My Old Blog

Saturday, September 6, 2014

Problem

I don't take secret orders from my dad through others. I'm the President compared to him.

Why does my dad want to keep me from singing? I'm not his twinkle bunny. So what if I didn't sing like his twinkle bunny? I don't want to sing like anyone's twinkle bunny!! I want to be confident and ure of myself alone without singing "up" to him, like some twinkle bunny. I didn't talk about it before, but you're invading my life. My voice could have been great. I will stop at nothing whoever did this to me.

Frank?

Why do you think I can't sing, Ellen DeGeneres? I have sung well many a time. Is that also not true? People loved my singing and still would. I even know how to get my voice back. I'm focusing on getting a job as an extra in a movie, now, so I don't die someday without having done anything in the world and aim to get a college degree.

Apology

Yes, I stopped singing to be like Johnny Depp, but it's not his fault. Maybe, he didn't influence anything.

I shouldn't have done that.

You might know what I was thinking last night.

I could have been great.

Aren't I? Why do people shy away? Don't mind the reference I got it from. It does seem like a statement has been made. Pretty much, people think I'm nothing? Naw.

Some people reject others as a living. Then, they say you're tacky for wanting approval, attention, time.

Considering how sick my throat is

I sound really good. Like better than a pro. Details.

I feel unaccepted..

..like I don't wanna do some things.. but I wanna.. I will?

Number them.

I'm waiting to get famous as a performer and artist.

So..

..schools don't help guide you directly to fame. Casting doesn't work.

What's worse?

My friends being spammed help and concern by my incessantly over a long period of time like I'm not a bundle of sunshine

or

Ellen DeGeneres putting the noises in my room and it bothering people that it happened .. and my "sins are not to be forgiven" that I was in pain when I cursed about it and you can look at it in past blogs? I cursed at her only a little and subbed my dad in more so as not to get mad at her. Silly, I know, but possibly an important start. The thing is you could get me mad enough to curse more..

But people keep worrying about my old friends doing something mean because of that - see, they didn't e-mail me back, etc.. like I wasn't a cool friend. No note on their part of this as to why. I think they should be considered guilty for things they've done to me, along with what I did.

Update

I added my old Twitters.

Vocaroo

It sounds better now! I just managed to play around and give more expression specifically. Not sure how much is successful.

I liked knowing others places.

I just wanna go back. My aunt and cousin live there, and I wanna be occupied. I was thinking of it being:

1) Miami
2) Fort Lauderdale
3) Key West
4) New Orleans
5) the Cleveland area

Who's wit'me?

I feel pangs of pain when I think about how I left Fort Lauderdale and how it's considered to be unreachable. Why? Because other people grew up there.

Why is Key West

so crappy? It's like New Orleans, but New Orleans has NE influence. What about the cool places like Texas??

So

Miami is modern.

Fort Lauderdale is beachy.

Key West is the loner.

Fort Lauderdale has lots of nice beach architecture and is a nice family palce.

What would you say about

the uniqueness of Sarah Brightman's voice? Is it so unique and so good that it's thee winner? I used to be "good."

IMDb - The Soapbox

What would you say if

all of a sudden famous people were reaching out to enough teenagers after it's too late for you to care?

Budding Ideas

take time

Things famous people took a peanut-nosed stand on I am open to figuring out. I mean, it's not just who I am but ideas.

I mean like giving other people attention..which I assume they will.

Vocaroo

overall 1/5 :( - felt different, but who knows.. maybe I will change the rating.

Record music with Vocaroo >>

I only mean well.

These questions came up..

Is she appropriate?

No one would say that if they know it's about insulting someone else.

Worried

Why didn't Ellen say she doesn't want to be treated the way she treats us-?

So what..

Ellen is making everyone wear glasses for safety in Hollywood? I said sorry and that I thought she was an adult and wouldn't mind I said that. Ellen implies most of her beliefs when they are so obvious it should be all she says on the show ahaha not really.

She's smart. My mom had an eye cancer and then breast and then bone.

What's this?

Now, Tina Fey owns glasses? OMg, is it cuz I said Ellen DeGeneres was m********ing in pleasure over my mom's glasses? I didn't mean it like that! I'm not the evil 1 on the net. My mom got glasses, for Christ's sake, and I know it was when I'd been watching Ellen and she got in 2 car accidents that made her wear glasses.

Don't blame your glasses on me!!

Hmph..

My dad was rough.

They think I NEED and WANT to live in a college dorm for 4 years? Well, I didn't..

Do you think people are

*** with happiness however they found out I thought to spam advice to old friends? They didn't say not to. I was being tortured by my environment and had no one to talk to, nothing to do. Forgot about blogging, etc.

He can't do that

diss me cuz he's older and stuff.

Why should I deal with my dad

if he doesn't listen to me but does with others?

