I just realized my dad's side of the family has always acted like they hate me for their side, maybe because his sisters are younger, and my mom doesn't like try to make me unsuccessful because of it.
Showing posts with label Aunt 2. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Aunt 2. Show all posts
Wednesday, January 9, 2013
Dream
I know what came up that I didn't have to think of was like seeing police on the side of the road. In the end, I came up to a bookshop with a short, very fat lady, guess it reminds me of the state of health I was in when I moved here. She told me never to go to this like gated off section of children's books. Instead, I looked for another section she said I could look at facing the front in the back with adolescent books, which looked remotely interesting. I saw a clever picture with a big bear but then 4 smiling like dogs that looked more like people, which were a bit smaller. I think I was hiding. I had gotten out of my house. I was mad I switched bodies with my cousin, though it was not a concrete idea. She had a milky white body with like maybe bluish hair, and I was small and brown with brown eyes. Her eyes are gold, like my aunt's husband's son's. So, I had a sorta dreamy, surreal feeling and went outside and was worried about the police. I was on a bed, maybe before, on the side, like a big, maybe white quilted bed. In the end, I think I was walking. Also, in my dream, I believe were family and extended family, like grandma maybe, maybe both aunts. I wish I could remember before. It felt like I was in a place where I could buy stuff. There was a lot before. I mainly remember a big segment, too, where I was in my cousin's body. I felt like myself doing something else, like a Russian doll. I was in a big, empty, sorta maybe house with a bluish tint, kinda like a haunted, gray dusty place, on the floor, feeling kinda weird. There was a like tall kitchen counter where you could sit at like on a bar stool. There was a place on the side and probably a big window covered with a plastic curtain. There was a big kitchen. I guess the arrangement mocked that of where I lived in the oldest continuing city. I guess the bedrooms were in the same place, and the living room was behind us. The neighborhood was similar. We did live by a used bookstore. I remember once I saw a book with a cat carrying a tiny cat who maybe was just waking up or opening its eyes. It was so cute. I was so upset I couldn't get my body back and progress, but my cousin was happy.
Friday, December 28, 2012
Problem
I wonder if Ellen DeGeneres is more scared of me than Tim Burton because she's a girl and my dad is so much older. I can't really stop thinking around women younger than my dad. I want to know about the girls with younger dads. I know I have this 1 friend with parents younger than my dad around the same age. I have another friend who's younger with parents the same age much older. The other friend is a little older, born in early February. My parents made it sound like I was supposed to be born in like December or January, maybe even early October like my grandma. But, no, I wasn't born that early. I wonder if they expected me to be born in March and be called Monica. My dad's youngest sister is born in April, so. My little brother and little girl cousin, the little girl cousin being my dad's youngest sisters's daughter, was born in November, and so was my dad's oldest of the sisters, who is younger. Did you notice what I say sounds rebellious to you with what you think my impetus must be though it's just a fact though I'm really being like extra adamant in a good way that's more than expected, by the GI Generation or the people born before 1950, when my dad is born, in late July?
Wednesday, December 26, 2012
Reminiscing
Do you remember when you were 1? What about 2? What about 3 and 4?
I remember things were very like surreal and heavy-weighted. I'm "from Fort Lauderdale" because I was born in a hospital there, and I lived in several cities around the area, including I remember now 2 beaches, don't remember which 1 was on top. I was created at 1, and that's the 1 I like and my favorite place I've seen. The only other thing I could say is the beaches between Fort Lauderdale and Miami or between Miami and Key West and possibly the Keys. I think it was because of my mom being like open to things "not being white|'Caucasian.'" Her strength was doing gymnastics in high school. She did ballet as a kid. She was #1 in the country. However, I think the most advanced thing she did was probably something like a back handspring, which I've never done, though I was the most advanced for not being on a team, which was something I never saw, until I quit and then went back to get a workout, so-to-speak. She's also very short and said she was about the thinnest, like very thin, though she wasn't as thin as a starving kid in Africa and wasn't shaped like too crookedly or some way hard to describe though she wasn't badly crooked..., and the fairest, "like a 'blonde.'" My dad has black hair and blue and yellow eyes. My mom's skin used to seem deeply gray, but she made it yellow brown tan. It was dark sometimes, before, too. It was even darker than me. I got to be a fat baby, and then my skin was white, but I wish I wasn't so fat. I don't know why I was so small, but I wasn't always so small to my mom. She said my eyes were dark blue, but I saw in the light they looked gray blue. They even looked colorful blue. However, I was born with wood hair that looked dark like more light blackish and maybe dirty from far away, and my eyes got to be a nice wood brown all my life with sparklies in it. I remember when I was 3 that they were like crystally and all put together, but I think I was upset about the color with my race. My eyes teetered with green, so that's why it was sorta a more colorful brown. I'm sure you could have deep brown or maybe a nice reddish black, though I've not looked into a black person's eyes. My understanding was that Latin Americans also have dark eyes. I guess Africans don't have maybe crystally eyes. They're into milk and blood. I guess Native Americans have sorta a more grayish brown. By the way, are they like separate from Europeans? That must be a big question. I don't really want to think they're Asian, neither. They're not Middle Eastern, but they would fit a clan life more. However, they are the wild tribes of the world, and the Africans are the wild beasts who learned to speak and may have had a language, as well as written language. Something about Native Americans seems primitive. It's interesting when you meet mixed Native Americans and people with a little Jewish, which it seems so many people have in the U.S. I don't have proof, but I noticed a trend that could be possible. It seems like the darker Europeans, like the non-Russian Eastern European and Southern Europeans, have a more pure race in the U.S. I'm not sure how many people have thought of this. No one ever told me.
