The Ellen DeGeneres Show
The hilite today was Meryl Streep, Anna Kendrick, and a British girl. Anna Kendrick is a year older than me. I feel a sense of motherliness that suffices for being from her and a sense I wanna be on top, too. I love Meryl Streep and am so sorry I said she was racist. I mean, people should talk about it, but it shouldn't be like that. I think like everyone is racist, so that's not the best thing to plaque up there. I'm also worried, hope with Ellen that she got the ultimate experience, which I suppose she's busy looking for. Other than my mom, who has such a hard life, she is my favorite person, maybe after Dad and not sure how much my brother has anything to do with me. I dunno about relatives. They just aren't in my life how I'd like. I have my own life with the public and friends, too, I mean. It's nice that Ellen is just a person who goes on TV and has her own life whatever she wants. The world must really be a hard place to connect in. I hope she gets to talk to people, too..
I loved seeing Anna Kendrick but also Meryl Streep, whom I must greatly accept and vie for. Lotta people out there like that you gotta vie for, I know. Meryl is probably special in ways I do not know enough about. I think there is more there. I keep learning more about her and myself seeing people like her, like Julia Roberts! whom I also love! I saw her in a movie and she was so cute, think it was her..
Ellen seems to be doing well, and I hope she is looking forward to a wonderful Christmas, tho it's none of my business. Portia is so regal. I do not know why her head seems so big. Mine did next to Chris Mann, too. So, anyway, Portia knows what's right, right? She'll have a good Christmas with her wife? I am wondering about the parties Ellen attends. Guess someone from Australia is appropriate yet seems inhibited. I'm still a party. I'm not saying I think about marrying Ellen. I just am saying I'd be a blast compared to Portia, in that she is all prim and proper and not really that American. I'm only 1/2 American, so maybe not. Americans all store up things and wait for their turns, it seems. I mostly want to sing and I know I can. I would like to meet or know Ellen but with plenty of others . Maybe, she's quiet, tho. Then, no.
So, it was also cute seeing the girls win. They were so happy! Well, 1 girl, in musical chairs.
I am perfectly happy watching people on TV, but I usually am used to being around people in hi, uptite situations. They aren't exactly Ellen DeGeneres or like Jimmy Fallon. I only see my upset dad and now sick mom. An aunt who looked tired like my mom, aunt-in-law, great, died. It just makes me so sad. :(* I told my mom she was my favorite person, but I mean I get *** outside of my family. She's the one who doesn't touch me. My dad is always crawling around me. Musta done something when I was a baby. Ellen showed a baby on her show, today.. :) It was so cute!.. I saw the dad was young. 1 thing I know is I would want 1 of those fake babies. The thing I know is that you have to be in good shape and good looking yourself if you want a good baby. So I think. Something people forget. So.. I mean, if I were famous and enticed people more myself, maybe people like Meryl Streep would come to me. Young kids tend to cheer you up if you love them, too.
Monday, December 22, 2014
Bored Into My Mind
My dad was singing "Michael Row the Boat Ashore" and it stuck in my head, bored in! And I don't know when I'll hear it again. They won't leave me the Hell alone. It could come up at anything. Probably something I did he didn't like, like threw the door a little too hard closed, stupid door! No one gives a care!! You shouldn't be up and m*****ing me. I have a freedom to say what happens to me here.
Going for A
jog! :D The fun to myself, but the meneur is infiltrated all-over Orlando. I'm sorry, is that offensive to innocent people? Okay, so you answer to people for whatever reason. Erm..
More Thoughts
I wanted to be involved in film. Singing seems to be a contest that a public outcast cannot win. In Sweeney Todd, the leads sang and the extras were probably pro singers.
