OK

I wanna know who this shit is for.

I wanna know.

I don't even remember what made me upset, now

Attacked

They are doing some things that get to me, I think someone g** is being selfish.  I'm just saying.  It's like I woke up at a slumber party.

I'm serious about how stupid this is.

What do you want me to bow down on the floor to you?

They keep bothering me.  Oh well, it's not anyone's mind to make up.

What did I say wrong?  Just the fact I said something stirs people up.  I didn't go out big.  I just keep begging for this to be right.  This is a bit radical and unnecessary, really.

Apology

I apologize I came off the wrong way.  I have shizophrenia, suppoedly.  I hope this doesn't stick out.  I only had a few things to touch base on.  I was apologetically explaining myself.

I don't care what anyone says.  I'm not afraid.  I don't care.  This is life.

It does seem related to what I was upset over in something of a subconscious.  Okay, they said I would not be "picked up."  Erm, I would be worried if that happens in some way.  It would give me an o*****.  I dunno, I just find that sensitive because sometimes it's a fantasy like.

Threatened

I see they strung issues together.

Just talking on my blog.. I will not listen to the secret messages.  What were they?  I don't remember.

How can I continue with people telling me what things mean and constantly blocking out the feeling.

You just have to understand these things don't effect one another.  It's something bad to fix, not something good to make worse.

I mean, I can post about it on my blog, period.  I don't care what you say in Hell.

Oh, did my writing come off as a shouting e-mail?  No, I just write that way.  I have before and still do.  I use curse words to be funny!

I just wanted to say I sense a lot of wasting of time and wondering why I can communicate this.

What did we do?

Why don't you stop being mean?

Do you think I wanted to spill water?  It just overcame me.  It didn't even really go in the holes.  Maybe, it was the 6th sense striking again.  This computer is better.

The End

Well, I don't think I'm bad.  I have goals in my ends.  I do feed off of knowing other people in high places.  I don't have many available connections, in general.

I'm getting fed up with the threats constantly for shit reasons and will not put up with this.  Why are you acting so smart alec about knowing what you think this means?

Why.. Must all mortal flesh keep silent, for God who loves you is no stranger.

This is pathetic and unheard of.  Go pick up the next buggar from the past?

Cell

I got mad with it, too, gave me something to squeeze.

My Computers

I didn't jeopardize any machine, but these things are too fragile.  The water was an accident, I was mad.  It didn't even go in the holes.  Every time I got water I had to lean over the monitor onto the other big table here in my room, the garage.

Serious Talk on Attitude

I'm not here to be laughed "at."

Going around?

What effect do you think Sarah Brightman has on me?

I am a bit fed up.. of things being so messed up.

How often do you get literally punished?

I feel as though Ellen led me to terrorizing my room.  I feel punished simply from life.

Schizo-labeled..what next?

I hit the table, not realizing it'd rattle the screen.

I spilled water where I thought there were holes on the monitor.

So, my computer is slowly breaking and I have a tablet, now.

Back

I just showered.  I used Neutrogena today.  I also own Pro-Active, my usual.  I want to try Fructis.

I just trimmed my nails short, again.  I keep them short.  I had them longer at times.  It probably works well for playing piano.  I really dig in there.

Shah were (Shower)

ItsTime.forMuhShoWer

Apology

Did I say something offensive?  I also wanted to say I did notice the flip of people being mean to me.  It's like I have no rights and I'm talking to a bunch of clowns scaring me.  I know you are wrong to get mad at me for saying this and the like.  I just was commenting on what's going on, otherwise might be dangerous in other ways.

Question

Isn't it a bother or just a fantasy that fits that we bring up non-singers for unknown reasons when there might be something about singing?

Support

She has a motley crew.

In the Way

I'm finding my life means shit.

Ellen keeps seeming mad to me.

So, I am singing, and..

..my voice is strong, but I am so much more nervous to "mess up"-

Look At-

All the teens today getting guidance.

hi

I'm uninteresting/not that interesting, but I'm talking about what's popular and goes on.

Thanks

Thanks, Tim Burton.  We all loved you, but now we're hated for being globs which are dysfunctional.

Look Around

Everyone hates this.  People have wanted me to leave Sarah Brightman alone so others "get" her.. no one has hated me for Bella, yet.

Turn Around

It's wrong to tell me I can't say that.  I don't get what I can say if she is put there like me to have something to talk about.  She should be considered my equal, wherever that will be....

There was nothing wrong with what I said because it's cruel and unusual punishment.

Movie

All the little girls and even boys take to Frozen.  They know it's all the talk to be fair in the snow.  I grew up thinking it was about being warm,

Books

I'm writing a film script with music and ballet and a book about personality types.

