Problem

I don't need to go over my bad side.  I am aware I was a good singer.  Now, you have all these crazy ideas about what perfect singing would be and that no one else can do it.

See

Ellen is a big part of my life.  What should I think?  All the people on Twitter and Facebook are fools.  :D  They just say the same thing I think, and I found that when I said it I just kept repeating myself.  She posts something, and I don't know what she wants us to post back.  I just know my opinion will be sorta pushed aside physically, like I shouldn't have said that.  So, I never know what to say.

But, yes, I like Ellen, and it didn't take much deciding to decide.  So, if that's all you want to know, I accept her.  About her suggestions, like doing weird things or wondering about her posts early on from seeing it, I agree, but she just seems to follow the crowd.  However, that's like surrendering someone else's right arm.  (I just said that because it is an effective symbol.  It says something that sparks a quick reaction and the right thought.)  Let's just leave it at that.  This post doesn't entirely seem to make sense, but it seems also to fit like clockwork.  You can't get much better than what you see on TV.

And I'm tired of going through this post and will post as is.  xp  I changed it a bit and seem to have concluded a lot.  It's not worse than my other posts, which hopefully aren't too bad.

IMDb - The Soapbox

People are judging me and are wrong.

They are jealous, but they are being weird to me.

You young singers

are all weird making fun of people for listening to your music, like it's personal.  That's what inspired me to rise to the occasion.

I'm not here to listen to people lie about me.

I used to do this.

link

You can't say anything bad to me cuz I didn't hurt you and don't want to.

If someone does something bad to me, I'm supposed to say something against them.

Problem

When I discuss things, ya'll follow a different creed, that saying something stains the page.  You make no sense.  If you think older people know what's best, you're obviously wrong cuz some of them are bad and murder.

People are afraid

if someone can sing who is an actor - take Johnny Depp in Sweeney Todd for instance.  I can just see a 16 or 17 year old doing it.

How Dishonest

I'm not mum, and I'm not to be played with.

Talking Things Out

Sometimes, you do it to regret it.

If I catch up

on Ellen, I still want to see today's 1st.

Want to watch TV

May only have energy for 1 show today.  Should I watch today's at 3?  I did my nails, want water.. I so want to be in Hollywood.  I'm just sitting around doing nothing.  The acting classes don't seem worth it.  I didn't get contacted by the advisor for the workshop.

Well

Jogged and Showered

tired from diabetes pill

Let's see.

Did I castrate Ellen?  So sorry if I only came up with some twisted remark.  Seems interested in something.

So..

..about my rewording, what do you think?  I should probably get interested in other important things.

So

Why do people watch me?  I hope something is about to happen.  They probably watch other people, too.  I wonder if anything will happen.

Let's see.

Was I nasty today?  Yes..  Sorry!  I was trying to be as nice as possible without being mute.

Actress

link

Are you trying to tell me

bad kids are good to me but bad to you?

Actress

Chloe Sevigny

link

So, I made this topic on IMDb..

..I couldn't quite get it out right, think part of what I was saying was bonked out of existence, the important part.  I said I didn't mean it sarcastically.  I guess I could have said showcasing.. but what else, making a spectacle or display of? but not in a sarcastic way?

Well

But did you laugh, as usual? OK

(the ppl of Orlando..?)

Feeling Bad

I apologize, for things that you think I meant that I shouldn't and therefore don't.

I don't need to be in check

by Ellen like I don't think like I'm autistic or a tactual|kinesthetic learner because my dad is from PA and no LA.

Why do people get at me..

..like for looking out for myself?  They think everything is meant to be about another.  Like, I'll act nice and even apologetic and say I am gonna do it again and I'm just making myself feel good.  They don't even act nice period, sometimes.  I don't care if it makes me appear right, they don't.  They say I'm wrong and not good enough.

What hatred

those people had.  Why invite me to college?  It's a 1 year stint?

What did I accomplish at home?  The only thing was I finally remembered to start a blog (which I could have done in college.)

