The Ellen DeGeneres Show
She seems to be doing well, in a way. She is like a machine in judging others, and it doesn't make sense to me. It's all based on that we wanna know her as a friend, but she doesn't seem to have any maybe other than her work and Mama and of course her partner. She seems attracted to new, young talent and someone in particular, Bella Thorne. I wonder why can't I be appealing to anyone? Why are people out there some of them always against me since Tim Burton became popular? I just worry for her own well-being. It's nothing that matters to me otherwise, in ways. I bet if I could live alone, things would be nicer. I think she just wants a break. A break from people like me. She should enjoy her show. It's partly about and for her.. well about her and for others! LOL.. she should be noticing people. If this were the 80s, it would work out. She is actually saying she notices people who get into her audience, which are probably mostly within driving distance, apparently. There are a lotta nice older people out there, but she's up holding her own. Maybe, I should forget about her and assume she is hopeless or this is hopeless.. :/ I have enough to be concerned about in the time I have. I can't sit here and worry about all these different things. The thing about Ellen is that life is not about sitting in front of the TV for me. I'm a performer and liver. People are going out and thinking performing is the answer, but it's not. It's who you are and what good you do. True, you can still watch TV. It's just that sometimes it seems things won't make way for that. It's fun to watch her, still, nice all about her and how much others take joy in her. I have a feeling she's read my blog and got mad, and it shouldn't affect me, tho it does in some ways. I don't know why. I just wanted to post what I thought of her Tweets when I thought they were being tricky around me. I wasn't even being mean. People just think me saying it is getting back at a punishment I deserve. At least she gets mad before it could have gotten worse. I got better realizing that people chose to do what they do, and in the end it's gotta suck. As far as being mistreated, I just ignore it. Sometimes, I have to react, tho, sadly, still. I have to think something sometimes. It's just immature, tho, what I see these people do. I won't back down from that. I'm not threatening when I say that, oh wow. I don't like how there existed a consensus that it's about knowing my dad and not the other things I liked. I really don't feel close to him in certain ways, not that I'm not close at all but that there's some things where I'm at a distance. He finds I get close to others and goes cross-eyed. I wasn't really being mean, but I just was upset civilly. Now, it's too late for something that doesn't even matter that still bothers me. I know who to blame, too. This is just my blog. I was upset at other people and they were trying to be mean to me as protection to Ellen. Someone seems to just want to please the naughty people, and I mean that's their decision.. Naughty as in not nice in an uncool way. Like, it's right to be mean to me cuza that. I regret some of what I posted but cannot change all of it. See, part of the reason I went into saying what I said was to say things about what I thought about it. People keep getting back at me for things I did that weren't really bad. I kinda want her not to pay attention to me cuz it seems hard on her. As far as paying attention to others, I don't think they all deserve it more than me in a way. They're just lucky people are nice to them. I don't see how my civil reportings were taken so badly. I guess doing the right thing as an idea struck a nerve. Some people are just whittled down to nothing, as some think of me. They just please the crowd, and I don't give a *beep* So, she decides what things are now and that's just how they are. I can't do anything about it, even if I don't want to continue doing what I do. It does disturb me when people are mean to me. I can't always be writing it down. Sometimes, I put it off and forget or decide not to. Now, I think I'll just have to roll and inside not expect anything. If I were treated like everyone else, I'd be good now. I figured out another way to solve my problem, possibly. Still.. byes are sad but sometimes necessary, but I don't think other people are mature enough to her. I do care that others are happy, but they don't want it from me. People still bother me to do stuff, when they don't want me. I'm concerned she'll still give me attention. I also think she looks for fans to meet and I don't wanna be totally crossed off that list, like she's waiting for this and I never make it in anything or I die for some reason. I think she still is giving me attention, and I guess I can accept it. I am just waiting for other people to be as good as me. I said I would like her to read my blog each week cuz I could roll like that. As far as multiple days a week and her perking up to my knowledge each show, I feel sorry for her. My blogs could be more interesting. She doesn't really talk to me and sometimes is dodgy in what she does, which is fine. I'm just sad I went overboard, apparently. There's nothing to be excited about for me. I wanna be a singer and maybe have an internet show and act in films. I wanna be Christine Daae in ALW's The Phantom of the Opera before I am too old and will be busy with my heart in singing and not just latching onto her show. Really, my life is not to turn into a potato sitting on my sofa. Ellen, I think I love you. I am sorry I hurt you just by stating the truth. I don't really care about you.. jk. I mean, I forget, but I meant something over the obvious. I mean I don't care about you if you're mean. Maybe, you need love from somewhere else if not totally from those who give it to you at present.