And I don't mean

she's alcohol.

A Bottle of Fun

She's stopped up alcohol waiting to happen (instead of saying whiskey or beer - and she does drink.)  Sorry if you don't like the alcohol part, but it's a compliment.

I'm taking a quiz online and I chose art over love.

Well

She never said there was anything to life, she thinks she does it telepathically.

I know she's making a joke.

When she inconveniently hurts me and mars my life, it's not to teach me but to hurt me.  Then, she acts all silly to make fun of people.  She's not there for anyone herself, always so stand-offish, why go in and influence others's lives like that?  Telling them they can't be there for anyone cuz they put them in trauma?

Apology

No matter how much anyone cares didn't make the situation better.

Also, I was told not to touch anyone's children, supposedly by some.

I'm working my way..

..toward a better me

not some serious spree

Well

Ellen wasn't like this before.  What got into her?  If I'm hurt, I might get upset.  Maybe, it's unhealthy for her.

I just don't like

babying Ellen.  Why do people who are younger than her do it?  Maybe, it's a trick for her to be more advanced and less stamped.

Say

Would it be easier on someone else how Ellen is to them?  Same with other interesting issues I'm waiting for a reaction from.

DAMN Orlando

They shit here.

My hair is dark.  I can't seem to all get lighter.

So

What about the relationship of hair color.  It really is hard to get strawberry hair, but I had it, sometimes.  People wanted us to produce strawberry hair.  So, that's not white.  I'm gonna dye it.

Question

How did Ellen get light hair?  Her brother has dark hair!  My brother's hair was lighter at one point.  His eyes weren't.  My parents have darker hair overall.  Mine can turn different colors.  I don't like being shown I'm like everyone else.  Does that mean their parents are inadequate?  Stop telling me mine are, then.  I don't wanna be tested.  I don't want Orlando to happen.  My parents don't feel safe about me on my own but told me to get out lots of times.  When I finally was, they said no.  I was probably gonna be a secretary in Miami.

Her mom wouldn't like how she boasts about her white hair.  She's just a baby.  I can look up to her mom.  Then, why watch her?  She just teases us about how much better her life was and is.  I could be soaking my time into a college spying out for mentors.  I was gonna call a counselor to ask about what to do with my life.  I do have a therapist.  I'm supposed to mingle with other people at a mental place.  I'm not really supposed to work nor be in school now.  But the mental place is dreary and there ain't no Ellen DeGeneres there.  Who's there?  No one!

Ellen gets frustrated, I'm guessing.  Again, I feel bad about that walk.  I was trying to reach a certain feeling.  I did't bump into thinking of her like that on purpose.  I was also upset about something.  I need to fix it and be nice.  It's too late.  During, I said it wasn't hurting for someone.  No one seemed to react around me as usual.  What is it?  Her weakness?  Like, everyone has a weakness..

Is it easier to have white hair if you're not Chinese?  Black people sometimes have lighter hair.  I don't wanna be Chinese.  I know Middle Easterners are superior.  No offense.  I think my hair got darker in school.  It was fixed in pigtails.  EVERYONE wanted white hair.

xp

See

I was shy around saying I'm an Ellen girl, and in the end I'm shown before the whole world I'm not.  I'm not!  I just like her show.  I don't know about her needs.  Everyone thinks she's the new Christina Barrett it feels like.  People used to care about me in certain ways, but it wasn't about being *** about things like being touched or made to feel affection thus and thereby.  I don't have that weakness and soft spot.  I am strong.

Why

is it all about how skinny I am?  I'm a decent size, in a way, compared to a lot of the population!  I'm getting there, too, and almost look like a normal person.  I can't be beaten around the bush until.  I am not rich.  Even making 1 recipe takes like half a month's worth of money.

You know, they're waiting for younger kids and want to make sure they are on top and told they did it right.  That's what people want over me.  I'm a tortured soul.  I had something in life, but everyone farted away.  I had no good guidance but commands on what life is.  Like, about how much homework I do and stress over which college.

I just want

a nice life given to me where people aren't telling me to spazz out all the time and say I'm shit like Ana in Frozen.

I mean, I want to feel good as a person.  That's what I need.  I'm already complaining about no fame and no game.

