If people I know/knew have problems..

..people I meet fix it somehow.

For some reason, I sometimes am blamed for it when I tried to be a good friend/listener/help and others maybe not like that.

Edit

I added the post count to the left and not the right instead.

Well

I see people are all quitting life because Tim Burton became popular.

Huh Huh No!

I'm not supposed to / gonna sit here where all the people I like get stimulated inappropriately.

Look

I just came here to post about something distracting me.

Wha?

They said they wanna overly stimulate someone I look up to like I did something.

Disturbed..

Why would I be made not to feel stimulation in a certain way so someone else does too much instead of remaining my relationship and someone I look up to?  "Too much" means unnecessary wants and burning out.

What, did I do something?  No..

Why are they so agitated and have people involved in my relationships?  They think they have something to deal with here and cut me off.  What?  How old are we now??  I don't need things like this and do not look up to people who do it.

How am I supposed to feel after all the attention going to others?

I'm sorry if I sound mad, but I'm just saying.  Did you know people have often been jealous of my brain?  I'd hate for this to be the end cuz I said something cuz I don't have instructions to get me what I need in life.  I never said anyone had to do anything for me.  I mean, do people wanna leave me tho? cuz that's fine.

If people are ruining people I look up to, what am I supposed to do?  They are taking everything from me it feels in ways.  I feel I get attacked for everything I say.

So, I got the idea someone I look up to had an experience with fluttery feelings of pleasure to do away with me.  It involves the eyes.  Maybe, I'm just making it up, tho.  I got a grave message.  Why are people at me?  I just don't get an intelligent response from what I see in people.

What's important is if the person is doing well.  It's not time to say people like me and what I want that they have in them don't matter.  I'm not mad at anyone, nor pointing fingers.  Yea, I mean are they well really?  They may have issues with the problems, other than me.  It's not all about me.  It's also not about getting rid of me.  What if I'm important to them?  Do you think a lotta people think they should change that?  No!  So, don't focus on getting rid of me while you focus on what the person needs cuz you won't notice them otherwise.

So?

Why would someone I look up to supposedly do that to themselves and submit to others?

Not the Right Crowd

I can tell when someone doesn't wanna talk about anything acceptable to me.

At It

They said someone I look up to was reduced to nothing.

I wanna go to bed, but they're being fresh.

No, this person is a normal person and cannot be reduced to nothing.

Why?

Why do some of you all be the ones be causing all these problems to come up with others?

Heh heh, look at those people thinking I'm bad out there.

Yer just gonna have to accept the new me.  😉

Heh heh, I know you won't get this one.

Why act like you're just preparing me for the world?

So, what happened?

That makes no sense!

That's essentially what got me.  I heard a relationship of someone I look up to was drugged out from me.  I just had a feeling.  Maybe, it's only a possibility.  It kept me up.  I don't feel well.  I keep getting bothered.

So, is that my supposed paranoid schizophrenia at its work?  My Asian genes?  Like that matters in the end, like I'm just some subhuman species mutt.

Come on, really, why do you wanna test people out to prove they're God?

What?

I just was talking about how I felt, and something came up from them.

What's the big deal?

I got that I was in big trouble and they would stimulate someone I look up to with some perverted pleasure.

Why is my life so bad?

How can I have a relationship if it's raped and ruined?

I just typed up my feelings, and something from them flared up and I look bad now.  There, you can read what I said if you want to say what happened like it's not even there.


I don't mean to call anyone's glory with supposed bad things, but I thought things worked out and were connected.  I should not be in trouble, anyway!  So, someone gets in trouble, someone gets it?  I know usually the person who caused the issue gets it.

What's wrong with what I say?  I'm being offended.  I never got much outta this except things only a stupid person would not know about, like me in the past.  I can't even relax about my home.


I will not take any of this, me in trouble, sending bad stimulation to someone I look up to.  That person does not deserve the treatment they are getting.  This is not what it was about.


Disclaimer:  I'm sorry if I've offended anyone.  I just wanted to journal about something bad keeping me up, but now they think something happened.  I think people think I don't deserve anything.  I didn't say anyone had to do anything.  I don't need other people to steal it from me, tho.

Muses

..because I don't like you

More?

They said someone I look up to said I get too much attention when I don't get any, save for what goes on being experimented on.  You can't say that.  I already said I didn't say anyone had to do anything.  They are channeling negative vibes physically and disfiguring me, supposedly someone I look up to.  I don't get real attention.

What?

