Dream

There may have been a presence of someone I like or who is very attractive.  I was waitig, we got to the end.  I went back and got my wallet.  I wanted baked goods, a little cupcake with a figure in frosting.  We almost got home, where I'd take a picture.  Some was missing.  They had offered me more as carrot cake on sale.  We were in line.  I had done something.  My brother threatened me and then gave me a little plastic bag of pistol things, more like old round  metal things, like the little pellet aliens put in people.  The wedding procession practice began.  I was supposed to sing.  I said I wanted to sing "Maria" from "The Sound of Music" in the end.  My mom, younger aunt, older aunt's husband, and dad were in this.  My mom was walking around awhile before.  My younger aunt was walking around too, enveloped in fashion opportunities.  My mom's hair was down with a crown, or band.  My older aunt's husband was next to me in line.  My dad gave a cackle action about me singing at the wedding.  It was more dark or in feeling.

My little brother knows her best.

Decisions Decisions

So, my parents are leaving tomorrow @ 4 to visit my grandma at my aunt's on the way to Gainesville until Wednesday.  I just am too tired to even visit..  I do want to see a movie I missed, maybe will see it in 2 weeks or pile up?

My brother is going to where he's going to college until Friday, I think..

Breakfast

Liverwurst
Leftover Pizza from a Frozen Pack of 4, Pepperoni, want the healthy kind, have to ask my dad, again, for the kind in the orange box

Gotta go to the bathroom and what change my clothes?  My brother isn't here.  Wonder if I'll clean tonight.

Y

Why do bad people make a fuss when they see another attractive person?  I mean, before my brother was born, though, I remember my head was shaped a bit funnily but better than his.  Why would I be my brother?  I mean, why isn't anyone else jealous?

Poofed Out

I'm poofed out?..

I just cleaned the bathroom for my brother.  Put in new toilet drops, haven't had them in awhile.

Problems

So, these gay farts born in the mid 40s think that they said like okay it's your choice to be quality old-fashioned European.  Now, like, they just flubbed up.  Wow, what a big deal over nothing.  Talk about power at the wheel.

I got another idea that Ginny is riding along the idea I'm like my little brother.  That's totally Hellenistic.  Let's make my dad his dead brothers.  Come on, you nigger.  You dumb fuck.

What else?  I got some violent thoughts @ Lily Rose.  I got the idea she's communicated with people who know me.. and put that picture up to say that I was old like my dad and my relations go in that way to someone who is racist against me.  They worsened as my mom like chimed in, supposedly under influence of my dad.  She would get mad at these thoughts, but I mean she just gets mad if she sees me thinking mad things about her because I can't help it.  I don't know what she does when I thought of things like that.  I'm grown up, now, so it doesn't matter.  She might see there is a reason and I don't mean it and it might be other people's faults.  I didn't want to.  I finally felt theraputic and calmed down, but then my mom made me mad again by thinking it was a joke like Ellen.

Hey, why is Ginny so flippant and intent on making other successful people feel like crap?  That's no one's fault Ginny.  I don't feel sorry for the likes of you in Florida..  What the fuck is your problem?  I wonder if she is on Facebook and blocked me.  She doesn't have many new friends.  I could ask her after class.. you know, she rushes after class, but I hope it's not because of Facebook.  She can teach me once a week.  Why does she bother talking to anyone, that goddamn nigger.  Why don't we just **** her?

What's this sentiment I sound like my little brother when talking about shit like Lily Rose and "Órla" "Karron" "Fallon."  Also, stop saying I offended you by not being as ***y as my mom because her race isn't white.  What's this shit with my dad now?  I thought that was settled, you goddamn nigger.

Dream

It's hard to remember.  I was in this place.  I went on a ride, like in a big mall.  1st, we were eating something like slush, then something else, and maybe cotton candy.  We went to sit on the knee of a more gaunt but a bit blubbery yet more sharp lady, the little kids stayed, you know sorta stronger kids around age 4 maybe, but I told my brother to save me a space because I had to go to the bathroom.  I ran to this store and asked but didn't see it.  I ran and asked a handsome, quirky policeman, you know, like a guy from Atlanta.. and he told me to go to a certain corner, looked like a hotel with people coming from up north, but I didn't see it.  I ran back.

Then, I was about to audition and was thinking of Céline Dion, 2 pictures when she was little, and it made me think she was more like compiledly built then that she was hollow.  It made me get a sorta tingly shaped stimulated feeling and I couldn't get it back.  I don't know why.  I kept trying to think of it.  Then, I imagined it was my aunt whose lap I was on for a long time.  Her daughter was there.  I thought this was real becuase I wanted to m*********.  She just swept me over to another room and left me there, I guess so I could m*********.  I had a hard time.  I guess I woke up soon and realized it wasn't real.  I was hoping I was alone in this big hotel room with like a big, feathery goose bed.  It had different compartments jutting out and a big master bedroom.