Ah, just got back from the restroom and said bye to my family.
So, anyway, like it was like a big boom, like all these balls, all this fuzz, all these dreams, you could so sense. I just don't know why it was connected as I moved and don't know why I grew older and it wore away, like it was for toddlers. Like, I'm thinking of when I was, like, 4. The dreams, often, involved, like things of the water. My eyes just lit up as though I were still in "Fort Lauderdale." Like, I guess, like Titanic. It was about civilized life among the existence of the "romance" or "nostalgia" of the water and, I guess, the beach. So, I lived along coastal Florida at the bottom and top. It did muddle life in connecting to others. I don't really know modern people from other areas. It was just a feeling. I also felt the 80s and things kids should feel but not like the good outdoors. We didn't walk along the beach. We did sometimes but not often. Like, there was no hillside to go to. We didn't really walk around the dust. We did walk around like every night and go home on a bus and have Chick-Fil-A and piña colada [without alcohol.] I felt the racism creeping in, as I tried to enjoy what others rushed by. I can't say that my mom was better off, but she did live in Pennsylvania, briefly. I'm not sure if it was New York. They lived in a huge building that could have been used for dance. It was kinda like a big empty studio that was 2 stories high. Maybe, there was like a balcony or something. I think it was a ballroom. My dad worked 3 jobs, including photography and, of course, like many men, truck driving. I mean, he was also a paper boy, when he was little, guess he was lucky, too. His mom somehow got milk to him all the time and worked when his littlest sister was born and had the older sister take care of her. Both sisters were younger, and his mom had miscarriages, I think maybe of all boys, though the supposed story changes. I don't believe that is common, and I don't know what happened. I guess you should know my dad's youngest sister had her daughter cut open. I was small. My mom even took a class where she took care of babies before I was born. Like, I think she changed your diapers! Haha. So, no, don't even think she's like bad like a black person. The Chinese weren't treated like niggers, back in the day. She is not Vietnamese|Japanese. Funny, it seems the Chinese don't have to have squinty eyes. I don't know that Southern Chinese are bad. What my dad provided was the memory of like technology and modern culture and maybe the aura of the hippie|flower generation. He is a hypnotist. His sister is, now, too. He also used to always talk about how he was in a band in his basement. I don't know why he doesn't do that upbeat stuff, to this day, but it influenced my life and I find it interesting. My mom was also in a gamalan at school, maybe played the angklung, which I mean is something to think about or listen to. She also used to tell me about shadow puppets. It wasn't "that I was better" but that I had to like respect it but that 1 I wasn't from there and 2 my dad wasn't of Indonesian heritage and I guess he was around.
So, the experience wasn't really so easy, and I wasn't really so comfortable with myself. I got upset. I guess kids used to get upset in that sorta way that needs to be nurtured, maybe by themselves, at least in my case. My mom was a guide. My dad was a comforter to me, maybe a guide to my brother. My brother clung to my mom in a selfish way. I did in a shy way until I got a little older and then my brother was born. I wasn't like ************. I was just shy. It was because of my race, though, so that's kinda lame. It's more of a memory, like I guess thinking of the possibilities living by New Orleans, thankful I lived right across the bridge. It was a really big deal how close you were. My roommate was a health nut and homeschooled. My problem with Britney Spears is her being from Mississippi. My understanding is that people like her grew up more gung ho. I guess that fits the description of how Ellen DeGeneres turns out certain generations. I guess I sorta find it that it's more nostalgic, like with the idea of like maybe you'd eat fish there. I'm not from Mississippi. It's so funny, I don't know anyone else important from there. Chloë Grace Moretz is from Georgia, and that's really something totally different, very aggressive. I happened to go to a campsite around Atlanta somewhere, by Cabbage Patch Land, with my aunt's inlaws. I was left in the town for like 6 hours or maybe just 4½ hours. Also, it was Christmastime. So, I don't know anyone else just from there. I connected more to Miley Cyrus. She's from Nashville. Well, the New Orleans area isn't modern. It isn't preserved. It's more preserved than most places, but I don't know how I'd know that. I can't even feel modern culture. I lost my tie. I was only 12. All the clothes were different. There was really nothing worth it, nothing cool. Nothing slick, sleek, sloped, nice materials, sorta that late 90s gung ho feel, you know? I know, though, that I have problems, too, but I'm afraid I have the idea those people "will not make it in Hell." I don't really know that I "have problems" like sorta big and concrete, but it seems like it and I was fuzzing it. So, I'm not sure what that is. I just hope I don't really get like a problem. I'm not that fascinated with that I said that. It's not my responsibility that things there are lazy. It's the Big Easy. I'm not sure what things would be like elsewhere, probably an adventure in L.A., though I'm glad I moved to the New Orleans area, instead. It did seem far away, but I mean it was across the lake, and there's not much across the lake. I guess I was fascinated with like the reptiles and stuff there, like in Florida, which is more fascinating here, though they don't all know it in every way there. I guess they have a lot more fun, but I wasn't acclimated to the area and messed up too much. I was more shriveled up. I'm not sure why you can't learn from me what I picked up living in Florida. I guess you have to understand 1st that I thought you understood that clothes were more ideal to be sorta simple and thick and sleek. Having a curve or flare but not like a dandelion is the thing. I hope you get the idea. I guess that would elicit quite a lot of emotions considering before stuff like that wasn't known to me. I don't really know what kind of dresses nor casual dress shirts they wore. I know I had tacky dresses and that right after I was too old they made such cute things. However, the adults made us feel that we were emitting hatred to younger generations because they would probably be more feeling than us. I have a feeling they burned out. I mean, people older than me have specific stereotypes in grades, the 2 grades older than me. They're considered really young, and it's a big thing. So many other people are like kinda ugly or they don't have a stereotype.
