My Old Blog

So, I was in the car, yesterday, and I was telling my parents my toenails used to look like my aunts's but also like me. Then, they got wider and shorter, which my cousin's were more. I don't know if it was gonna happen, anyway, but it mattered. I had a friend with toes like that, too. I'm pretty mad. People used to also look at my simple legs.

Being Nice and Not

If Billy Raymond Burton and Nell are so nice, then why do people think they aren't? What will they do?

When I Ate

I got the feeling of nothing, like I wasn't laden down. I could only afford one sandwich and water and got cups of water.

Interesting People

I met some interesting people this weekend. I was at the mall, and this thick lady with sorta rich mousy maybe straight bouncy shoulder length hair and a strong smooth nose said something in the middle of the mall and it just totally surrounded me.

Also, when I was waiting to come home, a nice Asian lady asked me to sit and have a drink and would fix me something. I was sitting on the curb maybe miles from home. I didn't ask for directions because I didn't want to give out my address. Map Quest apparently wasn't working.

In for Some Action

Boy, the likes of Ellen DeGeneres is "in" for some Early Boom action.

Disrespect

People suddenly started being disrespectful to me when I was 11 and 12.

Disturbed by Messages

I keep getting disturbing messages about|from my oldest aunt.

Freedom of Speech

THIS IS MY BLOG

Problem

WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM

I'm not gonna sit here and put up with this.

Useless Messages

I keep getting useless messages.

I JUST TOLD YOU THE OPPOSITE

Problem

How do we know that the internet is safe? I need it! I should check it out at the library but don't.

Problem

They keep associating ideas, like they aren't even people.

Stop

Leave me alone.

I don't revel in being stimulated in perverted ways by much older people or people from other generations.

Problem

Please stop making up wild fantasies because I have problems.

I just got ideas that annoying people are a big part of my life, like the tags and categories in my blog.

I guess you kinda just went all out and thought my blog was a public broadcast and that my life is not indeed overly tortured. I just wanted you to know I'm not literally doing that.

Escalating

The problems simply keep escalating after I solve others.

I'm having a problem with the influence of my older aunts on how others treat me. It's hysterical, literally. So, don't let it happen. See, she would just kinda blow up on the inside or if she's mad vent. Then, something really touching would happen.

Problem

My blog keeps getting influenced in bad ways. Once, I changed it after I simply got mad at someone mean.

Think Think Think

What do you think of people who think of something after an idea is meditated on?

On the Wild Side

I don't like the wild side of some.

What do you think?

So, what do you think about people who aren't from Southeastern Florida nor L.A. who decide to insult you just to look cool when they really are racist?

Limp

My wrist was kinda limp.

Sore and Tired

My left arm is pretty sore randomly.

1 Shot

So, if you could only have a chance at being a fan of one person, who would it be, Ellen DeGeneres, Tim Burton, or Johnny Depp?

Fitting In

A lot of people like Johnny Depp. I tried hard to fit in with the fans.

Generations and Race

Why don't you come out in the open and figure out what you want with other generations like mine who are jealous of how "comfortable" people are born in 1992 and 1998?

I know a lot of people like end up blasting hatred and dirt. It's too bad they aren't perfect. Maybe, they just aren't that white.

"Young" Fans

Johnny Depp fans are commonly born in 1992. That means they are 29 years younger. I'm about 23 years younger. Also, he's a boy. It seems to work out. I can't imagine his fans any younger.

Infiltrating in Cultures

Do you think people who moved to Florida from the Northeast should infiltrate into the culture? Like, if they moved after they were 6?

I know Elle Fanning moved to L.A., but now she seems like she's from Georgia, since she got a little bigger and started acting more. I just like that ad she used to have up on her site, I mean banner, that had 3 pictures of her and said, "Smile - Pretty - Girl." It seemed like there would be so much more. I like the "Good Life" ad with all the white-haired kids, that was online. I don't see why such kids would get in trouble for looking like old-fashioned kids, but celebs get away with anything. I was trying to infiltrate in film but simply didn't make it and am siding with Ellen DeGeneres and finding out what's appropriate.

Eating

I just had a bowl of creamy chicken soup with a lot of spice and am having the 2nd.

I had some beef already.

I have spinach and mushrooms, cooked in water, gonna put a spice on it from the grocery store.

More beef.

Waiting for the last of my Philly swirly Italian Ice to melt.

Breakfast

I had Liver Worst and 2 Onion Bagels with Cream Cheese.

'}:|

Look at this girl from England, how pleasured she is and in a cozy, protected, European way. My dad is gonna rampage over this somehow.

link

Suggestion

Nell Burton seems to think that her weaknesses are my strengths. She thinks she deserves her riches.

