Classical Establishments

People say liking church music, Renaissance, church, etc., are "just having sex" like an insult.  What next?

Well

I wonder about people thinking they admire me and look up to me but by finding out what I like and saying they want every one of those things for themselves but not for me too.. not for me too?  What about the saying that there's "nothing in it" to relate to me like a normal person but to take advantage of me because I don't want to sin and be mean to them.  Jesus Christ?  I'm sorry, but this is creating problems and not just involving myself, if that matters to you even..  You gotta try, try, try.  It's work.

Religiousness

It might not be religious for me to ask, but it's not religious to do.. why am I like belittled about the climate I'm in now?  Like it's all "LET IT SNOW!"  I think I stopped developing in some ways.  Not much left for anyone in this lifetime.

I thought you was a Christian.

Do you believe at all in .. solitary confinement?

If

Karen still exists in any form what can we do for her?  What does she think @ the responsibility of life.  It doesn't come down from the sky.  I thought she was a Protestant!!

And

Other people quitting, the people themselves who quit who think it's funny maybe it's MY fault everyone in the world hasn't continued singing since young.  There was this singer from this tan Russian lady who started a year later than I did.  Her voice is kinda warbly, like saliva.  It became more projecting.  She wasn't supposed to have a loud voice, like Céline Dion never talking, who can't speak French.  So, what am I supposed to say?  This girl quit voice and just stayed as a theater major.  I mean, it's not entertaining.  She thinks that being attractive is a sin.  That means I can sing from choir.  +|  I mean, what are you looking for?  I found out about voice lessons after I moved from a year in choir, -from- choir.  The choir was good, so I stayed and just sorta explored myself and became very European, as well.  I moved andd was like I wanna teacher who teaches both voice and piano, but I didn't feel like singing in front of her.  I mean, she was good but not because she was Russian?  I mean, I'm a pianist, but she was a serious pianist.  She'd come back from community college, all sorta happy and European and was all strict with me..  It wasn't fun, she wanted it hard..  I didn't..  I remembered her sliding the notes, though, years later.  It's funny the travling organists in the choir at church, which who knows, I mean it was the school church.., might have been better than the hired 1s, the 1st who was fired..  Everyone there loved me, thought I took on, had the angelic type of voice and then I guess digressed after a solo experience and went to college and took lessons and didn't learn much.  :|  My teacher was from Tallahassee.  :|  So, why should I take lessons from someone who is racist who I don't like???  Then, we had another good choir director, who seemed to have a lot of knowledge of good singing but herself was no vocalist.  Her voice was very soft but projected more easily than mine from being a teacher..

Heil, Hitler!

The fact I never took voice ... I moved to another place.  Well, anyway.  I was learning music via piano, was lucky to learn music notes in music class before moving to a really good choir.. just there wasn't any individual singing involved.  So, then, I went to high school and found I had to audition for Talented Music but was in Art I, instead.  So, then, I was 15 and wanted to take voice and was already in ballet once a week.  Then, I got singing lessons from a really large lady in Talented Music until a Korean girl came back, but I mean it was an interesting experience.  So, then, I went to the mental hospital and became bloated there in a week, was 16 my 3rd year of high school..  It was because I had my 1st lecture heavy reading course, should have ignored school and paid attention to gifted arts?  The rest of the classes were always okay, but Calculus was a challenge, as I went to 3 high schools.  So, then, I spent most of my time it seemed accompanying on instruments and in choir, was in a new band at a Catholic school..even said dance team girls should have been on it, this 1 attractive 1 who went to England before.  She would announce every morning.

So, what is it?  I know already at least about Renée Fleming, whose parents had her right after graduating as singing majors.  She did opera in the cradle, while people came in and took lessons, maybe because their house wasn't been enough and there was no nanny while she got lessons.  Maybe, they had to feed her or something.  I mean, what, maybe it's "not true?"  I mean, I don't know if she had to sing as much as other people, but she sang "Climb Every Mountain" as a kid, maybe around age 10 or 11.  Or maybe like 8th grade.