I remember things were very like surreal and heavy-weighted. I'm "from Fort Lauderdale" because I was born in a hospital there, and I lived in several cities around the area, including I remember now 2 beaches, don't remember which 1 was on top. I was created at 1, and that's the 1 I like and my favorite place I've seen. The only other thing I could say is the beaches between Fort Lauderdale and Miami or between Miami and Key West and possibly the Keys. I think it was because of my mom being like open to things "not being white|'Caucasian.'" Her strength was doing gymnastics in high school. She did ballet as a kid. She was #1 in the country. However, I think the most advanced thing she did was probably something like a back handspring, which I've never done, though I was the most advanced for not being on a team, which was something I never saw, until I quit and then went back to get a workout, so-to-speak. She's also very short and said she was about the thinnest, like very thin, though she wasn't as thin as a starving kid in Africa and wasn't shaped like too crookedly or some way hard to describe though she wasn't badly crooked..., and the fairest, "like a 'blonde.'" My dad has black hair and blue and yellow eyes. My mom's skin used to seem deeply gray, but she made it yellow brown tan. It was dark sometimes, before, too. It was even darker than me. I got to be a fat baby, and then my skin was white, but I wish I wasn't so fat. I don't know why I was so small, but I wasn't always so small to my mom. She said my eyes were dark blue, but I saw in the light they looked gray blue. They even looked colorful blue. However, I was born with wood hair that looked dark like more light blackish and maybe dirty from far away, and my eyes got to be a nice wood brown all my life with sparklies in it. I remember when I was 3 that they were like crystally and all put together, but I think I was upset about the color with my race. My eyes teetered with green, so that's why it was sorta a more colorful brown. I'm sure you could have deep brown or maybe a nice reddish black, though I've not looked into a black person's eyes. My understanding was that Latin Americans also have dark eyes. I guess Africans don't have maybe crystally eyes. They're into milk and blood. I guess Native Americans have sorta a more grayish brown. By the way, are they like separate from Europeans? That must be a big question. I don't really want to think they're Asian, neither. They're not Middle Eastern, but they would fit a clan life more. However, they are the wild tribes of the world, and the Africans are the wild beasts who learned to speak and may have had a language, as well as written language. Something about Native Americans seems primitive. It's interesting when you meet mixed Native Americans and people with a little Jewish, which it seems so many people have in the U.S. I don't have proof, but I noticed a trend that could be possible. It seems like the darker Europeans, like the non-Russian Eastern European and Southern Europeans, have a more pure race in the U.S. I'm not sure how many people have thought of this. No one ever told me.
Ah, just got back from the restroom and said bye to my family.
So, anyway, like it was like a big boom, like all these balls, all this fuzz, all these dreams, you could so sense. I just don't know why it was connected as I moved and don't know why I grew older and it wore away, like it was for toddlers. Like, I'm thinking of when I was, like, 4. The dreams, often, involved, like things of the water. My eyes just lit up as though I were still in "Fort Lauderdale." Like, I guess, like Titanic. It was about civilized life among the existence of the "romance" or "nostalgia" of the water and, I guess, the beach. So, I lived along coastal Florida at the bottom and top. It did muddle life in connecting to others. I don't really know modern people from other areas. It was just a feeling. I also felt the 80s and things kids should feel but not like the good outdoors. We didn't walk along the beach. We did sometimes but not often. Like, there was no hillside to go to. We didn't really walk around the dust. We did walk around like every night and go home on a bus and have Chick-Fil-A and piña colada [without alcohol.] I felt the racism creeping in, as I tried to enjoy what others rushed by. I can't say that my mom was better off, but she did live in Pennsylvania, briefly. I'm not sure if it was New York. They lived in a huge building that could have been used for dance. It was kinda like a big empty studio that was 2 stories high. Maybe, there was like a balcony or something. I think it was a ballroom. My dad worked 3 jobs, including photography and, of course, like many men, truck driving. I mean, he was also a paper boy, when he was little, guess he was lucky, too. His mom somehow got milk to him all the time and worked when his littlest sister was born and had the older sister take care of her. Both sisters were younger, and his mom had miscarriages, I think maybe of all boys, though the supposed story changes. I don't believe that is common, and I don't know what happened. I guess you should know my dad's youngest sister had her daughter cut open. I was small. My mom even took a class where she took care of babies before I was born. Like, I think she changed your diapers! Haha. So, no, don't even think she's like bad like a black person. The Chinese weren't treated like niggers, back in the day. She is not Vietnamese|Japanese. Funny, it seems the Chinese don't have to have squinty eyes. I don't know that Southern Chinese are bad. What my dad provided was the memory of like technology and modern culture and maybe the aura of the hippie|flower generation. He is a hypnotist. His sister is, now, too. He also used to always talk about how he was in a band in his basement. I don't know why he doesn't do that upbeat stuff, to this day, but it influenced my life and I find it interesting. My mom was also in a gamalan at school, maybe played the angklung, which I mean is something to think about or listen to. She also used to tell me about shadow puppets. It wasn't "that I was better" but that I had to like respect it but that 1 I wasn't from there and 2 my dad wasn't of Indonesian heritage and I guess he was around.
