Wednesday, December 5, 2012
Be the One
So, my dad actually thought, with all his intelligence, and his family, that maybe Ellen would be the one to accept his racism to me because I'm bad for complaining about their being mean to me and making my life so unfair, being fat and staying up late because of how they treat me coupled with problems I faced during the school day?
Pretty Submissive
Wow, Ellen DeGeneres is pretty submissive. Isn't everyone? You's gots to earn yer way.
McDonald's
2 Hamburgers
South Chicken Sandwich
Fish
Side Salad
Medium Fries
Chocolate Shake
Hot Fudge Sundae
For lunch, I had all but one small piece of frozen pepperoni pizza and a bowl of plain, cooked really good whole cut mushrooms and spinach after.
I was lying on my couch, so tired and loaded. I woke up twice, whenever I went to bed and woke up for good between 2:00 A.M. and 3:00 A.M.
I don't normally eat like this. I did have a lot of hot dogs lately, in a way.
South Chicken Sandwich
Fish
Side Salad
Medium Fries
Chocolate Shake
Hot Fudge Sundae
For lunch, I had all but one small piece of frozen pepperoni pizza and a bowl of plain, cooked really good whole cut mushrooms and spinach after.
I was lying on my couch, so tired and loaded. I woke up twice, whenever I went to bed and woke up for good between 2:00 A.M. and 3:00 A.M.
I don't normally eat like this. I did have a lot of hot dogs lately, in a way.
Always Wrong
Ellen DeGeneres thinks it's cute she gets mad whenever she's wrong and you have to think about it. That happens all the time, well not really, just people like me.
What would you do?
Would you go to the public high school for Talented Theater, Gifted, and Talented Music? Or would you go to the private high school for more opportunity? Well, the math class was bad and too hard. The history class was too easy yet laborious. The English class didn't provide any instruction in classical literature. The religion class was bad. I couldn't succeed on the science project because I started too late. The teacher was the disciplinarian. Band, during free period, was hard. I could not succeed in Chemistry II. However, it helped me in lab 3 years later. Physics lab was also fun. This was level 1. I had to come home because the lectures were too hard. The music on Saturdays was worth it. However, I couldn't be in the ballet recital. In college, I had to wait a year and got fat and the hurricane came and I was kicked out and nothing was ever the same. I tried to take class here, but they were sarcastic. They don't really accept me at the other school, as a person. I keep having to wonder about my age. The adult classes aren't so cool. I don't want to ruin my body for ballet, neither. What about gymnastics? I'm thinking of learning to spin on ropes.
I think if you do dance, the question was if you did modern dance or ballet. Also, ballerinas can do jazz. Too bad not hip hop. Modern dancers learn jazz and tap and cheap ballet classes. I did gymnastics and ballet at different points, and the schedule was hard. I also got to sing. I mean, I guess you could carpool or do daycare. I know you can't come home early when you're young. You probably have to carpool. I know dance team was big. I don't think you'd make it on a bus in all cases. I didn't carpool, but we got a car and I did piano outside of home at this institute. I saw theater there, too, and a floutist. I know you have to do theater after school in junior high, too. Choir is at some schools. I mean, I guess, when you're older, you can do swinging on ropes. Cheerleaders do tumbling. I did gymnastics when I was 17 for teens and later did the kid class in the summer and then a class for adults. So, I guess school sports are nice. Soccer was big. Volleyball is fun. I wanted to do softball. I got a workout at practice. I also took private tennis but don't think I'd enjoy the team. I did cross country in the evening but not track. I did field but didn't compete. I was also in softball that year. I think public junior highs have track. I think non-religious private schools have more than religious schools. Orlando has acting schools which also offer other activities to prepare for film as well as modeling, though modeling is considered a big thing. I just realized you could do both, but why? Too much. I liked church choir. That was a big thing for me and ballet on Saturdays. The kids in the younger class looked at me like I was bad. Band is nice, too. Public schools have symphonies, and colleges have chamber orchestras without piano|organ. Harp is even in band. You supposedly need to learn piano 1st. It made it really easy. Guitar is easy, but I stopped. It's not very easy. It's like piano. You have to practice every day. I took a break from piano and can't get to an organ. So, if your mom doesn't work, you can do gymnastics and tumbling I mean ribbons (ropes er swinging on clothes) and I mean or what about ballet and film acting? If your mom works and you can't get transportation, I mean you could try to get in a sport. I guess you'd have to work out at home. Maybe, you play in daycare. So, the girls sports are...
cheerleading|dance|baton|flag
(Also, you march in school baton, usually.)