I find it snotty

that I've been told to be left alone by an old college in New Orleans, like I deserve to be punished, like I was sneaky as they said to get into their programs.  I did all that!  They think it's like I'm better off punished.  When did New Orleans, not anyone in particular, get so retarded?  They think I'm in a different state punished!  How *** is that?  They have no business doing anything ridiculous like that to me.  They should have told me to do 1 instrument and 1 major and to make it singing or let me audition for it.

But yes.

I do want others to get attention from these others.  I was just talking to myself, didn't know how to put it.  Should slow down in a way.  I really do want for this.

Proof

My dad acted like he was pulling out the inside of my ear when I was thinking of studying up north where I did music and heard nice things..

I know what you're thinking.

Well, think no more.  My blog is where I post whatever I want.

Question

I don't really wanna see Ellen act like my old best friend cuz everything has to be about her.

Who cares about people in my life?

Just let them suffer.  You can't call me Asian shit!

Problem

People keep putting me up to being tested and bothering me.  Something isn't right.

HOW DARE YOU

They want to see me as out.

I already knew it was in you.

I'm the one who stayed away long enough to see what was up.  This goes to all you out there who I know have fetishes.

How dare you put me with my old friends who are mean to me and compare us like we're a brand name.  You're tacky and don't deserve to know about us.  I am talking to whoever does this and am not sure why any name came up.

Problem

I think someone is holding a grudge.  Did I mean it?  What's wrong?  I didn't say anything.  You just think I have an opinion.

Problem

I wanted to go for a jog, but my mom got up and bothered me.  She keeps acting like I'm so fat and doesn't care tho.

If you are weird

why do you get to watch me?  You say you're not gonna be nice pretending I'm bad.

Why you all boogy around

and mess with me?

I'm tired of listening to what ya'll say.  Ya'll are below the par.

People are mad.

They act like they are teaching me a lesson.

IMDb - The Soapbox

I sit at home and am waiting to get in a movie.

I just did ironing, washing clothes, cleaning my room and bathroom to a reasonable degree. Want to go for a jog, shower, watch Ellen. I got 3 books to movies:
(1) The Boxtrolls
(2) The Book of Life
(3) I asked about a book for Big Eyes by Tim Burton, coming out this Christmas.

You know famous people hacked into my life and know all about me and are doing mean things to me? Like, they think people I know are "discoveries" over me and that I'm not as cool compared to them. I don't think that's true, but it's too late. They've lied to me, too. I have nothing to do and am sick of this- sick of these people bothering me. In fact, they watch me on cameras, the nurses or whatever. I thought it'd be cool, but it's mostly about sh t. I am not even rich enough to look decent all the time, and my mom got me sent away and put on pills I still take which make me tired.

So, I'm happy about the books, about to go check on getting the book The Boxtrolls is based on, I think Monsters in the Attic.

And also what the people do are done with insinuations, can't catch me being fooled as though I was just being nasty. I don't know what's going on, but it seems to invariably include me in uncomfortable and tacky ways.

Also, it's very abusive here and with my crazy dad.. he kept beating the car wheel yesterday, and it made my hands feel a bit funny. He beat the wheel almost the whole time the light was red after I asked about someone here sticking their rubbery hand out like they're playing piano.. it was a sight to see.

So, excited about books!

Important

So, did you notice how cute boys have to run away?

Overview

Sorry, if you know what I posted pertains to..  I didn't say anything bad, but I said something, like I said.

I wanna jog and shower before I watch Ellen.  I cleaned my room and had ironed clothes and am washing clothes.

Why are people keep bothering me just because of that 1 time I walked outta my room and for some reason it seemed annoying?  I never do that on purpose.  Just leave me alone.  I went to Disney, I have UCF the jazz radio on, and the talking is incessantly trying to dig at me.

Question

So, why does this girl keep thinking all that I have she deserves to have instead?

Maybe, I don't have anything.

