Wednesday, October 3, 2012
Why My Mom Sacrificed Her Thumb-Nail
So, lots of good things happening to someone who's not really perfect.. by everyone's standards outwardly, these days.
Why, would something bad happen to me?
Edit: The pink part on one of her thumbs is much shorter.
Why, would something bad happen to me?
Edit: The pink part on one of her thumbs is much shorter.
New Videos of Me on YouTube
Nice Spanish-Sounding Ciaccona
It said Ensemble - Kapsbeiger - Ciaccona
I'm loading a good copy to my YouTube, but here's another one meanwhile: YouTube.
I'm loading a good copy to my YouTube, but here's another one meanwhile: YouTube.
Jail
In my dream, I was walking around this place without my shirt on and I thought it was okay and didn't realize I was too old. There was a booth. It was like light and light blue and silvery stuff and clear and open. Like ea rouded botth. So, I think there were some tall fat black police or one and some other people. I went into the girls bathroom to fix my mistake, but they showed up with like the tube you put down people's stomachs or up their urinary tract when they arrest you or pump shrimp out of you and said like I was going to jail and maybe some other things. I was so mad, but I don't know what I did. I think there were girls from ballet or dance in the bathroom.
Lobster Tail
So, did I tell you go a huge lobster tail. I screamed when I opened it. Iw as like crusty and gray and the outside and soft and pink on the inside, maybe 1|@ fott long.
There was a spider like 1" long kinda dying, and my mom folded a paper towel over it. I just took out 3 bugs from my bathroom that have been there awhile.
There was a spider like 1" long kinda dying, and my mom folded a paper towel over it. I just took out 3 bugs from my bathroom that have been there awhile.
Awake
Ugh! I had a long session of sex in my bed. Visions of kids having sex overcame me.
I decided something in the end. I decided there was something I didn't want to do. Something looming over me that didn't make sense. I'm kinda sad because I was having fun, but I wake up terrified when this happens.
Anyway, I had a nice dream. I was at church. I was supposedly supposed to be at home, and my keyboard was just set up, which it is. However, it was like in the middle of the church on a stage. I saw the choir up there and wanted to say hi to the director. I was supposed to be in choir but I guess forgot.
Anyway, earlier on, I saw Mrs. Ellen DeGeneres playing the pedals on the organ. I can't do that, but then I tried and realized I could...
I'm not sure what happened. I couldn't get myself to feel good. I was feeling my blanket in between my private, and it felt good. When I was up north, I felt good on my breast. Well, I'm supposed toget new bed sheets. :)
Ugh! I guess I should get ready or take a shower. I was gonna work out. I was all tired out. I probably should. I don't have to watch TV now. I kinda wanna lie down again. Something overcame me yesterday. I ate a lot of food but not too heavy and had gotten quite cranky so lay down and stopped thinking at the computer.
I guess I didn't feel good because my dad didn't want to go to to more than one store yesterday. Now, it's stretching on into the week. I hope he liked his free time, yesterday.
Oh! I just had to masterbate, but I'm not telling you why. Since, I had been feeling like I was masterbating, when I did, it wasn't that big, really, so I'm glad about that. Still, it offed me from my bed. D: Which I needed to do, anyway, so. I knew I had to do it. I don't really masterbate that long, and when it feels more like it, that tingly feeling, I do it a little and then stop. I don't think it will continue. :|
It's hard to understand, lots of people of different ages don't seem to be very masterbatory. Hm. I wonder if I am. I guess I should have gotten that blanket last night. Well, maybe not. What's gonna happen now? I got mad yesterday. I think the Asian guy at the fish market at Publix upset me. He seemed friendly, but I got a different vibe after, like the spa lady who I thought made me call someone the "n" word who I thought wanted me to. I know the idea was planted in my head by like 7 people! 80 It's a lie! Wow, never communicate with me through telepathy! Don't convince me the "n" word is fun.
I had problems before this, though. I try not to masterbate, and sometimes it affects me a lot... So, up north, I thought it would make me go to Heaven because I was experiencing all this magic. I tried to do it quite a lot but couldn't when I came home to Orlando. I thought it was just something you were supposed to do because it was pleasurable. I guess I found I couldn't do it and could do other things. Later on, I found other ways, you might say, but I wanted to be stimulated in other fashions. I'm not sure what was going no nor why I was so stripped of my dignity. I think people are just racist to me. }:[ If I was made to feel enough during the day, I wouldn't have to make up for it at night or in other ways at other times, like over extended periods of years! I'm not like my parents, though, but I set out to be the best, the best I can be.