So, the experience wasn't really so easy, and I wasn't really so comfortable with myself. I got upset. I guess kids used to get upset in that sorta way that needs to be nurtured, maybe by themselves, at least in my case. My mom was a guide. My dad was a comforter to me, maybe a guide to my brother. My brother clung to my mom in a selfish way. I did in a shy way until I got a little older and then my brother was born. I wasn't like ************. I was just shy. It was because of my race, though, so that's kinda lame. It's more of a memory, like I guess thinking of the possibilities living by New Orleans, thankful I lived right across the bridge. It was a really big deal how close you were. My roommate was a health nut and homeschooled. My problem with Britney Spears is her being from Mississippi. My understanding is that people like her grew up more gung ho. I guess that fits the description of how Ellen DeGeneres turns out certain generations. I guess I sorta find it that it's more nostalgic, like with the idea of like maybe you'd eat fish there. I'm not from Mississippi. It's so funny, I don't know anyone else important from there. Chloë Grace Moretz is from Georgia, and that's really something totally different, very aggressive. I happened to go to a campsite around Atlanta somewhere, by Cabbage Patch Land, with my aunt's inlaws. I was left in the town for like 6 hours or maybe just 4½ hours. Also, it was Christmastime. So, I don't know anyone else just from there. I connected more to Miley Cyrus. She's from Nashville. Well, the New Orleans area isn't modern. It isn't preserved. It's more preserved than most places, but I don't know how I'd know that. I can't even feel modern culture. I lost my tie. I was only 12. All the clothes were different. There was really nothing worth it, nothing cool. Nothing slick, sleek, sloped, nice materials, sorta that late 90s gung ho feel, you know? I know, though, that I have problems, too, but I'm afraid I have the idea those people "will not make it in Hell." I don't really know that I "have problems" like sorta big and concrete, but it seems like it and I was fuzzing it. So, I'm not sure what that is. I just hope I don't really get like a problem. I'm not that fascinated with that I said that. It's not my responsibility that things there are lazy. It's the Big Easy. I'm not sure what things would be like elsewhere, probably an adventure in L.A., though I'm glad I moved to the New Orleans area, instead. It did seem far away, but I mean it was across the lake, and there's not much across the lake. I guess I was fascinated with like the reptiles and stuff there, like in Florida, which is more fascinating here, though they don't all know it in every way there. I guess they have a lot more fun, but I wasn't acclimated to the area and messed up too much. I was more shriveled up. I'm not sure why you can't learn from me what I picked up living in Florida. I guess you have to understand 1st that I thought you understood that clothes were more ideal to be sorta simple and thick and sleek. Having a curve or flare but not like a dandelion is the thing. I hope you get the idea. I guess that would elicit quite a lot of emotions considering before stuff like that wasn't known to me. I don't really know what kind of dresses nor casual dress shirts they wore. I know I had tacky dresses and that right after I was too old they made such cute things. However, the adults made us feel that we were emitting hatred to younger generations because they would probably be more feeling than us. I have a feeling they burned out. I mean, people older than me have specific stereotypes in grades, the 2 grades older than me. They're considered really young, and it's a big thing. So many other people are like kinda ugly or they don't have a stereotype.
Saturday, December 22, 2012
Problem
My grandma doesn't care about my parents's eyes.
This is crazy, who came into this party? Got a problem with something?
NO ONE CARES ABOUT MY DAD'S YOUNGEST SISTER BEING BETTER THAN MY DAD. I got the message his being in the military was crap.
This is technically amusing Ellen DeGeneres. No, I didn't actually say I dislike her good qualities and when she's nice, if it's valid.
This is crazy, who came into this party? Got a problem with something?
NO ONE CARES ABOUT MY DAD'S YOUNGEST SISTER BEING BETTER THAN MY DAD. I got the message his being in the military was crap.
This is technically amusing Ellen DeGeneres. No, I didn't actually say I dislike her good qualities and when she's nice, if it's valid.