I'm tired of

waiting for things to load and trying to control my mind while people watch.

I'm tired of being treated this way

and getting uptight.

It's nonsensical and inappropriate.  What if someone saw?

Something's Been Done

I can't say that mean things can be there just as a check.

Example

"On the Street Where You Live" is on the radio.  Imagine some cozy younger girl in the car with the family with a life of abundance ahead.

They don't even think..

..they should have something going, but someone seems to have hurt that part of me at Disney, some guy in front of me affected me, kept moving around in an annoying way.  I shoulda told someone.

Like, it seems that we're stuck on something.  I just see this as an ongoing pattern.  I'm supposed to supposedly react, but I don't think that's right, neither.  I think what I think and don't have to "do something.."

I don't..

I don't live to be walloped.  (Hurt by whoever watches me every time a pin doesn't drop in the right way.)

I should just ignore the signs.

I don't like watching myself in deep shit on "The Ellen DeGeneres Show."  People all hate me.  This show is important.

I don't live to feel trapped.

I don't know how to go about my repetitive life.

Maybe, I will look online at Ellen's show and see if there's any sign to avoid it.. and why.  If it's cuz I used to curse about the noises she put in my room, I'd go over my anger each day and apologize and didn't actually curse at her most often I think.  If I did, I blotted it out to some degree or something.  I just know I was in check.  It's not okay that she put those noises in my room.  She thinks that's what should make me in trouble.

I said I was fine with her talking a lot to others, but I don't like talking ABOUT it, like them saying it's to punish me for that and that if I didn't do it it wouldn't happen.  Why not do it, anyway?  No, I do not accept that as a punishment, and it even made me upset about it in material when my mom, probably via message from Ellen, rubbed it in.

I think she became more touchy and sensitive about when I complain about things and thinks it's based at her cuz she thinks that's what should be going on in my life, her paying attention to someone over me.  I already said it was okay technically but am annoyed if it's just punishment.

I think I will just enjoy it.  I can make fun of it, but that seems to tick them.  I mean, what's wrong with it?  Why make it a huge punishment thing?  And still it's something I do now, I watch the show..  Why judge me falsely, too?  Why just say I'm like a bad person or not that good?

Also, my dad is bugging me without warning.  Ever since Tim Burton, Johnny Depp, and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, it's been this way.  You can't say that they're not an element to the world, now, too, just because it's not about you!  In some ways it is about everyone as a whole, though.

OK

So, I can talk.  Should I watch Ellen's show?  Why would people say no?  Are you her servants?

TV

Something a lotta people must say, guess I'll watch Ellen and hopefully post some comments.  Things were going good, but I've been upset, since.  I did explain myself out since it's a bit iffy.  Nothing really happened, but it sounds like I've hit the nail on the head.

Issue

I see someone is fooling incessantly with me.  The next day..

Why am I suddenly unwelcome?  You all are mean.  Can you accept that?  Maybe, nothing matters, not even fame.  I don't want to be joked around with from those free above.  Maybe, 1 of them is really depressed but done the deed.

Just saying what's going on, no offense.  What's anyone out there think?

Did I do something too much?  I don't know if  I've slipped, but I'd be sorry if I had.

Question

Why would you take a precaution on someone.. they're not in check?

What I Have

Ellen and Bella think everything I say is about them.

When I go to Disney World, some guy in front of me bugs me the whole time by moving around funnily and it even can cause hurt.  For some reason, still, my neck won't crack as deeply, as it always does.

What to Do

I might iron my clothes after my dad goes to work.  Still a bit tired.

Do you ever think

about when people chose to talk to you and then someone else comes up and suddenly they're better? and you're no good?  I was looking at an ad for Sleeping Beauty, and her head was hanging downm like some sad kid who thinks she's been treated wrongly by someone and deserves more.

I need to go to sleep soon.

People literally

tell people my age no in general because of age.

Do you see people who can't believe

they don't have a track record of receiving attention and affection and are looking out to make sure the answer isn't no?