I had some dessert, it both filled me with and made me feel somewhat depleted of energy. I didn't have breakfast cuz of waking up late. I wanna go for a jog. I wanna do this, wanna do that, yea.. I know when people are messing with me, tho, like with my iTunes, which I did not like iTunes. It was popular when I started going to online networking sites. I feel my life was worthless and blame my parents. They probably got me off thinking of the internet early on. I thought it was okay to wait, but that idea makes people crazy. I did get on, as I wanted, eventually. I had other things to do. I didn't know the world "needed" me.
I'm rather sorry to some they thought I was mad with. I dunno even if I was. I said I'd not listen to anyone, but it seems that stopped. They are just playing with me to make me feel bad. I see some things were done against me. To please that which is bad. When my dad is unhappy, any adverse action is put into cycle. I should forget about it, and I kinda will after I post this. I will be bugged about it, tho. Think about it, tho, playing around breaking my computers? I didn't go crazy exactly but was upset I would not then have internet, just a cell phone, which could proceed to break. I want a job but can't seem to be able to stand it that long. I need a 2 hour at a time job that I do once or twice a week. I need to change my therapist to once a month rather than once every week or 2 she's available, if I work. I want to work at a daycare but don't look quite the part. My hair is damaged from the dye, and I guess I just need makeup. I don't know what else is keeping me from working. I want to be a singer. I wonder if the CD will work out. I need to be in good shape like an athlete.
A car outside just bothered me. How pathetic, really tho. It's just pathetic, I mean.
I know people will like me who have normal parents. My mom may seem more accomplished, but I know why. So, maybe she's not. My dad is an innocent man. People hate me for having 2 different kinds of parents. They just say I'm shit from my dad to be quick. '}:)
So, I am sorry but then again I was told I was innocent. What should I say to whom? I just talk in general. I was being hurt. I just said a simple upset message. I am sorry for being mean even to my parents in thought and deed. I still did it, trying to ignore, then I get more hate messages. Just feeding off the dumb trip to relatives who I never wanna know again. Well, would have been nice, but I don't wanna visit with Grams, cuz she is hurtful, changed my nose by rubbing a sofa, too. What can I do? She was smiling all happy.
What can I do to be in the right? Why is what I do picked on so ***ly like it has to be wrong? You want me to stop. Well, I wasn't being bad like you all said, to sum it up. You all think you can be bad and sloppy and I get in so much trouble for things I don't have to. What will happen next? Something else shocking or when I'm in discomfort? You even pretend someone nice did it. I don't give a f***.
There. I am sorry if anyone innocent is hurt, but I will try to mind my own business and solve problems maybe. That was my goal, ignore. What about the iTunes? This little computer is breaking? That just means I have to use the old one, which my dad was gonna throw out.. He's supposed to get it fixed by someone we know zapping in and doing it..
I guess no one will forgive me. I will have to live to myself. He he, my iTunes broke, doesn't make me mad, ehehe, it was only a new computer. Actually, I got it to work after awhile. I'm still mad about it. Who to blame? Other people like the experimenters and this one mad person. :/
Sorry if I "did anything." Or was too quick to act. I mean, who knows, I probably don't need a computer. The old one breaks after like 15 minutes.
I wonder if I can stay away from all this. I'm gonna go see if iTunes works somehow without waiting so long..
I had some dessert, it both filled me with and made me feel somewhat depleted of energy. I didn't have breakfast cuz of waking up late. I wanna go for a jog. I wanna do this, wanna do that, yea.. I know when people are messing with me, tho, like with my iTunes, which I did not like iTunes. It was popular when I started going to online networking sites. I feel my life was worthless and blame my parents. They probably got me off thinking of the internet early on. I thought it was okay to wait, but that idea makes people crazy. I did get on, as I wanted, eventually. I had other things to do. I didn't know the world "needed" me.