People Feeling Beat Over Me

People seem to feel beat for me not having to interact with my dad so much.

Caring About Me

I feel my dad doesn't let me do certain things, and then other people ask why. With my mom, people just care about my feelings and my race. They also seem to formulate an attitude over me and what I seem to be like.

Problem

Look, I'm from Florida.

I just have a certain kind of family.

Being From Solid Ground

Why am I considered not from solid ground if these people from L.A. and Florida are?

I am not.

I am not gonna go talk to my parents like a teenager from watching "The Ellen DeGeneres Show."

My dad is a bit hostile.

Problem

I just mentioned something important, and then you made me think of my dad. Want to admit that?

Problem

No, I don't have to relate to my dad and not in the way you want. Let me remind you I am 26.

Did you listen? I don't mean it's not an issue. I think it's a waste of everyone's time.

An Adult Now

I'm 26 and very very good everyone thinks. So, I am very mad at your constant reminders at certain points that maybe I could even listen to my dad. I mean, I don't think he's smarter than me.

No Different

I am like everyone else. I know you want things to be cut and simple.

Not Unimportant

If you don't like what I said, let's just say that my friends are not more important than me.

PAY ATTENTION

Why do you bother with my old friends in bad ways? I mean, like, I'm thinking, for some reason, "What is your problem?"

My Old Friends's Bad Ways

My friends are bad and think they have something over me. That is so ridiculous. Does anyone think this makes sense? Anyone think they can challenge me?

Heritage in the U.S.

I guess I have heritage in Pennsylvania. I think Florida and L.A. are similar, but I am from Southeastern Florida, as well as Northeastern Florida. The only reason I like Northeastern Florida is because it's kinda dreamy and for the nation's oldest continuing city. I don't like suck up to my dad, neither. I think my mom has interesting culture.

How People Are in Certain Areas

I don't think everyone with heritage in L.A. is the same, but you'd want to think just that.

Like to Leave Off

I really do like to leave off some issues.

I don't like how I was in a way when I was certain ages, had some difficulties, like with my nose not being skinny. And being short.

People Being Really Mean

People from the Northeast are mean. They think that if you are attractive you are bad. They just want to feel pleasure and that life is made of raw material. They also think being modern is too stressful and therefore evil.

Sensitive Issue

It's too bad everyone is so sensitive about that thing when I was 11.

It seems like nothing's happened in my life since then. I don't see what's so bad about it. I mean, it was just for fun. I don't think it's a danger, in this day and age, with the net, to be sarcastic if you don't like call someone something bad or something like that. I mean, you don't know what different things could really mean, even. It did seem eminent. I mean, I'm not as bad as everyone else.

What I Should Have Done

I should have gone to the private junior high.

Year 1
1 English II
2 Geometry
3 History
4 Physical Science
5 Religion
6 Health | PE I
7 Art

Year 2
1 English III
2 Algebra II
3 History
4 Biology I
5 Religion
6 PE II
7 Art

Year 3
1 English IV
2 Advanced Math
3 History
4 Chemsitry I
5 Religion
6 Civics
7 Art

Year 4
1 English V
2 Calculus
3 History
4 Physics
5 Religion
6 Art
7

I should have gone to the public junior high.

Year 1
1 English I G
2 Geometry G
3 Physical Science H
4 Freshman Orientation | Civics
5 PE I
6
7

Year 2
1 English II G
2 Algebra II G
3 Biology I H
4 World History (H?)
5 PE II | Health
6
7

Year 3
1 English III APG
2 Advanced Math APG
3 Chemsistry I H
4 American History H
5 Free Enterprise |
6
7

Year 4
1 English IV APG
2 Calculus APG
3 Physics H
4
5
6
7

If I stayed at the Catholic junior high, which had bad history and not so good science:

Year 1
1 English II G
2 Geometry G
3 Freshman Orientation | Civics
4 Biology I H
5 PE I
6
7

Year 2
1 English III APG
2 Algebra II G
3 World History (H?)
4 Chemistry I H
5 PE II | Health
6
7

Year 3
1 English IV APG
2 Advanced Math APG
3 American History H
4 Physics H
5 Free Enterprise |
6
7

So, for electives, at the public high school, they should have been: Talented Theater & Talented Music - Singing.

College - Loyola University New Orleans - Communications & Film

I must admit though that all that made college aesthetic as it was was Singing and Ballet.

Graduate and work for Disney Junior at Burbank.