Volleyball, Swimming (Cross Country)
Soccer, Basketball
Softball (Track|Field, Tennis)
It seems like if you swim and dance you'd be well off. I don't know how you could do that unless you had like a program at night. My college had a prep program even every day for piano. It got worse after I took it. The bad thing about that is it really traps you into being good at one thing that's not really quite so fun. At least, organ, you can play at church. You know, it has flute sounds and bell sounds. I played keyboard growing up for piano practice until we moved. Organ is really nostalgic. I went to the most prestigious place for it over the summer for a week. I did the best for what I could do. Same with piano the summer before in New Orleans. They have jazz piano, too, but didn't let me in on organ later.
I actually did basketball at a Baptist church. It seems anyone can do swimming, really. Same with Track and Field. Oh yes, and there's that weight training sport. Those people are really beefed up but might not run.
So, you could still do the swinging around the ribbons. I guess cheerleaders some of them tumble. Trapeze class might be open for fit people at night, but the swinging on cloth thing sounds better.
I know I feel the benefits of ballet training. I don't feel like sitting through a swinging on cloth class, these days. Plus, money. I just work out at home and will try to get a good Cardio and upper body DVD. I guess one day I will have more money and nicer clothes. I will be more fit and can spend money on other things.
I think if you do dance, the question was if you did modern dance or ballet. Also, ballerinas can do jazz. Too bad not hip hop. Modern dancers learn jazz and tap and cheap ballet classes. I did gymnastics and ballet at different points, and the schedule was hard. I also got to sing. I mean, I guess you could carpool or do daycare. I know you can't come home early when you're young. You probably have to carpool. I know dance team was big. I don't think you'd make it on a bus in all cases. I didn't carpool, but we got a car and I did piano outside of home at this institute. I saw theater there, too, and a floutist. I know you have to do theater after school in junior high, too. Choir is at some schools. I mean, I guess, when you're older, you can do swinging on ropes. Cheerleaders do tumbling. I did gymnastics when I was 17 for teens and later did the kid class in the summer and then a class for adults. So, I guess school sports are nice. Soccer was big. Volleyball is fun. I wanted to do softball. I got a workout at practice. I also took private tennis but don't think I'd enjoy the team. I did cross country in the evening but not track. I did field but didn't compete. I was also in softball that year. I think public junior highs have track. I think non-religious private schools have more than religious schools. Orlando has acting schools which also offer other activities to prepare for film as well as modeling, though modeling is considered a big thing. I just realized you could do both, but why? Too much. I liked church choir. That was a big thing for me and ballet on Saturdays. The kids in the younger class looked at me like I was bad. Band is nice, too. Public schools have symphonies, and colleges have chamber orchestras without piano|organ. Harp is even in band. You supposedly need to learn piano 1st. It made it really easy. Guitar is easy, but I stopped. It's not very easy. It's like piano. You have to practice every day. I took a break from piano and can't get to an organ. So, if your mom doesn't work, you can do gymnastics and tumbling I mean ribbons (ropes er swinging on clothes) and I mean or what about ballet and film acting? If your mom works and you can't get transportation, I mean you could try to get in a sport. I guess you'd have to work out at home. Maybe, you play in daycare. So, the girls sports are...
cheerleading|dance|baton|flag
(Also, you march in school baton, usually.)
Volleyball, Swimming (Cross Country)
Soccer, Basketball
Softball (Track|Field, Tennis)
It seems like if you swim and dance you'd be well off. I don't know how you could do that unless you had like a program at night. My college had a prep program even every day for piano. It got worse after I took it. The bad thing about that is it really traps you into being good at one thing that's not really quite so fun. At least, organ, you can play at church. You know, it has flute sounds and bell sounds. I played keyboard growing up for piano practice until we moved. Organ is really nostalgic. I went to the most prestigious place for it over the summer for a week. I did the best for what I could do. Same with piano the summer before in New Orleans. They have jazz piano, too, but didn't let me in on organ later.