I don't really want to work out nor watch TV now but want to keep up. Maybe, I will go to bed. I want to review my videos from last night.
Ugh! And I have to go to the bathroom, which isn't disgusting, but want to finish my thoughts. That might be why I had to masterbate. You know, when I ate healthily, the water in my belly felt good. So, I dunno about my diet, now. I hope it makes me feel better. I do feel much calmer, but that was only when I masterbated. :p
I don't know if I thought of some good feelings, too... Some things came to me that were "good," good to me, too, I guess, but I kinda don't want to go back and am unsure of just why...
I am just glad these things are over and that they happened. I hope I can think of something else.
My forehead feels big in the front now, too, though.
I'm excited about BUYING things! 8D
Ah, yes, I found it age appropriate, for some odd reason, for me to delve into some things in certain ways. I don't know how much I like it in that way, quite, but it had to happen one day. I don't quite get it but think I do, now.
I feel kinda bad, like my parents think I was kinda worthless, though, like it was okay if I was unappealing, like just to be mean to me.
I wanna eat soon.
Like, don't your parents affect how you look in good or bad ways? Like, my parents are wanting to make sure I'm punished enough and don't get stimulated in wrong ways in public. Still, I don't need to be throgged.
Some suggestive things that have happened kinda made me masterbate, sorry to who I masterbated to, guess you did it on purpose so I'd have something. I took down my kid pictures to make sure no one masterbated to be like me. I have some good pictures but an unsure of where they are just, maybe get a good one.
I decided something in the end. I decided there was something I didn't want to do. Something looming over me that didn't make sense. I'm kinda sad because I was having fun, but I wake up terrified when this happens.
Anyway, I had a nice dream. I was at church. I was supposedly supposed to be at home, and my keyboard was just set up, which it is. However, it was like in the middle of the church on a stage. I saw the choir up there and wanted to say hi to the director. I was supposed to be in choir but I guess forgot.
Anyway, earlier on, I saw Mrs. Ellen DeGeneres playing the pedals on the organ. I can't do that, but then I tried and realized I could...
I'm not sure what happened. I couldn't get myself to feel good. I was feeling my blanket in between my private, and it felt good. When I was up north, I felt good on my breast. Well, I'm supposed toget new bed sheets. :)
Ugh! I guess I should get ready or take a shower. I was gonna work out. I was all tired out. I probably should. I don't have to watch TV now. I kinda wanna lie down again. Something overcame me yesterday. I ate a lot of food but not too heavy and had gotten quite cranky so lay down and stopped thinking at the computer.
I guess I didn't feel good because my dad didn't want to go to to more than one store yesterday. Now, it's stretching on into the week. I hope he liked his free time, yesterday.
Oh! I just had to masterbate, but I'm not telling you why. Since, I had been feeling like I was masterbating, when I did, it wasn't that big, really, so I'm glad about that. Still, it offed me from my bed. D: Which I needed to do, anyway, so. I knew I had to do it. I don't really masterbate that long, and when it feels more like it, that tingly feeling, I do it a little and then stop. I don't think it will continue. :|
It's hard to understand, lots of people of different ages don't seem to be very masterbatory. Hm. I wonder if I am. I guess I should have gotten that blanket last night. Well, maybe not. What's gonna happen now? I got mad yesterday. I think the Asian guy at the fish market at Publix upset me. He seemed friendly, but I got a different vibe after, like the spa lady who I thought made me call someone the "n" word who I thought wanted me to. I know the idea was planted in my head by like 7 people! 80 It's a lie! Wow, never communicate with me through telepathy! Don't convince me the "n" word is fun.
I had problems before this, though. I try not to masterbate, and sometimes it affects me a lot... So, up north, I thought it would make me go to Heaven because I was experiencing all this magic. I tried to do it quite a lot but couldn't when I came home to Orlando. I thought it was just something you were supposed to do because it was pleasurable. I guess I found I couldn't do it and could do other things. Later on, I found other ways, you might say, but I wanted to be stimulated in other fashions. I'm not sure what was going no nor why I was so stripped of my dignity. I think people are just racist to me. }:[ If I was made to feel enough during the day, I wouldn't have to make up for it at night or in other ways at other times, like over extended periods of years! I'm not like my parents, though, but I set out to be the best, the best I can be.
