Where It Started

People were racist and suggestive to me, like not open, not admitting I had beautiful white, creamy skin.  Like, visitors, friends, Gramma, then my aunts I guess.  People are always acting like safety nets.

My Day at School

So, I had a good day at school.  I remember we had to act out something.  I said that me and my partner had a pool of Canadian dolphins and had, well, these rings.  Before, I had a gun and was shooting.  Then, the next person came and made me feel like an airhead teaching me how to get out of a rifle.  Btw, they had a party today and I talked to the military minor at UCF.  I talked to this 22-year-old dancer for like 15 minutes, in the end mentioned my mom almost came and my shoe didn’t fit at auditions, you know years ago.  So, then, I remember, too, oh yea, I was Careless Christina with a Crutch and I recreated my falling and practically breaking my ankle, felt like it you know…  Never been that clumsy, more coordinated..  Then, I remember I was up with a few others and I was acting like this really, really fat train driver I saw who was like totally a big mass of blubber.  I waved at him.  I like sat there and like jerked.  It was so funny.  I recorded it, too.  I waved at him.

So, I talked to the teacher after class.  I asked if any papers were due, and she asked if I took down the stuff in Voice.  I guess me being late twice for financial aid = 1 absence and I think 3 = a lowering of your grade though turning in all your papers gives you a good grade.  Then, she asked me if I looked up because I didn’t give her eye contact and I said I did when I performed.  She asked if I was shy.  Oh yea, I also said after I was kicked out of Music Education they told me to look up and make eye contact (all the time.)  I didn’t know what to say about being shy, so I said that maybe well I’m not shy like a kid, anymore.  An interesting coincidence came up, and I didn’t even know where it came from!  ^0^  I guess she likes those moments.  I figured she must have done it.  ^0^

I also said that the train driver seemed  to not think I was very Caucasian and it like knocked me out, and of course I could like not help cracking up in the middle of it!  ;D

"Where You're 'From'"

It's too bad, in a way, I lived in the New Orleans area.

I guess Tim Burton wants to say I'm not from there because I know his culture.  It seems I know it pretty well.  He can't accept that you can know both.  Anyway, Ellen DeGeneres "knows" the L.A. culture.

I wonder if anyone else was innocent and ran into trouble because of him.  I guess you'd forget that anyone would have to relate to me.  Hm, it's just kinda like well I'm not really the only person from there.  I thought me living there I could connect with people like Ginny Kopf.

So, something else interesting was after the magic I wanted to go back to New Orleans, from up north during the hurricane, so I could get in that ballet program.  It is funny that, I didn't quit college.  I just didn't want to lose my record.  I think my parents changed my life.  I guess I had fun up north, but my life was an experiment.  Sometimes, I experienced some things, maybe at least 2 I can remember or 3 magic things that probably "disturbed" me.  So, noises started to bother me after I stopped going to class.  Well, I couldn't read and didn't know what to do, but I forgot it and didn't care.  People acted like my life was an experiment, and it was to help my communication.  So, anyway, it's like I want attention, but this has gotten too far.

Why would Tim Burton be scared of Helena Bonham Carter and not my mom?

So, I am having a hard time feeling better.  I think I'm still young and learning and haven't reached my full potential.  People get mad to let it out when they find I'm interesting and won't treat me like I'm white.  D';

People want my situation to say it's wrong.  I'm getting suggestions from people from England who have immersed with other cultures, for some reason, it seems.  Heh.  I mean, every American had the opportunity to be European.  They just stopped and got mad at non-Caucasians who wanted to be European in the U.S.  It's a big issue.  I guess Asian-Americans like Pat Suzuki are an issue.  You can't tell they're Asian.  That's bad because it doesn't seem European nor very white.  I think that I incorporate it in an aesthetic way.  I get upset when people are like supposedly affected by problems I have, like if that happens it's like the end.  My dad acts like he's better, but he doesn't act like being European matters.  He didn't try to make me Asian.  He tried to make me ugly.  My mom took good care of me.  I don't know why she couldn't make me better after seeing people like him.  I'm not 100% sure that this is 100% sure, but my dad sure skirts around, himself.