Acclimating

When I moved to the New Orleans area, I was 12 and 13. I guess most people there weren't new. I didn't really care about Mardi Gras. I just got into it by the end. I did some clubs my 1st year and was pretty busy. The next year, I was Queen of Clubs, a newspaper article by a friend seeing who did the most activities, in and out of school. Then, I changed my life to become the holistic solution. However, I had this really hard course and didn't know I had to leave. Then, my life was ruined. I was having fun at church already with the changing of choir directors twice, took to them. The choir was very different and changed a lot. It was nice to be the youngest with older people, who were funny but not at 1st very clear. There were only about 10-20 of them total. I guess it gave me an uncomfortable feeling and would to talk about it, not being from there. =| I'm not sure what else. I know I started Talented Theater but changed schools. I went to music school in New Orleans. I started playing at church but not the official organ accompaniment. Everyone knew me at church and lots of people in the community theater did, as well. I only did the ballet recital and the new school one year. I left the old school and learned more at the new school. My friend encouraged me. I should have looked around. I feel I should have gone to the harder school but for some reason thought I should do other things. I took gymnastics for teens once a week. I was the oldest at my ballet schools, except once at the old one, my 1st year of high school. Still, there were lots of younger kids. So, then, I went to school in New Orleans and I was there for school, but what sticks with me is like remembering going to the zoo before school started and stuff like that. Like walking to tutor for an honors credit. Stuff like that. It was very memorable. I had a lot of associations with being from the area and like going to music school in high school. It was connected to the world. There were so many interesting people, professors. There was this one girl who dressed nicely. It just was an overwhelming experience. I just felt a bit beefed up and tired for ballet.

Maybe, you didn't understand.

When my friends left me, I became depressed and eventually lost lots and lots of energy.

I think it's obvious about being very sensitive to the area you live in.

Louisiana was so different, and I couldn't think, about modern culture. I totally lost it. Right away. I still haven't gotten it back, never thought I could by maybe a miniscule chance in a chance.

I wanted to play softball, but there was no team. I did it my 1st year of high school, happy to wear no uniform at a public school, which got uniforms the next year. They didn't even put the softball photos in the yearbook, and it was the best picture I'd seen. I put down the book and then the page wasn't there. I know I played for the senior play then, too, but the coach said okay. I think she was mad. I was only JV because there weren't enough people. I actually thought I'd make soccer, but there were too many people. I think I tried to get in it like 3 times. Well, the 3rd time at a new school I participated in practice until I had to like go to ballet or maybe I just didn't come.

How I'm Feeling

Well, I didn't wear sunblock, so I became more red.

My knees felt a bit like with a hard bump.

I was pretty sore but kinda am over it. It will come back when I lie down. Energy will ooze from my corpse.

I wasn't sore how I usually was. I felt more compact and like put together like strings of raw meat. That's how I feel often, now. I've been eating more, and am feeling more content. 8|

I just feel kinda like energized like "enlightened" in a physical sense.

In the bathtub, my knees almost locked when I was getting out, in a solid totally connected way.

Being Allowed to Do Things

I find it disgusting in a way that people think I shouldn't be allowed to do things I used to do living somewhere else.

It's just suggestive and there for fun. I mean, it's like it doesn't even matter. Why am I getting signals from elsewhere? You should post these things online. Like, if you already do, then to me I guess, on like when I get a place for comments, again.

I know people complained all the time where I lived in public and it annoyed me, as well as got in my way. I found they really cared about how you felt, though. I mean, yes, there were some people who were quieter, but they all seemed snobby to me.

I feel as though I were set up. I just felt like my life would be ruined because I was moving to a suburb of New Orleans and not New Orleans itself. Well, it was. :|

Need to Shut Up

Isn't it funny how people I know are trying to take over the culture I acquired in the south? I wasn't mean to people but complained to my family ABOUT NOT LIKING THE AREA AND HAVING NO FRIENDS AND NOT BEING ABLE TO FINISH MY HOMEWORK EVEN THOUGH I'M A GOOD STUDENT. It definitely is a serious issue. I mean I need to shut up.

I don't think other people need to observe me and act like I'm incompetent and torture me and act like that all and stuff. Then, they meet someone who's "really from there" and things look different, for some reason, like I didn't deserve respect. I talked to my relatives and friends in a funny way about not liking the new area, you know like it was a thing and it was really funny.

So, I seemed okay, until I started ballet...

It's Funny

It's funny when something makes a lot of sense but is said that you don't deserve to be happy.

Imperfection

Ellen DeGeneres isn't perfect because I keep getting the idea she's like mad at like what my family does, like it might make sense, but she is like a vicious person, like the thoughts you get from her, like with Tim Burton. Maybe, it's just me imagining things, mostly. I'm not sure exactly what I'm thinking or tapping into. I think this is true. She just doesn't show it. I mean, I think people always kinda got mad at my dad. Maybe, it's time to let it out.

I WILL NOT ACCEPT THIS :0

I've been at this, you can't suddenly "be the one" to correct him like I don't matter. I'm not gonna live like flowers. Like all like everything doesn't need to be talked about|addressed.