Film

It says to take art and music.

I might stay here

and take film acting?  I kinda wanna go up north.

I just wish I could live at home and go to a college like this.  I don't know the answer to this.  Maybe, I need to get out.

4-Year Breakdown

YEAR 1

MUC 101F - Primary Instrument: Private Lessons, 2-4 credit hours 1
MUC 111 - Tonal Harmony 1, 2 credit hours
MUC 112 - Solfège/Eurhythmics 1, 2 credit hours
MUC 141 - Singers’ Diction and Literature 1, 2 credit hours
MUC 147 - Opera Workshop 1: Encountering Text, 1 credit hour
MUC 221I - Music History & Literature 1: World and Medieval Music History, 3 credit hours

MUC 102F - Primary Instrument: Private Lessons, 2-4 credit hours 1
MUC 113 - Tonal Harmony 2, 2 credit hours
MUC 114 - Solfège/Eurhythmics 2, 2 credit hours
MUC 142 - Singers’ Diction and Literature 2, 2 credit hours
MUC 148 - Opera Workshop 2, 1 credit hour
MUC 223I - Music History & Literature 2 Renaissance and Baroque Music History, 3 credit hours


YEAR 2

MUC 201F - Primary Instrument: Private Lessons, 2-4 credit hours 1
MUC 211 - Tonal Harmony 3, 2 credit hours
MUC 212 - Solfège 3, 2 credit hours
MUC 241 - Singers’ Diction and Literature 3, 2 credit hours
MUC 247 - Opera Workshop 3: Singing, Speaking And Moving, 1 credit hour
MUC 321I - Music History & Literature 3 Music of the Classical and the Romantic Eras, 3 credit hours

MUC 302F - Primary Instrument: Private Lessons, 2-4 credit hours 1
MUC 314 - Solfège 4, 2 credit hours
MUC 213 - Tonal Counterpoint, 2 credit hours
MUC 311 - Form and Analysis, 2 credit hours
MUC 242 - Singer's Diction and Literature 4, 2 credit hours
MUC 248 - Opera Workshop 4: Communicating In Italian, 1 credit hour
MUC 323I - Music History & Literature 4 Music Since 1900, 3 credit hours


YEAR 3

MUC 302F - Primary Instrument: Private Lessons, 2-4 credit hours 1
MUC 313 - Theory of Music Since 1900, 2 credit hours
MUC 347 - Opera Workshop 5: Advanced Acting Techniques, 1 credit hour

MUC 302F - Primary Instrument: Private Lessons, 2-4 credit hours 1
MUC 348 - Opera Workshop 6: Application of Advanced Acting Techniques/communicating in German, 1 credit hour
MUC 303 - Partial Junior Recital, .5 credit hour


YEAR 4

MUC 302F - Primary Instrument: Private Lessons, 2-4 credit hours 1
MUC 447 - Opera Workshop 7: Audition Preparation, 1 credit hour

MUC 302F - Primary Instrument: Private Lessons, 2-4 credit hours 1
MUC 448 - Opera Workshop 8: Introduction to Conceptualization/ Communicating in French, 1 credit hour
MUC 404 - Full Senior Recital, 1 credit hour


ELECTIVES

BALLET

MUC 001 - Performance Attendance, 0 credit hours (6 semesters)
MUC 002 - Departmental Recital, 0 credit hours (8 semesters)
MUC 291 - Conducting, 2 credit hours
MUC 205F - Major Ensembles, 1 credit hour 3
MUC 305 - Pedagogy of Music, 3 credit hours
MUC 309 - Entrepreneurship and Advocacy, 1 credit hour

ENG 131 - Workshop in Exposition and Argument, 3 credit hours
MTH 135 - Introduction to Probability and Statistics, 3 credit hours or higher
LAS 200 - Enduring Questions for an Intercultural World, 3 credit hours
HPE 110W - Personal Wellness, .5 credit hour
HPE - Activity Courses 1.5 credits
Foreign Language5 16 credits
Liberal Arts Electives or Minor Field of Study6 10 credits

Requirements in 4 Years

This is a real conservatory.