Friday, December 21, 2012
Problem
So, Johnny Depp moved to Florida at 7, supposedly, and so did some people I knew, at least 2 but I think more. I know someone else at 9. I bunch them together, for some reason. Well, it was a certain area of Florida, the oldest continuing city in the U.S. The family who moved later aren't very substantial, anymore. Guess they lost their appetite and their dad. I knew she used to eat in her room at a young age. Not very good food. She had good breakfast. I mean it was tasty but not to my liking. I think for me they had fried chicken. My mom made that a lot, for some reason, I mean got at the grocery store. I remember someone who moved at 11 and probably more but people who moved schools. I know someone who moved somewhere else at 15. No one is doing well, in these places, like people from California. I have a cousin, but I don't think I can count her because she's related to me. Also, she's very different. She's different in the same way as my brother, both about the same age, her a year younger, same month even. I have the feeling my cousin held onto her mom being from Pennsylvania. She does seem foreign but is accepted in the family, in that way. In Orlando, there are more people open about growing up here. I was surprised to see an old politician from here. Well, I don't know about people from out-of-the-U.S. I guess it's just that. Still, there's something else special about being from a certain place. There's my brother. For some reason, it seems worse for him, too. Maybe it's also his birth year. You can guess that Latinos are known to preserve their culture, though they seem to infiltrate, the rich ones or the skinny ones with straight hair.
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
Dreams
The 2nd 1 I remember well now. What made it interesting is that I was at a school. I'm not sure why I dreamed someone was carrying me like a kid, again. It was a lady. So, it was like, I think in both dreams, you go behind the scenes of a school and it's like a big maze with chairs and stuff around and it's really dark. Supposedly, it's dangerous. I guess it was interesting, I knew I was really buried in my bed, and I thought of another hand that was more with bones jutting out, but like rounded, and it turned out it was my hand. I touched my lips, and I guess I was more physical than I really am, and it was like when you put your hand on someone's mouth, except I was putting my fingers around my lips and thinking of how it would stimulate you, like to make "me" feel better, in attempts to prevent me from letting out a noise. Otherwise the lady would have pressed my mouth against just below her shoulders. I guess I thought that my butt was being pressed.
In the dream before, a lady came and 1st contended to someone older and then came up to me, and when she pressed my crotch it was stimulating, like kinda feminine, like fairy-like, and somewhere else.
I know in the last dream, it was like about graduating and going to these shops, 1 small and later a huge 1 of food, like a Super Wal-Mart, though it wasn't a smorgasbord. I was with my grandma and little brother. I told my mom I wanted donuts, I think. I was with a man and black lady with these like sweet biscuits or whatever with colored cream on them and sprinkles. Like, a more big wooden display.
I don't remember the trek with my friends and peers. I know we had to walk around places, a maze, in the back, and we found where we came from, thought it was like a little bobsled road but for cars. Like, we ran into it and had to use it to get to the path. It was white and kinda like sweet like candy. The maze was rather long and laborious to cross and not all easily laid out.
I guess the most interesting part was the person holding me. So, the 1st person was really just a person, but it was like Ellen DeGeneres. I'm sure thinking of her a lot in my sleep for like a few minutes at a time. The 2nd person was Aunt 2 with my grandma. 30
So, you get the picture, when I was in the maze with a person carrying me, I guess it interests me in life.. I don't know if it's because my mom is shorter. I mean, I think everyone is interested. I guess they just are too busy and don't really get like that sorta feeling of wanting people to be sorry for them or feeling sorry or something like that. I went out to 711 last night, and the girl at the register, since my nails weren't painted, scanned that "I was" shy, like here we're all kinda in a group, different than other places, which is interesting, not like any 1 other place. I mean, it's Florida. Then, she slammed a loud noise at my change. I had to shift gears. I guess I'm being spotted and felt for in this area. It just feels like that's the way things go. It's hard to understand that, posting online all the time, like.
So, about being carried in a dark room, I guess it was circumstantial. It was kinda dangerous. I think, I was supposedly like "little" or "small," feeling how I am, though. So, it's like you're in this place that's like feasible technically but like has issues and you're being like protected in a kinda strict way but also like being touched and I guess you have to come to accept it. I know that exercising in your life helps. I'm guessing that doing arts also helps. Posting online gives you cyber***. I'm not sure I quite knock on that. I'm not sure how most people feel, but I know, here in Orlando, we feel or I feel kinda like I'm a tube with gel floating in it. Before, I used to maybe feel my bones. I'd feel the muscle growing on my forearms. Like, I'd feel it a little and want to feel it more. I guess I learned from different women I knew how to feel. In college, I don't remember as many of those kinds of women. At Arts school in New Orleans, we had this teacher who looked kinda both smart and attractive and not too thin. I thought she woke up and took jazz each morning, didn't think too much what it was like to do at home but probably was thinking about aspects of it I'm not remembering now. She had this resounding voice. She had fluffy, like wavy and kinda more course light, more reddish yellowish brown hair. Well, you get the picture. She had a more fluffy face. I think she spoke to me once, and I got everything right. I guess we were in a group, and she said not to be shy. I don't think people at this place were touching people. It was a summer session, and me and another girl I played a piano duet with got the highest award. I also went on Saturdays and was the oldest. This was my last year. There were no awards. She was supposed to come to the college I was at, a prestigious school for music that is not quite as alluring now, I think my 3rd year, when I left and wasn't even in music. She was a composer and went up to maybe Canada to "just compose," which makes sense, in a group. I was about to be a Composition major and tried to get in Voice. I was unaccepted and came back as a Music Education major and didn't audition for Voice and was kicked out of Voice for being shy, for some reason, at the end of the year, as well as out of Music Education. I started a class since another was taken and then switched to 2 Honors level 2 classes.
In the dream before, a lady came and 1st contended to someone older and then came up to me, and when she pressed my crotch it was stimulating, like kinda feminine, like fairy-like, and somewhere else.