Where are the people you want?

What about me?  Why did my parents make it hard for me because of Tim Burton?  I'm pretty perfect.  You guys messed up my life.  My stuff got messy at home.  We lost home videos in Hurricane Katrina it so happens.  See, and you all believe I am famous that I did 1 thing wrong and should get sent to prison or freaked out I might do something.  Well, things were getting hopeless and I asked for exercise I did not get!  I didn't mean any harm.  Fine, believe I did, if you must.  How is it apparent it is that bad?  I felt bad I got no reaction I guess and continued because of it.  No idea?  Seemed obvious at the time.  Wasn't the way it seemed.  I said, "Oh, no!" when my dad came home.  It was just a friendly joke for fun!  Other kids say they hate their parents and yell and bawl complaining.  Why aren't they treated like that?  I was considered very good.  I saw a little kid say when people were joking about the word "kill" "I'll kill you."  Everyone thought it was cute.  She ended up straightening her hair.  It was super curly.  And Tim Burton, that was the issue with the N word.  I didn't want to use it, but no one believes I thought I was told to by him.

So, yes, I took off so I could be an actor, but it didn't work, and now my parents are at my back and I don't need them there.  I can't seem to get anything straight.  I don't like bussing to the therapist, hoping I will "make it" in Hollywood.

Did you notice something weird, that people don't want to entertain us but want to be extreme in how much attention they give me?  It's crap, it's nothing.  Not to anyone in particular.  Some people have real problems, and some people don't.  I mean that the world is soon to blame someone or some thing.  It's just not great in a lot of ways.  Pretty people will have their say and chance.  I just saw.  What about me?  They will complain about fame.  I thought I was at a certain par.  Did Tim Burton lower it?  I hope not.  They were vicious about people being afraid of fame.  What, so now I'm just no one?  I don't have feelings?  I can't talk to people cuz they aren't Tim Burton??  I thought he even said no to me cuz I was a late Johnny Depp fan, which I am not considered cool to for some reason.  He has certain ways of being.  He's cool, but he gets frustrated I must admit to be truthful.

What about me?  Don't fight with me about me getting public attention.

xp

Yer gonna have to

bow to me like you bow to Ellen.  Are you okay with that?  You know who I'm talking to.  I mean, if you don't even go online where we can see with a blog, what can anyone do??  Is it okay if other people don't have problems?

If no one can find me online..

..we have problems.

We can't go around all wanting the same thing.  We need to talk and accept what we have and do what we can.  In relationships, we can practice consensus's, like that we agree a certain person will benefit pretty much best or safely or will be able to feel good about a certain experience.  Like, someone has to talk to someone.  Some people were luckier than others, I think.  But I don't like the way all of a sudden everyone is supposedly on top of me.  I found they weren't.  Maybe, before, all that hard work was shit.  Maybe.  When will we finally get this over with?  You'll be too old to be happy about it soon.  I decided to do the performing arts at 18.  I mean get it over with as in we don't have that much time and things lie ahead.  I feel this has been put as a burden over me.  I can't seem to get out and do what people wish I was "doing."  Serving others as a slave.  I did what I was supposed to, though.  There's no, it's okay to be bad before but only for some.  There might be a reason for everything, some things just accidents, whatever that means to you.  It's time to fix things now.  I think that it's not a matter of casting agents for the younger people but that they kinda wanna hold on the world while they end up not doing it.  I feel I can't do anything because of it for some reason.  I just want out.  But I watch "The Ellen DeGeneres Show" and feel pressure from it and like I did something wrong in the way I've been describing.  I wasn't talking about other facts, like they could beat me.  Good, that's the goal.  I just feel frustrated I'm left alone online like it's not okay.

Sign of Danger

How does Ellen take care of herself?  Does anyone else care?

Because I noticed that she doesn't care what other people are like, she wants to get close.  She uses the excuse that Asians "want" "her."

I would like to be able to say who I don't talk to in what way.  I don't do well under the pressure after someone has made a statement I detest concerning this.  I will go by and say it's just words, words don't hurt, but then I find it's, like, a big deal.  I can't interpret "what it is" how I like, and no one will listen to what I say.  I know there are nice people out there in the world.

