Sunday, September 20, 2015

Emmys

I hope they had a good time..

I noticed some good things.

Maybe, people want to see more and more, like some big things are about to happen.

Failures

No one is a failure, but I feel that my environment failed me and others.

A Change of Heart

I don't know if I should sing with people younger than me starting out in college.  Maybe, I should stick to my own, private goal of working in Hollywood.  I wonder if those dreams will ever grow old and I'll have some problems.

I don't like my singing voice.  I am too old.  I was gonna sing Matchmaker on America's Got Talent.  Maybe, I should do stand up.  I can't do it yet but will try.. or maybe not.  Too old for America's Got Talent?  I also want to see someone who's about 34 in concert.  He's a singer.  He's the guy playing the Phantom on tour, but the Christine seems older than me.

I feel a little bad about America's Got Talent.  I was gonna try out.  I wanna focus on my goals.  I have a Disney pass that expires in early December.  I guess I got some time to straighten up.

I think I am too old to model, too, and also I feel a little short at 5'2"+ - 5'3"+.  Maybe, I will try to get an agent when I get some more pictures??  I'm going for acting and giving up on music.  I might still want to sing for my voice.  I dunno, but acting seems like the way to go.

I guess singing wouldn't help me in Hollywood like before into things as good as acting..  Not sure if I will change my mind.

Am I too old..

..to sing or have I just gone thru too much?

Wow

A smart medium brown haired brunette just won an Emmy.

Problem

So, now I don't matter cuz my dad has a wife who is not technically all white?

You just hope flashing by that you're white means you beat up my family?  Aha ha ha ha ha ha!

You think my race is so ironic cuz my family and I lived life thinking others's issues mattered so much and we tried so hard to be good??

I don't accept this treatment.

You can't downgrade me from the past to what's apparently present.  People "just want to get it out."  You're setting a bad example, and you're gonna have to deal with it.

I never meant anything bad to anyone innocent, like, you know I don't go out and start a fight.  See, now, I'm in trouble for the way we all seem to change together.

Do you do this?  When I think of Ellen DeGeneres, everyone gets all defensive for both her ..and probably themselves..

Come on.  People are secretly mean to me.  I don't do that to anyone.

If I feel upset a little inside, people notice and are mean.  Really.  How silly.  They shove themselves at me, too, like I didn't or wouldn't like nor bow down to them enough, tough luck people!

Sometimes, I have acted roughly but not meanly.

I have said things by accident I hope I can leave behind, but apparently it's a favorite blaming tool.. sad.  I don't tell people to their face mean things.  It's on my blog or the IMDb message boards, mostly.. not much tho, not too many of those repeated mistakes..  I thought we were "supposed to let it out" etc.  I guess not!!  How utterly confusing.  Why wasn't I warned?  I am just around constant meanness!!  I just like used the word "m********ing" but not in the attack way.  I realize it seems inappropriate.  It was on a message board.  I've seen inappropriate things go by unchecked.  It was just how I was feeling, but after I found it was bad like that I haven't done that.  I was stuck cursing about the noises in my room and was upset at who might have promoted it.  I guess the worst was I used my dad to curse at rather than someone else?  Or when I did use curse words with someone else?  I dunno, maybe I was just half asleep.  I don't think I'm a bad person.  I wanted to be acceptable in the world.  I don't think it's my mom's fault.

Well, too bad, too sad.

Wildflowers

Why did the fame of Johnny Depp and Tim Burton and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory bring out the worst in people?  People who were wallflowers came out like a monster looking for attention.  They all tried to say they were Johnny Depp when it was not their place.  I found this out a day or so ago and find it sad.

Too Much Pizza

I feel a bit tired and it's a big day tomorrow.

How People Live

People lived with their eyes averted, smiling bemusedly.

They are just content they are not considered in trouble, really.

It's almost time..

..to see what Ellen posts about the Emmys!  What?  Why do I feel like I'm wrong in saying anything like that?

IMDb - The Soapbox

How would the world react if Elvis Presley was still alive?

What if Elvis came was still alive and came out of hiding and claimed that he faked his death in 1977? The man would be 80 years old this year. Then would you believe that this is him in Home Alone (1992) -https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cOYbXeLTnf0 ?

Re: How would the world react if Elvis Presley was still alive?



I guess how they react to anyone who's more famous than they are. 

29/f/Orlando

My Purpose

I wasn't made to serve but to foil and be s***.