I don't really want to work out nor watch TV now but want to keep up. Maybe, I will go to bed. I want to review my videos from last night.
Ugh! And I have to go to the bathroom, which isn't disgusting, but want to finish my thoughts. That might be why I had to masterbate. You know, when I ate healthily, the water in my belly felt good. So, I dunno about my diet, now. I hope it makes me feel better. I do feel much calmer, but that was only when I masterbated. :p
I don't know if I thought of some good feelings, too... Some things came to me that were "good," good to me, too, I guess, but I kinda don't want to go back and am unsure of just why...
I am just glad these things are over and that they happened. I hope I can think of something else.
My forehead feels big in the front now, too, though.
I'm excited about BUYING things! 8D
Ah, yes, I found it age appropriate, for some odd reason, for me to delve into some things in certain ways. I don't know how much I like it in that way, quite, but it had to happen one day. I don't quite get it but think I do, now.
I feel kinda bad, like my parents think I was kinda worthless, though, like it was okay if I was unappealing, like just to be mean to me.
I wanna eat soon.
Like, don't your parents affect how you look in good or bad ways? Like, my parents are wanting to make sure I'm punished enough and don't get stimulated in wrong ways in public. Still, I don't need to be throgged.
Some suggestive things that have happened kinda made me masterbate, sorry to who I masterbated to, guess you did it on purpose so I'd have something. I took down my kid pictures to make sure no one masterbated to be like me. I have some good pictures but an unsure of where they are just, maybe get a good one.
My Big Opportunity
You all know you bug me when others do things I should have done. Why infest me with your wicked deeds when something good happens to me when I deserve it? Where's my back-up? Shows what you're really made of, anyway, just jealous and wicked. I'm not even mean. I'm just like every other person!!!!!
Ellen DeGeneres and Kids
I wish Ellen DeGeneres had kids, but she's so there for the world. She seems genuinely interested in others, though.
Well, I don't have kids, myself. I imagine it's a lot to take. I think I will have kids someday, but I realize that other things in life are important, too, like other people and that people move on.
I know Ellen DeGeneres is homosexual, but I guess she could have kids. I'm not sure if I would. I'm not sure if homosexual males usually have kids, but it would be nice.
Well, I don't have kids, myself. I imagine it's a lot to take. I think I will have kids someday, but I realize that other things in life are important, too, like other people and that people move on.
I know Ellen DeGeneres is homosexual, but I guess she could have kids. I'm not sure if I would. I'm not sure if homosexual males usually have kids, but it would be nice.
Bothered
It seems that my parents are actually under the illusion that there are a set of protocols that Caucasians follow, like if you get antsy about something, like with someone else, that you have to keep doing it, and it's bothering me a lot! People are under the belief that I have to pay for my sins beecause I am so twisted. I think I can escape. I always wanted to move to L.A., but I guess a lot of people moved there in the movies so maybe not. I'm still at home, not feeling like applying to that acting and modeling agency just yet. I have one left. In January, I can do a live audition.
I've had such a hard life, it doesn't make sense and it makes me wonder how others's lives went. I just got some good food. 2 packs of sushi w|o the cheese. 2 swordfish and a lobster tail, which is huge, like bigger than most fish you eat. It's pretty thick.
I've had such a hard life, it doesn't make sense and it makes me wonder how others's lives went. I just got some good food. 2 packs of sushi w|o the cheese. 2 swordfish and a lobster tail, which is huge, like bigger than most fish you eat. It's pretty thick.
Won't Leave Me Alone
I know I've already said, "I'm imperfect." If I mess up, it seems I am incessantly bugged. Supposedly, if I get mad, I wanted to do something bad.
It's okay, but it makes me feel embarrassed when it becomes public.
It's okay, but it makes me feel embarrassed when it becomes public.
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
Cracker Barrel
I didn't get my dessert! However, I ordered my appetizer early, not getting it next time.
