Prejudices

I know Late Boomers correct children born around 1998, but that's just because they care about them.  People mistake it for being something bad, and then they think, "Oh well, at least they aren't being treated too much better than I am treated."  The truth is they aren't doing anything bad to them, in this light.  They get the added bonus of feeling loved by both Late and Early Boomers and their grandparents.  People like me from Generation XY do not feel this.  We're always in trouble for no good reason.

I think one of different reasons words like "trash" come up in the vocabulary of the head of a home of Baby Boomers is because of things like people in other countries, primarily in Europe, saying we aren't all that to others because we're too American or something, tho it's in good ways as far as we seem to know.  I've encountered innate hostility in trying to connect with people from racially *seclusive ethnicities.  They can't make up their minds if they care I am 1/2 Asian or not.  Their confidence slips right thru their fingers.  The "children," or young people my generation, become somewhat innately explosive and decisive of what they decide to react by.  They act like it's really hard and sacrificial, but we don't ask much in these cases of conversing.  Europeans in Europe think these things aren't interesting, but that's because they're from Europe and it doesn't matter to them.  The English are clear they want to be friends with bad people..  The Germanic side of Europe is very self-worshiping and the one that is more *seclusive.  They probably don't mind taking to someone who is all white, who is born around 1998, or who is from Europe.

What I have to offer is that my mom has strong Dutch heritage from Indonesia for 600-700 years maybe.  She is racially Chinese/Asian.  My dad has a lot of Germanic Anglo-Irish.  He is also German, French, and Dutch and possibly Swiss Pennsylvania Dutch and Anglo-Saxon.  Our last name is Norwegian-French-Welsh-Irish.  His dad is more like a city family and his mom is from a farming family.  He also does have real Irish, but I don't know how much, only know of 1 name like that, Donahue.  If a name is very Irish, I would guess this one partly in a certain way "takes the cake," so-to-speak.  I am guessing it has a forte maybe of being hard-working in some way or very disciplined socially.  My nearest relative from Europe is the Donahue family in at least 1865.  It's a great great grandfather.  The most American is a 4x great grandfather in 1799 at least from the Work family.  If I had to identify as having strong Anglo or Germanic roots as a person, I'd say Germanic.  I guess you could also classify as being Norse/Nordic.  I don't know why, but I don't feel very Irish nor English.

*seclusive - affecting seclusion (link)

Recognized Appropriate Behavior

I was a good kid.  I listened to adults.  I had recognized appropriate behavior and at school usually free from marks.

Most of my relatives with kids used to always reprimand them like all the time.  I think it's affected my sense of identity and helped totally change and ruin it.

My dad seems to always feel there is something wrong with me, like under it all, and tries to treat me like my relatives, too.

Parents

Do you think you should have to get along with each parent in ways you don't like, say your mom has certain strengths your dad doesn't or your dad has certain weaknesses your mom doesn't, other than in racial placement?

What I'm Doing

I had 2 pieces of French bread pizza and grapefruit juice and water.

I'm cooking a pretty big piece of beef and spinach and mushrooms I found in the refrigerator, which is what I liked to buy and my mom got for me.

I'm also cooking eggs to make egg salad sandwich.

My grandma gave us the Christmas candy and several gingerbread cookies.  I had a buckeye, a piece of peanut butter fudge (no chocolate, I think,) and one of the cookies with marshmallows, which I best liked,for once.  I was wondering in New Orleans to me it seemed the thing was to be like spicy and of the old-fashioned based heritage that's become vintage and takes over the civilization, which is very rather sedentary.  I guess moving can be a big deal.  So, I kinda grew up more strict and modern in a sense, not about baking cookies and not really making any fudge.  It's probably because my mom's not American and something else.  My dad liked things like peanut butter cookies.  His dad drank a lot so probably wasn't a cookie guy, not from a farm and had a college degree to be a funeral director who did everything, I think.  I know he liked Edgar Allan Poe and that my dad has read lots of other like science fiction type philosophy seeming themed interest books.  As far as I know, his dad is all white, but I found that most people have Jewish last names from the Germany area.  It seems like a big deal that my grandma's mom wasn't indian.  She wasn't even always sure she was indian.  Supposedly, the records burned down in a building.