"The South"

All these people are considered Southern.

like

She is like Johnny Depp, Tim Burton, and Ellen DeGeneres.  People think she steals the show.

Weird.

Why are some people so sensitive about Bella Thorne?  This is racism being practiced.

I don't even know what I mean.

Interesting?

It seems a lot of my life is orchestrated according to Bella Thorne and joked if it was a joke on me.

My Singing

I want to sing, like I said.  Last time I told my mom that was 11 years ago and Dad 13.

My Goal

I want to play the organ with Sarah Brightman.

Twitter

This is out.

The scary thing is I think it isn't but in some ways I'm just too stupid to say something better.  It's just a reflection of my day.

Let's Dig

What's the result in the end is it can be racist to other celebs like singing their heart out, like Ariana Grande?  Why is she left alone and unattacked?

Well, she is nice in person, and that's about all I have to say.  People want her to be not nice to some people, too, even.  I think it is actually an accomplishment.  She can be a sweetheart/angel, too.

I feel people are telling me to like act a certain way, too.

It makes me mad people think I did unforgivable things and use things like this as a tool against me.  This doesn't happen to other innocent nor guilty people.  You can't sin to live out your racism..

"Danger Caution Warning..

..don't let lies mislead."

A lotta people really detest anyone who gets a lotta attention.  I think it's just jealousy and also sinning against others.

Jealous but Not Really

Why should it be all about this one person in this way of the world in general.  Lotta babies look like this person, sorta combined with others.  I think she is going about like a nice person but killing to be the one.  People are making her feel a bit rather overly confident, which is fine with me but maybe not good for her.  My problem with her, Bella Thorne, since I will mention her and to be informative is that she just wants to be the one and acts like she has to do it..  My biggest problem is not really a problem yet something funny/peculiar.  I just wanted to point it out.  I can't seem to satisfy myself, but I know it is inappropriate to some.  I'm not saying like change it for me in a way.. but she is made to feel like she's easily the one "in a way I 'don't like.'"  It's like people think she's better than me and use her as a tool.  I know Ellen DeGeneres does it.  She's fun and strict, but I don't think Portia is better than me, just lucky she's European..

How Your HIGH SCHOOL Was Wasted

Everything was about the people in Talented Theater.  I wanted to do musical theater in high school but outside of school real theater.  I was disappointed to see it was like a handful of people featured talking for like 2 hours.  How is that even possible?

My Hopes, Dreams, and Desires

I really hoped there would be a lot of events featuring singing, like the big Andrew Lloyd Webber convention!  It seems like they ended it like the Mickey Mouse Club but without tangible reasoning.  It's like they think it's gonna totally bomb.  Like no one in this world deserves such a simple pleasure.  They do feature things in the movie theater of that sentiment.

cont.

There were a lotta roads to walk down if you really look.  Downtown is a small town without the outskirts.

We walked a lot, especially down the walkway, a street of old buildings filled with shops and restaurants.  We would get a cookie on Fridays walking home.  We went to the oldest parish school and church.  I think the original monument was burned.

Things got modern in junior high cuz I think a girl with white hair from LA moved here.  Everything opened up with things like Titanic.

More About Me

I swore to myself I was who I was for living in Saint Augustine, FL, the nation's oldest continuing city, that it made me me.  It is preserved and old-fashioned.  We  lived downtown, technically, and closest of 2 houses to the center mark of the city downtown.  Most people, including old friends, live across the bay on an island.  We were also closest to the bay, where the fort made of shell and rock is.

The reason it was so important was it made me more European, if you understand that.

Wuzzup

So, I just sang.  4 successful recordings to listen to when I go out like 1/2 of the day of tomorrow.

I learned to play The Phantom of the Opera in less than a day.  It has some different sounds.

I am so sad about me and the Ellen show.  I watched 1/2 of Friday and walked over 2 hours today and missed Monday, Tuesday, and now today.  I had said it'd be an unpredictable week, tho.  I hope to catch up in the morning.  I need breathing room, Ellen.  I don't wanna mess something up now.  I dunno, but that came up.  I hope to get back in the swing.

I do have dreams to be a famous singer, but I am too old to be great.  What happened to Susan Boyle?  She sang with Jackie Evancho.  That is interesting because so did Sarah Brightman.

All I can say is I have wanted to be a singer a long time, but they tell you at school to work and study school stuff.  It is true that my voice used to be less refined but fresher.  I took a break at 19 and was kicked outta singing for seeming too inhibited at the end of 1 year.  I took a break to save my voice for film.

Apology

I guess my last post on my last blog wasn't so appropriate tho a leap in faith.  I hope that joke was appropriate.

christinabarrett.com

Welcome!

Welcome to my BlogSpot!

I know what's perplexing me.