They are acting like I did something wrong and something's not going right for me.

Things in My Life

I have people I'm related to out there involved in my private life being told to do things about it, but it seems like pretend.  💋  You know where my life isn't exactly private.  👅

If people are rooting for and edging on certain people to go silly, the answer is usually that other people would be more suited in that role.  They didn't succeed in glorifying one person, so it would seem.  Things happen that tell me no.

What's so great about going too cross-eyed and getting one too many orgasms..  I don't want my eyes closer and closer.  It's not really a straight path.

I just keep getting teased and taunted by the people experimenting on me partly, like they have to do it like it comes out naturally.  What that means is I'm in trouble or something is wrong with me.  True, I'm not much and something's wrong with me.  I feel I've been in disturbing situations.  I didn't want to get on anyone's bad side, and I have sorta interrupted privacy that might cause me to malfunction and I get in trouble and get pressured a lot.

I should just sit here like a Dali Llama and predict the future, what I knew would happen.  I just have these feelings.  I knew there would be some issue made up to do with people related to me.

I had "things" going for me!  I just had this weird vision.  I have strange feelings about the future.  I was recently surprised to encounter someone'e race.

I always thought younger people from earlier in history has more later on felt more babylike feelings.  I don't know if it's a number or what.  Did I not have something going?  Maybe, some people want to do things I don't want to do.  About people in history, I think they felt a lot cuz I see the pictures of them cuddling and sometimes nude with a mother or maybe maid.

You know, before the Presidential Election we didn't have this very problem, except for some things maybe.  If someone needed something before, they should have gotten it.  I know some people don't get what they need or want people to leave them alone, like me..

I don't know if humans are all they're cracked up to be.  Pretend to expect too much and it might cause an unwind or something.  I don't want to see my world fall from under me!  It doesn't have to happen.  I wasn't talking about real people, just things in general.  It's a mistake to give up and forget the past.

...

There's nothing for me to be interested in cuz everyone is programmed to think a certain way about me and to treat me a certain way.  I do want to help people, but people don't seek me out for assistance.  I have my own life, too, and goals to be an attractive human.  I believe in talent and money.  I don't want to experience not being accepted in some way because people ratted me out in lies!  I just get ignored, tho it's funny there's no one there to ignore me it feels.  I know people out there are interested in me.  I just feel bad when I could have met someone and I get in trouble and I don't have it good with anyone and can't find anyone but can't be alone in a good way, neither.  I like the people experimenting on me, but I just have my regular world issues.  Why did people know so much about someone I looked up to connected to me?  Before, it was about me!  Do you think the people I look up to are just babies to molest?  I already feel it's a crime how people treat me.  I've called the police non-emergency, several times.  I hate being treated like I did something wrong, too, like right now.  I might call the police about how I feel about things, now.  You know, I didn't hear that people appreciate what's going on.  That means they were unsuccessful at their supposed intentions.  You know, why are the experimenters mad when I talk about this?  Since when would someone feeling good elicit so much jealousy or pain from me of some things?  This person is not mean.  I'm not being sarcastic, just saying why would all of a sudden someone feel good cause pain to someone else?  Why?  Look, I don't know who or what.  You probably don't care cuz I'm talking a lot, but I got this idea, and I got upset inside.  I mean, could you do the same thing to someone bad or is it just this person I look up to being reduced to an infantile status?  Yup, you heard what I said.  It's there in black and white, there in English.  I want everyone to feel as good as they should.  Yup, you heard that, too!  I'm not for the superstition of honeymoon times for everyone all the time that I am supposed to shut up while people are mean to me by distracting my relationships, like we're vulnerable and it's set and they are on a rampage of extra energy from older age.  What the Hell is this superstition about me?  I just don't want to be framed about relationships and stuff.  I don't know the problem.  I haven't been able to attain focus.  I heard other people feel more and differently from me, depending on things like age and generation.  So, what, people I look up to are just teenagers to me but parents to younger people?  I mean, nothing should be wrong, tho.  So, basically I'm just here to report another horror for a young person about things they had in the world.  I'd rather "rape" and prove someone who fits the bill that they're not all that.  I think the person I look up to was kidnapped and they pretend they can stimulate them in amazing ways.  It would affect them, tho.  I'm not mad at them, tho, so I don't know what to think.  I feel like they died or something, like I have also in ways I dislike but thru different means.  Did you know pleasure does die down in ways or some?  What do you think about psychiatric pills?  My parents make me take them or I hit the streets, like they've told me a multitude of times.  People thought that was something that is to freak over.