Just Need Sleep?

Why isn't there anyone in my life who's over and above my head and knows the next step to leading a horror-free life?  The way people treat me like i'm bad or had it too easy?

Kids have parents telling them what others know they need to do, like it's important but you know since no one else says anything they think not really.

My life was put into jeopardy by others.  They told us to study hard, but it was too hard.  We didn't roll along merrily in school.  It was also a stupid social scene.

My health is not Humpty Dumpty.  I was freaked out when I moved to Orlando, back in Florida.  My dad, since I am not perfect supposedly, made it sound like I was Asian or a nigger or some such at the table.  He just said, "What?" all mad at me.  I had to leave the table.  I started off with pasta and hot chicken tenders.  They don't sell those no more.  When we moved, I found frozen hamburgers.  I was tired of the Chinese.  I was in my room all day.  I just wanted to live.  I didn't want to run into my parents much.  When I did, there was trouble.  My dad likes to put on an act, like he's on autopilot and means no harm.  But we do back from his viciousness, like we have to admit his life is not ideal, which would make him mad to hear.  My mom now has cancer and had surgery for her eye.  That leaves me in dread, for I almost would rather go untreated, take a pill and no surgery.  In fact, I did get a small turor under my brain that went away or stopped growing.

So, let's measure.. 2008 we moved to Orlando and by 2009 I was trying to eat healthier again, reasonable after being on a diet of lots of healthy food.  I also had homemade pizzas.  I enjoyed fast food, finally, more.  Something got in the way, don't know what.  I didn't make it to a fully healthy schedule.  I just did some.  Sometimes, I had canned soup.  Things like that.  So, I got on pills mid-2010.  Something happened online, and I know my dad is there waiting for something bad to happen so he can laugh, like I deserve it and others don't.  I thought no one was supposed to call me Asian.  No one said I had to want to be, too scary to say.  My dad got me Hot Pockets pizza, too.  I don't like them much.  This all went into 2012.  We ate out sometimes that year.  I ended up in college and took a PE course.  I got kicked out, manipulated for no real reason.  I've been struggling.  We don't always have burgers.  I had hot dogs sometimes more recently but not now.  So, it's been a bit humpty dumpty.  I had a practice of having vegetables by like 2013.  I dunno, before I had spices.  I could not eat like that now.  My body says no.  I have diabetes and probably still high cholesterol, need the pills back, which probably caused the diabetes.

I have stuff to make a sandwich, breakfast things, apples, bananas.

I started walking and jogging outside concerning living in Orlando in 2009, maybe midway or possibly early on.  Dunno.  It was freaky.  I was independent of my parents then.  Ever since the N word thing online with Tim Burton, I think my parents have filled some gap and been at my tail.  They never do this.  They started blaming me for things in the past.  They didn't say it.  Now, I've gotten healthier exercise-wise and do it more.  It's not always soothing.

I don't wanna go around with my fingers crossed that I wanted to eat unhealthy.

Me Singing Now

Update

New Twitter Spot on the Map

Before this

I never fantasized about hurting anyone in any way, in a way, pretty true that.

Apology 2

I didn't want to direct the bad thought at anyone.

I see you all's trick..

in singing.  You make a sound that sounds hard to make.

IMDb - The Soapbox

What worries you more: prisoners, 3rd world haphazards,,

the arts for our children? 

My major was music education, and I was kicked out after 1 year.. wasn't getting enough rest but who cares right? just me. 

I also wanted in on performance, which conservatories even accept. 

I wasn't told I was too good.

OK

Josh, I can sing.  I am not afraid of croaking.

Today

I was out walking and jogging for around 4 hours and 20 minutes.

Edit

I edited a post on IMDb on the Johnny Depp board.

My Daily Command

(1) I don't know which is worse, I felt threatened to death, sorry.  I really don't mean it.  Better keep your distance.  This is not the way.  You can't seem to win for some reason.  I wish it'd be over with.  It looks like a sad joke of no point in existence.