I know in the last dream, it was like about graduating and going to these shops, 1 small and later a huge 1 of food, like a Super Wal-Mart, though it wasn't a smorgasbord. I was with my grandma and little brother. I told my mom I wanted donuts, I think. I was with a man and black lady with these like sweet biscuits or whatever with colored cream on them and sprinkles. Like, a more big wooden display.
I don't remember the trek with my friends and peers. I know we had to walk around places, a maze, in the back, and we found where we came from, thought it was like a little bobsled road but for cars. Like, we ran into it and had to use it to get to the path. It was white and kinda like sweet like candy. The maze was rather long and laborious to cross and not all easily laid out.
I guess the most interesting part was the person holding me. So, the 1st person was really just a person, but it was like Ellen DeGeneres. I'm sure thinking of her a lot in my sleep for like a few minutes at a time. The 2nd person was Aunt 2 with my grandma. 30
So, you get the picture, when I was in the maze with a person carrying me, I guess it interests me in life.. I don't know if it's because my mom is shorter. I mean, I think everyone is interested. I guess they just are too busy and don't really get like that sorta feeling of wanting people to be sorry for them or feeling sorry or something like that. I went out to 711 last night, and the girl at the register, since my nails weren't painted, scanned that "I was" shy, like here we're all kinda in a group, different than other places, which is interesting, not like any 1 other place. I mean, it's Florida. Then, she slammed a loud noise at my change. I had to shift gears. I guess I'm being spotted and felt for in this area. It just feels like that's the way things go. It's hard to understand that, posting online all the time, like.
So, about being carried in a dark room, I guess it was circumstantial. It was kinda dangerous. I think, I was supposedly like "little" or "small," feeling how I am, though. So, it's like you're in this place that's like feasible technically but like has issues and you're being like protected in a kinda strict way but also like being touched and I guess you have to come to accept it. I know that exercising in your life helps. I'm guessing that doing arts also helps. Posting online gives you cyber***. I'm not sure I quite knock on that. I'm not sure how most people feel, but I know, here in Orlando, we feel or I feel kinda like I'm a tube with gel floating in it. Before, I used to maybe feel my bones. I'd feel the muscle growing on my forearms. Like, I'd feel it a little and want to feel it more. I guess I learned from different women I knew how to feel. In college, I don't remember as many of those kinds of women. At Arts school in New Orleans, we had this teacher who looked kinda both smart and attractive and not too thin. I thought she woke up and took jazz each morning, didn't think too much what it was like to do at home but probably was thinking about aspects of it I'm not remembering now. She had this resounding voice. She had fluffy, like wavy and kinda more course light, more reddish yellowish brown hair. Well, you get the picture. She had a more fluffy face. I think she spoke to me once, and I got everything right. I guess we were in a group, and she said not to be shy. I don't think people at this place were touching people. It was a summer session, and me and another girl I played a piano duet with got the highest award. I also went on Saturdays and was the oldest. This was my last year. There were no awards. She was supposed to come to the college I was at, a prestigious school for music that is not quite as alluring now, I think my 3rd year, when I left and wasn't even in music. She was a composer and went up to maybe Canada to "just compose," which makes sense, in a group. I was about to be a Composition major and tried to get in Voice. I was unaccepted and came back as a Music Education major and didn't audition for Voice and was kicked out of Voice for being shy, for some reason, at the end of the year, as well as out of Music Education. I started a class since another was taken and then switched to 2 Honors level 2 classes.
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
Dream
I was at college going around, and my dad told me what to do. I wanted to go in a house, and there were these cute cats. I think, the 1st time I got in, and someone helped me and it lated awhile. I had written a dream down about a guy from the theater where I used to live getting hurt, the one I wrote about in Twitter. It was the same thing almost. He was big.
Then, I remember being involved with my mom. Well, I was going around and decided, my dad saying okay, to just worry about getting food, to find a McDonald's and asked if I liked it rather and I said yea the chicken sandwich, grilled, and went down the stairs. Instead, I was at the top floor of a dorm with a really high ceiling. The rooms were open. My mom was at a desk in the center with her course book. I was at UNO. I was looking at course. 1 I remember was Acting. It was more interesting than 1 where you present things. There were words, little descriptions, why I liked it, a clean white catalog, almost the size of a magazine. There were pictures of kids, including some nice tan 1s who didn't really look like you'd want to be them, unappealing. 1 reminded me of her name, "energy," never thought fo that. So, supposedly, 1 girl from drama a year older there was the daughter of a witch and never knew her mom. I thought up north that she did something and looked like a waitress, like she was tortured in a made up way that wasn't graphic. I thought it was part of the experiment. So, my math teacher from the other school was like related to her in some way, and I saw a baby in like a cradle crying, a boy, I think in her dorm. I told them flashing by a little later I didn't know my aunt. So, I saw on her side, which was like 3 stories high, and clean, like in an institution where we get better and have real adventures, high up, notes to me and around the corner on the other side. So, what now, I forget. I guess it was too late, I fell asleep, and then it was even past 12, 12:40, to eat. I must have went in my dorm, lay down and looked up and realized I was at UNO. Oh yes, then, she came in and smashed my guitar, a violin, harp, the TV, which was my mom's, though it just left like a film broken over it, so I said nothing. She said Ellen told her to do it, and I got up madly with 2 pillars, as though someone would hurt me. I said, "Where is she? Bring her in!" It was like she would appear. I realized it was dangerous for me to sleep so said, "Want me to promise not to hurt her?" Then, I was like oh yea we don't know I won't, like in my sleep. Well, my harp sounds different, and an Irish harpist with a French last name just had a baby. People were going by from 2 of my high schools wondering where I should go, public or Catholic. I was already mad at someone and didn't know who, I think a lady who was big probably. I was gonna say more but forgot.
