Tuesday, November 29, 2016
Sad
People think they don't have to be nice to me because maybe I have friends in high places, but I don't seem to have anything. I have no one to cope with about our similar conditions.
I don't have some things I need, and people are teasing me like I offend people and giving them attention but like it's instead. When I talk about this, they do something else "big" to hurt me.
I don't have some things I need, and people are teasing me like I offend people and giving them attention but like it's instead. When I talk about this, they do something else "big" to hurt me.
Did you know growing up
I never got met my harbored desire to do music interacting with others so much-
Enemy Creatures
Everyone said Christina doesn't matter, "I can 'do it' say Christina doesn't matter, but I don't know why."
Look, there is nothing wrong with me writing about my problems just because you're watching rather than enjoying any thing. My problems are there, and I'm not so stupid as to say a problem is if someone else is happy. Maybe, you didn't follow.
Look, there is nothing wrong with me writing about my problems just because you're watching rather than enjoying any thing. My problems are there, and I'm not so stupid as to say a problem is if someone else is happy. Maybe, you didn't follow.
Not at My Prime
How am I just lazy trash?
I look more prettified than a lot of people. I'm not some thing that spiked off the chart.
I look more prettified than a lot of people. I'm not some thing that spiked off the chart.
German German German!
Are Germans really "better," is this about me, or is this about my personal discovery?
I kept asking my mom what other language should I fall back on.
I kept asking my mom what other language should I fall back on.
If it's not okay for me..
..it's not okay.
Why did I get told maybe things were good potential before but now better? It's just to punish me.
That's a big statement. It says that things were already okay, but now they're better for someone else.
😊
Why did I get told maybe things were good potential before but now better? It's just to punish me.
That's a big statement. It says that things were already okay, but now they're better for someone else.
😊
Who cares?
Someone I like is being raised above me and the people who want to stimulate them are freaks of nature.
(I want what's best for them!)
😂
So, what do you want?
To end up with your eyes mysteriously crossed or your head inadvertently sunken in?
😲
😲
I'm still not that dumb.
They are punishing me this hard, ruining someone I looked up to. You can't just go out and do that to anyone.
I see a problem-
Look, I am not stupid. I do not like how I got worldwide attention only for it to go to someone else I look up to just to stimulate them to not be the same in a good way anymore concerning me.
On This Here Earth
I've got a long life ahead of me and a lot of work to do or to be an invalid outcast.
I don't know why things are not clicking for me because of the world.
I'm creeping up, doing things to make me happy, instead- I'm saving money to buy clothes and some toys. I don't want to give up being a musician.
I don't know why things are not clicking for me because of the world.
I'm creeping up, doing things to make me happy, instead- I'm saving money to buy clothes and some toys. I don't want to give up being a musician.
As usual..
..sorry if anyone was offended by anything I talked about that's been happening to me. I hope I improve, but I heard brain cells don't regrow. I wonder if I'm an invalid. I don't know if I've imposed myself on anyone. I just don't have a life where the sequence is smooth acceptance in my opinion, in some ways sometimes. I think initially it was my race, and that's not my fault. I respect all races, tho. I noticed too that when Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005) starring Johnny Depp directed by Tim Burton.. that life changed then, too, like opportunities and guilt. Everyone was jealous of it the movie or the people involved. So, lies came out and people fought, and the world was never the same. I think older people were mean to us younger people and for me I had weird issues, not sure why no one told me to change because they weren't telling the truth before about what life was and going to be for me, other plans. I think I said I was concerned that the experiment on me was more important than spending more time on a school that maybe was not in line with my academic history. Later on, the classes were too hard and I ended up dropping out or going on a sabbatical. Now, I want to start a new instrument and since musicians don't really need to go to college I'm not going to college and am lonely and feel out. Transportation would be hard, and money may be impossible. My record is not exactly spotless, concerning scholarships. The main problem is money for a surplus of food. My appetite has gone down since the psych pills, tho. People think my mind wanders, but they are just spending too much time looking at the big picture and not what I feel like I'm doing. I didn't even know anyone cared. Also, what I say they think I'm silly that I don't know it doesn't matter. I can see it's just racism. I miss talking to people. It makes me better.
What do I do? What do I do? What do I do?
Did you know that since they started spying on me and other things from my past that aren't very bad compared to others.. that I can't seem to shrug off the guilt. I'm worried cuz I can't even go to confession cuz it's not cuz they're really sins but still matter.