Problem

My dad keeps making bad remarks and then reacting when I am mad about it and think of something to stop my anger. I mean, I think that's how people are, it is the situation, and it is highly suggestive. Well, these remarks are inverbal. Like, say something isn't like "perfect" nor smooth. It just makes me feel worse about myself taking liberties.

I mean, we try to stop these thoughts, as we go online or do things to be in the world. No one even cares if we're sorry.

Disturbed by My Irritations

I became mad last night about Ellen DeGeneres living in L.A. and for some reason thought she was beyond unthankful as everyone from the New Orleans area is. I just thought maybe like she and Tim Burton thought I was nothing. I used to want to move to L.A., but I got the idea so did everyone. Then, I got the idea everyone wishes they were from Florida and that maybe that's the reason. I think it's just a racist thing. I wish I had another example. There are other people online, but I guess their content is rather feisty. I've come across blogs but not often by people posting in certain ways. I was about to look at one now from Twitter. See, I really am not keeping up and probably should. I'm even having problems with Twitter. However, I find my writing kinda simple yet unstructured.

Also, do you really get Tim's England jokes? What's the big idea? I just posted my complaints about that country. I just figured everybody else sucked, but they really sided with the wrong people and told them big things. What I am alluding to, though, is that I posted they acted like England was like scary and like too pleasurable in some weird way or like "any way you can imagine."

I don't know much about Ellen DeGeneres. I mean she changed since Tim Burton. It was probably in a good way. I think people are really at her at random and really have no reason to be they will find. I don't mean disinterested. I mean, yea, they probably used to go really crazy. Well, I find that I get ideas from her in the silence. Same with Tim Burton, but sometimes I like "know it's him" and often I didn't. I just know she was more mean before and now I get the messages in private. Well, she wasn't really "mean" just annoying but yea mean but not unusually mean. I just mean everyone is mean to me.

I think Ellen DeGeneres is a really smart person. So is Tim Burton. Why isn't Tim Burton more like before? I guess he could be. I got the weird idea Ellen DeGeneres is building up to be like he is. Supposedly, though, he is actually influencd a lot in a certain way by Helena Bonham Carter. I guess it's nice. He just seems a bit agitated. Because I said that actually means it should not increase. Why am I getting the opposite idea from anyone who reads this or takes this in? I mean like what a lot of people would think if they know I think this.

I think Ellen DeGeneres is the new Tim Burton and popular because she doesn't have kids and is gay with a younger partner. Lots of nice people became gay, and it really annoyed me. I mean, it's good to have kids, can't think of any good examples, well yea, but I was just thinking after Tim Burton, it seems Ellen would be popular as like a relief spot from the tumult of Nell Burton. Johnny Depp sorta disappeared in the distance over his daughter, as well. I'm thinking of someone now who's older, though. I know another way where it's not good where it doesn't work out, though. Now, I have another example. 8| I think a lot of young adults today are nice about their kids. It's just how you are and who you are. I was hoping my mom would have a kid. It would be nice if she had a kid with a Tim Burton. It would be so cute and precious. The only problem is I hear she can't have kids. I have a friend with a mom 45 when she was born, and so was her dad, just a little older by months or however.

I don't see why famous people have to contend to the inklings of my father to be ridiculous and overreact to when you don't feel well. I mean, it's not funny, and I have a feeling they automatically enjoy those things.

It's not too late.

Why does Tim Burton|Ellen DeGeneres and Johnny Depp act like it's "too late" to be somebody if you're not a media celeb?

I wanted to have fun and enter the acting business and am one of those people in the world who is not incapable of having become a famous movie star.

See, I got this weird message ... I went on Facebook and MySpace because I thought I was supposed to, MySpace most importantly, and then I found a forum with questions on how to get in Pirates of the Caribbean 4. I got this weird message that it is special but worthless. There is no reason. It's just, oh, on a side note, for whatever reason, you sort of did not succeed in college and got so many semesters of "Medical" Withdrawals. Or, there's this thing you did back when you were 11 or you didn't remember yourself to write your cousin when you were like 7 or when you moved when you were 9. Or, oh, you had family problems when you were 12. Well, I don't know what's a big deal to you, but it seems each event caused the next. I got better but then did poorly in school. What does that have to do with me in my 20s trying to get in Pirates of the Caribbean 4?

Dream

The first dream I remember was about Julie Andrews, seeming younger. We were going to see her or something. She was like doing a performance program. I think there were other programs.

I think we were feeling sorry for people.

Sunday, December 2, 2012

Something Happy

Another somewhat random important topic I got wind was the big fame of some people. Should we like stop this? I mean, what will happen to them? What will we imagine. What about something happy?

