Wednesday, November 23, 2016
Not Fair
None of my grade schools had orchestras that I know of and my parents didn't let me take violin.
"Happiness"
Why would my happiness be taken from me and given to someone else, whom I do not want to name. Imagine, someone in the family, someone popular, ex-best friends, etc.
So
Do Late Boomers give off dizzy feelings about kids born around 1997/1998? They just expect more, like older generations did with mine.
I noticed.
Ever since Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005) became popular with Tim Burton as director and mostly Johnny Depp in the role of Willy Wonka.. Adults have turned off to making young people feel good.
Misery, Agony!
My life is very miserable save for things like materialism and the things I do to make up for it and being good at building myself up in certain ways.. etc.
Someday?
They are acting like someday this pain inflicted on me will stop and life could be glorious and young.
They keep saying I'm in trouble for nothing.
They keep saying I'm in trouble for nothing.
I'd already decided..
..my parents deserve to be free from my wrath.
Why, tho, when we go out do they act like I'm scum dragging behind with a thin, raspy voice?
Why, tho, when we go out do they act like I'm scum dragging behind with a thin, raspy voice?
Tricks
I ended up flunking college and being mentally ill because they pressured us to do too much work. They acted like that's what gets you ahead in life, and like that's the only way maybe to be the best you can be.
What They Went For
Orlando, America. They went for too much sexually. Now, there's nothing left to say or do, except when I get in trouble again for my private thoughts, to report that it happened.
I never said I did.
It's not time for me to feel bad all the time and play around with other things concerning this, inappropriate things to suggest. Is this some jungle gym for others to play in?
not really
but I feel a lotta regret.. that people think I am an outspoken figment of existence. When I'm just in my room with it together.
Getting a Little Attention
Isn't it crazy how people think only young people who prostrate themselves as an actor in a movie are deserving? No, that's their own problem if they are famous and don't like something about it.
I don't believe in England and Germany :( because/in that
nor any replacement country
because/in that they are watching our thoughts to monitor them and make sure it's all microscopically "judged" or we're out. How rude. I was around foreign exchange students.
😊
For Real
Why was 10 years of my life wasted because I thought Tim Burton and Johnny Depp had big plans for the world? I'm serious. I'm straggling trying to take on the violin so I can get back into real music, something I feel I know the feel of or something well.
While we're at it, what's so mean about what I said? It's just the truth. How else should I say it??
While we're at it, what's so mean about what I said? It's just the truth. How else should I say it??
My Generation!
Why only my generation they say is like a thinking robot that cannot feel any emotion/pleasures? Like, everyone else pretends to be stupid but have all the fun.
cont.
That quote is not intended to offend and is sung by a German boy in Pitch Perfect 2, so I just thought of it cuz it was about "a girl" or whatsoever.
AH! Caught this!
I'm not supposed to look too good next to someone Ellen DeGeneres's age but people younger than me to and they can. It was supposed to be an age issue!
I knew it! They blew it!
Other people are getting respect like I used to before I flunked college.
Like, they are being moved up to the right people when they do. It's a certain thing and I have a feeling for it. Like, they are going thru the motions and then they get special treatment. Me, people are all mean to me, and no one gives a care. They know special things are going on, and they get to do big things and people love them.
Like, they are being moved up to the right people when they do. It's a certain thing and I have a feeling for it. Like, they are going thru the motions and then they get special treatment. Me, people are all mean to me, and no one gives a care. They know special things are going on, and they get to do big things and people love them.
Feeling Badly
I always have to be thrown to the floor in reverence to when I talk about teenagers etc.
While I'm Here
I'm probably the biggest fan.
I collected stuff and drew them and always thought about them, like in bed.
I collected stuff and drew them and always thought about them, like in bed.
The Original 101 Dalmatians (1961) Cover
Did you know I had the books? I flipped thru all my favorite parts, but the characters are different.
About the Virtual Holocaust Here
I was a nice, behaved, good-working person.
Now, "Oh, Christina, we have to k*** you, you're a n*****." "You aren't what you wish you were personality-wise or as a soul." "We're the good ones who do and want good things cuz we're 'white.'"