(2) I let stream through me feelings of what it's like to be a mom I mean a daughter of a mom born in the earlier 1950s and maybe 1940s, probably.  I was fed up with the prejudice that existed that just made things difficult for me.  I didn't at all mean any harm and felt sorta tied up.  Something that happened was people acted like I could not act like an adult to children because I was mad about the zoo in Florida blocking me on Twitter.  I don't think I did the stupid things people said not to do.  I mean after and "about" it.  No one ever punishes me in real life, and I find all this very suggestive and bratty.  Maybe, I should stop there.

(3) I was not born flawed like you think, in the way you think.  I don't need brats from the late 1950s telling me I did something stupid all the time when I didn't.  You can't just keep coming at me with nothing like that.  It just can't be.  What about all those other kids hanging over me with older parents?

(4) With the experiment and Ellen .. are you trying to chase me away from ever meeting anyone in the world? or just her?  Is she more focused on this than doing the right thing?  Don't even bother, I know it's hard to get anyone to do the right thing.  It would be something corny where it's insinuated jokes against me.  Why would anyone nestle themselves into me and make a thing of insulting me?  Is it the only way to have fun in this world, to hurt someone else?  I guess a lot or most people are like this.  Maybe, I'm in a bubble.

(5) I'm like any Generation X person.  I come up being nice only to be told I am shit.  Why do you even bother knowing me?  1 reason I don't move out, other than to be with my parents, is so the experiment doesn't do something fatal.  How do I know I won't be affected somehow by people in my past life then, anyway?  Wouldn't it procure lasting effects?

(6) Oh, and I'm concerned.. I didn't want to hurt anyone.  I guess I was feeling sick and shoulda stayed home and slept.  I dunno, tho, this long walk had to happen sometime.  I walked and jogged with music for about 4 hours and 15 minutes.  I was thinking to organ music.  I was able to channel feelings through the music, but I was sad and said I wasn't trying to hurt anyone as I clonked through my thoughts of living with kids with parents born in the early 50s or 1940s.  I was probably upset about the zoo in Florida blocking me.  I told my dad when I got home, cuz I was said maybe what I did did matter.  I wasn't out there to hurt anyone, but like these bumps kept coming up.  I had to break free from the restraints of DeGeneres thinking in order to feel cool.  She doesn't seem responsive of my being late 1950s and early 1960's style.  Something seems the matter, hope no one is really feeling that way that they'd be hurt.  Why didn't whatever it was go away?  It seems like a real entity or like "thing."  Like, I had to think like I was popping bumps in order to think of something else cuz it was such an evil force in my life.  I was feeling uptight and like this question keeps coming.  I dunno if it'd get worse.  I think the cars driving by affected me.  Maybe, I was talking back, but there was nothing I could do.  I thought and was out there to get away from all this so I don't mess up but can enjoy myself and maybe get some exercise.  Not even then?  Alone with my music, with cars going by to make me feel like I'm getting quick attention?  Maybe, I need to be careful when I go by cars.

(7) The people around me are supposed to be the best they can be.  Sometimes, they are.  I guess today I found that in the cars they are more vicious.  But seriously, as I went, I was like no I am not hurtin anyone.  Nothing happened.  I guess it's my problem and I should solve it.  I'm probably in trouble for not controlling my inner thoughts.  That doesn't seem to happen to other adults.  Do you think that makes it harder on me?  To do things that really hurt me each and every day?  When I got home I thought of death when I was bugged for being normal in Orlando, but I don't mean these things.  I guess something should be done.  Why arouse me like that?  Do you think that helps?  Shouldn't I be learning to counter these things?  How does throwing them at me psychically help?

(8) Anyway, my intent is to not tell people with parents born in the 1940s that they aren't worth anything.  You saw what happened.  We lived differently than Late Boomers.  People with older parents seem to bug me and not you, tho, you people with even younger parents and kids with more than what I have in regards to a family with younger parents.  People just find some way to pick on me for no reason.

(9) I have bigger problems.

Twitter

A Bit Weird, but It Happens

I don't want my freedom to be completely restricted in the end because I'm in an experiment.

New Picture of Me

IMDb - The Soapbox

Do you like the sentiment of non-Soapboxers better?

Like, compared to whatever you've seen available on here however long you've been?