So, I've been sorta cornered and put online and lost a lot of things.  I don't really just float the boat with people from England thinking they're from where I'm from.  I mean, they're not even from there.  ;D  They won't even talk to me.  So what.  I can get attention.  Nanny nanny boo boo.  Why don't I just *beep* them?  I don't know how to torture people.  I don't want to become something I'm not.

SO TIM BURTON WHY DO YOU DISILLUSION PEOPLE?  YOU NEVER DO ANYTHING AND TREAT ME LIKE A NIGGER AND WE'RE ALL DYING.  I DON'T HAVE TO BE JOHNNY DEPP TO BE HAPPY.  JEALOUS?  I WONDER WHAT WILL HAPPEN IF YOUR DAUGHTER LOSES INTEREST.  I enjoy watching you, but I don't want to be told I don't know about the culture of where I'm from, like it's suggestive.  I'm sure there are kinks, but I'm pretty sure it's a good thing to be attentive.  I'm not saying something I'm not, just what I'm saying.  I'm not interested in being ugly or Chinese or non-white.  I don't really want to know who is.

So, I wonder why in Orlando people act like they're so nice to me but TREAT ME LIKE A NIGGER should I say GODDAMN YOU TO HELL YOU WORTHLESS PIECES OF *BEEP*

WHY WON'T THESE NOISES STOP.  WHY WON'T ANYONE LISTEN TO ME.  WHAT SHOULD I DO KILL MYSELF?  CALL THE POLICE?  BUT YOU'LL FOLLOW ME.

Maybe, you don't want to include me, but blare the fact, Tim Burton "is already there," he's famous, he might be white, he married someone with significant Jewish heritage.  Well, he's not married.  I wonder what that means.  He sure made a project of something touchy.

So, does Tim Burton think I'm a fake and that my life had no potential and that I'm subject to the problems of my past?  Because others seem to have problems?  So?  What?  Do I just suffer?  I'm not even a person.

No, I don't like you hurting nicer people.  GO TO HELL *BEEP*

TIM BURTON WHY ARE YOU FLARING AROUND LIKE A MADMAN.  PEOPLE QUIT IT I CAN STILL BE A FAVORITE OF HIM AND GET THIS MAD.  *BEEP* GO TO HELL!

Oh, wow, let's see what this means for Ellen DeGeneres.  She's acted funnily since Kate Bush singing at the Olympics, a halfbreed of English and Irish who makes a hissy of it for others supposedly and she seems to not be able to deny that people are made to believe this, now..  Hm.  I will not accept this past with my dad overreacting to the n word thing and then saying it's because I did poorly in school.  Those are my grades.  He ruined my life or whoever put me under the experiment.  I wasn't helped in the right way.  It can't be impossible to succeed.  I'm 26.  I'm still treated like a kid.  I still like to feel like a kid myself.

Racial Joys

Do you assume if someone's not all white they don't deserve to be happy in any minute way, like say if they're Asian or maybe honing in on the Chinese, like for their strength?

Look who's denied their invitation.  Gonna even acknowledge me?

Why do you think people my age are prestigious bombs waiting to happen?  Why not just lock them up?  **** the living daylights ***** **.

Oh, then, who will I talk to.  I'm not gonna sit here and act like everyone's better than me and act like that's just a simple forceful idea.

Noticed Something

I noticed something.  Ellen DeGeneres has a more high reputation now, in my opinion.

She used to act like she wasn't that good.  Then, she admitted she was.

Problem

I know that there are violent people from other areas acting like they are from L.A. and Florida.

Haunted With Bad Thoughts

Bad ideas have been haunting me, but some ideas were planted in my head.  Well, at least it seems like some of these sounds are real and subtle.

I'm trying to think of people I talk to who are afraid to be nice to me.

Rubbing Things In

Why does Tim Burton want to rub in everything my dad suggests?