So, I'm gonna watch "The Ellen DeGeneres Show."  I have 3 episodes to catch up on.  I was thinking of watching today's 1st, in case I don't get to the day before, I guess, not sure which is better, this time.  The other 1 I don't have recorded because we got a new TV thing.  So, I should watch the videos online and think I happened to see 1 or 2 from her Twitter.

Food

What should I do?  My dad won't bring me home fancy restaurant food, like Olive Garden or Applebee's.  Also, when I went out to eat with him at Perkins, he made me stimulated or aroused but not feel like a tingly feeling in my stomach and tried associating it with a waitress.  He also believes if an idea ticks that it's, like, absolutely something true.  I haven't eaten at a fancy restaurant in a long time.  I've been eating alone, got tired of soup and Tyson's chicken strips.  I've been getting subs and fast food.  At home, I have my beef and cooked greens.  I don't like peppers, onions, tomatos, etc.  I won't eat them, unless they were chopped up into tiny bits and mixed with bread or something like that.  I even stopped putting spice on it.  My parents eat weirdly, weird simple Asian-based food that is kinda unhealthy and not very tasty or some fancy fix-up with sorta just more hot spices and maybe some kinda juicy sauce.  I never eat with them, anymore.  They usually just have chicken and often have rice.  I started eating like this because I had such a good time at Cracker Barrel.  Once, my dad was rude to me and I got mad.  It sounded like 1 guy suddenly said, "nigger."  I was getting tired of just Olive Garden and Cracker Barrel.

So, it sounds like some people want to know if I liked what my mom cooked when I was little, when she's Asian and the good stuff isn't sold here.  I did eat things like Pizza Lunchables, maybe twice a week, funny on top of pizza on Fridays at that school.  My mom didn't like engage me in picking out food at the grocery store, and I learned what people at a long time ago in the U.S.  I can't believe how you|anyone would actually went|go into what my dad ate.  Yea, he's from a farming area, but they don't eat the kind of stuff you eat in the West|Midwest.  Their food seems thin.  I guess moving to the New Orleans area, my appetite increased.  It's funny, though, his family is from Northwestern Pennsylvania.  I think that my grandma has always made good candy, Buckeyes, chocolate fudge, peanut butter fudge, these things of a compilation with marshmallows like fudgy cookies, and oatmeal cookies, which lots of people have made.  It is about the best I've tasted, had a good homemade taste.  Speaking of my grandma, it seems people say that I'm not good as a suggestion but never say why and the reason is never clear.  My parents think I don't have total attitude control and that it doesn't matter if people are mean to me.  I don't really know what it's like to get mad at other people having your food.  I think Italy has good ice cream shops.  In Florida, I guess the food is kinda made to be satisfying yet trashy in a lot of ways but not like infested with maggots.  I think Ellen DeGeneres gets mad at me for growing up in Southeastern and Northeastern Florida until I turned 12 because I'm really tight, realy tightly built and compact, in a way that is not necessary but sorta the arsenal I have in life, unnecessary in that my life isn't complete.  That may not make sense, but you may not really know.  I mean, if you did, you could tell me.  I can't really fix things like that that sound good.  Well, the restaurants are a bit, er, ... what's the word ... vengeful.  I guess the food is fine at the fancy restaurants.

Part of the thing is I thought it'd be cool "not to cook."

Problem

My dad is really bad, really mean, like in a hidden way, thinks it's okay for certain reasons, 1st seeing Johnny Depp in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory directed by Tim Burton, then me not being able to do well in college partly because my life became an experiment and no one was direct with me, like it was to balance the situation.  Then, I used store cards and thought in the experiment I was supposed to call someone the n word.

The Mall

My dad went to the mall and I think was trying to spread more hypnosis on how to treat me.  Isn't it sick how my dad, mom, and other relatives do that?