I'm rather sorry to some they thought I was mad with. I dunno even if I was. I said I'd not listen to anyone, but it seems that stopped. They are just playing with me to make me feel bad. I see some things were done against me. To please that which is bad. When my dad is unhappy, any adverse action is put into cycle. I should forget about it, and I kinda will after I post this. I will be bugged about it, tho. Think about it, tho, playing around breaking my computers? I didn't go crazy exactly but was upset I would not then have internet, just a cell phone, which could proceed to break. I want a job but can't seem to be able to stand it that long. I need a 2 hour at a time job that I do once or twice a week. I need to change my therapist to once a month rather than once every week or 2 she's available, if I work. I want to work at a daycare but don't look quite the part. My hair is damaged from the dye, and I guess I just need makeup. I don't know what else is keeping me from working. I want to be a singer. I wonder if the CD will work out. I need to be in good shape like an athlete.
A car outside just bothered me. How pathetic, really tho. It's just pathetic, I mean.
I know people will like me who have normal parents. My mom may seem more accomplished, but I know why. So, maybe she's not. My dad is an innocent man. People hate me for having 2 different kinds of parents. They just say I'm shit from my dad to be quick. '}:)
So, I am sorry but then again I was told I was innocent. What should I say to whom? I just talk in general. I was being hurt. I just said a simple upset message. I am sorry for being mean even to my parents in thought and deed. I still did it, trying to ignore, then I get more hate messages. Just feeding off the dumb trip to relatives who I never wanna know again. Well, would have been nice, but I don't wanna visit with Grams, cuz she is hurtful, changed my nose by rubbing a sofa, too. What can I do? She was smiling all happy.
What can I do to be in the right? Why is what I do picked on so ***ly like it has to be wrong? You want me to stop. Well, I wasn't being bad like you all said, to sum it up. You all think you can be bad and sloppy and I get in so much trouble for things I don't have to. What will happen next? Something else shocking or when I'm in discomfort? You even pretend someone nice did it. I don't give a f***.
There. I am sorry if anyone innocent is hurt, but I will try to mind my own business and solve problems maybe. That was my goal, ignore. What about the iTunes? This little computer is breaking? That just means I have to use the old one, which my dad was gonna throw out.. He's supposed to get it fixed by someone we know zapping in and doing it..
I guess no one will forgive me. I will have to live to myself. He he, my iTunes broke, doesn't make me mad, ehehe, it was only a new computer. Actually, I got it to work after awhile. I'm still mad about it. Who to blame? Other people like the experimenters and this one mad person. :/
Sorry if I "did anything." Or was too quick to act. I mean, who knows, I probably don't need a computer. The old one breaks after like 15 minutes.
I wonder if I can stay away from all this. I'm gonna go see if iTunes works somehow without waiting so long..
Who was that for?
Only a soft person would keep asking me about that.
I'm not as young as you all act like I am, anymore.
Here's a message directed to someone: people experimenting on me are f***ing me with and I don't wanna talk.
To others: I'm a simple person in many ways. I don't accept anyone latching onto this experiment and being mean to me.
To specific others? I don't really wanna fight but will have to somehow slowly back off, don't want them listening to mean messages and orders from others.
Stop acting like my relationships need to be altered.
You are so h***y and gonna make me so h***y if you don't quit acting up about things. I should have been in college and gotten a bachelor's degree. I wonder if I'll graduate in 3 years, but I don't know how long general studies is. I don't even know what to go for, I wanna make a CD now but think no one'll care.
I'm not as young as you all act like I am, anymore.
Here's a message directed to someone: people experimenting on me are f***ing me with and I don't wanna talk.
To others: I'm a simple person in many ways. I don't accept anyone latching onto this experiment and being mean to me.
To specific others? I don't really wanna fight but will have to somehow slowly back off, don't want them listening to mean messages and orders from others.
Stop acting like my relationships need to be altered.
You are so h***y and gonna make me so h***y if you don't quit acting up about things. I should have been in college and gotten a bachelor's degree. I wonder if I'll graduate in 3 years, but I don't know how long general studies is. I don't even know what to go for, I wanna make a CD now but think no one'll care.
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