Just Woke Up

Guess I slept for 13½ hours.  I woke up once to go to the bathroom and soon after was in bed I think.  I remember my dream buying pizza and walking out and walking back in and paying.  Then I went to 2 places that sold candy and relatively good sweets, reminds me of the bake sales at the cc.  I went in with my mom and brother.  At 1 place before I was with them I accidentally found I opened a long stick of marshmallow covered in chocolate.  I got the good thin piece of cake that was left.  I saw, too, like a $5 monstrous chocolate cupcake with lots of chocolate frosting and flowers, but it was gone and I climbed up to look for it with my brother onlooking, like the blocks in theater class where I had a hard time making it through against the wall, a tiny space with a drop.

Didn't Listen

My idea for my brother has always been for him to have like honey hair that poofs up and glistens a little and it was light brown but not honey.  It was so limp.  My mom didn't have him do sports as early as me, and it messed him up.  Plus, he just did tennis ... and then my mom didn't have him practice.  I mean, I wouldn't have to practice with him.  He can go practice alone while I do homework.  My mom didn't let me do something else, and I also liked tennis.  He should have done other things, too.

What was he supposed to do?

What is my brother supposed to do?  Not approach my dad?  Why is he so much like him?  My dad used to just maybe stimulate him as a boy, but I have no idea what it was.  I know that people born a long time ago are more European.  I think it centers on Late Boom and Generation XY..

I'm me!

Why did I change when my brother was born?

Checks and Balances

Why do I have a plastered look like my brother?  I know I wanted the sculpted face.

Problem

Get my dad's bullshit outta here.. Supposedly he thinks my brother is a nigger offering for his sweet grandma. Don't tell me I'm not something, a nigger.

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My Brother's Golden Retriever

He was howling so cute, like aroo, when I came round a kitchen corner, I tried picking him up and he was so rowdy!  ;D

What's Up

I guess I should go take my shower-bath, but it's making me drowsy at the core but sorta awake on the outside.

I don't know if I should do gymnastics, ballet.  I just wanted to take classes from this teacher, want something to do in the summer, maybe serve some tennis balls or join a club and take lessons?  How do you practice?  I never knew of getting a machine to serve balls.  Hm, don't you need an opponent to serve it in tricky spaces?  You can get a bucket of balls, drop a ball, and hit it, or there's the serve that you throw up in the air and the teacher when you take class positions you to hit the ball.  I wish I practiced, did tennis with my brother, a friend, and my mom.  Usually, just my brother, but at 1st not.  I started in a group class for kids, and I think my brother was 1 of the youngest if not the youngest but really unsure.  I wanted to do that in the summer.

I just watched me singing "Table of Plenty."  If you take away the hub of ****** gravitation, you remove the focal point, some thing that said some thing that wasn't there.  If I went back to Saint Augustine, what would be there?  The organ, the audience, the priest, the church and environment, the visitors..  :S  I mean, I think things there are just different.  Maybe, nothing was there to be offered, it's a world interest.  It's like Mardi Gras and Disney, the whole wo'ld comes.  Except, France literally has their own?

Hm, Saint Augustine is lots like New Orleans, so I'm like family, just worried what my close friends don't have.

I watched "The Ellen DeGeneres Show," and my friend did tennis before I did and was all in the program.  I was saving myself for other things but followed my brother.  I wanted to think about softball, though, so.  I don't even know about tennis, I just ended up there.  My family did it with me and my brother, but I was tired, and then he took lessons.  She did it with another friend, and they were making a big whoop about hitting the ball over the wire, and my tennis teacher in Slidell made us do it to duds or something.  I don't know what I did in the lessons, but I do believe I ended up flipping my racket since I did baton.  I think it was a big fetish.  That's supposedly my greatest achievement, if not art.. or starting gymnastics at 1¾ because at the time I mean I ended up being so enthusiastic.  I don't know why kids like to look like when they were 2.  I mean, after that, I pretty much grew up?  I don't know what is so funny about tennis, but I mean it always was funny to me, too.  I'm sure my friend helped.  She has white hair and was very short and she had to sit in the shade, is from the Northeast.  That's the hottest I've ever been miserably other than racially.  The funny thing was when I mused on the angle of the racket and the motion, the muscle, the pow'r, hitting the ball.  It was just some thing, like about practicing.  In the Catholic school, when I was allowed to attend soccer practice as a new student, I don't know if I was made fun of, but I did soccer camp and basketball at a Baptist school.  I was always a good runner.  I did cross country, had it in high school, heard it and went, thought it was trekking through the woods like a lot of people would wonder.  I did badminton up north but grew to dislike it but had some fun at home, did a lot of ping pong at 1 point with the boys and a friend at home, the 1 from tennis.  I think I was good at tennis, usually the best, taught some people and got a really big girl on the team but didn't go, myself, taught older people.  I took lessons with the friend when I went back, but I don't remember how it was.  I just know it's the 1st time my nose bled.  It wasn't shooting out, but I mean it wasn't like lite lite.  It might have even been a private lesson with an attractive lady who really liked my prowess..  The tennis teacher in Slidell's wife I did modeling with and he said I had such good legs like everyone there did.