Problem

So, Johnny Depp moved to Florida at 7, supposedly, and so did some people I knew, at least 2 but I think more.  I know someone else at 9.  I bunch them together, for some reason.  Well, it was a certain area of Florida, the oldest continuing city in the U.S.  The family who moved later aren't very substantial, anymore.  Guess they lost their appetite and their dad.  I knew she used to eat in her room at a young age.  Not very good food.  She had good breakfast.  I mean it was tasty but not to my liking.  I think for me they had fried chicken.  My mom made that a lot, for some reason, I mean got at the grocery store.  I remember someone who moved at 11 and probably more but people who moved schools.  I know someone who moved somewhere else at 15.  No one is doing well, in these places, like people from California.  I have a cousin, but I don't think I can count her because she's related to me.  Also, she's very different.  She's different in the same way as my brother, both about the same age, her a year younger, same month even.  I have the feeling my cousin held onto her mom being from Pennsylvania.  She does seem foreign but is accepted in the family, in that way.  In Orlando, there are more people open about growing up here.  I was surprised to see an old politician from here.  Well, I don't know about people from out-of-the-U.S.  I guess it's just that.  Still, there's something else special about being from a certain place.  There's my brother.  For some reason, it seems worse for him, too.  Maybe it's also his birth year.  You can guess that Latinos are known to preserve their culture, though they seem to infiltrate, the rich ones or the skinny ones with straight hair.

Problem

My dad seems to have gotten quite mad, forgot what he said.  Not really.  He went to see my therapist, and I stayed home.  I think she talked to him about my blog.  I already invited him to go comment.  I'm supposed to usher him to it or whatever.  He seems to be sorta boastful or what's the word, puffing out his chest, proud of his mom's antics after the n word thing, like thinking "her son" is important and he needs to hurt me since my life is getting better.

Also, why is Tim Burton such a scardy cat?  I thought cool people from L.A. were stronger.  That is so suggestive, you know?  I read, also, though, that his parents came from Canada.  You have to watch out for people from Canada and Latin America.  Sometimes, people think this of Australia or maybe like definitely the Filipins.. they went on rattled on about how it was like I forget no unreal and 3rd world.

It was a safehouse for Hispanics, I guess mixed people.  Lots of mixed people are in Australia, Texas, and L.A. and California.  NYC.  I know of at least 1 more white Asian in NYC.

I'm upset because my dad seems upset that people from Florida never liked him.  He's bad.  He treated me badly for things I did.  It wasn't anything like concrete nor blunt nor like very bad very often you'd concur from me, in the end.  It seems like my relationship with Florida went down the drain.  So, what do you think about Elle Fanning living in L.A.?  It's a safehouse for actors.  I don't know if I wanna count her, anymore.  She moved at age 1 and seems conceited about Georgian heritage but despises it just to think it's cool and now looks kinda sad.  Maybe, she'll get better.  I think she's trying to look different and has been going through too many changes.

Problem With My Attitude?

I'm mad at my mom for getting in 2 car accidents that gave her an eye injury and gave her glasses.

When my dad comes, I'm no longer happy, I guess because of things he's done to me and other things he's supposedly caused.

My Mom in Glasses

She hasn't been eating breakfast.  I'm afraid that the reason was because I didn't eat a hearty breakfast growing up.  I got glasses at 9.  I think I had poptarts starting at 6.  Maybe, that's why.  Before, I remember having eggs and toast.  After, bagels with butter.  After, I think I made full meals.  In college, PBJ, from Whole Foods, or not sure what else, Odwalla bars, sometimes bought an Odwalla smoothie.  Odwalla chocolate bars are really good and so are other flavors or were to me.

I don't really see that someone has to have breakfast.  She eats a full supper and a scanty yet quite compiled lunch, it seems..  I was actually worried the whole time, in disbelief, these, however long, living here 7½ years.  I know she's done this since living in this place, 5 years.  I think I counted wrong.  Can't figure it out, for some reason.

I don't know what she used to have for breakfast but used to have tea for bead.