Why can't you withstand the public? I've withstood growing crowds. It's only fun. I've never been broadcasted where everyone could see me, so I really don't know about world fame and obsession through the years, since way back. I mean, I was only so old at certain times, too. I never thought fame would affect me like that. So, we need to control the thoughts that go on and the ideas that are suggested. I feel it coming, anyway.

Let's just imagine it's happy and fun. The pain has a reason. It's incredible! There are some stimulating things, but these things are to you. Try to uncover the truth, something I'm interested in.

Gotta go at the mo.

Feelng Pain

I got the message that Ellen DeGeneres is like thinking maybe it's okay if like I get these messages in my room maybe more than other people, which is okay in a way but not really in a way not something I'd teach anyone to do to other living things, like because she's from the New Orleans area. Like, I feel that they just want to hurt you. Like, they are apparently upholding a traditional life like the Amish. I forgot she lived in a different city, a dangerous one. Maybe, I'm closer to the other ones, but I think her city was a big one at first heard. She isn't really down-to-earth, in a way. I mean, I went to college in New Orleans for over a year. Well, I should have just accepted it. I guess she's from closer to New Orleans. Wow, that must make me like nothing, all these people from the city. I remember living in the nation's oldest city. I had lived in the "big" city. Still, we felt slighted by their talentless ways. It's kinda like Orlando. People in the area she is from are really strict but in a way really feeling though not like necessarily in a classical way. At least, this is what I think.

Well, I don't think she really thinks about that, but it might have reached her already, I mean it seems to have reached everyone. I just get these feelings like she wants to like hurt me. Why is that okay? I'm really annoyed at people who act like they're stronger than me and set themselves up around me like a balloon and complain they did it, wasting their time, all the time. Well, I don't mean that feeling has to go to waste altogether, but it's being used to hurt me and it's just not something that should keep happening. It can happen in some ways. I mean, who else suffers like this? I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG ON PURPOSE. ANSWER.

I Am Stronger ... Than I Ever Was Before

I don't know why people are acting like they are stronger than me. I just got the message that there are protocols for me, like I feel like I'm dishonest. Like, they think they have a firm hold on things they think of me, like feelings of romance, are perversion, because I'm not completely satisfied, as "the" excuse.

Agree to Disagree

Look, I just don't agree with you. Really, people aren't pointedly mean to others like me and think they "know" I did something wrong even though they're wrong I feel I'm gonna call them a nigger.

So, on the other hand, I am getting messages dropped in. I got another message, and I posted bad messages over and over and this is bothering me and I need to plaster it on my website when I'm feeling better.

That actually sums it up.

I mean, it's okay, your bribes, but I got a trend. I guess that it just sorta happened, different people caused different things. So, it's hard to type what I'm thinking.

Issues

So, I know I have lots of aches and pains. I'd like to talk about the discomforts I got talking to my grandma.

Also, I actually hear things. I know they could be real, but I think some of them aren't, a lot. I don't want to tell a doctor because I don't think they'd listen, anyway. I mean, I don't want them to do anything to me. I also had the feeling they wouldn't listen to the idea these days seriously because it's like a "solution."

So, I did some upper body workouts in my room and got thinner. It was good to take a break, and I think walking made the fat drain, as well.

So, I got a lot of bad thoughts as the day went on.

I guess something important I found was that minorities are susceptible to hatred. WHITE PEOPLE HAVE FOOLED THEM INTO GETTING REALLY DARK SKIN DOWN HERE, I KNOW IN FLORIDA|ORLANDO. They're absolutely miserable and look kinda injured.

Why does Ellen DeGeneres think she has to like p******* herself to black people? I mean that in the best way possible.

So, white people get their white skin back.

Hm, I still don't think it's good for anyone to have bad associations with black people. What about like friendlying up against someone who's Asian? I just noticed. It shouldn't be a big thing. I mean, I didn't go all out and ruin your life. I don't see why that would happen to anyone. (Maybe, we should figure it out.)

I guess I'm kinda torn because I feel I'm also expected to call my grandma and think about her in unpleasant ways, but no one cares.

I was wondering about everyone's fascination all of a sudden with Helena Bonham Carter.

So, I was so mad today because I was physically uncomfortable. I feel I "got" "the" joke. It's not because I was out walking. I am different now and am not sure if I should be but yes I learned not to think of the n word when someone is suggestive to me.

So, why are some people like always insisting insults on me? When I went to Saint Augustine, I felt really suggested to by a tourist thinking, "But you're Asian, Viet." What's with all the hysterics about my race? It's not something you crash. Is it because of Lily Rose? I mean no ill will, so please don't feel bad- I guess I was supposed to come to a verdict before posting this to the world. Too bad because I want to talk to the world and have them know what I'm put up with. I've already tried talking to my parents, and they're just like suggestive. I talk to all the lowly people and feel pushed.