You know, maybe it's good to connect with where your ancestors are from, but mine are scattered around Pennsylvania and 1 in NY state, not really sure where, could have looked it up.  I have an ancestor from Ireland in the very late 1800s, I think, on my dad's dad's side, not sure his mom nor dad, probably mom.  It must be hard to connect with the more American side.  It's sweet seeing the girls loving their moms here.  They just gravitate away from me, but they like others, people in Germany.

Oh, yes, I must have bounced the tennis racket on the court.  No one has ever said they did private tennis lessons, like me, done tennis somewhat regularly since a preteen.  So, this was before Titanic.  Hm.  The end of the world.  I've probably thrown it on the ground but wouldn't want to ruin the court.  I'm sure I've dropped it, and it's not good.  I've never worn a tennis skirt, not really sure what I wore.  Maybe, my worst thing was the backhand..  Not a very filled in person.  Volleys are easy for some odd reason.  Maybe, volleyball is associated with sand.  My 2 music teachers from Saint Augustine, well just had 1, do tennis, not sure if the pianist or singer|guitarist is better..  The pianist is a teacher of piano all afternoon..  Speaking of things like, r, keychains, what happened to all the goods from Titanic?  I think it's because I moved.  It was like what was there for me.  Maybe, I didn't feel like going online, anymore.  I wonder if I should have gone online and posted that boy.  He wouldn't post himself.  Where would I go post it?  Isn't it private, so the world would find out?  Also, what about me?  In Slidell, I did not look cool since as I left I guess the tennis made me gain weight.  We stopped walking around.  I was allowed to walk on my own, but I didn't go far, just around the corner to the old bookstore..  I remember this book with my mom of a mama cat carrying a baby.  It wasn't there, later.  I wanted to look at it..  There was a 3D theater by our house new.  It was like going through time with like bookcases and fancy, complicated stuff, maybe reminicsent of video games of the time on the computer..  The games that came with the computer partly were landing a ship, but I could not figure it out, also could never figure out instructions on knitting nor crocheting.  I tried..  So, then the other was this really gooey blood that stuck out and went like *squish*.  It was so nostalgic online, well not online, a game.  I was horrified, though, just liked the blood, but it was -so- sad?  I know, though, that things ended.  I think it's supposed to happen, but it already did.  Since the girl from Hollywood moved there, people started taking to the beach background, which entails the modern culture in a kit for those deserving.  So, things became so nostalgic.  She was young, born in September.  Her hair was all white, and she was physical.  How is she not like Ellen DeGeneres?  Um, well, she's not really an adult.  I guess I'm not someone who is gonna say I'm gonna do shit for young people.  I also get a feeling of the U.K., England etc., when I think of that.  About like the pale blue wallets, the greenish blue bedding {;.  I got lilac, and I regretted it my whole life.  Some ways, no.  I just didn't want to be the brand.  It warbled.  I grew tired of that bedding.  I didn't have it when I moved maybe but think I did yea.  I've never seen that color again later.

Liking Kids

I wonder if my mom likes Nell Burton - nah because I'm not my brother.

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This Is the Story

My brother whenever he wants to think he's attractive just like seethes and thinks he'll really be better than me, can you believe it?  Why do people swear that I need to be hypnotized to be ugly to prove I'm shit, as though they're way better?  :0  That just means I've been made more worn.

My Brother and Aunt

I look more like my dad's youngest sister than my brother. People from up north had a gay side.

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Mad

My mom was out eating and I just wanted to keep on my ear plugs, maybe thought it would be my dad, who can't control himself around me, like Tim Burton, and I want a life and I want to live forever, and I felt like I could be young forever.  I felt like other beings existed, I was having a lot of fun..

I was upset, and I found it was because she wanted to do something because I didn't feel like taking out my ear plugs.  She just isn't tactual, claims I burnt out and did something at 11, it feels, and just makes my life shit.  Also, she acts like I have to **** my dad.  I was just mad that she keeps thinking I "am" like him all of a sudden when that wasn't what I said.  People keep going ahead of me and doing things thinking I am not nice when they just say I am too nice.  I don't think that's anything like me.  I do what I'm supposed to, and people have an option to react to me or leave me alone and let me succeed.  So, if she's mean, I just say she's shit.  I mean, my parents used to act nice.  Their only thing is when like you get better from feeling like shit, but my brother keeps wanting to think he's better than me and I guess that's just not something that "is" me.