Someone Said Something Smart Secretly

Modeling is so important it divides you from being just in the background to being a real celebrity.  I had already thought that but didn't bother coming to the conclusion.  Thanks!  It's sliced bread!

Update

Contact Me
ChrisitnaAnnJBarrett@gmail.com
407-579-3609

Age of Dad

People shouldn't act like I have a problem cuz my dad is born in 1950 and not the late 1950s.  All those issues should not be!  I don't think I did anything to deserve to be s***.

In fact, people seem to have too many issues like their dad if he's younger cuz they think they're suddenly better than people in bad ways they are not.

I do notice that people with younger dads have less problems, but that's in a different way.

I do notice I'm always in trouble cuz I wanna be famous and am not.  Like, I'm too old when I started to try, which I did major in performing and tried to work towards acting when kicked out.

So, I always feel in trouble with my dad cuz he's older and others no.

*Sigh*

Every time Bella Thorne speaks, she seems so confident she's a good person.

~ ~ The End

Disclaimers:

Did you notice my problem was that I thought I was good, but people treat me like I'm bad cuz they know I wanna be famous but am not and in a way am not ready??  Constantly.

I think Bella Thorne is doing what Ellen DeGeneres does.  She acts like she's sweet, but she's like a weasel.

I don't know if this is just to get back and act like they're in the act of punishing me.  It seems even if you tried to be good around Ellen, you couldn't.  I was mad about people all knowing about something and thinking I'm bad.  Other than that, I wonder if I'd slide off the Ellen ship, not that I know of people who do.

You're probably interested in Bella acting like Ellen.  It's hard to know what to say, yes because it'd come out as not as good as I'd want.  I'm "seeing" images of Bella lifting her china and nodding a little quickly.  People actually go to people like Ellen because she's older and people all want that cozy *** feeling..

So, my point I'm describing is that Bella, Chloe Grace Moretz, Lily Rose Sweet Melody Depp, I remember when I used to feel like I was a good person, at least, but not much else if even I can think that with others.  Anyway, these other people are approved of cuz they're racially white.  Also, their young age is used to defend them.  They are born the most popular time, even if the point was to have Late Boom parents, if you're born then.. they're very cute and nice, I mean, tho.

IMDb - The Soapbox

Has anyone ever been around Orlando other than vacationing?

They want you psych you into a lunatic who believes everyone is out to get them.

I was just listening to the washer, and it reminded me of my dad driving. 

Interested in the Emmys

I might have to go to bed early, tho.

Commercial

Take Me Fishing

Anyone remember that?  They showed a kid of like each race.  The girl was a little obese and blonde.

"omg"

I just saw a commercial of a tablet saying, "Bigger is better."  They took strawberries out of the screen for kids.  It was sad.

Another Coincidence

Yesterday, I left war on TV, and I hoped my fortune cookie would be about the new TV and it had the words "love" and "war."

The funny thing is..

..I sit in the front at the movies all the time.

New TV!

19"!  I used to have an old one..  This one is good.  The only thing that upsets me is what if people are tiny on The Ellen DeGeneres Show.

It's not one of those glaringly stretched out ones that shows features of people that don't even exist.

It also looks more 3D than extremely 2D.  I understand all those TVs that show the enlarged views of mountains and animals.

The funny thing is right now, there's a black frame around the picture.

I dunno, it looks good.

I kept asking my dad about it.  He said we could return it, but I dunno..  The sad thing is someday I may want a bigger one.  I actually had a hard time looking at the TVs. I just knew this one seemed genuine, like not just "big" and that's it.

I mean, I can see it, it's just not extremely big.  I'm used to my old tablet and now Chromebook now, which are even smaller, tho you see it closer up.

I dunno, what I'm seeing now looks good, but I used to want a big one.  I just feel my family is poor now and this sorta seemed appealing for some strange reason.  I know we're always trying to save money, but that was irrelevant.  It's just a nice size.  I just wonder if, like, slightly larger would be befitting.  It might make me mad.

It seems..

..more detailed..

Saturday, September 19, 2015

I had 911 and war on as I slept last night and this morning..

..and my TV's volume broke.  I got a really sweet 19" modern TV now.

I am a bit phobic of the big stretched out ridiculously flat 2D looking TV screens.  They made them too big on purpose.

New Twitter List

Big List

You know your dad is crazy when

the 2 post popular people in the world made you useless, disliked.

War

The British sure like war when their people leave their country.