I don't know how to solve my petrification.  Why don't people care about people they look up to?  Maybe, people aren't all that.  They just like to wrong the right.  What can I do?  I don't just forget about things.  Why are people so drugged out, in general?

Why can't I understand?  That person would be there for me if it weren't for this.  Aha!  There it is in black and white!  I don't trust people.  I'm the best person in the universe!

You know, I was kinda told that this wouldn't happen, but it doesn't matter, pleasure for someone else and horror for me.  So, forget that it doesn't happen maybe for me.  It happened.  I don't know what to do.  It's like I just died again.  Okay, I don't know for sure what happened, but I got upset and that's what happened.  I just had an idea.  I'm not wanting to be upset at anyone nor blame anyone involved.  Maybe, you could calmly "blame" people experimenting on me, but I don't want an upset.

People are telling me I am bad and saying other people are better than me now.  They are ruining my relationships because of their jealousy of things that just make them upset.

I feel I've been told I don't deserve what I got and to go off because I'm writing what I'm going thru and to not feel the pleasure I wanted.

The people involved experimenting on me won't stop trying to stimulate the person I look up to in a bad way.  They said the person has to be for someone else.  They just dumped that on me after this long rant to break off the readers's concentration and make my writing shit to them.  I am not bad, and they are stealing from my relationship.  They said someone I like pressed the button that said to somehow hypnotize me from someone I look up to being for someone else instead just cuz they felt like it.  Why do that to the person I look up to, trying to test them not to like me.  They still think I'm bad and stealing someone hypnotically in a stimulating way that's bad because of something that they have a problem with.  I wouldn't mind it, but they said they are hypnotizing me to do this and keep me off like I'm some danger and lose something for yet another day.  What do you think about that?  They are just suddenly worried it would come up and decided to do it.  I am not gonna fight, and apparently they won't stop acting Autistic.  I thought I was the one who was labeled with Autism.  I'm not, tho, duh.  Lotta people would understand me.  I already feel bad about me saying I dislike the need to state I need to be hypnotized like some animal in that someone is doing wha tI said that something bad could happen to me.  They keep saying other people are important and finding ways to hurt me in a message to do with them.  I can't trust anyone.  Everyone seems to be upset at me because I cursed on my blog about the hurtful, illegal noises Ellen DeGeneres supposedly put in my room for a long time.  Anyway, I thought they made a claim that this was good for me, and now they are changing.  I knew it.  That's what I said.  I was unfriended by someone on Facebook, like I'm bad and did something, but I didn't.  They just act like that.  A car outside talked about death of someone I look up to because I didn't like their joke about how I would be hypnotized, like some tool.  So what?  I just said it.  They are not being nice after I posted about what bothered me.  No, it is not right.  I always see people revealing that others are bad, and whatever this is where something worse is coming up from others is really bad.  What is this?

Who can I talk to?  People are all so mean up in my face.

Why are people rattled about what I talked about?  They just set me off.  What do you think I said this for?

Supposedly, someone I look up to, the cars outside say, is with someone else insteada me like I'm the bad guy and forgotten.

Nite I Guess

Christmas concert tomorrow!

😴


I did all my laundry for up to this day.  I'll be busing for the concert tomorrow.

Looking forward to getting my doll the day after!

Big Word Here

Accused

Blamed

Startled

Shocked

Overly Suspicious

Have you ever been suspicious of people who are not well-behaved but are overly nice to you?  In the end, people feel for them because they were nice to you, but if you get in trouble they will take your life from you.  It's not that you weren't nice to them.  They just didn't really wanna talk to you that much.

I dunno.

I think I'll play with it now.

I'm the normal person.

I fit in.

Looking Forward to Christmas for Once

Advent 't'is the season.

I am buying myself a doll for $50 and having my mom wrap it.

Apology

So, I was talking about different situations, not focusing on things people would not want me to.

Changing the Situation

They went on to put someone before me in a sneaky message just because I'm not a mute socially.

They want everything quiet and dumb.

"It has to be!"

They think I did something wrong to someone because they think I felt what they're suggesting as true.  Don't you know you're wrong?  I am thru.

Why do you want to think of me as bad?  Can't we all just get along?  I can't believe people want what's mine all of a sudden.  I'm sorry, but that's "gay."  Disclaimer: no offense nor pointing fingers nor being sarcastic.  The only reason you think everyone wants it.. which everyone does that you can see.. is because they want to hurt me, I see as this does not happen to anyone else.

