So

Very sorry about my stupidity.  I wish I didn't start squinching.  I'm stuck here trying to sleep.

Problems Go

I'm feeling  better about being less tacky, tho.

..good night

Problem

My feet feel numb and tingly.

You don't give other people these problems.  What the *beep* do you think I am to speak to me in such a way?

I know what you're gonna do now.

You think I am not set with someone, were waiting to see me lose it.  QUIT IT.  It's hurting me.

Problem

I SAID NO

All the posts are now saying +1.

I SAID NO

I'm not playing your jokes all night on this.

I don't want that person to be in my life watching me.

I SAID NO

I am not listening to you and taking someone I like outta my life cuz I got physical.  I SAID NO.  I don't care what anyone thinks.  This experiment is  bullshit.

Problem

What will this do for my singing voice?

Confused

I didn't really get it.  I did, but they wouldn't stop.

Now, they're gonna wake up someone and make them mad at me and do wrong things to me.

I NEED MY PRIVACY.

Problem

Now, my legs are puffed up.

You now, this shit ruined everything.  I didn't hit the table.  I stomped on the floor to stop it!  I SAID TO STOP.  How stupid is this?  They really won't shut up.  I demand you stop.  You know, we started this with Ellen.

Problem

Why don't you care if I'm upset?  Are you black?

Problem

They won't quit.

Someone 1+' this post.  I don't know if it was me.

Problem

I see what they are doing.

Hey stop making fun of me!

I still won't take this.

What if this comes up?  That's all I want to know.  I don't want my birthday ruined.  What about all these other messages?  They are sending more.

Problem

A car said my favorite weekend now!

My mom won't stop.

I NEED TO REALLY GET TO BED YOU BASTARDS.

Problem

STOP

Problem

OK, they've lost it.  My fingers hurt.

Problem

You have no right to infiltrate my birthday in any way.  I have nothing against anyone.  My mom is joking this is like Portia.  Tell her to shut the Hell up.

Problem

They really won't shut up.  This is sick.  I need to get to bed!

Problem

I had to squeam with myself and now they think I did something.  LEAVE ME ALONE.

Problem

They keep saying something now and I have to go to bed!  I wake up so early!

Problem

Why do you keep acting like I'm in trouble?  That's what's wrong.  Hey, they think I am submitting.  They are losers.  You all won't stop bothering me.  I don't feel well.  I won't take this.  I don't know what to do about what you said.  When people dig in it really hurts.  They just affected my nose!  That's not nice.  Go away.  I want my nose and everything.  Quit bothering me.  They won't be quiet.  They are so annoying.

Problem

They also were being sarcastic and won't stop.  They said, "1 day," and did 2 new different things.

Problem

I don't want to be bothered about this.  I'm really worried.

Problems

It started out with someone cornily saying, "You know what to do," in a corny partially squeaking or honking voice.

Problems

I'm trying to sleep, and my mom comes in to ask about tomorrow cuz I didn't see her cuz she was with my dad.  Make a long story short I know she pleasures in me being in trouble, and they put a person up for my birthday, when it wasn't the place.  I writhed a lot about it and need help cuz I have bad karma.  Anyway, I am depressed.  I don't like how I'm just with grumpy Dad it feels when I only come out to eat and when I need to.  What happened to when I was with lots of people?

TV

I will decide to watch Ellen again hopefully by Wednesday.

Problem

They made a machine in the garage tick every so often.

Today, my dad was attacking my mom and sometimes me with how he acted and made noises in the kitchen.  My mom also made me upset in the kitchen.

Twitter and Facebook

Most famous people I know do Twitter.

Now, targeted audience, that's another thing.

An Apology

May be overrated.

I am sorry I am so stupid.  That's what it was.

Back

I got part of my outfit to wear to Ellen.

I got a cool book (c) 2013 of striving to be a personality type with tests, researched the brain and old tests, the MBTI.

I got it as a paperback cuz it was for personality and they have diagrams and tests and nice font.  I mean, I use a NOOK, which is a Barnes & Noble tablet.  I get magazines there if I do, too.

Sorry

I almost posted something about other people's opinions that was very much not that nice.  I guess I should learn to think.  I try.  I just keep messing up.  I do admit I feel interrupted and don't want to be like dissed in that way.  I wouldn't mind if someone said about me what I was going to say, tho.

I noticed something.

Every time someone popular comes on, it's about dissing me, their popular tools.  Like, how they look.  Like they aren't actually thinking of me.