Why are people like poking a stick in my face wondering if I do like someone I like and them getting attention?

Problem

Sorry I became upset.

I did tell my mom some things about my dad and then told him.

How I Am

I am being bombarded with insults and try to be pretty nice yet ignore.  Going to bed soon, nowhere to go tomorrow so may catch up on Ellen.  Don't count on me watching this week.

People are bugging me all day.

Do I have to like get away?  I can't do that.  We share a kitchen and people invade my privacy!

I SAID LEAVE ME ALONE

I have my private life, too.  You're making me appear all tacky.

WHY ARE YOU TALKING BACK?  YOU WERE MEAN TO ME.  I DO NOT ACCEPT IT.  WHAT'S MY MOM DOING?  WHY SHOULD I EVEN CARE TO APOLOGIZE?  I WAS BEING BUZZED.

I don't wanna sit here

with poop dripping from the ceiling.

I didn't go too far.

I got over it, and I'm tired of these people.  Don't take it the wrong way..  It was just a buffer cuz I sat down to eat and I guess I was tired or something and wasn't thinking.  I guess I was wrong to kid with that word in my head.  I really didn't mean it literally.  I grew up with people using that word a lot.  Their parents.

I'm not stupid.

My mom kept attacking me every second with her noises in the kitchen with me!

You see..

..I didn't want to think that word.

Well

Now what?  I tried to hard to put myself in the right mood.

What do you think about Sarah Brightman?  She must be tired.

It's been a long and tumultuous day.  I even made all the supper we have.

I don't know why but sometimes I do weird things, but I never emotionally even attacked someone.

I figured I needed to not deny the truth.  Why not put the cards on the table?  Does my dad have to touch me when he drives?

Why I Am Not Like My Dad

I am a young girl?

He's not like me in a lot of ways.  He does things that would not be as attractive on me.

Help!

They kept having my mom act nasty towards me and it made me upset and lose it in my thoughts.  I said the k word about having my dad make me feel him.  Like when he drives.  My mom just glared bemusedly at me.  I meant it as an aside, like not really that word, but I lost it.  I changed right after though and learned a new way to cope, by ignoring.

Me Talking

Bye!

Does anyone wanna talk this out?

Someone died from my high school, and I can't help but wonder though it makes sense otherwise that the people experimenting on me are telling people when to kill themselves just to make me feel bad.  Like, they take people I look up to and say they said when to kill them and why.

So, something else came up, like you take people for being popular but mean or just more fortunate socially but not otherwise in certain ways at least.. whom also must be mixed race with a few drops of blood.. that they can be adored by famous people but me being sorta famous where I live can't.  I was only a teenager.  I was more than just a person, I was an artist.  It must be nice to be a real person.

Me Nice

I never really attack anyone, but it seems when I mean something else people take away the specifications needed in the definition and say I did something mean and wouldn't even let me say, "Oh, sorry, I don't mean it/anymore."  As to what came up is better left unsaid.  It's not in every way necessary to begin with.  I just was wondering why all the time, people say I "said something" it feels.  They used to all say I was sweet, nice, smart, friendly, and as always shy for whatever reason.  I'm just more refined in certain ways to myself..  It just seemed like something, so I thought I'd take liberty to point it out.  And, if I did something, and say it was on purpose, which I can't see myself doing but can see it being interpreted that way actually.. so how do we make these bad possibilities better.. hm.  Some people just sorta put you up to the ledge and not ever go into methods of prevention and understanding.  It's not like someone said do such and such and remember and then that's how it usually goes.

What of what made me think to write this?  They know!  Well, it seems they want me in jail just to teach me a lesson for being good all the time, which doesn't make sense.  You actually came into my home and told me I was incompatible with my parents and others.  People don't usually come into my home and just see me alone, quite, polite, and doing my work at school at then.  So, what of home?  My dad greets me in an uncomfortable way, like I have to be fat like him and not skinny like my mom.  He said hi kinda like a teddy bear.  I've seen other people/person think so, too, viciously, like I have to be like my dad in ways that don't seem compatible to me.  It's the same with my mom.

Ab Exercise

7 mintues

Does it hurt your feelings more..

..to be reprimanded for little things people track down in your head or if it's something that you actually did, like messed up a room or something or was acting too wildly in a certain situation?

College

I just checked out Juilliard, but I don't know if I'd make it.  I know 3 other conservatories, and one I studied organ at.. think I want to try.  If you've heard of it, it's Oberlin, "organ heaven."

I checked out the community college, no running, and UCF has running.

I don't know know what's up with the forcing you to sing a certain way in college.  That might make me not go.  I wonder if private teachers teach at a high enough level.  I almost got stuck in private lessons, but the teacher was a theater and speaking person.  She seems to just teach in the summer, if that still.