Now, "Oh, Christina, we have to k*** you, you're a n*****." "You aren't what you wish you were personality-wise or as a soul." "We're the good ones who do and want good things cuz we're 'white.'"
Oh, wow.
"How do you get?"
You behave yourself and act nicely towards other people .. whatever they do.
You behave yourself and act nicely towards other people .. whatever they do.
This is it.
It was a trick. I got kicked outta college numerous times but not as a criminal. They are preventing me and others like my generation from succeeding. We aren't happy without school.
"Tell me, baby girl, what I need to know."
People in Orlando are shit racistly.
You know, you can't look into a soul. They are dull. They have nothing in them in that way. They have nothing to say to me. Nothing has happened. I'm surprised they know what 1 + 1 is.
They think nonwhites are shit, meaning blacks and Asians. They ignore them if they know they are black or Asian. They act like they are in the Holocaust, for real, and it's been this way. They don't deserve that. I'm serious, they acted like they are ^innocently^ recreating it here in America for greatness.
cont.
and this whole experiment. I was supposed to see my real mother and know my real age and have siblings and fun.
Failed Attempts at Talking to People
I liked my group singing teacher in college, and supposedly she was secretly watching me and to be my new mother and I'd sing and dance. My life became an experiment where people watched in private, her and random folks.
I liked a singer in an Irish group and started learning harp, but she was closed off for some strange reason, very popular and well-liked.
I liked my organ teacher and played organ, but now we don't talk and I live with my family somewhere else.
I liked my piano teacher in college, but unfortunately I had to leave.
My music teachers still are where I used to live in a strange city, but now at recent have fled.
I liked my theater teacher, but I moved schools.
I liked a singer in an Irish group and started learning harp, but she was closed off for some strange reason, very popular and well-liked.
I liked my organ teacher and played organ, but now we don't talk and I live with my family somewhere else.
I liked my piano teacher in college, but unfortunately I had to leave.
My music teachers still are where I used to live in a strange city, but now at recent have fled.
I liked my theater teacher, but I moved schools.
Is that insanity?
I didn't do bad things on purpose as a child. No one would ever get at me like that. I was very well-behaved as much as I could. I remember I got in trouble in kindergarten by mistake and it was considered bad to me.
Tuesday, November 22, 2016
Generation Prejudice
They said some of my favorite relationships depend on me being treated with prejudice as to my generation.
Feeling the Pain
They say I'm a brat kid and punish me.
I feel inside like I wish they didn't do this in a way for some reasons. Before, people were in check, but now they are the ones who are silly.
You know, this was about me. I shouldn't lose things because of other people in my way. They don't.
They said someone I look up to said meanly that I "can't have" them and, "Are you still talking to me!"
I feel inside like I wish they didn't do this in a way for some reasons. Before, people were in check, but now they are the ones who are silly.
You know, this was about me. I shouldn't lose things because of other people in my way. They don't.
They said someone I look up to said meanly that I "can't have" them and, "Are you still talking to me!"
Is it generation or is it just me?
I'm not doing this.
I keep getting in trouble (for private thoughts that aren't really bad) and other people doesn't have to do anything. (In fact, I bet they do things I can't.)
How do you feel?
about Ellen DeGeneres idolizing her sexual partner by naming her after someone I look up to as an idol?
She also had her profile picture with hearts for eyes.
I'm not doing it.
Listening to people monitor my thoughts like they're toy blocks you move with hands. I know it's just prejudice about my generation.
Upset
So many people are in my face and mean to me out there. I am not satisfied. I wanna put up my dukes but not literally.
Ferocious
Why would people find me shy and in the end say I'm outspoken, like they are the ones containing their feelings and having things under control, like that doesn't matter to me? I actually do have a lot bottled up and am not timid.
Pleasure, Pleasure, Leisure
I'm just different. I don't wanna feel some kinds of pleasures others do.
Monday, November 21, 2016
I'm what?
Did you get dizzy and lose it? You like people who are younger than me with younger dads and think to tell them to forget about me, but I still exist. You can still pleasure them, but you don't have to tell them I'm shit!
What I've Been Thinking a Little Bit
My desire to make crafts, someday a porcelain/plush doll and some Christmas decorations for the house. I wonder if I can sew a purse to replace the one I got for $125, tho I like it. When is that likely to be what's done?