Then, I remember being involved with my mom. Well, I was going around and decided, my dad saying okay, to just worry about getting food, to find a McDonald's and asked if I liked it rather and I said yea the chicken sandwich, grilled, and went down the stairs. Instead, I was at the top floor of a dorm with a really high ceiling. The rooms were open. My mom was at a desk in the center with her course book. I was at UNO. I was looking at course. 1 I remember was Acting. It was more interesting than 1 where you present things. There were words, little descriptions, why I liked it, a clean white catalog, almost the size of a magazine. There were pictures of kids, including some nice tan 1s who didn't really look like you'd want to be them, unappealing. 1 reminded me of her name, "energy," never thought fo that. So, supposedly, 1 girl from drama a year older there was the daughter of a witch and never knew her mom. I thought up north that she did something and looked like a waitress, like she was tortured in a made up way that wasn't graphic. I thought it was part of the experiment. So, my math teacher from the other school was like related to her in some way, and I saw a baby in like a cradle crying, a boy, I think in her dorm. I told them flashing by a little later I didn't know my aunt. So, I saw on her side, which was like 3 stories high, and clean, like in an institution where we get better and have real adventures, high up, notes to me and around the corner on the other side. So, what now, I forget. I guess it was too late, I fell asleep, and then it was even past 12, 12:40, to eat. I must have went in my dorm, lay down and looked up and realized I was at UNO. Oh yes, then, she came in and smashed my guitar, a violin, harp, the TV, which was my mom's, though it just left like a film broken over it, so I said nothing. She said Ellen told her to do it, and I got up madly with 2 pillars, as though someone would hurt me. I said, "Where is she? Bring her in!" It was like she would appear. I realized it was dangerous for me to sleep so said, "Want me to promise not to hurt her?" Then, I was like oh yea we don't know I won't, like in my sleep. Well, my harp sounds different, and an Irish harpist with a French last name just had a baby. People were going by from 2 of my high schools wondering where I should go, public or Catholic. I was already mad at someone and didn't know who, I think a lady who was big probably. I was gonna say more but forgot.
Dream
The complex rhythm was like every movement was so intricately connected to one another. My younger aunt stretched her face, and her nose got small, and she thought it was like mine, but I said it was the proportions. She was smiling opening her mouth like yea.
Speaking of my Genetics tag, when I moved to Orlando, on TV they had this lady on a green and black grid, like green glow lines, and they had a joke of like a baby that got big and taken out and grew to be superhuman and only the mom was a certain size. I could never remember what was going on in different things.
Speaking of my Genetics tag, when I moved to Orlando, on TV they had this lady on a green and black grid, like green glow lines, and they had a joke of like a baby that got big and taken out and grew to be superhuman and only the mom was a certain size. I could never remember what was going on in different things.
Dream
I was lying down and my mom told me to wake up to drink some tea, though I didn't want to very much. She had a larger glass and a smaller one I almost finished. Rather, it was powder. That lady on Facebook, Ginny, was outside the door. Then, my dad was there by an old computer. He was mad and drawling about what I wanted to do and probably asked me something, yes, that I forgot now. He said to join him for lunch. I think he was wondering if I wanted to be carried or like have a relationship with certain someone. I was gonna go out to eat and have a dragon with a small, circular mouth accompany me, like a purple, wet dragon, and it did, kinda like a big snake. It was nice. It turned out to be someone I know, well, my cousin. Then, her mom was there, turned out to be the older sister, who is shorter. Then, it was the mom, and I sized myself up to be her size and said I was bigger than them all. The mom was there, too, my grandma. Then, I left again. I think 1st I saw a version of 2 small kids from Mary Poppins, and I got the rhythm I saw, which was like a combination of German and Dutch but English and was complex and sick a bit. They realized I knew it because I wasn't American and then that my mom had European heritage, for so long in ancestry. Then, I was on like a building, a slim portion, like a chimney top place, like a ship with some boys, then they realized it was because I was white, had a Caucasian American dad. Then, I think, there were 3 dragons to eat us 3 creatures. 1st, 1 ate 1 slimy creature. It spit out like a shark tooth. It finally ate another. The 1st was small and kinda round. Then, it chased me. I had indicated to run. I easily glided a cro ss a pool that was like a video game from 1998 that came with the computer, an easy one. I was under a canopy. Oh, I forgot, I went on a ride that was voiced by Ellen DeGeneres, a movie, but we just saw the dazzle eyes, the swirls, in black and white, all over, like a friendly ride, kinda cheap-seeming but actually quite elaborate. My dad was there. So, I got behind his girl and held onto her sash, like a Dr. Suess movie girl, kinda thin, like Beauty and the Beast. I remember the 1st scene was long, asking me what I wanted and waking me up and having me walk around a large, somewhat dirty but interestingly furnaced hotel room, kinda orange with a big black window on the side. So, anyway, the creature got me and finally I said to "eat someone else." It's stomach, a section gooily crackered open and a ball came out under it and was reaching me, stickling, and I woke up, realizing I guess it wasn't gonna eat me, startled some people, and thought of Disney because it's on my blog. Something else I was gonna say, ah yes, I was going around and saw some kids. I realized I did Music Education and was full of something.