I had a hard time thinking for some reason. I know I lost it when I was kicked out of what I was doing in music after a year at a choice college with a high scholarship. I was lied to about what I would do being spied on and it was like I didn't matter and was interrupted and had a hard time thinking for myself. I felt hypnotized to do some things and lost it when I was overly lonely with I felt for some reason nowhere to go and nothing to do that would do anything for me.
It seems they think since I'm so good that like I know my dad wants worse things to happen to me so that it will have an affect on my conscience, when what I did was not illegal, a sin, nor that bad.. nor fully covered in the Bible.
I had a hard time thinking for some reason. I know I lost it when I was kicked out of what I was doing in music after a year at a choice college with a high scholarship. I was lied to about what I would do being spied on and it was like I didn't matter and was interrupted and had a hard time thinking for myself. I felt hypnotized to do some things and lost it when I was overly lonely with I felt for some reason nowhere to go and nothing to do that would do anything for me.
It seems they think since I'm so good that like I know my dad wants worse things to happen to me so that it will have an affect on my conscience, when what I did was not illegal, a sin, nor that bad.. nor fully covered in the Bible.
Question
What if we just keep making young people who are not born in 1997/1998 with Late Boom parents feel and be worse and worse? What is wrong? I know your parents's birth years are actually important. What if my mom is born in 1959 and I was born in Generation X? What can be done? ..and I act like my mom's age in ways.
Hm.. points for me.
Why are people going into my home and telling me I don't get treated like I'm good?
Thoughts
Someone is not in check in the world/US/Orlando.. tho I think in Orlando I know they are trying. Not to say they'd need it more than others.
I don't want people to tell them bad things about them, too.
Has anyone masturbated over this for any reason?
I mean, this person is not really a public figure in that way. It happened underground thru telepathy between those of similar racial dispositions.
I don't want people to tell them bad things about them, too.
Has anyone masturbated over this for any reason?
I mean, this person is not really a public figure in that way. It happened underground thru telepathy between those of similar racial dispositions.
cont.
I know! That's a good one. That's just throwing away people.
It seems someone was always there for others, like Late Boomers had a lot of support from whatever their parents were to them. It's not impossible to do it again for other generations. What about kids today? I guess they have some improvements, tho not if you're labeled Autistic.
Why do people get offended if I have needs, like if I say I am unwantedly labeled a paranoid schizo? Late Boomers do that? They don't do that about their younger kids. What's so good about it, anyway? the kids born around 1997/1998, when fancier computers, or good affordable PC's with their features basically, and Titanic came out. I never realized it that way until this moment.
It seems someone was always there for others, like Late Boomers had a lot of support from whatever their parents were to them. It's not impossible to do it again for other generations. What about kids today? I guess they have some improvements, tho not if you're labeled Autistic.
Why do people get offended if I have needs, like if I say I am unwantedly labeled a paranoid schizo? Late Boomers do that? They don't do that about their younger kids. What's so good about it, anyway? the kids born around 1997/1998, when fancier computers, or good affordable PC's with their features basically, and Titanic came out. I never realized it that way until this moment.
What?
I've lost my college major where I had a prestigious scholarship.
Is Hillary more important than me?
It's been 11 years. Then, they were spying on me in private and started telling me it. Do you think Hillary needs a break like they say I do? I thought a lot of people needed breaks. I don't know if that means quitting.
Is Hillary more important than me?
It's been 11 years. Then, they were spying on me in private and started telling me it. Do you think Hillary needs a break like they say I do? I thought a lot of people needed breaks. I don't know if that means quitting.
Problem? *raises eyebrows*
If they said it was okay, then why is there a problem with what I talk about cuz I have my own problems here?
You may have done something, but that was because of another problem. I just realized that you can't get dizzy from a split decision in front of the world cuz that doesn't say much alone itself. So, I wonder.
You may have done something, but that was because of another problem. I just realized that you can't get dizzy from a split decision in front of the world cuz that doesn't say much alone itself. So, I wonder.
So then.. what can we do?
This person probably is "ruined" for me and I can't "fix" it. Well, I can do anything, in a way, so we'll see.
Don't say it's not true cuz I saw what just happened. Whatever just happened, happened.