Question

Is it now appropriate to call people Chinese and stuff, especially if it's 1/2? I learned that they like full Chinese and being mean to a 1/2 Chinese is because they are not all. But that's not what I just got.

Another Thing

I feel guilty for my mom's bone cancer that will leave her weak for 1/2 year. What if it is supposed to happen to me, in others's view? You could take that too far and do it with every little thing. It is a marker in the road.

What to Do

Even if I say, okay, I'll have those old friends in my life, which makes no sense cuz I was gonna.. but they wouldn't write to me that soon.

I just don't like how when I do something it means I'll never live life as a person without being bugged about it. Like, I see everything has gone to them for me spamming them advice cuz I was worried. Actually, it was cuz I didn't think of getting a blog most of my life. I just knew it wouldn't be perfect. I wasn't always too late, but I feel invaded of my privacy because of Tim Burton for some reason, like my writing is so shallow and and not very personal.

Who are the ringleaders in being mean to me for stupid stuff? I didn't spam spam. I just spammed. I had no one to talk to, like nowhere to go (no car at least and no money,) and nothing to do. I'm sorry if you are a ringleader and I called it stupid. I really am not the kind of person you think judging by minor mistakes. Why is it that it's such an accepted joke all of a sudden not to be interested nor aroused by me cuz I'm 1/2 non-white? You get aroused by non-whites.

Friday, September 5, 2014

Upset

I gave my dad a bad day, partly, but he got a book, too. Just on the way was bad for him.. :|

Sorry

I wasn't friendly last night but I was being monotone.

Sometimes

I'm really happy and repentful, others I don't know now.

You know what else it was.

I'm just a frustrated kinda person?!

Book

I found hidden treasures in the children's section. I already read the "Junior" novel for Frozen, no pix. I got the book of the Box Trolls, not the one it was based on which is bigger. I'm so excited!

I just saw The Remaining with Alexa Vega and some other people.. funny how names don't make it these days, shoulda trusted me to act the parts.

Automatic Respect

You may think I'm shit, but I used to have a voice. I was convinced by Johnny Depp to stop singing and have a normal life if I still could, but I didn't talk, and my voice is nothing to be excited over, thought it used to be in some way.

I don't know!

I'm sorry I blew!

I was already mad. For some reason it's hard to think then. I try to not listen now, but that doesn't really seem to be working, yet. :( It sounds crazy to me. I don't agree that someone is better than me, though. So, like, even if you want to pretend I am in trouble or think I need to be taught a lesson, then just teach me the lesson rather than upsetting me. You see people upset at shit all the time. Small shit. Good people, respectable people who everyone knows is European.. Maybe, part of your message is that I'm not white, but how can you honestly tell? I'm not shit. I see other people of my race, maybe shit in some ways, but not all people of my race. People just don't want other races to succeed cuz they think they know they will always be that race even if they want to forget it, literally, like me, and succeed in the end. I don't know if people are really messed up and how, but I do feel sorry if they are not like successful and being comfortable and not to crazy, mistakeningly thinking whites all want to be Asian still. I mean, I think some people are like .. a certain way that doesn't suit me, like physically, and that might be what's going on.

What to Say About All My Relationships..

or pretend relationships with people.

Well, I don't want to cause anything, honestly, and I don't know who does and doesn't know they do it..

Yes, people seem to say I'm smarter than my dad.

How I Am

Well, I was irritated and cursed at people in my head again, maybe too tired and not too happy. They just kept bugging me like I'm a sin or I did something. I was squirming and stuff in the car and being loud getting things. My dad claimed he noticed. He talked and the rest of the day went fine, technically.

Well, I haven't permanently outed, if that's what you're wondering.

Why does Ellen teach people the hard way? It looks like her mom set her up to be the only 1 to succeed, not meaning it in the offensive way. She grew up to live a certain way because she's from New Orleans, but I don't believe that. Let's see why she doesn't have these problems. All I can say is, I think you should express emotions sometimes through curse words cuz it's funny, and nothing wrong with stomping your foot if not for a bad reason. It might just show extra emotion.

Stop

Not that it's any of your beeswax

but I said I was sorry.

Stop making a big deal

A word can come up. Ya'll are bugging me.

Look

Is making me argue all you do? I thought I Was in a good mood. What do you think you're doing!?

That was some vile shit. And don't play all day and week getting back at me for something I said around the same time!!

I can see it happened.

In a way, a thought isn't bad, but it's something to take into consideration of thought and stop. I'm being harassed, and I guess a thought just came to me and ticked. Just wanna stay out of it. Can't seem to avoid the negative messages.

I don't really know what came over me.

I was upset and it's too bad it did.

Vocaroo

3/5

Record music and voice >>

Apology

I'm awake, sorry @ last night.

I wasn't too mad

@ Ellen, but I had to say I know she did it in some weird way. Thanks for looking out for me, but I don't need it.