So, today, I'm probably cooking chicken casserole for my family.
I need to clean and since my trip. Sometime, I get laundry time.
You know, one thing is true, this election has gone in and done something by other people. Sometimes, it's not about what I get but what others can take, like Hillary being President.
So, today, I'm probably cooking chicken casserole for my family.
I need to clean and since my trip. Sometime, I get laundry time.
You know, one thing is true, this election has gone in and done something by other people. Sometimes, it's not about what I get but what others can take, like Hillary being President.
Edit
I edited my last post and yesterday the title of my YouTubes to say what I did before singing them.
An Attractive, Non-Fat, White Comedian
People think Ellen DeGeneres is really funny. Of course, I agree. I think her jokes are more funnily directed at popular people, but I find her very witty with secret jokes that have brought me great mirth. Let me get this straight, the funny jokes are her facial reaction to silly videos of other people and more to people the fact that Ellen DeGeneres cracked the funny joke. She is incredibly smart and talented with things to rehash every day, 5 shows a week. I just feel a little bad that the jokes seem to be directed at people like me, but then Ellen DeGeneres saves the day supposedly by supporting people like me. Still, the audience feels the same way.
2 Problems
Ever since Hillary Clinton lost the Presidency.. even before, people were channeling energy from someone I look up to but things were supposedly fine.. but after this, it's like they can't communicate, at least not freely like before to me. People just keep thinking of negatively stimulating them. It's become all about them nostalgically, like a joke from some people supposedly being the ones doing it for them. By people watching me in my room, they sound like they are all negatively stimulated for some reason.
I guess you could argue that everyone should feel that, looking at it in a different way, "good," so why not them? I shouldn't worry about it.
I just noticed some other things, too. It's all about Late Boomers is one thing. They always are out of it. My life just sucks. I feel alone and put down in a lonely way, as I have also lost some way of functioning. Someone came in and took it from me.
Things are bound to get better. I just feel so sorry for Hillary Clinton. What caused people to tip the vote? I feel blame, as well.
People I know want me outta there like I deserve nothing, like I was raided.
I'm not just saying I have to have something others don't but that I also feel pain when others are used as toys to feel negative pleasure, like that's on the traintrack of life. You know, all of a sudden people think I am shit. "I can't do music," cuz I don't have an instrument and in panic, I looked like a boy partly as a kid but in a way I did not like "so I can't get anything" socially today, "my life did not follow the ideal" so I don't matter, etc. I got a lesson that I can't have what I want and channeled messages that this isn't about me cuz I'm not worth it, like I just never get anything now because of things that have happened or I've done..
People who are good who like me have problems with me and things I've done that aren't 100% pre-known to be wrong, like forgiveness is nothing.
Honestly, I forget what the 2 things were that were problems, as indicated by the title.
I guess I feel pain that I'm left out, yet again, when I've made it big, and others are taking in good feels for some reason and I can't seem to be at peace. I don't care in a way, but also why did people have to go in and sexually arouse people I look up to and so that I'm in trouble with them be? so that they don't feel like doing anything for me that they wanted to?
Some people are pretending to be leaders, when they ruin my life for no good reason.
So, I am just depressed and recording it. Not clinically depressed, a little dysfunctional due to every time I leave my room to use the restroom or go to the kitchen to get food to eat .. that I can get a negative message. So, I tend to fall behind on laundry, not get around to cooking, etc. It's also hard to think when people are watching you and don't like you. It makes you aroused negatively, like feeling like "you want to fight" but not really that, you know the way people feel in movies for some things you'd feel about, tho I don't mean it about these people, not like that. I mean, like being in public you feel you want to be hysterically upset at people who are trying to bother you tho you're just gonna sit there, so that you don't really think that but have a feeling of getting up and wanting to do something about it. Oh, this was about people watching me. I guess I feel like I wanted to do something about it. That might be one reason it's hard to think. There's also this thing where when I get a message I forget what I was thinking. It's pretty bad, I think.
Disclaimer: I am not sarcastic, so let me know if I should change anything.