IMDb - The Soapbox

Re: Have you met anybody who had Polycephaly?



If I had a deformity, maybe I'd want 1 arm. 

Even if..

..my posts are interesting, they aren't cuz I said it.  I know people didn't like me when I "put myself down."

What do you think about that funny feeling..

..that you're "in" only in Hollywood?

LOL

Then, do they try to keep some deserving people out?

Fighting

Do you realize when you say you aren't supposed to fight people when you fight me you're fighting?

It seems no one has discipline to offer in a life so simple.

What's it like

to have so many close/popular/famous people against you that the only place you can feel good is in bed.. or when you have energy to release and take a walk or jog outside?

The Ellen DeGeneres Show

I watched it last night.

The girl who got to kick and throw the football 4 times seemed very pleased.  Her emotions developed over her time up there.  *waves little flag*

She showed some of the prep for Finding Dory.  I hope things went well.  There was no clip of Dory, just some talk and people.

The girl who came on whose parents knew Johnny Depp when she was young, who acted with him in Black Mass which I saw when it came out yesterday, was neat, and her dad was friends with Ellen, eat out etc. maybe once in a while.  She seemed a bit confused about her feelings.  She wanted to meet up with Ellen, I think, too.

I remember the video of her on the roller coaster at Universal, probably in LA.  She went with staff, sat with Lauren I think, the pretty, tall, slender girl with brown hair and blue eyes.  The ride wasn't that bad.  They had cameras on the roller coaster recording them.  It did go upside down once, and I remember they didn't show them then.

Good Morning

Just had honey battered breaded non-crumbly chicken and Cheez-Its.

I was gonna make mac and tuna with onions and mayonnaise but am having something else soon.

Friday, September 18, 2015

IMDb - The Soapbox

Re: Which sports teams are y'all a fan of?






Thursday, September 17, 2015

I wonder if I ruined my life before age 5..

..I remember I just wanted to do a little gymnastics, not ballet, but later singing.  And told my mom I didn't want the swim lessons at 2 cuz they let me go in water, kicking to stay up.

Well..

..Other people can talk about Latinos, so then I will.

A Uniting Point

Well, I don't think people'd wanna..

..White people generally are fairer.  Spanish people from America a long time ago for some reason are dark.  I don't know if they like it when they're with fair people.

Where do you spring from?

I see people in Europe, they be accepting the lowest of the low! in the US!

IMDb - The Soapbox

Re: Naughty and Nice

I need t earn to not get angry when I see online insults hurled at me; That's one habit you can easily adopt posting here and elsewhere on the web.



Josephine Potter- "You used to be bitter and cynical too. You were far more interesting."

Re: Naughty and Nice

I already learned that. 

With me, I feel people in real life misjudge my private thoughts.  Being scattered with posts on my blog and thoughts in my head, I feel judged and manipulated/framed.

29/f/Orlando

OK - a point

Why is me not being fair like I like desired and promoted to make other races being vicious happy?  I may not be a Viking, but that's not nice.

It's strange..

..I made a subconscious decision to go on saying other races are okay, but they aren't as in they feel bad.  Maybe, I shouldn't have bottled anything up?  How can I deal with this?  It has been suggested because someone is part Latino I should not talk about it when it has come up.  I talk about things when they come up, so it's a little hard to figure out.  It actually came up before, today.  That was not liked, neither, I am getting.  You know, I don't think anyone really had a problem after I said all this.  (?)

See..

..that didn't make sense.   :o

In the end..

In the end, it will be realized that being mean to me like babies in a playpen is wrong.

IMDb - The Soapbox

Re: Naughty and Nice

Has the Soapbox had any especially negative influence on your life?

Like, did bad habits here cause bad habits in your life? 

Wondering

I feel I should shut up.. but I don't know about what's past.  I almost posted something really stupid, I know..

This needs to stop.

Bella Thorne keeps on coming up every time I try to think to someone else.  You'd argue she's a good one.  Most people are their own person.  I am interested in her as a person, but this?  I wish I could find more people.  I can see people not caring if I live my life, with people all laughing at me demonically.  ..the people experimenting on me doing whatever the H*** they want to me.

Race

You all can't be racist!  While I am wrongly subdued by others!

See

I can already hear another race telling me something about that.  (It was Latino.)

Race

Why are there so many people who don't know what they're doing about race and having it affect my life?

I'm just white like anyone.  I don't need this.