Also, they get to be presentable around each other.  Ever since I went to the mental hospital, things have been bad.  I don't know who caused it nor why I went, I guess because of that weird American History class.  You know, my life was really good, a bit harsh but not really.  Not sure what got into me.

I had to post my race online, also because it was polite.  I mean, I had an unfair opportunity, and it should be my mom's responsibility.  I feel that people think I'm silly because they know I've taken psychiatric pills and I'm not technically all White American or whatever.  I don't want to be totally set up in some elaborate fashion and be hard to function.

STOP BOTHERING ME.  WITH YOUR COMPLEX MESSED UP IDEAS.  YOU JUST SPRAYED IT ON MY PRECIOUS STUFF.  IDEOLOGICALLY.  LOOK, QUIT.  STOP ACTING LIKE I DID SOMETHING WRONG.  I JUST SAID QUIT.

Tim Burton is racist and mean just because of the n word thing.  He's trying to say my dad is bad, but he has no reason.

People Around Orlando

When I was at the mall, I was talking, and some boys, probably Spanish, who seemed small and tall, sounded like they gave all in and said something that sounded like a bad word because I was enjoying conversation with my dad, who doesn't want me to plan things out neatly.  Other people aren't helping my situation at home.  Some people say things, and no one helps.  I am left with what's right and wrong and knowing my needs are unmet.  Later, I realize I "don't have" to do some things.

So, then I ate out with my dad, and he made me feel like I had to have the waitress stimulate me in my stomach and probably womb.  Well, I had it coming and have forgotten about it.  I was feeling it, and it did make me feel weird in a little way.  It made my stomach pump for the first time like that, at least since I could ever remember since I lost it in 2005, thinking my life became a recorded experiment and that supposedly I had been suffering undue things, which I believe still and feel I have not received my reward.  Another time, though, I felt my head pump in a good way, though I fear it will spin.  It's just that my eye spun before for months, so maybe I'm done spinning or something, at least for now, here.  :|  I mean, it's hard to spin.  I've been struggling.

Help!

I am being threatened and so are other people!

HEY, THERE'S A WARBLING RINGING IN MY EAR!  I have my ear plugs in and my noisemaker on.

LEAVE ME ALONE!  YOU ALL THINK YOU DESERVE STUFF IN LIFE AND NOT ME?

LEAVE ME ALONE.  I WANT MY LIFE.

People are being dishonest on their opinion of me, and then I am told the clicks in my room are associated with them under all control of my dad, which I don't like.

Problem

I'M NOT GONNA SIT HERE AND LIVE THE EVIL FANTASIES OF PUBLIC FIGURES BORN IN THE LATE BOOM IN CONJUNCTION WITH MY FAMILY AND OLD FRIENDS

DON'T YOU HAVE ANYTHING INTERESTING TO SAY - OR IS IT GONNA BE DISTURBING AND IN MY FACE

Cunning Ways

It seems that people who know me are well off.  However, they don't talk to me.

Being More Open

What do you think of how people are open to you to be in Hollywood?

STOP

Stop thinking you're better than me.

Stop making me talk to people I don't want to, in ways I don't want to.

Making Moves

My dad seems to be trying to be snide with my mom, like stimulate her in inappropriate ways for having an attitude but in an okay way, while everyone else he lets drift by uncontrollably his entire life.

So, you all trying to "make a move" on my dad like you "had it in you?"  I mean in general, but I guess it would upset me if everyone I talked to rubbed it in.  It's just something I like to notice.  I mean, what else is there?

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Places

So, in part, you're looking for people with no influence from weird places like the Northeast and Kentucky, it seems?  I'm sure there are more problems.  It depends on the person, but maybe not.  People who move are weird.  Well, we moved, and we're not weird.  I know Taylor Swift moved to Tennessee, like Miley Cyrus, but Miley Cyrus seems more up class as do I think someone I saw from Kentucky, seemed pretty northern.  However, I don't like anywhere in Ohio but the very north and middle.  I might like the northwest, but I'm not sure.