New Video of Me Singing

I want to submit this to a music agent.  :)

Hypnosis

You are trying to make me feel like I did something bad.  If I ever feel loved/liked, I won't really feel it.  It's like a big joke.  I have to talk to the underdogs and outcasts.  Not really being alone doesn't always help.  I feel bombarded with hatred from liars and scapegoats.  It's like something you can't take but can learn to ignore and forget.  It represents a place in your life you once had you can't go.

I have a real life, and it's not about being "experimented" on.  I don't deserve to be imprisoned.  Anyone could lash out for being treated badly all of a sudden.

Edit

I fixed my website so that it has a menu.

New Picture of Me

I'm so sorry

I keep saying weird things.  I tried to be more in it in English..

Things

OK, so I  just woke up and had leftover pizza.

I got carried away explaining something some I didn't post, nothing mean, but I didn't post it, in the end.  Maybe, by a certain point, I could feel it wouldn't be a good idea.  I didn't think it was appropriate, even though is is kinda important.  Better to come up with it outside of other things.  I might be haunted.  I feel followed.  I saw signs this morning of it.  It made me mad.

I also had some Halloween candy.

They don't wanna talk about it, so I don't know how we will do anything about it if it is a topic you are interested in bringing up/going into..  I lose everything if I make a mistake, but others don't.

They actually are rude sending me these messages.  I'd like to ignore them like they are not there, in a way.  What if they aren't?  It's possible.

So, I'm sorry if how I lived my life has offended you.  I don't really know.. guess I should bring it up on its own.

Nite again!

I'm sorry but

the truth just rolls when nothing else can really come to mind.  Everyone is different.  That holds true for a lotta things.  Talk about things on  your own rather than waiting.

I dunno

Maybe it was just for me.  I don't wanna post it.

Why

do you all not wanna talk things out?  I just talked something out.. I should publish it.  But I don't know if I should.

cont.

who needs to feel better than they do already.  It's always about the white people, who are taken care of.  Mixed people have genes from different races.  They could look white if they were allowed.

Why did you just pop up again and act like you have dominion over me?  Anyway..

You all can't do this to me.  You are just nasty.  You're telling me I'm shit!  Why?  I just said it.  Stop acting like I am bad and talking back to me.

I'm sorry if anyone was offended, but I also got attacked.  They are also playing around acting like different people.  It doesn't matter, but it was a mean message.  I guess the message matters.

Are you trying to jeopardize things for me?  Why get in my life like that, like I can't take care of myself?  My therapist brought it out in me.  I can.  Are you acting differently trying to help someone?  I said you all should look after yourselves.  Why defend each other from me?  You all attacked me.  I am just talking about it on my blog.  You sure don't know much about what goes on in blogging.

More

They are wasting my life with negativity over me.  How does anyone accept this blaming you?  You can't negate something like what I just said.  This never happened before.  I don't see it happening to anyone else.  It's like I was downgraded after a year in college.  I don't want to become a dummy listening to this.  They are acting like I did all this stuff I didn't.  You know your place.

I hope this message does not reach the wrong person.  Sorry if anyone innocent is offended or whatever.

Why should I say what they said?  They'll just say more.  xp  This is like being held hostage/captive.

What if I meant what I said but in a different way than you think?

So there, I say sorry and this is the best I can do to talk about this.  It seems like it's become a random pop in my life, like it's okay for them to be mean and I have to be extra introverted about it.

Why do you think I care?  Do you want me to talk about it?  I don't think you even care about what you just said.  You all just have to bother me periodically.  I'd rather be occupied or resting.  I can't seem to relax.

You think I start the hate, I just wanna get on with my life.  People always said I was the opposite of how you treat me.  You all are cruel racially as far as

:(

Stuff

I can tell people go about without even thinking that I am in trouble so what's next.

So More..

I guess I'll try to nap, again.  What do you think of my dad wanting to stimulate me after all these years?  It's like a *** session, tho.  People usually kill people they r***.  I don't mean to suggest bad things about him, tho.  I just mean I didn't really like how it felt to a large degree, like my mom barging in my room.  Actually, it's stopped me up from feeling certain ways.  It just seemed so cruel.

Sorry?

For what now?

Sorry I don't want revenge on me?  Is it a price or what it seems like, a game?

I mean no one no harm, tho!  Never did!!

What's with this 10 years?

My Lesson

I don't do bad things often.  I think people just want to hurt me for it, not totally bad..  I should forget about it and see whatever others break out and do.  That's actually a problem I need to talk about so nothing bad pops up.