I think seriously you need to get a blog and start posting all your thoughts and then post to celebs, on Twitter and on their popular fan board|s. Facebook, too, you can Share things on your own page, as wel, if that's what you're doing. You need to work to be #1 for everyone. You need to do exactly what you want to do. Everyone can be a #1.. I mean, I just feel kinda like in pain but like I'm a worthy person. I already complained about what minorities put up with being convinced to have such beat down dark skin. My skin was much lighter moving to the New Orleans area.

I forget!

I was gonna discuss something important but thought of something else that affects more people more.

Pressing Matters for Me

So, I associated a bad word in the same area as some thing with some people for taking liberty to be racist to me. I've literally been thinking of a*****ing people.

The problem is I feel that I have to do these things, I find, by surprise, when things happen, like skirting around a bad word or else I won't reach the light at the end of the tunnel.

So, I can ... not really because it would say I want to be let off say sorry, but these things really aren't deliberate.

Feeling Low

I'm feeling kinda dirty. I didn't brush my hair. I need upper body workout.

What a beautiful night!

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College Debt

If you go to college from home, don't take as many classes as you can because your parents will get mad at you for college debt.

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No Child Left Behind

I elected to take World Geography my 1st year of high school. I elected to not take World History my 2nd year. I didn't make gifted my 1st year but did at the only other public school I attended, kindergarten. I got in Gifted with a bunch of other kids a year older in my class, even from the same junior high. My 2nd year. I was told upon entering American History APG to leave if it was not to I guess rush to prepare to test for college credit. The class last year was big. I had the same teacher my 1st year, and it was very easy. In my class was a Gifted girl from the public school. The boy was from my school and related to the English teacher. I didn't leave the class when called to the counselor and left 2 other classes. I went to a Baptist school and had a teacher who was 3 feet wide and pretty. I did the 1st semester during the summer. I went to the Catholic high school and took World History and it was easy but a waste of class. I could not succeed in Music History up north, with a pre class the semester before. I could do hardly anything in non-honors courses down south. Online, in Florida, it was easy except for Mathematics. Also, math and Chemistry II were too hard at the Catholic school, though I was 3rd in the state for geometry.

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Don't go looking for trouble.

It's better not to look when you're alone, like just walking around, because, sooner or later, trouble will come.

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See you all, a little later...

Edit

I deleted one of my pictures.

Getting Your Hands in the Dirt

Did you wonder if people would poke at Tim Burton for saying other people can't get their hands in the dirt?

Technical Errors

Do you believe that if you do something that is not what you are technically supposed to do that you made a mistake?

Being a Boy

I actually made myself believe I wanted to be a boy and said so maybe numerous times. That's when I was 8 and 7. I still made sure I had all the benefits of a girl.

Physical Features Growing Up

My features growing up were pretty even. I was not really scrawny but considered "small" because I was short.. I don't know if I was ever big as a baby, but I looked fat. So, when I did gymnastics, I found that my shoulders seemed kinda wide. Well, I also had done different things leading up to that point like baton I started maybe around then. I was getting funny feelings, too. So, maybe that's not good. At some point|s, my chest got wide. Well, my waist was always wide. A boy made me stick out my stomach, when I was 8, and it stayed. I had to use the bathroom more after quitting gymnastics. I didn't. However, I don't think my chest is really robust compared to most girls. My shoulders and torso may be big compared to most people. My legs may look short because I'm fat. I always had a small measurement of bust. The area under it was actually bigger.

Pretty much, I don't like how I looked most of the time when I was 5, 6, 7, & 8.

I was a little perverted when I was 6 and kinda braindead at 5. We moved to Northeastern Florida, a major city. I lost my round face look at 6. We moved again and I kinda got it back. I lost it again when we moved. Then, I got it back and lost it again and so on and so forth.

I also don't get why my dad thinks that people in the past are worth more than the future, in a certain way, like opportunity in the afterlife.

I was looking at how Ellen DeGeneres's size changed through the years. I've seen so many different representations of her I can't really believe it. It looks like they got a lot of good shots.

Would you call her when she's older, like a lot of other girls I knew, a tomboy? I never truly fit the definition but tried. Sometimes, I'd be easily stimulated, though. Actually, I was sorta over and above. It's just I didn't look very European then. That's when I was 8 and in a way 7 and in some ways 6. I wanted to look like the girls with white hair and bangs. I've seen really pretty girls with fluffy light blonde hair in media, like Ramsy and the girl in Cry Baby with Johnny Depp. However, that girl looked the opposite when she got older. She still appeared very stimulated, in a way. I feel that girls who are born around 1985 and 1970 are stimulated because people born in wait I mean 1980 and 1975 because people born around 1960 are like not mature to be the parents of kids that age. I'm not really sure the nature of that. I grew up thinking that they were adults to me but that in general at that age they were not old enough to have kids but looked like adults today who are 50 or 45. I don't even know if I look like a teenager yet and assume neither does anyone who knew me. For me, *beep* was a big topic.