Edit

I edited my last post to say "in Central Florida" instead of "from Central Florida."

Ah've moved on. (I've moved on.)

Not sure how I haven't fixed anything I could.  Why is my responsibility over everyone?  I'm not some dork in Central Florida who thinks you have to go around changing situations to hurt people because it's only right.  Like, if you don't look flawless, you can't feel good, too, and you will be bothered and have your rights taken from you in ways.

What?

I can't ever trust people who are mean to me, in some ways, or others who would think it okay for them.

What?

Just because my life isn't perfect, I ruined the situation, when someone else had problems I did not have?  Go blame some starving kid in Africa.

Test

Test

Temporary Blog 2

link

Racial Mixup

People think people should mix racially when having a child to give back to the world, but by the same people they forget they also believe it is even sin, that the child is a sin.

"In the Know"

I feel I'm being told I'm bad by people who didn't "know" what they think they know now.

You know, I'm still in the right.

So..

things are not okay now and I can see people spreading it around.  Living it up?  What about me?

I think..

..they said no.

Now, why are the people I look up to all feeling trapped to appear mean to me?

You can go into this more, but that supposedly isn't necessary.  You can talk to whomever you want thru the grapevine if you have the chance, but this is just nasty!

So, I am interested in some things/people.. and I'm just normally interested, and people I know were bribed to get something instead of me and they said no they don't want to hurt me, but these people still do it.


There, I did it!  I did it with the love!!
"You can talk to whomever you want thru the grapevine if you have the chance 💘"

You know, this is serious.  I for some reason feel for no reason I'm being drained of things.  Maybe, it's my dad keeping things how they are, like keeping a cauldron filled to the brim.


I just feel in general things for me are that I'm in trouble for no good reason and without ever liberation.  You know how I'm surrounded.  I've seen ghosts/UFOs, and maybe I'll just be abducted someday.  Why not just make the change now?  I heard people I depend on emotionally are the only key to hurting me by turning on me and it's a must.  Life can be happy if things get worked out right.

So..

You claimed things were okay, but now you're bringing up a problem you suggest that I said was how you did it.

cont.

No, heh heh, this was planned.

Why am I repeating myself?

Let me make clear that I grew up being nice to people, and other people weren't, but I'm being blamed for their problems, seriously, like because of some feeling in the air I didn't do right to in my subconscious being the cause for all problems.  That's "fucking retarded."  😄  That's the base excuse for many of their actions.  "Oh my fucking God," is this still happening?  😇

What do people think??

I'm not sitting here saying over and over bringing up someone.  I'm not the one doing that.  They think I am whining in what I've said.  I just talk about when I get hurtful messages.

Why didn't I get anything out of this 11 year experience?  Why is it going to other people in my life, some of whom are on my bad side, like because they're not in it for reasons that say I'm in trouble for intentionally doing something wrong?

I think I said this, but..

..I am ready for something, and others don't want it but get encouraged while I'm swept under the rug.

People don't care of my accomplishments as a person.  They just make an excuse that someone else was poor in some facet and needs it but instead.  I'm speaking in general.  This doesn't happen to other people.  I don't need this in my life.

You know..

..my dad and many people seem to just laugh off my socialization to them.

I think people didn't elect Hillary just because they dislike me.

What?

You think my dad is still hurting me without me knowing?  I'm not stupid.

Everyone says they have to be mean to me or else my dad can do something bad to me or thru the experiment, like saying my relationships are not important and that they exist still in a certain way.

I don't think anyone gets the picture.

I didn't do anything wrong.

What?

I don't get to feel pleasure cuz I'm not mute and brainless and without a computer?

No, I didn't bring it up.  I'm just interested.  I want to make sure in my life I don't go down under.

Why am I supposed to look for support like I'm the one who is upset at myself for doing something wrong?  I don't want this funny flipping nonsense to be the end of me.  I sense a disturbance in the force.  Just saying, not being sarcastic.  Look, I am just a normal person.  I don't know what this is.  Maybe, you can just use race as an excuse for the moment.

Why are people acting like I'm bad?  I keep getting messages that I'm shit out of nowhere for no good reason.  It's too much and if I'm good doesn't mean you can be really mean to me just to make me believe I'm flawed to others.

I said..

..I didn't mean to do anything wrong.  The situation is in the negative.  People are going into my life as I slowly die.

What are you looking at me that way for?

I should ask who did it?  You did.