I actually did basketball at a Baptist church. It seems anyone can do swimming, really. Same with Track and Field. Oh yes, and there's that weight training sport. Those people are really beefed up but might not run.
So, you could still do the swinging around the ribbons. I guess cheerleaders some of them tumble. Trapeze class might be open for fit people at night, but the swinging on cloth thing sounds better.
I know I feel the benefits of ballet training. I don't feel like sitting through a swinging on cloth class, these days. Plus, money. I just work out at home and will try to get a good Cardio and upper body DVD. I guess one day I will have more money and nicer clothes. I will be more fit and can spend money on other things.
Dominos of Thoughts
Do you believe that people have a domino affect in making decisions and that thoughts actually come to your mind out of your "control?"
Changing Schools
So, I was kicked out of my major because I was losing sleep. I had the feeling I would change, but I only wanted more. I really had the feeling I would like go into a different major but already plotted another heavy load in the same line. In piano, I guess I thought I'd get a D or F, and I thought I'd get a higher grade in one or more other classes. One was unfair, and I could have done a project over the summer. So, because of unfairness, I thought, I couldn't even transfer to another prestigious institute. Now, I just need grade forgiveness for 18 credits I took online. 1 class I only have 1 more shot. I don't have a 4.0. I think I have a 3.5. I'm not sure why I never memorized my piano piece. I should have been withdrawn. I guess everyone should be withdrawn. The goal is to get a high G.P.A. I mean, I needed a place to better myself. I didn't know what major to change to, neither, because I was kicked out of my major.
Suggesting Fun of Me
My dad keeps being suggestive to me. Like, I feel good, and he makes fun of me.
What's at Stake
So, why were people thinking you had to post your name and where you lived online? What about pictures?
Also, why did they want you to go crazy getting new sites and throwing away old sites? I had the feeling being organized was selfish. I also ended up doing things and feeling repercussions from others.
I'm just not having fun when I change in certain ways. People all prevent me from changing and interacting with others as my new self. They want me to like do stuff so they know what I'm gonna do and so they can like prevent me from doing it in a certain way.
Also, some people do weird things for attention. They also think what you accomplished and earned is "what's" at stake.
Also, why did they want you to go crazy getting new sites and throwing away old sites? I had the feeling being organized was selfish. I also ended up doing things and feeling repercussions from others.
I'm just not having fun when I change in certain ways. People all prevent me from changing and interacting with others as my new self. They want me to like do stuff so they know what I'm gonna do and so they can like prevent me from doing it in a certain way.
Also, some people do weird things for attention. They also think what you accomplished and earned is "what's" at stake.
Hurting Others
So, if you hurt me, I can get back at you because you say what I do is just some physical entity and not the result of surrounding things.
Having a Good Point
Does Ellen DeGeneres have a point? So, she's just bad and tells people they're not good. So, like if someone does something bad, like she has to agree? Why is this a big deal? I guess you just like her because she's young, a young generation, and has blonde hair and blue eyes and is strong. Is it because she's Jewish, too? What about Helena Bonham Carter? She's Spanish? What about people who are all Spanish?
Showered
I just showered and did some cleaning. I exercised, Cardio and Core, and painted my nails. I reapplied more cream on my pimple. It has 2 spots|sections of blood in it and is hard. It seems pretty dirty from the old cleanser. I still feel kinda bad.
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
Trekking
It used to make me uncomfortable when I used to think my life was being monitored, maybe. I also felt uncomfortable to have secrets from Tim Burton and about someone.. I guess if you know you're environment, things work. If you don't, then you find it hard to find out what happened. Some things aren't important.
Having Kids
Isn't it interesting, you could have a kid made just for you and then have one of your own?
I guess people want to really set up their kids. Well, I mean, I would want the best for my kids. I feel that my life is happy and that others died peacefully but that eternity exists. I was worried that my kids would have kids, and their kids would have kids, and they would keep having kids. I figured there was a lot of room, though, and I guess one day it'd end. If you don't have kids is okay, just another loss. I guess you'd care about your kids.