I just got a really disturbing idea. 8' Ellen DeGeneres relates highly to Jewish heritage. ^99^ ^66^ I know I was just thinking I like being old, traditional European. I just look kinda stimulated up in a modern way but have all the traits of an old European.

Feeling Bad

I was editing my blog, and my head was feeling tight.

Race & Color

Did you ever stop and think black hair is unpopular because of Asians and tan skin is popular because of Pakis?

nu blog

Welcome to my Blogger!

Mad

It seems that Orlando is becoming disconnected.

I was thinking young English girls used to say England was the "literal" experience.

My Whole Problem

Whenever I try to change my life, something happens.

I'll also add that it was really bad when I thought my life was an experiment, I was taken out of my major at a prestigious school and my grades were altered, and I was withdrawn from college. To be more specific, I went up to Washington, D.C., feeling like killed by the assistant dean at the school treating me racistly. Well, he wasn't white. They kept telling me to look up since I went to see people at 16. I was tired by the experiment and couldn't do the assignment. It was a 3 credit week long graduate course for working students. The teacher said I was doing very good, especially for my age, to my mom.

Then, I went up north during a hurricane. I could not succeed easily in any of the courses. I had problems with the 2 separate theory courses. I had been good at it, but I thought it was easy. The big problem was maybe theory, though the one teacher in private said I was really good. Anyway, the history teacher was nice, but I couldn't get myself to read and even if I was feeling good couldn't. When I went back to my other school, nothing in the religion was in the test. Also, in religion honors the year before, it was lecture and I took too many notes. That tells me I couldn't have succeeded in a lecture course I took in high school. I skimmed the chapter, and nothing was on the test, though I got a D. Of course, I was able to read some of this. I mean, I was a straight A student. I didn't get in Gifted right away but did in kindergarten, though I was called "retarded" then, my dad said. This was Northeastern Florida, a major city.

So, the 1st semester after the hurricane, there were workers outside of my dorm. I could not study! I was only in my dorm a few hours during the day. I took ballet at night and then came back..

The 2nd semester, I heard noises that made me want to kill myself. It never seemed to stop. I felt stuck in my dorm, kinda sick and dead.

We moved, and the 3rd semester was time to pick a new major. I did well in the lab courses but could not succeed with the Asian biology teacher. Chemistry was too complicated, too, you might say.. There is no Physics-Chemistry major. Chemistry is based more on Biology. There is even Physics in Biology. Biology is and was a big thing. I decided to go home, right away.

I know, in high school, I refused to get out of a certain course. I should have been forced but switched 2 other courses.

I couldn't get it to occur to me up north to Withdraw because I thought it would ruin my chances to have a W. I figured I'd get Medical Withdrawals and did. I just have a semester in Orlando where I could get Grade Forgiveness. It was just that I had to admit I wasn't good enough, after always technically getting the grades. I mean, what in the world does that mean? I thought just going along would not tell me there was a problem, and there was nothing I could do. I mean, I could have postponed the Withdrawals and lived in college, which I liked better but in ways didn't. I wasn't succeeding in any of my General Studies courses. They were more laborious than Honors. I couldn't keep up in non-Honors history. I wanted better education in high school and junior high, as well as in elementary school and preschool. I just figured it didn't make a difference. I had a nice dorm my 3rd semester. I guess the interesting thing to me was I thought it so happened I was at the top and the elevator broke.

I spent a lot of time walking around and buying food, so that was an issue. See, why am I not rich? That's been bored into my head. I could have been given more money for food, but why not? Now, I'm at home and still have a hard time. I can't get just anything I want. We are struggling to make ends meet, and the apartment had noise 24|7. I didn't even think to wear ear plugs and was lucky to have a loud fan. I didn't think to wear ear plugs that I remember much until I was 26. I felt so bad I just felt I should spend more time walking around and that college should fit. I was supposedly in an experiment and I was so mad it did not end. I think I grew tired. So, I was not encouraged to focus. So, it was hard, so I just took care of my body. Really. It wasn't my fault the school was so bad. I just hoped for the best, like my whole life thinking I'd finish my homework before midnight or 3 the next day, each day. If it ever happened, it was not many times, I think. This was since I was 12 or almost 12. I should have learned. I had such a hard time the 2nd semester of my 1st year but was glad to be out of some of the 1st year courses. It just feels my life was stolen from me, like I was bribed and made fun of for being bribed to. I feel people are hurting me for walking around campus for fun. I actually did it longer than I thought I could. I just needed it. I could not focus in my alotted study time nor in class.