MUC 001 - Performance Attendance, 0 credit hours (6 semesters)
MUC 002 - Departmental Recital, 0 credit hours (8 semesters)

MUC 101F - Primary Instrument: Private Lessons, 2-4 credit hours 1
MUC 102F - Primary Instrument: Private Lessons, 2-4 credit hours 1
MUC 201F - Primary Instrument: Private Lessons, 2-4 credit hours 1
MUC 202F - Primary Instrument: Private Lessons, 2-4 credit hours 1
MUC 401F - Primary Instrument: Private Lessons, 2-4 credit hours 1
MUC 402F - Primary Instrument: Private Lessons, 2-4 credit hours 1
MUC 301F - Primary Instrument: Private Lessons, 2-4 credit hours 1
MUC 302F - Primary Instrument: Private Lessons, 2-4 credit hours 1

MUC 110 - Music Technology and Notation, 1 credit hour
MUC 111 - Tonal Harmony 1, 2 credit hours
MUC 113 - Tonal Harmony 2, 2 credit hours
MUC 211 - Tonal Harmony 3, 2 credit hours
MUC 112 - Solfège/Eurhythmics 1, 2 credit hours
MUC 114 - Solfège/Eurhythmics 2, 2 credit hours
MUC 212 - Solfège 3, 2 credit hours
MUC 314 - Solfège 4, 2 credit hours

MUC 213 - Tonal Counterpoint, 2 credit hours
MUC 311 - Form and Analysis, 2 credit hours
MUC 313 - Theory of Music Since 1900, 2 credit hours

MUC 141 - Singers’ Diction and Literature 1, 2 credit hours
MUC 142 - Singers’ Diction and Literature 2, 2 credit hours
MUC 241 - Singers’ Diction and Literature 3, 2 credit hours
MUC 242 - Singer's Diction and Literature 4, 2 credit hours

MUC 147 - Opera Workshop 1: Encountering Text, 1 credit hour
MUC 148 - Opera Workshop 2, 1 credit hour
MUC 247 - Opera Workshop 3: Singing, Speaking And Moving, 1 credit hour
MUC 248 - Opera Workshop 4: Communicating In Italian, 1 credit hour
MUC 347 - Opera Workshop 5: Advanced Acting Techniques, 1 credit hour
MUC 348 - Opera Workshop 6: Application of Advanced Acting Techniques/communicating in German, 1 credit hour
MUC 447 - Opera Workshop 7: Audition Preparation, 1 credit hour
MUC 448 - Opera Workshop 8: Introduction to Conceptualization/ Communicating in French, 1 credit hour

MUC 291 - Conducting, 2 credit hours

MUC 205F - Major Ensembles, 1 credit hour 3

MUC 303 - Partial Junior Recital, .5 credit hour
MUC 404 - Full Senior Recital, 1 credit hour

MUC 305 - Pedagogy of Music, 3 credit hours
MUC 309 - Entrepreneurship and Advocacy, 1 credit hour

MUC 221I - Music History & Literature 1: World and Medieval Music History, 3 credit hours
MUC 223I - Music History & Literature 2 Renaissance and Baroque Music History, 3 credit hours
MUC 321I - Music History & Literature 3 Music of the Classical and the Romantic Eras, 3 credit hours
MUC 323I - Music History & Literature 4 Music Since 1900, 3 credit hours


MUC 133 - Keyboard Musicianship 1, 1 credit hour 2
MUC 134 - Keyboard Musicianship 2, 1 credit hour 2
MUC 233 - Keyboard Musicianship 3, 1 credit hour 2
MUC 234 - Keyboard Musicianship 4, 1 credit hour 2

It's hard to imagine

staying at 1 college.

It is a conservatory.

Having Fun

Setting up my college possibility plans.