Then, there's also Órla Karron Fallon.  She has been singing as long as she can remember and went through college taking harp lessons and is a Religion major.

Jackie Evancho, who is from Pittsburgh, like Ginny's dad, obviously had a vibrating voice at 7, appears to have taken lessons, maybe not as gifted as I was, not sure why, I mean I've heard gifted kids and stunning kids and seen kids who are more physical and could probably become good artists.

SO, WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM?  I CAN SING.  I'M NOT A DORK.  I'M ATTRACTIVE.  I'M NOT AN OLD, GERMANY FOGY, AND I AM GERMAN.

Singers Who Know Music

So, I was gonna do Composition with singing as an instrument but didn't make it.  It seems organists who sing are no good.  8-|

"You will learn.."

Ellen DeGeneres thinks I'm moral because I'm Slidellian and New Orleanian.  I think people from California are moral but close-minded more than people from certain other places, maybe.  I'm not sure if it's like maybe places like NY state, Ohio, just not like Boston, NJ, probably Kentucky.

Dream

I had a long dream.  I think I was in class with Ginny Kopf, seemed like a Baptist school.  I kept feeling like she was touching me.  We were in a gym and then somewhere else, maybe the classroom 1st, yea.  I think I had some complications.  I was lying next to a hot Irish girl, who made me feel like she was carrying me through a danger zone.  Too bad I can't remember much.  Oh, yes, I was able to feel her well.  Like, as in, I didn't have qualms, but I guess come again.  It was weird.  It was kinda like irritating some things.  It was kinda dark and orangey, like a painting, a painting from the 1800s.

Pro Singer Jobs

The 1s at church are suck croaks.

THIS IS SO FUNNY

The Atlantian jazz musicians seemed to say, "But I did it, and when I did it, I did it deceased in the Lord!"

Cont.

I've lost track of what I was speaking of.  So, I should have come home from college to where we moved in the Orlando area.  I had fun playing around up until now.  My goal is so I'd take Ginny's 3 classes before I'm ½ her age.  I'm sorta stuck here..  So, that means I should have taken her courses by last summer.  That's when I auditioned and then found I should take acting classes.  I started watching "The Ellen DeGeneres Show" in Fall 2012, though, and that was Summer 2012.  The n word thing happened in 2009, and I talked to my grandma a year until that summer, coping with my age in relation to my mom's.  So, Summer 2012.  We read from the Bible and a reading, but she got mad at me and made me suffer even after if I just felt mad from her treating me racistly now.  It's since the n word thing.  You know, I don't know who started it, my dad or the community or Tim Burton.  So, my dad's youngest sister came for my birthday in 2011 I think yes.  I realized in 2 years my age would be ½ my mom's, but I finally counted since I was created.  For some reason, things didn't work out.  I think my aunt did it for the n word thing, and I just didn't get it.  I didn't have my biRTHDAY!  ';0  I don't give a fuck about you goddamn Pennsylvanians you wanna go rot some in a shit hell hole or somesuch?  What's my life, anyway, a piece of trash under your control?  Oh, no one can control anything in the world.  You know I just got more pricy nail polish for a shirt my aunt got me on my birthday.  It might not be the big problem.  So, what, I was supposed to watch "The Ellen DeGeneres Show" earlier?  It was impossible because my grandma had me call starting maybe 2nd ½ 2011.  It just seems like I should have taken these classes when I moved here.  I've been here so long not accomplishing anything, not looking forward to anything, not in place online.  I can't get over how funny it was posting just on Facebook, playing with all the stuff, and then IMDb, and later getting a blog and thinking I was talking to Tim Burton.  Speaking of Tim Burton and Ellen DeGeneres, I don't want to play with you just saying I did something wrong because you're shit.  We can't make any jokes because of Burton.  He's not even cool with what's right.  This is my blog.  I think Tim Burton just likes generation z tweens.  Time tuueet.