So, people shouldn't get mad at parents just because their kids don't eat breakfast.  I know that some people have their moms make them breakfast.  I didn't really wake up in time, and I think my mom gave me every meal.  I think I lost energy eating school lunch, the unhealthy kind because it tasted good.  Then, I started having more health-based lunches.  That's not why I couldn't read and succeed in a lecture, all of a sudden, much, at all.  I didn't even want the apple.  I wanted breakfast, might have had it once or twice.

My Parents

So, I wasn't supposed to talk to strangers growing up.

My mom is open to black people but not strong, though I don't really feel withheld.

My dad seems to think they're humble, racially.

How My Parents Taught Me

My dad never wanted me to think things were cute and pleasurable in order to succeed morally speaking.  My mom never encouraged me to be racist.

Problem

Also, my grandma read the Bible with me each night and now reading isn't as fun.

Problem

STOP INSULTING ME WITH THE TIMING OF HOW YOU LOAD THE COMPUTER.  THEY CALLED SOMEONE'S FOOT VIETNAM.

Also, they think Ellen DeGeneres is insulting me for fun.  It's really annoying.  I'm not gonna think about that.

Also, stop poking at my dad because you also gave my mom glasses.

Ellen DeGeneres keeps making me feel weird and like I shouldn't be cool.

College

I see Ginny Kopf is teaching 3 classes at Valencia in the Spring, but I need help to get a loan for college if I go and am not sure if my account works.  Well, the 7th, I can technically make it.  The voice class is closed.  :{  She teaches it somewhere else on Sundays.  Won't people know where I am, if I go?  I post online.  It would be fun to go to a group class, though.  I used to not even think about it when I posted about ballet because I'm not like in eminent danger, necessarily, and must live my life, wherever I am, though I don't think anyone at the easy|maybe "bringing back" classes for adults would hurt me.  I mean, people could see me post about something famous a lot, track me down, and attack people I know.  My mom didn't describe the car accidents she was in.  Also, I post to Ginny, anyway, and you can see where she is.  She's probably not the only one in my life you'd find, and she's not really in my life other than meeting her online and posting on her site, not having talked to her yet I mean anyway.  Let's see, Acting I, which I was gonna take at Seminole or she's also doing an Improvisation class with no Prerequisites.  I didn't take Talented Theater but 1 year of high school, and my local theater didn't teach much.  I might ruin the class.  I probably won't elude to where I am if I go.  I might not even sign up for 1 on time.  I can try.  I think my hold was lifted for this semester, so I will probably sign up, unless I chose not to sign up for it.

So, I'm contacting the college, but it never answers.  Something happened, and it's not about me.

I just called her and left a fairly long message.  I told her not to call me but left my number, assuming she may be sleeping.  I connected with her well and don't really know why.  She left a long message in different languages and accents but nothing like what I'm used to in the New Orleans area.

Also, her Improvisation class is Closed but not Full, didn't say so when I signed up.  So, I might take Acting I.  '8I  The voice class, which is shorter I remember.., is full.  She teaches it in the community, as well.  I could afford it but would prefer to take out a college loan.  I'm glad the class is full, but I don't know why Acting I still has space.

So, I noticed, when I left the message, that my voice was kinda liquidy, for some reason, and thinning.  :,  Huh.

It's funny I didn't think of bad thoughts.

Problem

Why do you keep spouting lies at me, and what about the connotation of the word lies floats your fancy?  You don't have anything to say.  What about food?  What am I supposed to do?  My dad eats out with me but won't bring it home.

So, I get to sit here hours a day plowing through shit?

Problem

My eyes kinda feel meshy, like they're going out, with pressure.  Kinda like fuzzy, fading.  I have a feeling I need a rest from 711.  It's so hard to come by food.  My dad doesn't seem to want to bring me home good restaurant food.

Problem

So, apparently, my dad thinks my life should be littered with problems.  Why is he nice to others.  He's pretty much a pig.

Problem

Last season, Ellen DeGeneres was onto what you think in private.  This season, I thought she had messages for me as annoying clicks in my room and then got mad she did it, then like I couldn't get restaurant food taken to me recently, my mom got glasses, and I think something else, more of an idea, which made sense in the end.  Like, sometimes, I didn't feel like going to the grocery store or my dad wouldn't buy me enough some.