There are people out there who like me and think I am nice.  Why punish me so much with so much joy for one little thing?  You can't get mad at a person like that like that!

A A A A A A men A A A A men

Aa Men

The church was so lovely, felt like a place I grew up in.  I would look at the pictures across from the choir loft.  There was a balcony and a cool organ on the alter.

It had a certain smell.  It was very nice.  I loved being in like an important choir.  The one thing the adult choir loves is the kids's choir.

Ah, my love!

Saint Augustine!  Have you been there?  No?  Well, then, let's go....

It probably brings dreamy memories to the attentive eye.  People tell me no on race like they sacrificed something to be as crappy as they are, aha ha ha!  I mean they don't accept I am special from there.  I don't get into reenactments, give up ballet..

The bay was beautiful, nice and cozy, yet a part of the beach.  There are lovely roads in there.  There are nice ways.  I know it like inside and out if I am there, the feel.

Sorry

if I was offensive.  I'm thinking of something small I let out.

Also, I just was like ripping thru in anger about people revenging me.

The thing about my dad made me writhe in wonder about what was going on.

So sorry, but I had to send out a signal, keep a record, tho not as good as it could be.  :(

What is the problem?

What is it about my dad?

And what's with the black stripe I saw on my computer?

I think that this is foolish and unforgivable.  I saw the people at my college just lose it and kick me out of classes where I did nothing to break the rules.  It's been 10 years.  I didn't do anything to be punished.  People just come on to me all the time, and I am gonna figure out how to get back at the unforgivable.

I am not gonna read into constant messages that start out as an insult in an unfavorable contained environment.  I'm not staying on the ship.

Is this the best you can do?  Trap me in a cheap living area with whom I'm with??  Getting mad at the slightest thing when I've done too much already?  There are other things to do than to lie about and pick on me.

I think I'm not talking to nor about anyone.  I guess it started with my dad.  He tried to stimulate me, and I'm writhing on my sofa.  You know it's illegal?

My point is 2 things.  Why is my dad being brought into my life all annoying and dysfunctional, and what is the plan to get revenge on me.. no civilized talking to me, just trying to stay "in" and popular and getting at me for what I write on my blog.

My dad I think goes about his work, but then when he sees me it's like he won't acknowledge me like a person.  There's constant battles at me for simply what I turn around in my head.

Have I said anything I oughtn't?  What's really hanging over me?  I plan to take dance at college in the summer and on until I finish if I feel up to it.  I wanted to work in a coffee shop.  I caught wind you need to be in field, like I wanna do dancing and singing, but like the dancing requires more training with me now if I wanna get in musical theater ever.  I'm 28, seems like a good thing to chase.  I sing, too, on my own, and possibly one day again private lessons.  The dance degree I'd finish by the end of next summer.

I'm so sorry for what I've said or done.  Please forgive me.  It's not totally rash, so I left it up and maybe it will touch someone out there and I will get help.  I'd prefer not to have to post these things.  I just wanted to know why people keep shoving my dad too close to me and ruining it.  Also, I felt hatred I guess and people wanting me to be revenged on.  I'm truly worried about it.  It seems silly.  I am a nice person.  So what if I mess up?  I probably didn't mean it, or something.  Maybe, I wanted to look cute.  I didn't know it was that bad.  I look out for myself, too, including my dwindling health everyone is so keen on with me getting out of sync so.

So, I'm sorry this is not okay, but I tried to be nice.  A bad word came to mind.  The fact anyone wants revenge on me made me very mad.  All these things people see me for and don't see me for, it shouldn't be an issue now.  I said sorry.  People actually do things to me but things that others do, too.

I hope this does not jeopardize my sensitive situation.  :(  You should really look out for yourself, you all.

OK, so sorry.  I don't know what to do about what I wrote.  I tried to be nice about it.  Do I accept it?  I see there are reasons, so I guess it's weird.  About the revenge.. I mean it's not a joke?  I feel I am a joke.  O well.  My room isn't clean.  I saw a dog I wanted today.  I need another shelf to clean.  I'm worried about things and people.  What did I do wrong technically?  I know you like to calculate to a clean finish.  What is the revenge?  I am wondering and shudder to think of how this came up.  Why isn't sorry enough?  Are a lot of events planned?  I think some people are lying about me and threatening me, too, tho.  Like, they say I'm all these bad things, and I have no reassurance from anyone, who believe me to be shit naturally.