I'm off to have my morning: breakfast, jog, shower.. a little computer, cleaning, and supposed to make chicken casserole. I am not feeling too tired, I suppose, tho I will be at night. I have somewhere to go tomorrow mid/late morning. and back in the afternoon, a clear week otherwise. Looking forward to Black Friday, whyever it's called that. Well, hungry and looking forward to a jog and nice shower! This is my schedule, at least when I have nothing in the morning, like doctor appointments. You have a happy Thanksgiving season! I hope I can seek help. Maybe I should tell my therapist. This post is put out there so I can get ^help^.
So, feel the pleasure you want, and don't blow your fuse and lose it all. I don't know enough about these things to tell more.
I'll try to remain calm. I hope I have a good jog amidst those cars, most people maybe at work. 👀
Well, okay, I guess bye for now?
Hope I don't find ^presents^ of negativity when I go about my day, like the ones I get from cars roaring by.
Okay, bye for now! out to have my day's beginning! or pre-beginning.
I guess you could argue that everyone should feel that, looking at it in a different way, "good," so why not them? I shouldn't worry about it.
I just noticed some other things, too. It's all about Late Boomers is one thing. They always are out of it. My life just sucks. I feel alone and put down in a lonely way, as I have also lost some way of functioning. Someone came in and took it from me.
Things are bound to get better. I just feel so sorry for Hillary Clinton. What caused people to tip the vote? I feel blame, as well.
People I know want me outta there like I deserve nothing, like I was raided.
I'm not just saying I have to have something others don't but that I also feel pain when others are used as toys to feel negative pleasure, like that's on the traintrack of life. You know, all of a sudden people think I am shit. "I can't do music," cuz I don't have an instrument and in panic, I looked like a boy partly as a kid but in a way I did not like "so I can't get anything" socially today, "my life did not follow the ideal" so I don't matter, etc. I got a lesson that I can't have what I want and channeled messages that this isn't about me cuz I'm not worth it, like I just never get anything now because of things that have happened or I've done..
People who are good who like me have problems with me and things I've done that aren't 100% pre-known to be wrong, like forgiveness is nothing.
Honestly, I forget what the 2 things were that were problems, as indicated by the title.
I guess I feel pain that I'm left out, yet again, when I've made it big, and others are taking in good feels for some reason and I can't seem to be at peace. I don't care in a way, but also why did people have to go in and sexually arouse people I look up to and so that I'm in trouble with them be? so that they don't feel like doing anything for me that they wanted to?
Some people are pretending to be leaders, when they ruin my life for no good reason.
So, I am just depressed and recording it. Not clinically depressed, a little dysfunctional due to every time I leave my room to use the restroom or go to the kitchen to get food to eat .. that I can get a negative message. So, I tend to fall behind on laundry, not get around to cooking, etc. It's also hard to think when people are watching you and don't like you. It makes you aroused negatively, like feeling like "you want to fight" but not really that, you know the way people feel in movies for some things you'd feel about, tho I don't mean it about these people, not like that. I mean, like being in public you feel you want to be hysterically upset at people who are trying to bother you tho you're just gonna sit there, so that you don't really think that but have a feeling of getting up and wanting to do something about it. Oh, this was about people watching me. I guess I feel like I wanted to do something about it. That might be one reason it's hard to think. There's also this thing where when I get a message I forget what I was thinking. It's pretty bad, I think.
Disclaimer: I am not sarcastic, so let me know if I should change anything.
I'm off to have my morning: breakfast, jog, shower.. a little computer, cleaning, and supposed to make chicken casserole. I am not feeling too tired, I suppose, tho I will be at night. I have somewhere to go tomorrow mid/late morning. and back in the afternoon, a clear week otherwise. Looking forward to Black Friday, whyever it's called that. Well, hungry and looking forward to a jog and nice shower! This is my schedule, at least when I have nothing in the morning, like doctor appointments. You have a happy Thanksgiving season! I hope I can seek help. Maybe I should tell my therapist. This post is put out there so I can get ^help^.
So, feel the pleasure you want, and don't blow your fuse and lose it all. I don't know enough about these things to tell more.
I'll try to remain calm. I hope I have a good jog amidst those cars, most people maybe at work. 👀
Well, okay, I guess bye for now?
Hope I don't find ^presents^ of negativity when I go about my day, like the ones I get from cars roaring by.
