No Hard Feelings

I'm not spazzing.  I simply noticed my dad's technical unyielding wishes.

The Points

He hangs his head in possession over me and racially like I've made a statement is bad cuz I'm not white.  I disagree and would talk to the police about this.

This is worse than the Middle East cuz there everyone is the same race at least.  They aren't below Asians, neither, now.

Trapped Feelings

Yes, you are in my business.  My dad needs to know I am not a part of his life, the way he hangs his head over my declaration to be treated white.  I'm not for him to wrap and cage up.  What if you were stuck with someone you could not get along with? or who kept you?  He seems to respect people outside of his family and won't accept me racially in my desires in the world.

cont.

Something strange is my dad made a noise that seemed to knock out a front of my brain forever a few days ago.

Dream

There may have been a presence of someone I like or who is very attractive.  I was waitig, we got to the end.  I went back and got my wallet.  I wanted baked goods, a little cupcake with a figure in frosting.  We almost got home, where I'd take a picture.  Some was missing.  They had offered me more as carrot cake on sale.  We were in line.  I had done something.  My brother threatened me and then gave me a little plastic bag of pistol things, more like old round  metal things, like the little pellet aliens put in people.  The wedding procession practice began.  I was supposed to sing.  I said I wanted to sing "Maria" from "The Sound of Music" in the end.  My mom, younger aunt, older aunt's husband, and dad were in this.  My mom was walking around awhile before.  My younger aunt was walking around too, enveloped in fashion opportunities.  My mom's hair was down with a crown, or band.  My older aunt's husband was next to me in line.  My dad gave a cackle action about me singing at the wedding.  It was more dark or in feeling.

My dad started being a whipper of me to be more than perfect, like no one thought I was.

I'm probably better for my mom than my dad is.

I realize I can't change the past but pray for my mom to be well.  Same for my dad??  Why doesn't he like the gym?  Too late?

Funny when my mom was Chinese my dad was effeminate.  Why not transfer to other people altogether?  Makes no difference.  I don't mean disown them, unless they become a social danger..

Wrong

My mom thinks she's at my service that I'm my dad.

They wouldn't prevent other Americans from reaching their dream, but they don't seem to have their ethnicities down.

No one can care about how I'm like my mom.  Then, I can't be compared to my dad.

How is my dad bad?  You just have to find his button and hit it.  I don't have to do that tho.  If you wanna push me to do it, what about suffering yourself?

Being Native American

I was thinking about being indian and that no one seems to innately know more than others about sorta lining the issues up about people with indian.  They would just pick like a baby doll as like a car model to shout out orders.  Like with me, people go in and say what you expect them to say about me.  No one ever has anything to offer me as a person.  They just know I'm related to an indian father and Dutch Chinese-Indonesian mother.  I'd have to say my mom is more white than my dad except that my dad possesses actual European traits from a Caucasian race.  I wonder if his mom had problems.  With her, the indian came from her dad, also, and none from her mom, tho her mom also had Ashkenazi Jewish I think.  I don't know why my dad has a harder time being indian than my mom has being Chinese, except I know it's easier to be all one ethnicity, like it's more attractive.  I bet a lotta mixed ethnicities without minor European ethnicities are part Native American indian or like Ashkenazi Jewish.

Beef

I wanted my dad to get it, but when I went with him I ended up getting other things but not that.

Boasting and Prostrating

There is a new thing where they want to stare me out of something and give someone else attention but rubbing it in over me.  I do not accept.  I know my mom did it.  If it's someone else's personal life, that's fine, then bye or bye for now.  It just seemed like a big project involving many people, how pathetic.  They keep bringing up someone over me.  It does not make me like anyone that much, tho, or makes me like them less, significantly.  It's just depressing.  I don't mean anything against anyone.  I'm just really disgusted.  They're still at me for shoving me around and making me think of a joke.  Whose fault is all this mess, my dad?  The people doing the experiment?  Someone's mis-logic?  Like these messages don't matter.  Like it's all "punishing" me for someone else?  What is the idea I don't deserve pity?  You can't all go and be on eggshells about it.  It's pathetic enough that someone would have to chose to work around it, but they do.

I think this drama about staring at me is not something I wanna deal with.  My mom did it.  If someone does it about themselves is a different story.

Okay, it was hard to write this.  If I post it might help from some remote corner of the world.  Again, if you don't want me around is okay, but this totalitarian drama is not at all invigorating.  I mean if someone else told someone else to "make a move" against me.

So, I don't mean anything bad in what I write.  I just am saying they gone too far and boss me around.  You know, I even believe it is someone I like doing it.  Well, that's just the way it is.  I chose not to fight that possibility.  It was disgusting when my mom said it for someone else.  It seemed like that someone else didn't do it, then.  I do believe it may be a group effort.  That's what I'm after.  The way they stare me off to totally get me off to give someone else attention does not even seem to be the situation to begin with.

Also, I see that they are trying to make me say something against my sick mom cuz I said I want them to leave my family alone yesterday.  I also don't accept that as a group effort against me.  If it's someone doing it, well that's just unfortunate to wanna diss my mom.  What bothered you about my family in particular?  You all have ya'll's families.  Ya'll are so meager in attitude.  What's up?

I think you all are just making stuff up, like shooting for saying it has to be someone else better than me.  This is all a joke, pretending I'm bad.

Probem

They said I could not celebrate being a generation because I decided to take a stand.

I'm worried they will just flood me with more problems, but this kept coming up.

It was cuz I started making a stand with my dad.  They are pathetic thinking I need my dad to tell me what to think and at age 28.

Special Postal Services

Why is my dad being offered special postal service in the form of singing telegrams

saying I don't deserve what others do?  I mean getting so violent towards me.  Like teasing me and judging me for sensing my inner thoughts.

You're the lot mostly all criminals seems.  You are trying to treat me hypnotically in bad ways.  You think you are so much better you can teach me a lesson.  You're all the ones who need a lesson.  Admit it.

You know, my dad supposedly doesn't even agree with all this hullabaloo.

Maybe, I need to take an inner stand with myself and I'm blocking it out.  I just wanted to post about it on my blog online.

Problems

Dr. Phil is fine in a lotta ways.  My dad said yea that I said he tries to look big, tho.  I like being powerful.  Keep up what is best for you, tho.  However that may be.  My Gramma and aunt used to be cool and big.

My Hair

I'm gonna have to go do it somewhere else next week.  Where I went this time they used store dye.  Where else I wanna go they do their dyes so the color will really come out.  It's funny where it parts the skin is red.  Also, I wanted it straightened, but it turned out frizzy.  I even called my dad's youngest sister.

Um

-What's- wrong with my life?  I don't need to adjust myself for shit.  My stupid parents need to stop looking at me in secret code and secret coding leaving me messages that will jump at me years later.