Pitch Perfect 2 quote and speaker, highlight for spoilers: "Let us have it, let them have it, let the world have it!" That's by the Green Bay Packers.
You know, this is like a story I read in school, highlight for spoilers: The Poisonwood Bible, and it was a favorite of mine. It's like in Africa, a white family, and the youngest girl is so affected by her sick mom and wastes away, a blonde with maybe curly hair, and she dies from a snakebite and she talks in the end of her life saying she's the eyes in the tree..
💚
Don't say it's not true cuz I saw what just happened. Whatever just happened, happened.
Pitch Perfect 2 quote and speaker, highlight for spoilers: "Let us have it, let them have it, let the world have it!" That's by the Green Bay Packers.
You know, this is like a story I read in school, highlight for spoilers: The Poisonwood Bible, and it was a favorite of mine. It's like in Africa, a white family, and the youngest girl is so affected by her sick mom and wastes away, a blonde with maybe curly hair, and she dies from a snakebite and she talks in the end of her life saying she's the eyes in the tree..
💚
Heh Heh Heh
Funny people wonder if I'm okay, like someone else I like, but I kinda like how things were before, in some ways, concerning someone else I like, who said things were really all groovy already. How has this craze positively affected anyone, joking I'm no longer important cuz I did some bad things that weren't? If things were okay, how is it okay now too?
Monday, November 28, 2016
What Happened Instead
or to you "What Didn't Happen Anyway"
Supposedly, I am helped out for supposedly (like comforted cuz it was unintentional, not really my fault, and hard to take the *brunt of) changing the Presidency, but instead things got worse for me. I just noticed this one joke just now.
*brunt - the worst part or chief impact of a specified thing. (link)
Supposedly, I am helped out for supposedly (like comforted cuz it was unintentional, not really my fault, and hard to take the *brunt of) changing the Presidency, but instead things got worse for me. I just noticed this one joke just now.
*brunt - the worst part or chief impact of a specified thing. (link)
Talking About Important Feelings
Why are people uncomfortable talking about how they like Johnny Depp?
Heh Heh Heh
Funny.
There's one person I like people find problems with, but I don't mind whatever those things are in the end.
Someone else, I just think they're not really a problem, compare them to others.
There's one person I like people find problems with, but I don't mind whatever those things are in the end.
Someone else, I just think they're not really a problem, compare them to others.
Foils
Why would someone only be happy if others don't do breakthru things if they are not part of their generation, older or baby to them? I mean like wearing old-fashioned clothes. Did you know people felt more long ago maybe? It's a big thing. They didn't have pop music, tho, I guess. *bump bump* 😊
Is something wrong?
Why should we go thru this, the nostalgia of getting attention etc., as I've been going into some lately and getting to focus on?
I just feel the opposite was sorta what was on the program.
I mean, yea it's fine, but is something strange? I don't think people even know why it happened.
😰
I just feel the opposite was sorta what was on the program.
I mean, yea it's fine, but is something strange? I don't think people even know why it happened.
😰
Being "Overly" Stimulated
Why would people be more easily stimulated if they're born into a popular generation?
Problems Problems
They said people I like are giving me problems and turning into *problems so no one can cope with me.
*I don't mean to offend anyone in saying this in this way. I'm just stating something, something that is.
*I don't mean to offend anyone in saying this in this way. I'm just stating something, something that is.
Well, I almost made it!
I think I'll have to fold the rest of my laundry hopefully by tomorrow. That's all for now, tho.
How Different Races Feel
Well, Germans and the Irish are similar in that they like deep, serious feelings and have good music provided to the world. 😊
Why?
Why are people so excited to make an adult older than me immatured? I don't think they are achieving, anyway. If so, I wonder if it is accompanied with a feeling of really using someone, me, to maim emotionally and psychiatrically feeling-wise. You know, I don't matter so much as a person in some ways, but people are pushing the envelope.
What It's Like Being 1/2 Asian 1/2 Germanic
I was thinking about being 1/2 Asian and 1/2 White. I know I get dizzy feelings without being tingly at all. It's more like air and thin cartilage in a climate with warmth.
Huh huh, you know I was getting some hope in my life in some regards, but a lot of that I was said to be undeserving of, like there are too many people.
Huh huh, you know I was getting some hope in my life in some regards, but a lot of that I was said to be undeserving of, like there are too many people.