If Ellen DeGeneres had a daughter, I guess when her daughter is 15 she'd be like ... 70. I have a friend whose parents are about that old. Why don't you have a kid with Tim Burton now? It's just that he has a daughter. You'd have to have *beep* to have a kid, but you can naturally chose to have a girl. You could get a young guy, but what about Tim Burton, he's about your age. There are lots of nice guys out there who are born before, too. Maybe, you are looking? It must be stressful.
Not having kids, you can change the world, but eventually you might want a kid when you'd done changing.
I guess people want to really set up their kids. Well, I mean, I would want the best for my kids. I feel that my life is happy and that others died peacefully but that eternity exists. I was worried that my kids would have kids, and their kids would have kids, and they would keep having kids. I figured there was a lot of room, though, and I guess one day it'd end. If you don't have kids is okay, just another loss. I guess you'd care about your kids.
If Ellen DeGeneres had a daughter, I guess when her daughter is 15 she'd be like ... 70. I have a friend whose parents are about that old. Why don't you have a kid with Tim Burton now? It's just that he has a daughter. You'd have to have *beep* to have a kid, but you can naturally chose to have a girl. You could get a young guy, but what about Tim Burton, he's about your age. There are lots of nice guys out there who are born before, too. Maybe, you are looking? It must be stressful.
Not having kids, you can change the world, but eventually you might want a kid when you'd done changing.
Looks Like You've Got Me So Uncool You've Got Me So Uncool
Why do we need to feel suggestions? Is that because you're not cool enough?
Experimentation
When I was forced to be watched without being told by video camera in private all the time everywhere by one person, I was treated with more respect than you could imagine, when life still had more potential, in 2005. As I did poorly in school, for concrete reasons, I lost respect. More things happened, one big thing, and then I lost respect again. I also lost respect with something else I remember now.
Welcoming the Graces of Others
So, why should Ellen DeGeneres be welcomed into the good graces of Johnny Depp?
Showered
I showered earlier.
I'm using old bathroom products and have a big box and a smaller box of old bathroom supplies. My face feels dirty, and my pimple hurts. It feels like a wet, sour hot dog.
I also have a lot of dry grease visibly stuck in my pores, and I couldn't even get it out at a spa. I thought I visited a dermatologist but maybe not yet...
I'm using old bathroom products and have a big box and a smaller box of old bathroom supplies. My face feels dirty, and my pimple hurts. It feels like a wet, sour hot dog.
I also have a lot of dry grease visibly stuck in my pores, and I couldn't even get it out at a spa. I thought I visited a dermatologist but maybe not yet...
Dream
Might I also add I got another perverted idea to Ellen DeGeneres, but that wasn't what I had happening. Maybe, she was like in the bushes or something and I was following her around. Except, it was like outside like a building I think.
Dream
I know Ellen DeGeneres was in it.
There was a part when I got Nell Burton from her mom and her dad was there. I kept squeezing her for a long time, like a mommy. I think she disappeared.
There was a part when I got Nell Burton from her mom and her dad was there. I kept squeezing her for a long time, like a mommy. I think she disappeared.
Problem
So, don't say it's okay if Ellen DeGeneres is actually being mean to me but not admitting it.
Anti-Submission
People are submitting to Tim Burton acting like things are literal in an English way.
Just Got Mad
I was feeling bad and like sorta focused on for talking about my cousin.
I'm getting a lot of liberties from her.
Since the n word thing, all of a sudden she's so good. Supposedly, her being bad was okay, now, and me being good is wrong. She just did that for attention.
I'm getting a lot of liberties from her.
Since the n word thing, all of a sudden she's so good. Supposedly, her being bad was okay, now, and me being good is wrong. She just did that for attention.
Problem
Why are people bothering me about my cousin? I can talk about other people. That's all there is to do. I wasn't defaming her like trying to portray her in a bad way. It was actually something that affected me that was important. I think it's her mom's fault and maybe the other sister's. It could be mine, too. I had problems with my friends, too.
Subway
Chicken Bacon Ranch on Honey Oat Foot Long & Chocolate Chip Cookies
My dad got me 2 orders, but I don't know why. The cookies were in the bag with his sandwich.
My dad got me 2 orders, but I don't know why. The cookies were in the bag with his sandwich.
Talking Back
People need to quit insulting me and be more critical of others they "formerly" held divine. You can't just like rope my feelings and then suggest the opposite to just me.