Livin in Style 卐

So, my concern is the style I have from the birth year my dad was born, that people born before and after are better yet not as special.  The other concern is his having Jewish last names around Germany, so guessing it's prevalent in German-Americans, maybe especially from the Pennsylvania area.  He's also Native American, probably, which would pose as another issue.  In Orlando, it's been hard unraveling the rest of the mystery.  I just don't come compact from his side, I guess, but my mom is like that.  So, for me, I have a mom like most people's dads and a dad like most people's moms, so it seems cool.  However, I get the feeling no one and Ellen DeGeneres don't really "like" me, just find me accomplished, like I'm lucky or have a good last name and nice supplementary names and my mom.  I always thought I was my mom to the world.  I think my dad is a good person but not an attractive 1 but entertaining in a way that is beneficial and educational.  I'm pretty much at a loss from who I was.  I became a different stereotype, and now I'm kinda nothing.  I used to be interesting and alive, and I wish to be young again.  I just wasn't so juicy and bubbly.  I was authentic because I was just ½ Chinese.  I was sorta put behind a glass case of untold perfection.  My dad was white, so everything was okay in the New Orleans area.  I can't believe Ellen DeGeneres is not like this.  Like, she is allergic to it.  I know I am.  I never thought being Native American indian helped me with the Chinese other than being not racist and to add another Asian culture.  People thought my mom just was not that attractive and was a midget.  She grew old after we were born.  So, I guess that didn't work out too well.  Then, people were interested in non-Americans + non-Latinos.  Black people are very violent and for some reason seem American.  I'm just guessing that there are other people who don't want to be American, like the Native Americans.  Like, they can't seem non-American to just real Africans.  They lost their culture.  Anyone would have.  No one cared about a British accent on the surface.  It only got in the way of America.  Any American accent was desired.  People coveted my mom's grace and were envious of her strength.  I just extracted the goods from my dad.  However, now, I have racial problems from my mom that are desirable over other non-whites.  However, my dad is not as sexy as my mom, so I'm not like as sexy as I thought I was.  People encourage my dad to be sexy, and I'm not my dad.  I had a good relationship, but then history happened.  I had a hard time in junior high, Catholic, homework, wasted classtime, so much.  Also, it was about me not having enough physical activity.  I was afraid to do modern dance, and my mom only let me do ballet 1 day.  She thought maybe I'd do something else, did cross country.  It was a huge thing, dance team, but I found out having natural blonde hair is an asset.  Maybe not white.  I don't know anyone with a sexy dad, maybe my cousin.  However, her mom encourages her to be mean to me.  My cousin wants to be how she is.  She is under the curse of our family.  Please, let me out of this world, you only encourage the rest of them.

Class Today

Also, there was a girl who had been to a church in England and she seemed kinda delicate but like saucy like Irish.  Saucy is also a sensitive word that can be used in various manners.

So, I was gonna say something else I forgot.

It seems the blonde was disturbed but took charge.  People were getting emotional, upset I might not be in Voice.  I’m already not enrolled and like the other classes.  I probably will stay but maybe it’s not safe and I won’t for some reason maybe.

I was just worried the blonde, like sorta wavy blonde, was kinda like drained and hollow and took charge like Ginny but seemed mad.  Like, she isn’t even the same person.  I think people were jealous I know the teacher from awhile talking online.