Interesting

The little boy thinks his teenage sister is an adult.  A little later, we see the mom making a black and white polka-dotted scarf for her.  "Teenagers," the parents say.

2 Scary Shows About Dolls

Yesterday was real, Suzi Doll.  Today, Child's Play 2.

Superstition

Why do only families with dads from 1950 suffer?  Older ones can be cool.

Worked Hard

in the arts, with no reward, cuz I did too many things.

Problem

I just come home and get depressed at the irritations from the experiment that happen.  I just wanna walk straight to the sofa and wait for day.

It's like..

..people want me to stay dark and get darker.

Other Whites

Other whites get away with being white around other races but not me even being just part white and Asian.

Disclaimer

I didn't mean to bring up anything bad.  Latinos are just a big part of the country.

It's true..

..they get in the way by annoying me.  Like thinking they can discipline me.  Whoops.. I like them, too.  I just feel like people don't understand I am part white!  It's true, we know if we have bad blood if it's white that it still is a good thing just giving the white traits.

So, the stupid question is..

..who should be fairer or how fair are people?

Full Latinos

They seem pretty accepted because Hispanics are.

I guess they just have some problems..

I know how this goes..

..you don't say I don't wanna be white.. you acknowledge the unfairness done to me.

What's with all these people..

..following someone supposedly good and acting like I'm a n***** and they aren't because of it?

Problem

I'm tired of being stupidly infamous.  It just spread.  I don't know who did it, if anyone coulda.

What Fools

I'm watching Access Hollywood.

Think of all these people who act like I don't know what it is to be white lashing out mindlessly unknowingly.

The new overpopulated minority/ies..

Latinos and blacks

in the US

We wanna be blonde and fair.

It is a new majority, fact.

We respect any human, but something is strange here, we must admit.  I think Hollywood is asleep with blacks and Latinos skating around changing everything.

Just accept me and respect me as a mix without saying I'm the biggest n*****.

I just saw it..

..I was accepted until Bella Thorne came up.

I have to say..

..it's been said that Bella Thorne is putting herself in others's faces when she doesn't live up to what she claims.  Ellen seems to have caught that kind of thing today on her show.  In Orlando, they believe to get attention you must be functional, accomplished, etc.  They want someone with an admittedly versatile personality, look, etc., and with an attractive base look that they understand.  Not that this all is a question to Bella.  That's just what's going around, thanks so much for letting the cat out of the bag.  The problem is when people are already in the process of getting attention, you can't break it for everyone, and you can't follow around and ruin it for me to dehumanize me.  I honestly feel I have no one out there because of this experiment.

Problem

They are trying to be smart but cheap with me about race, like "suggesting" they ^know something^ all of a sudden.

I can't seem to enjoy my private thoughts if Bella Thorne finding out applies.

Other Race's Racial Fetishes

I hate it when other people's racial fetishes get in the way of my life.  I mean, I don't have a problem and they want to say I do more than others even of my technical races, which I did not grow up identifying with.  Maybe, you're the one who thinks you're too good.  Obviously, you don't understand alien races.  When I identify with other races, it doesn't change who I like being.  Point in check, I don't wanna be the one to put up with racial fetishes of others and something else I forget! like for instance when they act like I have a problem in suit of their having one, which I otherwise would not have, like it's important to their racial identity.

IMDb - The Soapbox

Re: Naughty and Nice

Nothing here seeps anywhere with me.

In answer to your question, when I'm good, I'm good. When I'm bad, I'm better.

Re: Naughty and Nice



Do you get mad, by any chance?

29/f/Orlando

Crash Course Relatives

My relatives don't realize I have a life and think it's crash course relation time when I've always already had a healthy interest.. like, "Now, Christina is not in school, she can do anything and we can make fun of her cuz she's just a singer."

The Ellen DeGeneres Show

I remember the 1st person who came on, a stand up, was very smart.

There was a couple from Boston, a black man and tan Japanese woman who just had a baby.  They were on because they posted a video of the mother dancing while pregnant before giving labor.  They seemed pretty happy.

The guy from Scandal was very smart and nice.

I remember the girl who made the mechanical hand for people without fingers so they could grab things.  She was very cute, straight blonde hair with highlights after the top part, 5th grade, probably Nordic.

Ellen seems to be doing good, as usual.  She is extremely smart with people.  She must get frustrated with people.  ..It makes me wonder about myself.  I forget what else I'd say.