Even the Tim Burton and Johnny Depp boards weren't up to snuff.

I've been informed

it's not the way to treat that cat

guess they pulled out a message and passed judgement

Apologies

for a myriad of supposed shortcomings

I drafted a post.

Apology

For being so vicious when I got up last night and judgmental.  I tried to balance of the crime with a punishment.

Twitter

Josh Groban

Imagine the rub

that those girls with white hair are getting, the ones who are like 7 years old.  The ones with a bob.

None of you are perfect.

:|

Mad?

How would you even know my brother said don't post his pix online?  He said it in a mean way, and Tim Burton and Johnny Depp made the world crazy and it hard to think and encouraged me to do it.  I didn't know, or else.. I took them down!  What do you know anymore?  You're mean to me.  You think you can say whatever you want to me and make me feel like I get too much physical attention if I ever got any!

I bet it's a lie.

I said that people were talking funny to me in the experiment for someone's satisfaction.  I bet you're hurting me surrounding me with that stereotype.  You can't control my life.  Someone can control yours.

I remember I was forceful when they kicked me outta the class for their own amusement.  So what?  Something don't float your boat?

My Thoughts

(1) Why do we watch every day?  How do we have time?  I haven't happened to meet anyone online who seemed like they watched as often as they probably do.  Part of the point is to meet other watchers.  I try to be out there and link to my blog.  There's a forum where you can talk to me, even about the show.  You could get your own blog and talk about it.  It seems Ellen has different opinions on her show.  Maybe, she thinks the parents appreciate it.

(2) I forget now.  Should I be watching the show?  I dunno.  What should I be doing instead?  I can't get a good job that I know of.  Maybe at Disney, but no car.

Problem

They put the red warning up when I post on IMDb.

I said I don't wanna think @ him like that, don't rub it in!

You're weird.

If I say no, you always say yes.

Apology

for being upset, will try not to be

but how will we fix it?  better than losing a tooth

Why are you playing around it's my dad!?  I said not to!

YOU PLAYED AROUND AGAIN

DID THE MOUSE EVENLY WHEN IT MOVED THE WAIT SIGN

QUIT IT

STOP PLAYING WITH MY FINGERS - I SAID STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT

WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY LIFE

I'M TRYING TO SLEEP

WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO START SHITTING STUFF

I SAID I'M TRYING TO SLEEP

STOP TALKING STUPIDLY ABOUT MY MOM'S CANCER

STOP STUFF

I'M DOING SHIT FOR SHIT

I'M CHECKING THAT STUPID PLACE ON TWITTER

GIVE IT BACK

STOP

You're just being picky.  I went to write this and they tried to communicate.  You all did something to me.

You all are just weird.

I never had problems like this growing up.  You're sick.

I WANT IT BACK

And I don't want anything to do with my dad like being insinuated.

and by Hell

I don't even mean as bad as you made life for me.

}:(

Wow, so I lose my Ellen connection?  I am not my parents.  I didn't do shit.  What the *beep* IS THIS HORSING AROUND!  Wow, then I would go and do something else and get back at whatever ailed me.  What is done to me.. like this is okay?  Are you trying to mess me up?  I ain't bad.  You all mess with me!  Suggestions on my life!  Not okay!  Your fault.  You lose.  You rot in Hell.  And at this point do not mean Ell'.


AHHH

More Nastiness

I have some nasty messages to do with my parents.  What?  Are you kidding?  I don't do anything to you.

My mom suggested I'd still need help even when I'm an actor, and I don't.

I heard that my dad can't "know Ellen."

How crazy is it that I receive this?  I gotta post it.

I was upset when I checked Twitter, but I am!

I WANT IT BACK >:<

What am I supposed to do

write out my opinion, do it alone, or what?

I still have not been answered.

You hurt me again?

I'm not over it.

>:>

Shout Out

Ellen!  ^0^

What a cute little beast.

I bet LCS is sad.  It matters.

So, how did he know about these things I've never heard of?  He's like staring him down!  I mean, nothing happens.

Nah I don't NEED any encouragement.  }:>

Weird }:>

That shit was all I had on Twitter!!

Tonight

Supper

Bed

(Computer - IMDb..)