Glitch

So, what's this people being flattered by their younger siblings?  I grew up tested to be like my brother and I don't like who he is, just think he's nice like everyone else.  He is the opposite of me, does not look European.  People think I'm only worth it because I'm young.  He acts like I have the same problems.  He sometimes seemed gregarious and when he was very little, like before he was in school a long time ... this 1 time in a school play he was like messing around with our mom, was sick and didn't want to do it, was 3, was Joseph, the hero, for the Nativity.  Why does that sound like me?  ':[  I can't say I was always cook before he was born nor in pre-school.  I only looked cute kinda the day before.  It's funny, yes, he was pampered more as being right, which was probably bad for him.  People acted like in college like it didn't matter emotionally.  People think I'm like puppeted to be all that I am.  He's like total shit to me.  I'm serious!  :0  He doesn't even seem human, does not think white at all, is just a machine and slightly pleasure object.  I'm not saying I think he deserves to be mistreated nor that he's bad, worse than anyone else.  I don't appreciate people thinking they're more European when they look like him to me.  I don't know what's been going on.  I've been trying to get on my track in life, despite what the whole world is like compared to me.  What about Johnny Depp and Lily Rose?  Aren't they something, not just some mistake, some error, some glitch like in the game?

Watcha Wheely Wheely Want

My little brother thinks he's out there in the family so he has his say, I just remembered my mom got him to do that.  Well, I do want to be a good sacred singer.

How Long I Was Crying

I was probably shaking uncontrollably in segments, like huffing and puffing or like when my hamster died and its teeth were gone ... I glared at the priest and now there's a black priest there so *i** them ... oh yea he knew so you're a nigger if you think that means nothing because I know you would have done that (said that) ... for like maybe 15 minutes.  I sorta shrugged off any sentiments for this instructor.  I wasn't mad at her.  8|  I wasn't feeling very soft, and I don't like to feel soft and don't want to know why someone would.  I don't do it to be funny, act weak like I don't use my energy for shit.

Homework Assignment

Christina Barrett
2013-01-15
Acting I – Journal – Valencia

I am taking the class because I like the instructor and like Acting class.  My expectations are to have established a good base for something in this world in the arts of performance.

I want to grow in areas of – well, I was getting into singing and was happy this teacher was also into singing, well a world known vocalist in general…  I also did all the arts.  Mostly, I was interested in my singing voice.  I noticed that it didn’t have an aura.  It still was a nice sorta breathy, scratchy quality.  It was like more pure.  More earthy.  Everyone else’s voice is so academic or fake.  I mean fake in that they don’t know music and aren’t probably used to performing for fun.  In college, in general, I was trying to finish General Studies online but didn’t succeed and became disinterested.  I preferred the art class.  I did learn a lot in English.  It even helped me.  It helped me know that I could succeed if given the resources and it helped with literature in music or singing, like knowing the history from like prehistory.  So, as for acting, I mean, I can imagine just doing acting.  With ballet, when I moved to Orlando in 2005-2007, I tried to go to the Orlando Ballet School, and they said Valencia and I didn’t like it and it didn’t work out for me.  I just am not sure like because I mean I already did a year at Central Florida Ballet and though got the workout I was looking for (in teen ballet at age 19) was disappointed or dissatisfied.  I had to take a break because I kept having to stay home and sleep.  The psychiatric medicine made me big and clonky, so my growth was laborious, which I was hoping for, and I wasn’t so sleek.  What I spend my time doing is blogging and posting on forums.  I’m not sure what I’m leaving the rest of my virtual schedule open for, but I also know ballet ruins acting so that is probably why.  Plus the long hours if I was a serious trainer, though that would supposedly build over a long period of time.  I looked at UCF, and their acting is more serious than Rollins.  I was interested in Film, probably the track that includes Directing, as opposed to a B.A. in Cinema Studies.  Full Sail doesn’t have Directing.  I don’t know if I should have looked into Computer Animation.  So, I’m thinking of doing organ at Seminole since Valencia doesn’t have it.  I assume I can also do tennis, not sure if the health clubs provide it.  So, it seems like I’ve ruined my body, once again, before from staying up until 5 A.M. as a music major in the end.  Now the medicine.  I guess I “OD”-ed.  They misdiagnosed me.  I figured I had no way out.  I didn’t want to argue.  I just wanted the psychiatrist to tell me what to do.  I didn’t know I’d lose my female thing and sleep so much.  They even joked about giving me more medicine.  The only problem is mainly that I guess I grew too quickly and in a bad way (maybe because of not having the right food) and losing my female thing for over a year, until I quit.  I was very upset because when I came home from college to rest, kicked out of my major for being too inhibited supposedly, my female thing was thicker than before and was so thick and felt so magical and good and was like a part of me.  Before, it used to hurt sometimes and leak.  (I don’t mean that in an “offensive” way, whatever that means…)  I was mad to take the medicine at 1^st, but it’s partly interesting.  The reason I quit ballet was so I’d grow, too, but I wanted to be tall and thin.  I did grow, and I had grown.