Singing on my own seems to have been working.  I'm not sure what the outside help might be, maybe watching Sarah Brightman's concert tour.

I wish I could run on a team.  I seem so lazy in exercise on my own.  I used to want to do it that way.  I thought it would make me more civilized, like boot camp.  It does come and go.

I dunno, we'll see, I guess.  Maybe, Wednesday, I can make some calls.

I am mostly worried about laundry.  I'll have my PJs, exercise clothes, and regular.  I'll have to mail an ironing board.  I used to hang them up but guess I can in my closet.  I'm getting myself into that mindset.  I can use those vacuumed plastic bags when I bring my clothes.

In a way, I think practicing at home will work better and I can try again for an agent..  :/

New Video of Me Talking

Well, I'd better get going.

I just watched like 1/2 of Friday's Ellen Show.

New Picture of Me

link

Just Showered

Getting ready.

Agh!

Sorry for what I've done..

You're the one!

I'm already dead inside!

What can I do?

If I knew I hurt my dad's feelings, I wouldn't have done it..  (I said, "Oh, no," when came home for reasons..)

Wale! (Well!)

I'll have to get it up on my website.

Liars

I have asked and inquired that I am alright in my behavior, and I find everyone "knows" it's not.

I asked my dad, and I told my mom.  Something like it, at least.

What do you think is, like, the 1 thing I care about!!  I am not dealing with this.  But it keeps coming somehow.  What about being a hardworking citizen?  Am I still pressured there, yes.

This is just me talking.  I'm not mad at any innocent person.  I'm wondering about my dad and perhaps strangers I don't know about.

Nite!

I'm wasting 3 days this week.

Sweet dreams!  ;)

My Main Problem

I feel I don't matter because of the pounding attitude the jealous people of Orlando have on me.  It's all over, and that's one thing I never wanted and what kept me away from message boards.

I feel no one wants me to relax and be let alone.  They turn on when someone attractive gives me some attention, too.

New Video of Me

New Picture of Me

link

Tied Up

I still have to watch the last episode of Ellen.

I have laundry to get up and fold, 1 basket.

I have 3 appointments this week and I bus to all 3.  xp

As for watching Ellen, I hope I do.  I can't tell.  It's tiring seeing a therapist each week.  I'm not to be trusted.

Discussion

I did not mean to be mean, but why is it all about this one person's deep, resounding voice, and we get collectively, like, dissed away by those without more authority in a certain way?  Like, we go into the room, and we get flipped out?

Me Talking

Me Playing and Singing

OK

I applied for Loyola again and for Cross Country and Track, plan just to take music courses for now there so I can do it.

Off for a jog!

Musical

link

The Phantom of the Opera hits New Orleans!

Me Singing

Well, my real opinion was and is..

..that Bella Thorne has a great voice, but it seems like she drownded us all out.  Go her, but I still want my life!

Someone on IMDb said something about her and I brought up this point meaning it seems like the end for us all.  That's all, I wanna hear more..

It was a little tacky, and in that way it seemed she was thinking she was mimicking us supposedly like we're that part.  She wasn't herself just flat out tacky, though.  The message was obvious and weird to describe.

:)

What's it like to live in..

..a school and not have any teachers that touch you?  Like, what happens at Christmas?

How Do You Like to Sleep When You're Drowsy but Not Tired

I'm sprawled out on my sofa.  I don't wanna go to bed, but I do.

*yawn*

Should I go to bed?  Nite..

Sometimes

You accept how crazy some people are.. I don't know if I ever chain caused tragedy.  It is the person's fault.

Apology

I am sorry I am not smart enough to think in my head.

Pathetic?

I feel affected by my dad, too.  It goes away sometimes.  He's not supposed to do that.  I don't know what his problem is.  But it seems like everyone is going crazy in and outta Hollywood.

My Age

I'm 28 and I'd rather marry than be affected by my dad forever.

Edit

I added the word "etc." to my last post..

Problem

Why are we all still on that someone could get away with hurting me or whoever.  I wasn't even cursing at this person mostly at least, I was cursing about the people bothering me with little noises in my room, ticks and clicks that sound like talking that leave you with a feeling of being stupid.  This person acted like she did it, too.

My dad was terribly wrong in how he treated me, and I was afraid I'd curse at Ellen since I watch her etc. so cursed at him instead.  I didn't sit there and curse at him himself but at what he did sorta, I guess.  These noises would not go away.  I have to do something about this.

Mean People

You are supposed to come out of your shell when someone does something wrong.  It's not about testing you to stay mum.  Some things are too radical.  You can't say all your problems will be solved on a blog.  It is best to ignore people as much as possible, even if they somehow come in and immediately upset you, like.