Did I waste time posting?  I should at least say what is the problem about my dad and why do I sense revenge at me when people all say they'd like never get mad at me? or have at least at a time it felt.  I don't hold a record of crime.  People are criminal to my sense of stability and ability to focus.  I grew up in a quiet home, at 1st.  So what about 1 thing?  You think everyone who is good who messes up should be locked up?  I will not take these arguments anymore.  I can't get them to stop, tho!  I said what I said, make a match.  Not just the same thing I negated.  Getting mad about something from 15-20 years ago????  What about my wasted years?  What can I do?  I shouldn't be poked at like this for the sake of other people.  It's like other people want me to look bad so they look good and say when they are bad never matters.  It doesn't matter who they are.

I don't mean to be mean.  I came here to ask that question and up comes the other issue.

So, sorry, tried to explain myself.  If something is wrong, why can't I fix it?  I can take back what I did  I cannot be suddenly "grounded for life."  I think what you all do is a pity.  You all don't realize I already feel this way and keep coming back for more.  Some people think they can treat me like a slave.  No, I do not believe the bad parts about being Chinese are good.  I should not be treated as such.  No one does that!  This is just another waste of time, 1 more reason I don't feel like watching Ellen, just feel bothered.  She puts the Chinese in place but is scared of blacks, I feel/think.  I like her and her show, I don't know why I haven't watched this week.

I'm just really sorry I am so stupid but must post my feelings and problems.  I want help, and it might relay to people in the world and spread in micro-molecules.  So sorry, ya'll.  I mean no harm!  :(

The point was what is wrong?  Sorry it is not so presentable.  Most people don't have a problem with me like this, I know, too, so that's interesting.

:(

Nite!

Sorry

I need to avoid weird, mean thoughts.  I am in the real world, too.

I think I'm losing it.

I'll just be on my way and whatever comes comes.  It's so hard to get these things outta my mind at the time.

I'm sorry

I seemed mean.

Quit

bringing up problems of the past.  You could make me mad more and more easily.

There was a joke that my eyes were blue as a baby.  I don't find it cool on me, neither.. I imagined my dad's blue eyes with someone else's.  Not great.  So, don't push me around and keep poking me down the hole.  Why would I be told to be like my dad in ways I don't want?  I am a good person, already.  I am not my family.  And I am 28 and vulnerable.

What I imagined was twisted.  It came to me, I didn't come to it.

Problem

What are these constant problems I am facing?

Ever since this one week I screamed and hit my sofa every day, M-F, my dad has voluntarily tried to stimulate me with positioning his arm/s a certain way.  That should not even be that kind of possibility in Hell.  I am not bedazzzled.  He just has too many problems and won't quit ruining what I'd have in life!  If you back away at the shallow end, you will never surf the waves.

Sorry

My dad was acting weirdly wanting something and I thought no to something about it but was too astounded to agree to yes, thinking he was  a dishonest copycat who didn't know anything about his place, in a way, :( .

Supportive of Others

I am supportive of other fans of people I follow.  I just know people are literally ransacking me about its glory.  I'm just saying.  I feel I was just glared at and frowned at and I'm just sitting at my computer.  This is not for everyone, but some people might be interested, a lotta people I think it seems for some reason.  I wonder how they stay happy if they are in more menial positions.  I feel I should be there but am not well to do it and not encouraged to, therein.

Was Looking Over

I am asked to leave people alone, but people won't leave me alone.  Instead, they are mean to me.  I know.  I know this stuff I see in public is a play on me.  It happens all the time.  I don't mean to say anyone should feel this.

My Singing

It sounds better here than on my cell.  I think the medicine makes me lethargic.  My mom said I can get off it if I move out.  My psychiatrist said I could ask another psychiatrist to help me off the meds.

What

What should I do?  It's just a bunch of people hurting me.

What is it..

..that being mean to me is the desirable word in?  You can't live in fear.  You can live without me, tho.  You already kinda have.

It's not like I don't know

Little things are being done to hurt me and I have no peace of mind.  I get bombarded with secret insults from annoying people.

Imagine some young lady getting all pissed and cursing about others as she goes about her day.

Why

are people being mean to me?  I don't know if I even wanna watch Ellen.

If I struck a nerve..

..that wasn't what I meant to anyone..

So

I don't mean to bother anyone, but why am I always in trouble?  You all have no right to lie to me and treat me that way.

Worried

They threatened to kill someone cuz a car made me turn my head this morning.

Now, they said to kill me!  Why do they think they can talk to me like that?