You're bribing me

with the experiment.

SO MAD

I have to stop.

Not the Bad News

I'm not the bad news of 1950 kids and you're the pleasured 1960 children.

I'M NOT OVER THIS

>:(  THIS IS UNFAIR

EW

Why would I wanna follow the other zoo now?  I don't like TWITTER.

Why isn't that dinky Twitter on my LIST!  I'M NOT OVER IT.

YOU'RE ALWAYS BEING VIOLENT TO ME

Can't be mad at

what can be fixed, like all the trash I own being put in place.  That's what I wanna do if I get money as an extra in a movie.  I wanna fix up my room.

I was informed

I was in on Hollywood if I was a singer|musician, but it's been awhile.

You all are pounding in hatred to me to deal with day in and out.  I shall have to have you arrested, for I can't get anything done.  I can't rest.  I can't stop my meds..

you did not have to do what I do.  I guess life is fortified by weak shit.

Isn't it weird

when you watch something you find all they are on about is that which is inappropriate to say, like beckoning in about personal relationships?

Hurry up

She's waiting

(you bubbly retaliators..like myself)

Everyone's waiting.

Edit

I just drafted some of my posts.

OK

Why shouldn't I be able to follow that zoo on my Twitter?  I don't really care.

People in Hollywood distress me

they get away with a big smile on their face cuz they already "made it" through the slot.

I know it's just a threat..

.. :(

My dad is ridiculous

I already wanted to be what I wanted to be.  People in general seem not to have the means to roll back time.

If he failed to care for my needs as to what I did not know, what is this for?

I am appalled

by my dad latching onto me thinking with a half lifted smile he's ^got something^.

Why are you all so idiotic

about words like stupid and disgusted?

My dad won't stop

acting like he has something over me like a parent.  We were over that.

Also

They are playing around desensitizing me.

Problem

If I am being called a nigger, why don't you get over your anger at me just for yourself?

Did someone *** actually .. suddeny decide ..

that PE @ community colleges is bad?

How did that rub off?  I don't think they really care.

Well, it might fit some people's schedules.. we all have to shower sometime.

Weird

Asians on EurasianNation.proboards.com are mad not to have met others earlier.  So, Tim Burton can't have white people still going around okay but not me.  Like, I see pretty girls in France.

Upset

I wasn't being all that outright mean, but my mom acted like I was and supposedly did stuff to me and thought there it is.. in the meanwhile not thinking anyone deserves to escape their own fate.  I was trying to be nice, but like I said.  I dunno, I might get made fun of by the person I am being nice to.

The casting agents are racist.

What can I do, go to Full Sail?

IMDb - The Soapbox

Why is he like acting like he's comparing people, like someone's altogether better than another?

I've recently found that different generations making their way are a result of the times. We need to remember the way we are divided minus new children today, like stop around the early or late 2000s.

I found

out about some things I don't want to have anything to do with.

Is anyone mad at me..

..or plan on telling me I deserve to be dealt with in due process of the law?  Something violent overcame me, but I didn't say it nor mean it.

Maybe, you can fix the problem that my dad thinks he's my ecstasy in a certain part?  The only thing some people can say is that this could be worse.  Look, I was asleep with the TV on and some older white ladies and my dad happened to walk down the hallway as I woke up cuz the people in the experiment said to, in an annoying and repetitive way, and I ended up walking out into the area again with my shoes shuffling and wondering why it would hurt my dad, what would happen if I stopped and thought of 2 bad words, and I just didn't know to stop, maybe thinking he'd know it was about he ladies and then it'd be okay, but who knows.  It was kinda an accident, but I don't deserve to be hurt, which I am and no one cares.

Dream

I went up in like a big place like a church and was hugging up this sweet lady with like medium reddish brown and short hair, like it was my turn.  She was not much taller I thought but still taller, like her shoulders were a strain to hug over.  My parents were there at 1st and I think she was also hugging my mom, like a girl.  Later, there was something I had to do.  We like did something for a sorta project.

Why am I tired?

I've been waiting like 10 years for Tim Burton!  I wanted to join his crew!  I haven't joined anything.

I have some things to delete, whether or not I agree.