Sunday, January 18, 2015

Problem

They kept making noises in my room this morning that gave me a fake dizzy feeling that didn't feel good.

I found my mom in the kitchen acting like she was all on the ball.

I think someone intervened to do this to get me to think of something violent.  They will taunt me that the last person I started liking who's not Ellen is not something I can do.  I just thought of throwing a force at my mom's head, was so annoyed and frustrated thought of my cup.  I didn't mean to really think to hurt her like with a cup but to throw a force.  You can't just take away things right and left.  You set this up.  My mom was a wreck, would not stop waltzing around like she's taunting me.  They let my mom feel superior to me cuz my dad is not attractive in the same way.  I am not my parents.  I am another person who strives to stay attractive in her own way.  They think this will teach me an ultimate lesson, but I find it a frivolous cause.  I stopped hitting my sofa, so they will bother me about this because they think that's why it worked.  I've been saying they bother me.  I have to be walking outside to get away.

Did you know if you attack someone they can try to ignore you or simply just attack back in a way that seems fair and triumphant?  What could possibly happen, you wonder?  I simply don't like what they did.  I guess it didn't make it thru my thick skull that it was to make a statement about my mom, but I see it was wrong overall.

You could say it was an accident, it didn't bring me pleasure.  I was feeling depressed and slept more yesterday and went to bed late yet didn't wake up late.

So, no, I do not mean it.  I was being attacked, tho, so I'm not the one who should be sorry.

If a thought slips my mind, what right do you have to get me for it, when you were doing something mean to me?

What, does this prove I was weak and dizzy?  How frustrating and humiliating!

See, someone did this to make fun of me and to taunt me that I ruin my relationship with someone.  My only help is that it was an accident more.  I am not a carcass for you vultures to pick at.