So, the kids were loudly rasping "Jolly Holiday" in a weird form that seemed like a combination of English Dutch and German Dutch, which I never thought of, though they were English, supposedly. They were holding like dark brooms with bristles. The girl was wearing the orange. I only noticed her mostly, but she was more European and physical.
Right now, I feel like the monster that was going to eat me, my lips sticking out a lot and kinda thick seeming from the inside. Also, I had 2 black therapists walk with me and asked if I wanted to go to Disney. They made it seem like an adventure. I said well I don't have any money, and they never really wanted to. 1 was about my age, maybe a month older or younger. The other was an adult with a girl in modeling. I've had other counselors here because of the mental hospital. The whole time, I didn't think about Disney, but I was at it, so I guess yea I mean I thought about it in that way.
I was trying to think of something, like someone carrying me, in the bed, and I was woken up and had to think of something more materialistic but didn't. My dad was giving me "new rules." Just to see him at lunch I think. He said I'd do something like weave poofy, dark things all day and then come home, but I realized I'd be too tired, even if all I did was sleep in the evening, 6-6 about? I was feeling like kinda gooey from the fat, having had bacon each morning, about 5 pieces not cooked much, in a microwave. My brother was cooking that before we saw The Hobbit for a long time, the kind I didn't like, the thick bacon. I decided I liked what I'd been having, the maple bacon. I've been having a pack of 2 frozen deep dish personal pan pepperoni pizzas like 3 times in 2 days spread out. Why? Because I want to eat fancy food and my dad didn't get it so I hope we go soon. I guess I'm weaning from my previous diet. For awhile, I was having fancy so - wait, in my dream, the monsters were in like a cartoony moat with probably triangular waves elicited - so bad soup in a can I learned to dislike, having it a lot, like before when I wanted to get like turkey, potatos, etc., and eat it alone. So, I had the soup with sauced breaded frozen chicken, Tysons, which I know isn't really healthy, for some reason, the breading and something in the sauce and probably something else. With Triscuits. I had those a lot in college with cheese. Now, I'm having cheese well crackers with spread or sticks with cheese but am liking the spread cheese better, just want some without peanut butter, which I had in the mental hospital. Also, there's cheddar crackers with peanut butter. When I went to the mental hospital in New Orleans, I learned to like grits, and that's what I've been having with bacon.
So, I just got up and noticed I was more European, from eating the fatty food and having more tendongs going to the floor.
So, the kids were loudly rasping "Jolly Holiday" in a weird form that seemed like a combination of English Dutch and German Dutch, which I never thought of, though they were English, supposedly. They were holding like dark brooms with bristles. The girl was wearing the orange. I only noticed her mostly, but she was more European and physical.
Right now, I feel like the monster that was going to eat me, my lips sticking out a lot and kinda thick seeming from the inside. Also, I had 2 black therapists walk with me and asked if I wanted to go to Disney. They made it seem like an adventure. I said well I don't have any money, and they never really wanted to. 1 was about my age, maybe a month older or younger. The other was an adult with a girl in modeling. I've had other counselors here because of the mental hospital. The whole time, I didn't think about Disney, but I was at it, so I guess yea I mean I thought about it in that way.
I was trying to think of something, like someone carrying me, in the bed, and I was woken up and had to think of something more materialistic but didn't. My dad was giving me "new rules." Just to see him at lunch I think. He said I'd do something like weave poofy, dark things all day and then come home, but I realized I'd be too tired, even if all I did was sleep in the evening, 6-6 about? I was feeling like kinda gooey from the fat, having had bacon each morning, about 5 pieces not cooked much, in a microwave. My brother was cooking that before we saw The Hobbit for a long time, the kind I didn't like, the thick bacon. I decided I liked what I'd been having, the maple bacon. I've been having a pack of 2 frozen deep dish personal pan pepperoni pizzas like 3 times in 2 days spread out. Why? Because I want to eat fancy food and my dad didn't get it so I hope we go soon. I guess I'm weaning from my previous diet. For awhile, I was having fancy so - wait, in my dream, the monsters were in like a cartoony moat with probably triangular waves elicited - so bad soup in a can I learned to dislike, having it a lot, like before when I wanted to get like turkey, potatos, etc., and eat it alone. So, I had the soup with sauced breaded frozen chicken, Tysons, which I know isn't really healthy, for some reason, the breading and something in the sauce and probably something else. With Triscuits. I had those a lot in college with cheese. Now, I'm having cheese well crackers with spread or sticks with cheese but am liking the spread cheese better, just want some without peanut butter, which I had in the mental hospital. Also, there's cheddar crackers with peanut butter. When I went to the mental hospital in New Orleans, I learned to like grits, and that's what I've been having with bacon.
So, I just got up and noticed I was more European, from eating the fatty food and having more tendongs going to the floor.
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