Took a Walk
Other than that excursion, listening to music, out for 3 hours, more laundry!
I think I just have a bunch of blankets to wash now and more of my clothes to fold.
My brother will be here tomorrow! I think he might live with us. He's in his mid-20's with his Masters.
I think I just have a bunch of blankets to wash now and more of my clothes to fold.
My brother will be here tomorrow! I think he might live with us. He's in his mid-20's with his Masters.
Making Food From Scratch
I love making my own food as much as I can. I want to grow it, too. Fertilizer, fertilizer! Water, water! I may even play it music and sing for it!
I made lemonade! This is my 1st time I remember. I did it myself with a squeezing tool. Wow, so a batch of lemons for what I had, a little "pitcher?" A lot of it is already gone!
🍹
I made lemonade! This is my 1st time I remember. I did it myself with a squeezing tool. Wow, so a batch of lemons for what I had, a little "pitcher?" A lot of it is already gone!
🍹
Why I Talk About Generations
I talk about generations for the love but partly because I don't have it good or okay in that way. If it doesn't matter for me, why would it matter for someone else?
It doesn't have to involve anyone having to talk to me, but I guess I'd figure in some way it would in situations. I mean, I know people supposedly need people to talk to. Sometimes, other generations are interested in me, and sometimes they are not. So..
It doesn't have to involve anyone having to talk to me, but I guess I'd figure in some way it would in situations. I mean, I know people supposedly need people to talk to. Sometimes, other generations are interested in me, and sometimes they are not. So..
Being Aroused by Others
I lost my "sexual" feelings for others in ways that may be good. I feel pressure about other important things in other relationships being tested by many/all people in the world but in a way that arouses certain people or the one they are talking about in some way we don't know.
Why would someone who gave a care for me be okay stimulated not to care about me? Like the question comes up, and you have to say yes do it and it doesn't really make them feel more stimulated anyway. It is probably connected in some way that doesn't matter.
Why would someone who gave a care for me be okay stimulated not to care about me? Like the question comes up, and you have to say yes do it and it doesn't really make them feel more stimulated anyway. It is probably connected in some way that doesn't matter.
Destroying Me, Like That Matters
People are destroying my relationship and esteem as a person and then wondering why I don't have one.
They just take anything they can and take big things away from it in my life. It has to do with love but not the kinds you're probably thinking like mushy stuff or things to do with sexual intercourse etc. Like taking a cigarette from a person with lung cancer or candy from a little kid.
People got mad that I experienced feelings about my life with someone. See, that's other people saying they can do anything to ruin my life if they want, like they have a remote control. Instead, they made it so they want to spend time talking how the person will experience more of being at the *center themselves cuz they wanted to love me. I don't think these problems existed from the looks of it. They have not come up with many conclusions. They must have experienced something pretty catastrophic for themselves, like they killed someone I needed more than a mother as a baby or a lot in a different way, something about them that once existed. The other problem is that it's not important I have it in a way, so no one will care.
People are also superstitious about me talking about something everyone else does but with the opposing view.
*I just mean that I had a certain kind of situation that was taken for not deserving of me. It's complicated, but I do not mean to offend.
They just take anything they can and take big things away from it in my life. It has to do with love but not the kinds you're probably thinking like mushy stuff or things to do with sexual intercourse etc. Like taking a cigarette from a person with lung cancer or candy from a little kid.
People got mad that I experienced feelings about my life with someone. See, that's other people saying they can do anything to ruin my life if they want, like they have a remote control. Instead, they made it so they want to spend time talking how the person will experience more of being at the *center themselves cuz they wanted to love me. I don't think these problems existed from the looks of it. They have not come up with many conclusions. They must have experienced something pretty catastrophic for themselves, like they killed someone I needed more than a mother as a baby or a lot in a different way, something about them that once existed. The other problem is that it's not important I have it in a way, so no one will care.
People are also superstitious about me talking about something everyone else does but with the opposing view.
*I just mean that I had a certain kind of situation that was taken for not deserving of me. It's complicated, but I do not mean to offend.
The Root of My Current Problem Level
It seems like people are actually, truthfully, especially mean to me because Ellen DeGeneres thinks I am bad (mostly for cursing on my blog about hurtful, illegal noises she put in my room for a long time and still) and that people should offend me and hurt me socially and emotionally somehow. They are sick people and can think up ways, no matter how weird and off.
