Lust

I see a white lady on BabyFirst.  She is rather obese.  The baby is looking at her with lustful eyes.  The lady seems like she is pretty European.

Me as a Baby - Aw, how cute!

It seems babies born around 1997/1998 look like me, but people think I needed to look more submissive.

IMDb - The Soapbox

What do you want to be when you grow up?

I want to be a lot of things.

I want to know about Finns and Swedes and eventually other countries like Norway and the Netherlands.

I want to be a good model and a successful actress.

I want to sing like I used to and dance.

Different Kinds of Cultures

Do you like girls with this sorta look, like the one on top with the purple shirt:

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or this:

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Asian girls are still hot.

Swedish Girl
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Shanghai Girl
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"Satisfaction"

Do you know people who need that satisfaction that they're better than you?

Woship

Should we all bow down and worship Finns/Swedes?

They come to America and their fair hair comes with such fair skin, too..

Sad

I'm not a Finn/Swede.. probably Anglo-Irish, which is Norman Viking.

Want

Do you ever wonder why people want what they don't seem to?

Like, a nerdy person being jealous and needing a makeover, like some bangs or a nice brush?

Can't Seem to Prove Myself Someday

I feel watched by people oustide like everything I begin to think and feel is tacky and tr*shy.

IMDb - Johnny Depp

Re: Golden Derby: 5 reasons Johnny Depp can win Oscar for 'Black Mass'

Well, we'll see the other good actors who do or don't beat him. 

Raising a Daughter

Do you know girls who need their parents to carefully and painstakingly craft their mood?  I'd like to imagine  how it'd turn out, otherwise.

You know, I don't feel very accepted for "what I was" as a baby.

Do you know any girls who don't need their parents?

I feel I was manipulated to be ugly as a toddler, black hair, tan skin.

I remember starting gymnastics.  I became a new girl!

Familial Importance

It's funny how important the world makes it for mean people in their family life, while mine being content is illegal, simply.  Like, it's more important when there's a young child involved.

"Good" vs. "Bad"

If good people are nice enough to leave you alone, why do I have to deal with bad people?  Who do they think they are?

Girls

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Do these girls look Finnish?

Penguins

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Upset With Myself

I got so mad when I couldn't get the Word Captchas to work.  I got bumped into a worse mood.  I must be getting more and more upset, lately.  I don't even know what I was on.  At least, I didn't like do it for real as opposed tot thinking it.  I felt like something was overcoming me.

I just told myself to ignore stuff!  I just felt my opinion.  They won't let bygones be bygones.  I'm not mean.  Unfortunately, they are.  I just felt like I was being duped into submission, I think.  But I just told myself to ignore things.  It seems that always happens.  I just didn't want to be duped, as in being told to suddenly think badly or whatever..  I also feel critiqued for what I chose to say about this aloud.  I'd just like to have a nice conversation where things make sense and have reasons.

I don't need to think these things.  It's like getting mad if a loved one gets sick.  Or if you get poked at incessantly.  I feel I'm settled, now, but I thought very negatively.  I really don't wanna deal with what other people think of it.  They've collected things from my past and popped them up.  I wasn't really being bad and attacking.  I just was being defensive and felt a bit upset at what it meant and for some reason was like possessed, I think, which is not something I should do..  Things like this didn't used to happen.  I think it's too much stress now from my dad over little things.  You try.  I can't seem to see these consequences in a positive light. I'm actually just 1/2 his kid.  I never thought of it that way before.  I feel abused for my other 1/2, like he had it in him to handle me and make things impossible for me to think I'm a deserving life.

I'm not up to wanting my dad mistreated.  He may be the hub/source of the issue, but I want his happiness spared.  So, I have to keep that in mind..

I don't know how to right this wrong.  I did sorta stomp my foot walking away if you think about it or care.  No fits of anger of late, tho.

I get fed an incident every day.  That's not how life goes.  I can settle and be happy now, but I know I bothered them before or recently.

I feel like I'm not to be trusted yet also not left alone.  I did recently realize it was up to me to propel and accept my life.  I'm getting up there..

I don't know what to say for relief from these people, even prayer.  I'm already settled from the incident.  They get worse and harder to settle from, but I haven't had the physical fits as much.  I don't feel right physically, probably the meds.

I feel like I'm okay.  So, good night.

Mean Secret Messages

Some people act like they're nice, but they don't agree with me racially or other things.  I keep getting mean secret messages, tho.  There's no work to distract them or fun.  Maybe, if I basically make a mistake, I will never get anything out of some people, "cuz they don' need me."  They just don't.  I was some mistake in their life.

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