for the n word thing, and I just didn't get it.  I didn't have my biRTHDAY!  ';0  I don't give a fuck about you goddamn Pennsylvanians you wanna go rot some in a shit hell hole or somesuch?  What's my life, anyway, a piece of trash under your control?  Oh, no one can control anything in the world.  You know I just got more pricy nail polish for a shirt my aunt got me on my birthday.  It might not be the big problem.  So, what, I was supposed to watch "The Ellen DeGeneres Show" earlier?  It was impossible because my grandma had me call starting maybe 2nd ½ 2011.  It just seems like I should have taken these classes when I moved here.  I've been here so long not accomplishing anything, not looking forward to anything, not in place online.  I can't get over how funny it was posting just on Facebook, playing with all the stuff, and then IMDb, and later getting a blog and thinking I was talking to Tim Burton.  Speaking of Tim Burton and Ellen DeGeneres, I don't want to play with you just saying I did something wrong because you're shit.  We can't make any jokes because of Burton.  He's not even cool with what's right.  This is my blog.  I think Tim Burton just likes generation z tweens.  Time tuueet.

Livin in Style 卐

So, my concern is the style I have from the birth year my dad was born, that people born before and after are better yet not as special.  The other concern is his having Jewish last names around Germany, so guessing it's prevalent in German-Americans, maybe especially from the Pennsylvania area.  He's also Native American, probably, which would pose as another issue.  In Orlando, it's been hard unraveling the rest of the mystery.  I just don't come compact from his side, I guess, but my mom is like that.  So, for me, I have a mom like most people's dads and a dad like most people's moms, so it seems cool.  However, I get the feeling no one and Ellen DeGeneres don't really "like" me, just find me accomplished, like I'm lucky or have a good last name and nice supplementary names and my mom.  I always thought I was my mom to the world.  I think my dad is a good person but not an attractive 1 but entertaining in a way that is beneficial and educational.  I'm pretty much at a loss from who I was.  I became a different stereotype, and now I'm kinda nothing.  I used to be interesting and alive, and I wish to be young again.  I just wasn't so juicy and bubbly.  I was authentic because I was just ½ Chinese.  I was sorta put behind a glass case of untold perfection.  My dad was white, so everything was okay in the New Orleans area.  I can't believe Ellen DeGeneres is not like this.  Like, she is allergic to it.  I know I am.  I never thought being Native American indian helped me with the Chinese other than being not racist and to add another Asian culture.  People thought my mom just was not that attractive and was a midget.  She grew old after we were born.  So, I guess that didn't work out too well.  Then, people were interested in non-Americans + non-Latinos.  Black people are very violent and for some reason seem American.  I'm just guessing that there are other people who don't want to be American, like the Native Americans.  Like, they can't seem non-American to just real Africans.  They lost their culture.  Anyone would have.  No one cared about a British accent on the surface.  It only got in the way of America.  Any American accent was desired.  People coveted my mom's grace and were envious of her strength.  I just extracted the goods from my dad.  However, now, I have racial problems from my mom that are desirable over other non-whites.  However, my dad is not as sexy as my mom, so I'm not like as sexy as I thought I was.  People encourage my dad to be sexy, and I'm not my dad.  I had a good relationship, but then history happened.  I had a hard time in junior high, Catholic, homework, wasted classtime, so much.  Also, it was about me not having enough physical activity.  I was afraid to do modern dance, and my mom only let me do ballet 1 day.  She thought maybe I'd do something else, did cross country.  It was a huge thing, dance team, but I found out having natural blonde hair is an asset.  Maybe not white.  I don't know anyone with a sexy dad, maybe my cousin.  However, her mom encourages her to be mean to me.  My cousin wants to be how she is.  She is under the curse of our family.  Please, let me out of this world, you only encourage the rest of them.

Poky Parent

Why does my mom think I should have come out as a parent and why do his sisters also seem to think like they are making fun of me for being just good with my dad?

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My Brother and Aunt

I look more like my dad's youngest sister than my brother. People from up north had a gay side.

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Brothers and Sisters

So, why would I be like my brother and my dad's youngest sister not have to be shit like her siblings?  *BEEP*  Or that's ridiculous!  I don't think people think that she's even okay how she is, like what she does and what she claims is right.

I don't know why you'd say that it's all cut off at a point like the 80s.  About people born at a time when they got what they needed because it's when media finally began to emerge.  Like artsy entertainment.  People became fullout quirky, but they weren't supposed to.  Now, I want to be refined but my dad bites and claws at me like a bear emotionally and will never talk it out nor stop when I have him drive me somewhere in Orlando or the area.  I mean, I deserve to get what I need, and I'd still see him, anyway.  I'd see stuff around the house.  Him driving me makes me forget things, but I tend to forget when I see other people, as well.  Simply put, it's also nice to have him drive me, and sometimes I'd want to see him.  It's just that I can't really drive everywhere.  He drives me to the mall, to the grocery and even does the groceries for me.  It's just that I deserve to be driven, and I mean why should he stop me?  I want to learn to drive, but my life has been too hard.  I still don't feel like that well, haven't practiced, don't always have the car, like to go to school.  Then, I don't have a car.  I've tried to get 2 temporary Christmas jobs over the past 5 years working in popular, fancy stuff.  1 was to be given to someone in need, and the other seemed to want experience.  I just am not lucky in Orlando but was accepted in Slidell with quite a guarantee...  I would drive if I had a car.  I often am asleep when my parents are home or probably don't feel relaxed.  So, it's $4 for a van, and I sleep on it.  That's a long way but I think maybe a set fare.  It seems like a lot now, could pay for other things.  My college is just a loan, now.  That's why I don't take other classes.  I used to do ballet, a long time ago.  I had to pay before with my working money even at 15.  So...

So, I was wondering why people are not ready to accept you for who your dad is.  People have been like to the world's end fortifying or glorifying the worth of their dads and moms racially.  I mean, I just don't want to be my dad, I don't want to be my brother, and with my mom I mean she's nicer and not as nasty, really, can't stand my dad and brother as much, just didn't know them as much early on.  You might want to consider me just another person who deserves something in life and who does what she does and shouldn't be told she doesn't do what she doesn't do.  I don't know why my dad's face is so big.  Maybe, he is just being silly for my mom, but that was not something I had to do.  With other men, I guess it's interesting.  They want to know about the age of my dad, the younger 1s..  I find that a bit obvious.  They don't talk about it.  I mean, it's not like the best, maybe, and if it is you should respect it.  Before my dad worked as much, I mean he seemed kinda aloof, and that is NOT something young girls do.

Parents on Siblings Respecting|Worth

What if my dad's youngest sister didn't like him?