If Ellen DeGeneres reads this, she'll probably sum it up as an insult, but I'm just saying what it is. She says what it is. I am not mad at her and think she's a good person compared to most people. You know, she may not admit it, but she also just does it to tame the crowd, which I could care less about.
If Ellen DeGeneres reads this, she'll probably sum it up as an insult, but I'm just saying what it is. She says what it is. I am not mad at her and think she's a good person compared to most people. You know, she may not admit it, but she also just does it to tame the crowd, which I could care less about.
I've been catching.
If I act a different way sometime, people say I'm not a real person, anymore.
If a Late Boomer did it, it'd be worshiped like God.
I will not trust these people who think these things. They know they did it to hurt and insult me socially. They don't care. I know they just forgot.
If a Late Boomer did it, it'd be worshiped like God.
I will not trust these people who think these things. They know they did it to hurt and insult me socially. They don't care. I know they just forgot.
Something Weird
You would throw away Generation XY for Late Boomers and their Generation Z children born around 1997 and 1998. However, when you talk about Early/Mid Boomers, you throw away Late Boomers showing love and affection for Generation XY.
Sunday, November 27, 2016
Nite Again
I went to the 2 morning masses today. We have a busy schedule for church in the coming 2 weeks. I plan to attend.
After I exercised and stuff, I found I was 5'1" at the end of the day. At the beginning with a good night's rest, I was over 5'3".
I'm feeling better after the masses. I am watching people around me to see how they feel for a thermometer, to gauge how I feel about things, rather than waiting for someone to help.
I have a lotta laundry tomorrow.
I was a bit tired some of today. I have to remember to ignore people when I don't know how to react and they make distracting noises that probably channel the bad words in my mind. I know alone it generally doesn't go that way. I don't have time to think and don't decide. I am getting better. I just go in with a happy face and nothing bad happens. If someone hurts you, you just keep going and tell yourself it's alright. I need to learn to ignore some things that hurt, tho, cuz I dunno how to react.
Sometimes, I feel people are just out to get me.
I'm too tired to do much more. I don't have many more thoughts, with the energy to recollect and disperse.
So, bed, breakfast, maybe a jog for my exercise, more breakfast, a shower, fold towels and clothes, watch and hang clothes. I think I got it.
~ * ~
After I exercised and stuff, I found I was 5'1" at the end of the day. At the beginning with a good night's rest, I was over 5'3".
I'm feeling better after the masses. I am watching people around me to see how they feel for a thermometer, to gauge how I feel about things, rather than waiting for someone to help.
I have a lotta laundry tomorrow.
I was a bit tired some of today. I have to remember to ignore people when I don't know how to react and they make distracting noises that probably channel the bad words in my mind. I know alone it generally doesn't go that way. I don't have time to think and don't decide. I am getting better. I just go in with a happy face and nothing bad happens. If someone hurts you, you just keep going and tell yourself it's alright. I need to learn to ignore some things that hurt, tho, cuz I dunno how to react.
Sometimes, I feel people are just out to get me.
I'm too tired to do much more. I don't have many more thoughts, with the energy to recollect and disperse.
So, bed, breakfast, maybe a jog for my exercise, more breakfast, a shower, fold towels and clothes, watch and hang clothes. I think I got it.
~ * ~
I wonder..
Why if I can't talk to someone are they the ones who're in dire straights in a diverse set of people in a relationship? They matter, but maybe they like different people. I just got thru trying to assimilate with them and ended up in a rut. I think I did it again more successfully. However, the people spying on me are mad at me even tho I was nice.
Certain Words
When people trash me and make a lot of commotion so I can't think, bad words come to mind, like "trash" and "nigger." "Nigger" also comes up when I'm treated like one 1st. I like the word "bitch" and "fuck," tho. At 1st, I didn't, but I saw a 15-year-old English girl on the Pirates of the Caribbean 3 MySpace forum called "It's [Hayley] Bitch."
I have a plan!
I can see when they punish me if they say someone who we look up to is hurt from too much stimulation attention that might not be all that good from what I've seen. You know, I have something insulting to the people to say, that I don't really believe in what they're doing, in a way. You know, it might not have happened if I didn't look at Ellen DeGeneres's Twitter.
Ah'v Joined Up (I've joined up.)
I am not accepting arguments from other races and ethnicities because they are just trying to hurt me.
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