Twitter

How Long I'd Stay

I can see myself necessitating 3 years.  It's 4 years, and I have 1 year under my belt with 3, 4, or 5 instruments each semester.

Makes Sense to Me as an "American" Musician

All my ancestors weren't American..

..but to study something "different" I like like folk music and my desire for Nordic things.. it makes sense.  It's what I'd be dootin' in America, anyway.

Do you..

Do you soak in anything at all from anyone?

May I ask..

..why you never soak in the good feelings from Ellen DeGeneres, if you don't already?

IMDb - The Soapbox

Naughty and Nice

Does behavior here seem to have seeped into your home in negative ways?

I am a nice person.

Are you naughty or nice? 

Here

Did you know in college here where I went, not supposed to have a car maybe my 1st year, there was no way of getting to Wal-Mart?

Food

I didn't really have as much as I could eat.

Just Comparing Models to the US..

..It's been an awkward time orienting myself with slowly finding acceptance to this program.

I guess I'm still not old.  I'm used to being teased by too much pleasure.

I dunno what I'd do here.. I was gonna do a Bachelor of Music in Performance with Elective Studies, and the Elective Studies would be a Ballet minor.  That way, I'd do classical singing but not have to do opera.

Future Goals

I dunno..  I looked at a lot of things in the performing arts and arts.  Performing music is certainly one of them.  I think at the school I mentioned, they can play, sing, and compose.  I think they also have to learn folk art.

When have you really made it?

I liked folk music when I was a kid, but as a small child I didn't have exposure.  I was pretty good at walking and talking.

University of the Arts Helsinki - Sibelius Academy

I want to study folk music there.  I just found out FAFSA, the US company of the government for financial aid.. there it participates.  The school is free, but it's about $700/month for boarding and food.  I apply in January for the next school year.

I only have 1 year of music here, so maybe I can graduate in 3 years?  It's been a long time out of school, off and on.

This school has a Masters in Nordic Folk Music, too.  Also, you don't have to speak Finnish.  I want to get Pimsleur when I can afford it to learn Finnish partly by ear, via this.

Wednesday, September 16, 2015

Hair Like Me in Some Feel

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Nice Hairstyle

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Nice Hair

Hair Dye Ad
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TV

I saw someone from a nursing school say the advisor giving a good 1st impression is important, getting them ready because 1st impressions should be.. but she seemed to realize people find that fake, that there are other things.

Chosing to Watch TV or Movies

Can you imagine zoning off to Pirates of the Caribbean or losing yourself in the past with Labyrinth?

Develop your goals so you can live an otherwise exciting life and get your lifestyle in shape.

The Ellen DeGeneres Show

I really liked seeing the part with the black people in New Orleans!

The work that boy did from the horror show is good..

Queen

No one realizes I am thee queen of being "White" racially.

Have you ever heard of..

..you don't keep track of when someone is really mad privately.  You act nice and take excitement as it can come.

Problem

It seems a topic can have a thought processed in the heads of many teens, but not me, without people getting mad at me if they see me.

Ripoff

What a ripoff.

Mary Poppins

She is very different from Julie Andrews and seems very American, not sure if anyone likes being American anymore, tho.  Katy Perry "is another contender" or choice, and I feel the same way.  They seem to over-enunciate on purpose, but I mean I'm all for if they want to be English sometimes or see things in a different or "better" way int their opinion.  (Americans over-enunciate in a certain way compared to the English in England.  We "tell them" not to, but they still do it.  At least, people are told in a hint.)

I just remembered Anne Hathaway did Les Miserables in an English accent.  I remember seeing Katy Perry on The Ellen DeGeneres Show, and she was having a tea party with Sophia Grace and Rosie, 2 little English girls who were on the show several times.  She was very careful and cautious and "behaving properly."

They are so lucky, but there are lots of opportunities out there.  I guess their height fits, too.  They are both 5'8".  Julie Andrews is 5'8", I remember.  I wonder if the rest will be British in this one.  I am a little jealous, but like with Annie (2014) in a way it's not so much fun to watch, even Johnny Depp movies that aren't the old famous ones.  I do like Johnny Depp as a person.  They already made a video of The Phantom of the Opera and probably would for someone born in 1997 or 1998.

Image for the news result
BoyleSports, an Ireland-based online betting firm, announced Tuesday that Anne Hathaway ...

TV

I watched that Hitler might still be alive because the samples were fake look-alikes, etc.  They caught people traveling in time.  They also said they went to South America, Hitler and some Nazis.