Yes, I feel I’ve done a lot of exposure accompanying on the piano|keyboard|organ for singing mostly.  It’s really a very good experience.  It’s what helps me get into a play the most.  I memorize the whole thing those times.  When I’m in a play, I don’t enjoy that aspect.  It’s more like a big project.  I’ve only performed in theater at Slidell Little Theatre, which is where I used to live.  I almost performed at Saint Mary Magdalene.  They only liked my singing skill.  I was supposed to dance, too, with an adult.  They changed the schedule, and so I left.  I saw another girl do it, and she gained weight and didn’t really look happy.  She was younger than me.  I also became a singer, and that’s always made me feel like I wasn’t even in this world, and it’s not necessarily the 1^sttime.  It even happens at the end.  In Master Classes with an attractive leader, it had been an enlightening experience in the past.  So, I like singing solos and accompanying including singing, especially when it comes to classical singing.  I post myself on YouTube and singing.  I found a place that sells legal karaoke.  So, I post it on YouTube and post a link.  I also sing the non-copyrighted songs I found out about doing singing in public all growing up.  I always thought it’d be fun to be a dancer but feel for some reason it’s too late, you know like ballet or classical dancing.  In New Orleans, I guess they might have had some kind of jazzy stuff, but they were strict on like ballet, piano.  Not much in the way of like professional choir nor like upscale theatrical performances.  They didn’t really showcase local Shakespeare, that I know and assume I’d have found out but maybe not.  I think modern dance was the only big thing or rather dance team and for some it was cheerleading.  There was a young Jew in my Talented Theater class in cheerleading, and I saw her when I was doing teen gymnastics.  Later, I got in another gymnastics class.  It wasn’t like a body pump.  I guess it would be more conducive to an acrobatic atmosphere.

I think my strengths are at backing people up.  At Saint Mary Magdalene, the boys I was doing the audition with looked like wow I feel so good with this girl acting.  I guess that’s why I like accompanying and can sight read but more am about playing CHORDS AND MELODY.  I don’t know about group singing.  I always dreamed of this experience, and I became really really jealous of Charlotte Church and her assets as a person.  I mean, she’s from Europe.  She just is totally like sculpted as a person, like she’s a well-fed ballerina.

My weaknesses are probably that I wanted like a more professional experience, and I found some though they seemed a bit uptight.  I guess I found it hard to like sorta open up to my peers.  I find with the teacher that they’re more assertive and tell you what you need to know.  You’re there to be with your peers.  It’s like about performing for them.  When it’s about people in general, it’s different.  I guess I mean like in a setting with my peers and someone else like judging more objectively.

My fears as a performer are probably like is this really what I want to be doing?  When will my options close?  Does having a young mom make it hard for me to ever grow up?

My 1^st impressions about the class are that it’s really a great class to learn how to think and like open up and see what’s really up, putting yourself in check.  My feelings are that it’s a warm environment, a bit hard to reverberate in, rather quite funny.

Feeling Better

My right hand isn't as wide.  My left feels like the sports coaches at my 1st high school, the public 1, at a sports school, because that's where we lived, where they were gonna build a health center and where the only Catholic school was.