Africans and Asians

Is it okay that Africans connect with you more than Asians? They claim they are inherently Asian...

Stop

Everyone doesn't have to suffer.

Slight Aversion

You know how once in awhile it's okay to have something slightly adverse occur to you.

Stop

Look, quit attacking me in my Orlando home.

Poked At

Look, people won't stop kidding with me to be impressive. They keep overreacting to every little thing I do online and anything that passes my mind, somehow.

Something else basic you might want to know is people made me so mad with racism that I got so mad I didn't know what to do. I broke my laptop.

I'm mad. My dad keeps kidding with his messages. He was very threatening around me since the n word thing. I'm tired of Ellen DeGeneres also overreacting to little things but wouldn't care otherwise. Maybe, she's just like a disease or whatever you call those dangerous organisms. Virus. He's following the logic he thinks others really have and saying that if something bad happens it happens to others. When I ate at a restaurant, he made my stomach turn on in a bad way at a waitress. Later, after watching Ellen DeGeneres, it turned on and pumped a lot and I had an intense dream. Then, I felt like my stomach was filled with that. He was eyeing me like he "knew" how I felt, really in an evil way. Can you believe it? LISTEN TO ME! It's still like that. Also, I'm getting an influx of messages. Supposedly, my life is messed up, but I don't believe that. Since Tim Burton, I don't believe it. He thinks that at any moment someone will do something really suggestive to you and that if you're constantly in check this will have warded them off.

I don't care about Ellen DeGeneres following logic of others claiming she is great in the way she is. Oh no, I feel bad and just forgot what I was thinking. Well, why am I put up to watch her show, which I like, and then have to put up with experiencing her, as though "I 'don't deserve 'it.''" That's not "what" makes her "prestigious" and well-respected. The world is ruined since Johnny Depp. Especially Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

I'm being treated like I need help in ways I don't. I'm being fun of for being poor.

Dream

I dreamed I was in gymnastics class and I was hovering over a bar. Ellen DeGeneres was the teacher. Well, I was sorta sitting on it. It just gave me a nice fuzzy feeling like I wanted more.

Monitoring Your Attitude

So, I had an idea recently that you can't just be strict on others and not yourself.

So, I'm getting constant messages at the moment in retrospect to Ellen DeGeneres. She seems to sorta go by herself as a kid. I find it hard to connect because I found like only 2 cute pictures of me and 1 of them I can't find. I mean, I was never very ugly but never very cute. My features were more rounded. You could tell I wanted to look like blonde kids, with hair a little lighter than hers.

So, she acts so positive, but I don't think she really is, if these messages I'm getting are things she believes.

Well, it all started, I was sleeping and I got the message, like my mom closed the laundry door ... and it made me think my dad wanted to go to the gym after work. I feel I'm just being tested for "wanting" others to do things. I don't find my dad particularly sexy in many ways, though I can disclaim what you think this means. I feel instilled in me was hatred, like maybe I "just don't care about my dad really." I feel my life is being matched with his, and it's making me very mad. I'm the one who's being good and different, too. I put a message on Twitter for fun that if these people talked to my dad, they couldn't talk to me. I don't even remember which Twitter. I could definitely dig that up. I mean, Twitter is not necessarily something where I will change accounts in a timely manner. The other problem is he used to come home always at 6 or 6:30. I was really hungry.

I realized something else about Ellen DeGeneres. With the messages I'm getting, I realized she hurts you and acts like she didn't do it.

So, about my dad, I grew up kinda tired and malnutritioned but fed as a baby. It wasn't fun. I liked having a little Chic-Fil-A and Pina Colada. Why does everyone know about that? It feels like the whole world has known that for a long, long time. It was night, and we came home on a bus. However, I felt like I was just an ugly person with dull skin and hair. I wasn't much of a doer for some reason. I am so mad with how my mom equates me with my dad. I posted something online about her because I was feeling it, and it stopped the feeling. She's taking out anger on me, like people like my dad. Why did she do the laundry so late? I know I had mine there. I WILL NOT BE ASSOCIATED WITH MY DAD. He's been acting so gay since the n word thing. He's never got on with me when I tried, and people are "blaming" me, when you don't have to have such a relation with your dad. WHAT IS WRONG WITH MY MOM? She's always been protective of me to my dad. She was being mean to me because of the n word thing. I could just **** apart anyone who does this even a little bit. I felt stimulated in my crotch in a way I do not like. I don't know why people get stimulated in certain areas. I just feel that's what everyone's doing. I know that certain areas are more stimulated.