Okay, bye for now! out to have my day's beginning! or pre-beginning.
Sunday, November 20, 2016
No Rhyme Nor Reason
Why are people telling me I can't have a relationship with someone I met cuz they're really good to me? but that they should. Maybe, I should ignore some of the signs. I'm not the product people think. I function and I'm up there.
On at Away
Someone is supposedly so pleasured by the world they seem to have unfortunately like floated up to Heaven and look down on me with a strange grin, and the world broke a promise and said I could not be worth anything but that people I look up to turn into infants once I come into contact or rather "pleasured" away.
Someone else I thought I once knew is tough luck themselves. They have been drained into a sexual fantasy and are no more.
I can't have the most important things to me be taken from me.
These people didn't have to ^go^ like that! I'm not gonna start caring about what caused this.
Sure, it's still okay, but I need to get this out cuz it's driving me insane and others mad, so many people rude to me. The problem exactly is that I keep getting in trouble for stupid things like this. This time I was sorta stoned in public.
So, in essence, I have lost very good things and so has everyone else it seems. People think we don't even deserve our transient lives.
I wish I could justify what I said more, my asset in saying it and however it could come out. People must have so many problems with me. Like, I'm jobless and not good at one thing.
People in general dislike when people are made to feel inappropriate things that they don't want to. They are just embarrassed people. I wonder if they want sex and candy .. or sex and kids. It gives them something else to do. In some cases or ways, maybe I should .. I forget.
I don't mean any harm in what I said about those 2 unnamed people. I'm sorry. I just want to post about it. It's probably a good start. Things can even get better even for them.
What more is there to say? Let me know, or to unsay, if you have a problem.
Someone else I thought I once knew is tough luck themselves. They have been drained into a sexual fantasy and are no more.
I can't have the most important things to me be taken from me.
These people didn't have to ^go^ like that! I'm not gonna start caring about what caused this.
Sure, it's still okay, but I need to get this out cuz it's driving me insane and others mad, so many people rude to me. The problem exactly is that I keep getting in trouble for stupid things like this. This time I was sorta stoned in public.
So, in essence, I have lost very good things and so has everyone else it seems. People think we don't even deserve our transient lives.
I wish I could justify what I said more, my asset in saying it and however it could come out. People must have so many problems with me. Like, I'm jobless and not good at one thing.
People in general dislike when people are made to feel inappropriate things that they don't want to. They are just embarrassed people. I wonder if they want sex and candy .. or sex and kids. It gives them something else to do. In some cases or ways, maybe I should .. I forget.
I don't mean any harm in what I said about those 2 unnamed people. I'm sorry. I just want to post about it. It's probably a good start. Things can even get better even for them.
What more is there to say? Let me know, or to unsay, if you have a problem.
Feeling Down and Low
I feel bad that others are at a weakened state according to my situation and I'm expected to do leaps and turns when I've not been able to do them. I don't expect anything, but it hurts. I keep trying to think of distancing myself from some things to feed my ego from time to time. I guess I need to clean my room. I think I'm taking up arts and crafts.
Invaluable
Late Boomers may be valuable as a generation, but so am I as a person in many physical/concrete ways.
Fuck!
So, I'm alone and pondering things to do for fun, and this, like, hits me. It feels like people rolled over in their symbolic graves and got up and managed to flip me off with their commotion.
"I have to."
People got carried away and said they had to do something mean rather then indulge themselves elsewise.
Something Else Amusing to Muse Upon
People are using me for their celebrated pleasure and acting like their inconveniences regarding my happiness are inevitable rather than admit it's some sort of punishment, when I'm the one who's carried on!
The Chicken or the Egg
Do you ever "know who laid the egg?"
Disclaimer: I didn't point any fingers. I don't mean to be sarcastic and mean. Let me know if I said anything wrong.
Disclaimer: I didn't point any fingers. I don't mean to be sarcastic and mean. Let me know if I said anything wrong.
Something Amusing
Do you just wonder or have it pop up in your mind what will happen in the Catholic's view of the world to people who do nothing but hurt me it seems? Catholics are more forgiving.
Disclaimer: I didn't point any fingers. Let me know if I said anything wrong.
Disclaimer: I didn't point any fingers. Let me know if I said anything wrong.
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