I'm not being corny. I'm just trying to talk.

Just get this.

I'm right. Someone else is wrong.

You all keep throwing stuff at me to react to.

Questioning

So, Ellen is going through the process of questioning 1's disposition in love? Like, maybe it's not okay to be with boys, like someone said that and threw that up for me? When things for me were getting interesting? You all hate me and left the end empty for me and stole from me emotionally. You say everything is simply inappropriate that I like. We were over this when I was in grade school. I'm not 2. And I'm not a terrible 2.

Also

Quit treating me like I'm a shit baby. Like you burble words at me at 28. I'm a full person, not so sure about you all.

I don't appreciate

the monkey business that's been going around, like JuJu on the news talking about a favorite singer pronouncing Ju the wrong way for me. In Asian instead of English. Get away from me. Ellen, if you believe in sacrificing people like that, you need help or you're not gonna be someone for me. I saw you do it. I'm not doing it. Period. I don't know what's the problem, but I refuse to accept this. If you were my mother, I'd be upset. Why? Because that's what you said you'd do. Wait, you're just selfish or scared for yourself that would mean. Well, my mom worked out fine. Why don't you be 1/2 of our dads?

Look

I'm not some Asian who needs help. I look white.

You all

like Tim Burton acting like you can ruin something big time if you feel there's an issue, but you'll never accept anything.

I will not be

given to my dad as a baby if I want to feel someone else is like a parent to me. That's not the point! They are silly people. Don't make them get too much closer in a certain way. This isn't a very detailed post. It's like you didn't let me have any opportunities and I never had any close friends. Wasn't that all I used to talk about that you all consider complaining? I didn't grow up with computers and didn't know if I should start a blog, yet. Guess we should ASAP.

Message

Your starting out video reminds me of me getting all this attention when I do music. It was crazy.

Hey

Josh Groban, I'm a bouncin' clown!

I have to wait and see if I did something.

Step We're On

to like me

You know what I know?

Josh Groban, lotta people held back wanna be like you "and more."

IMDb - The Soapbox

What is your primary race|ethnicity?

(1) White|Caucasian
(2) Latino
(3) Black|Middle Easterner|Pacific Islander
(4) Italian

Mine is German.

Twitter

It's not that I don't like you.

Ya'll aren't better than me. We're all important. I've met certain requirements.

Sometimes now

I don't figh it.

Ate

earlier was 3 almost boild eggs

now it's carrots and dip and cheese and cookies - so awake and alert.. I think that insult woke me up more

Before Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

how would we clean things up?

I'm over what I lost.

Am I dangerous?

I really think this is all just 1 hard situation..

But that situation, a situation also "is" something, "is" what it is, "is" a part of things and what's holding it up and together or "is" an animate object.

Why should you get

Tim Burton and Johnny Depp if you never talk on their boards online?

I will not accept if my dad is making you do all this.

I'm not putting up with shit on IMDb.

Are you Italian by now, you all?

Messaging yourselves while I get called Chinese? Are you just cut out? With a thin nose?

What's all the big deal!

Can't communicate?

It doesn't mean whatever you wish

You go feel like a perv

I am decided

Why do you all go and invade my life

and mess around making sock accounts on IMDb, or am I wrong?

I want people who are 2-sided

outta my life. My dad made me look like a dork wanting to be white. But I don't want him all outta my life.

What?

So you called me a nigger?

Rhythmic Speaker

Audio recording and upload >>

Even if I disagree

I don't mean any harm. :(

College

Bus, can't drive off and get lunch. I want the Honors Diploma. I can't start music until after, anyway.

Well

I don't feel I have a generation where I fit in as my own.

Look I'm not doing anything

and Ellen keeps laughing at me in some of my worse frustrations with what's presented to me.

So

What do you think about Bella always being in the right no matter what and then getting my dad involved? I'm particularly touchy, esp. about my parenst who know me. My mom lives life, she dies, but my dad don't deal with nothing.

I'm keeping things in check.

I'm not a scatterbrain down the drain.

It's true.

Ellen is racist and thinks she can label me racially if I'm not perfect physically.

Ellen keeps dishing out bad things to me. What the hell does that mean? That makes no sense. It's all mundane..

I'm sorry ..Ellen..

I'm simply robotically stating a fact and asking a worthy question.

Well

I found out. I'll have to ignore Ellen's bad traits and see how she feels..

Do you find me messed up or just deranged perhaps? Let's say you get that way, like right now?

If that's all you can do to amuse me when you're not pretending to love my reputation.. or whateer.. then you have a problem. Really. I do not know where you are from.

I'm not mean.

Bad thoughts push at me. I don't even know if I mean them. I kinda do. People need to treat me with respect and not kid around. Well, I don't mean to be mean about it. The words just came to mind!

I kinda hope I don't need help, but I can't seem to get it..