Roping My Point
I find that when people talk to me they are indirectly mean to me and I suffer. They just want to stimulate me by being suggestive, and I get this feeling of wanting to do something about their supposed superiority. I don't think I ever wanted to be perverted. I just get that it's because of unfair things in my life.
What do you have to be like?
So, do you have to be like your dad or can you be like his parents? Like, my dad had a flat face before. He also had kinda slick yet hairy skin. I mean, it must make a difference. I'm just lucky my mom is the opposite.
I wonder...
I wonder if I would have gotten pimples if there was ballet where we lived in the nation's oldest city.
Well Wishes to All
I hope everyone is doing well, but I know that people supposedly don't care. I caught onto this idea from my grandma that just because my mom is cute that everyone is attacking her for not being European to me.
Problem Growing Up
So, when I was 11 and that thing happened, I think I got fat after I heard we were moving.
Feeling Dirty
I feel dilapidated, unshowered, but still tired from the walk. Let's see, I didn't shower today. That means I'm in a grumpy mode. I need to shop. I need to lie down, too.
I just feel like fat, greasy, with brushed yet messy hair.
I'm just really mad I guess at the accumulation of problems through the years, but it's good to slow down so you're not winded. I mean, I'm thinking of the collected fat. I mean, I'm okay, but I feel kinda tired and dirty like greasy. I'm gonna take some pills that are to reduce fat, natural pills, that also increase the digestion.
I just feel like fat, greasy, with brushed yet messy hair.
I'm just really mad I guess at the accumulation of problems through the years, but it's good to slow down so you're not winded. I mean, I'm thinking of the collected fat. I mean, I'm okay, but I feel kinda tired and dirty like greasy. I'm gonna take some pills that are to reduce fat, natural pills, that also increase the digestion.
Taking out My Anger
I don't sit there in a daze and submission to my dad because you're older than me and he's older than you. If I get insulted, I have to like do something. I like to think of tackling an explosion, but I bet that makes you mad that I get away with taking out my anger. I feel that in private I got the message from a boy that I have to turn my thoughts into curse words, and then it was encouraged by others, to give him stimulating attention and so I'd be punished all the time for what I thought. I'm always trying to improve and I mean cursing when used for fun isn't offensive. I am an honest person, and I didn't do anything wrong. I don't have a malfunctioning, conscious problem. I was taught to believe others do.
Problem
If you wanna hang out with someone, why don't you just submit to them?
I noticed Ellen DeGeneres supposedly notices weird things that don't have anything to do with one another and then in private it becomes a big deal.
I noticed Ellen DeGeneres supposedly notices weird things that don't have anything to do with one another and then in private it becomes a big deal.
Problems
So, what's with the acting like the clicks in my room are okay ... like even with things that other people approve of?
I was thinking, people are making fun of me for identifying with my dad in a good way.
Stop surrounding me all of a sudden with insults. I don't believe you, that this is what I need but that you are bad people. It seems like all the good people have gone against me that I meet.
I was thinking, people are making fun of me for identifying with my dad in a good way.
Stop surrounding me all of a sudden with insults. I don't believe you, that this is what I need but that you are bad people. It seems like all the good people have gone against me that I meet.
Problem
I was just really bothered and feel more annoyed for reacting. I just felt so overcome and like beaten down.
I will not take this. I will locate the cause of these problems and why I've been so tortured. I'm more convinced it was the n word thing. I don't want to believe my life was an experiment before college and especially not when I moved when I was 12. My life was miserable. Since that thing when I was 11, I pretty much lost my looks and eventually well-being.
So, I think that there is the original source, and then there is the person who takes action and then there is the person who is a victim.
My head is pretty sensitive now, too. It's hard on the outside, and the inside is more stable.
I will not take this. I will locate the cause of these problems and why I've been so tortured. I'm more convinced it was the n word thing. I don't want to believe my life was an experiment before college and especially not when I moved when I was 12. My life was miserable. Since that thing when I was 11, I pretty much lost my looks and eventually well-being.
So, I think that there is the original source, and then there is the person who takes action and then there is the person who is a victim.
My head is pretty sensitive now, too. It's hard on the outside, and the inside is more stable.
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