Isn't it funny

the people from Loyola are not answering?

You can go your way.

I don't mind.. I just feel incredibly picked on, like I have to think I'm punished in a weird way I don't really understand.. and I will not believe I deserve to think I am punished and for something I like.

Well, what do you want to talk about?

What do you want me to do?

So, what could be wrong?

I said I like that girl getting attention but don't think of it as due punishment.

It hits me hard

When someone says something suddenly, but I want for the beset.  I just sometimes don't want to think certain things and am tired, not used to having friends to talk to.  Will I ever catch up?

Funny

I think I avoided getting too mad.  I just don't like to think I can be punished for petty shortcomings.  My mom kept provoking me.  This is highly uncomfortable.  I already said it was okay itself.  I'l just get over it.

What's yours is yours, I don't need to take it in punishment.  That's what I was thinking or meant to.

Diabetes Pill

Tiring, my 1st one.

If I were born in 1997/8

It'd probably be a good thing.  I saw a girl like that when she was about 6 in a movie.

I saw pictures.

My nose looked normal when born but could look bigger, at least from the side.  Later, my parents seem to have made it small.  Maybe they wanted me to start over.  Why didn't I finish??

IMDb - The Soapbox

Do you believe Ellen is all about this 1 girl but no one else..

..in that way? 

Who cares if my best friend was allowed to have a hook nose by her parents. I'm quite certain my parents don't care about me.

IMDb - The Soapbox

Re: Ice Bucket Challenge is for High Schoolers and Attention Whores

Why is it used to symbolize those who are famous or at a certain point in life right now?

Why

Whenever I walk in Orlando, well sometimes I find someone hating on me in how they walk and then say, "Good Morning."

Let's just say this.

I'm not at rock bottom.

Upset

My mom started lashing out again in how she acts and moves around and has cancer.  It was so insulting, I thought of a bad word and got over it.  I asked her why she was upset, and she got upset some and ate by herself after I finished.

I'm concerned about my mom, not me.  Also, what if Ellen leaks out and laughs about it?  Why does she act like she leaks out stuff if she doesn't insult you 1st?  No offense to Ellen.  I guess you could leak in different ways, maybe it's just not the right situation.  I can see it, posters of cancer and laughing.  I just used the word leak, hard to think of what else to say.  But yea, think anyone who meets my mom will laugh if she says they have cancer.  Because she's my mom.

I wonder if I shouldn't have said anything.  So what if a bad word passes through my ever-sleeping mind?  I think that happens to good people on a good day.

I don't

put off making oneself happy for the time being .. opposed to a sacrifice that is made for wild things.

Advice

If things aren't right at home, some of you maybe don't watch Ellen then.

I feel I'm above

Ellen's type.  I'm too used to reacting to injustices to figure it out and say everything's A OK as my point in what I said.

Bothering Me

Is it possible that a poor half Chinese boy would mess up the egos of all white boys from afar?  When he didn't do anything, unless you're thinking really crazy?

IMDb - The Soapbox

topic by me

Re: Who wants to be a Hollywood actor!

Yes, and it pays $875/day. 

I'd like to eventually be a known actor, I guess. Some people know whom they've known. I'd like to rub elbows in glory and receive my reward as a rich producer in my old age.

Also, I know they want the young kids to get it as the booty..

Do you have to be famous these days

to get a Tweet?  I got tired of my fan Twitters, but at least I have them.

Lotta Posts Today

Click "Older Posts" at the bottom to show them, before the IMDb conversation.  You'll notice on the side there's more posts than seen on this page.

What happened

to all the hope and support people need emotionally from the Late Boom era?

Funny

Are all these people happy for some reason?  Maybe on the road to discovery like me is all?

Problem

I already came on as a good person, don't chase me away.  What does "good" even mean to you?  Isn't it a word that encompasses more than 1 thought?

You all act like

he has to be Chinese.

You're not supposed to come all in

like you have to hurt someone with a sibling who isn't like their twin.