OK OK

I know Ellen is touchy about Bella.  I don't want her to think I did something to her, tho.

Strange

Sarah Brightman's voice got different.  I'm not sure what she should do.

Looking

I'm looking up the person who loaded 2 videos online.

I wonder who else

looks up Sarah Brightman concerts, like the tours that don't get sold on tape.  Who knows!  There are more views this year now she's in Europe.  That can only mean a good thing.

Time

I feel I have a strange experience checking for Sarah Brightman online.  Who knows, she may quit one day or when she's in space we'll see if it's really her.

I know

I can't decide what others do, so I should not be an animal about it.

Happy but Hurt

I want other people to experience the relationships I've had in the limelight, so-to-speak.

Talking.. Where It Went Wrong

Well, for Bella, I feel as though she wanted to get me in trouble and treat me that way like my dad.

Something Else That Is Unforgiveabe

I'm not going thru a ritual of punishment.  I didn't do anything.  What you think I did doesn't even deserve that.  I could tell the police.  Too bad I have a history of mental illness and hospitalization, lies.

I was giving in..

..but these people won't stop talking about Bella with Ellen and Sarah.

Insults

You all keep acting insulting to me.  They said my apologies were worthless.

Do you want me to say I feel offended, like Bella is taking my place in some obscure way and like people think I should be in trouble?

What am I supposed to say I am sorry for?  I'm not bowing to Bella.

Lies

Ellen attacked me.  I just defended myself.  She thinks it's okay to be mean to me, too.

because..

Because Ellen did it is not looking so bright and merry.

My Life

My dad has always seemed suggestive to me racially and now lives in the style that I am definitely in trouble when I didn't do anything worth that.  A car wooshed by sounding like my being nice to Bella Thorne was worthless because it was an overstatement, tho I feel pushed to give her undivided attention.

Hey, guys.

Sorry I have not been on IMDb.  My old computer is breaking,  I'm on a tablet.

You know when you go for some thing

or sorta bet on it and nothing good comes of it a long time, your resource are drained?  You don't really feel as alive as you can be.

Just showered.

Bed soon.

I will not take this.

The messages are stimulating me I find when I'm like about to get up.  I didn't do anything wrong.  You all need to stop.  All these people about.  Also, why is my dad invading me it seems, like he's hanging over me?  He's perpetuating this.  He was perturbed out.

Well!

Apology and My Congratulations

to you Bella

I didn't want to linger on anything, but my dad seemed to bring it up in secret message.

I guess you can see for real 1 fact that there are more than 1 person in your life and you shouldn't keep taking shots at things being an unreality.

Stress

It must be stressful to know that the person you don't want is the one who has time to check up on you online.  It's better for that person to be occupied.

cont.

So sorry about my seeming illiteracy.

Sorry if I have been rude.

I will add I am joyous over what people are telling me is happening to that wonderful girl who probably needs to stay away from me cuz she must judge me if she ever reads my Tweets.  I am a normal person, but being 1/2 Chinese people back off and play with me in the limelight.

cont.

It's like it's an icebreaker topic for us all.

I am happy for what they have proven.  I just don't want to be the one who gets it the best.  I want a lot of people.

cont.

So, how do you tell everyone they are the only one?

Things

So, I am dying my hair Dark Ash Brown.  Darkest Brown looks black against my pale, white face.

Can anyone explain to me how to tell one person they don't matter and bother them about one person wanting someone all to themselves, like Pink an her racecar husband, hardly the same, and their child Willow.

Website

Website

Don't be offended, I just kept it short.  It's what happens to me and no one else.

Also, more than one person does it.  Many people do.  Some people open the kit and start on their own.

What a crazy few days.

Why would I over and over prostrate myself vying over someone else for the same thing over me?  Am I okay with what someone else does that pertains to themselves?!..  That's not to ask then and proves in general things like that that they are done to waste time and not go forward nor leave a spot, which is also up to you and means more than one thing at one time.

I'm so sorry it's been so hectic.

I am not taking any future punishment for something innocent from the past.  These criminal people are so fascinated by that, too.

2 New Videos of Me

link

If this were a crime

it would be an accident without being on alcohol.

With the word..

..I just told myself why it must have come up.  I don't use that word on purpose like others did when I was growing up, their parents I heard.  I didn't really think it purposely.  That happens.  It needs to stop.  I used to think other curse words cuz I was surrounded by it at school a lot.  :(

I'm so sorry.. I hope my day goes well now.