Dream
The most memorable in a way, well not exactly, was at first. I can't remember, but, for some reason, I needed to be comforted, was pretty sad, needed "my mommy" or something... My mom would just shape me up and not act mushy. So there was "this lady..." She looked like that Swedish singer on YouTube, Siw Inger, in "Di Zeit is Reit" or something, but supposedly it was Mrs. Ellen DeGeneres. So, she was like sitting on a block or something. It wasn't really like it was her or anyone. I guess, I thought of it since I made the pictures with her. Come to think of it, she reminded me of a girl with a drawl at a hotel in Texas during a hurricane with bleached hair saying she I think wanted to "go to the store." So, this person I imagined cuddled me I guess sitting down on the smooth, clean floor, kinda like an art building, next to her. I just realized Mrs. Ellen DeGeneres has those yellow blocks she sits on in her profile picture I know on Twitter and YouTube I think. The blocks in my dream were white. I guss other people were there, kids and like an obese boy, and somehow she lay on her back, not like anyone in real life much at all at this point nor ever in a way extremely much in a way, and so I was like strattling over her waste and she was probably rubbing me or something. I was still sad. She tried to pick me up but couldn't. She was much bigger than me. I guess the bottom of her bust was to my armpits. She like jerked me up a few times and made a face, like seething her teeth or something. I laughed and thought like I said well what did you think, thinking of myself weighted down but not thinking at the moment directly that I needed to lose body fat.
I guess my next dream was most satisfying. My aunt just fixed up my hair in a high ponytail. I was in Pennsylvania, where my ancestors are from, and I was getting ready but all alive saying, after my cousin said I'm the shyest girl which she's the opposite, in Florida I'm shy, people go around like this, and I acted all agitated constantly looking around and realized and said I'm not shy in Pennsylvania, which I didn't feel so supple when I was there.
So, I was like leaning into my aunt, and it felt good, different, probably not how I feel in real life concerning her.
Something disturbing, I was in a room with 2 boys. I was finishing up a long thin kinda bigger bottle of like orange soda. I think I was lying down, maybe had to go to the bathroom, thinking of things like test tubes. The boys goy my dad. Somehow, it made me upset, and I think my mom came in, but in a way I don't think so.
Oh yes, when I woke up after the lady, my arms mostly were trembling, like as though I did that to myself, and then my legs were, too, for some reason.
So, I was upset at my dad and imagined for some reason, in kinda an offset way I didn't like, maybe because I was lazy, that I was being comforted for getting mad but not hysterical.
I think the happiest part was in Pennsylvania. There was a nice-looking girl who came in with a younger sister, who was pretty young, and she took an interest in me. She seemed so interesting, it was neat when I saw her spark up as she exited the room. I was also talking to a shorter, fatter brunette.
I know, I feel very like stiff and weighted, almost like trembling, from doing weight training, strength training. I haven't done much of that in my life.
Okay, so, then, I woke up again, and I imagined that my hand was being held, then someone putting their arm around my shoulder, and then picking me up. "I wonder what that means?"
I wanted to stay in bed but finally decided to get up!
I guess my next dream was most satisfying. My aunt just fixed up my hair in a high ponytail. I was in Pennsylvania, where my ancestors are from, and I was getting ready but all alive saying, after my cousin said I'm the shyest girl which she's the opposite, in Florida I'm shy, people go around like this, and I acted all agitated constantly looking around and realized and said I'm not shy in Pennsylvania, which I didn't feel so supple when I was there.
So, I was like leaning into my aunt, and it felt good, different, probably not how I feel in real life concerning her.
Something disturbing, I was in a room with 2 boys. I was finishing up a long thin kinda bigger bottle of like orange soda. I think I was lying down, maybe had to go to the bathroom, thinking of things like test tubes. The boys goy my dad. Somehow, it made me upset, and I think my mom came in, but in a way I don't think so.
Oh yes, when I woke up after the lady, my arms mostly were trembling, like as though I did that to myself, and then my legs were, too, for some reason.
So, I was upset at my dad and imagined for some reason, in kinda an offset way I didn't like, maybe because I was lazy, that I was being comforted for getting mad but not hysterical.
I think the happiest part was in Pennsylvania. There was a nice-looking girl who came in with a younger sister, who was pretty young, and she took an interest in me. She seemed so interesting, it was neat when I saw her spark up as she exited the room. I was also talking to a shorter, fatter brunette.
I know, I feel very like stiff and weighted, almost like trembling, from doing weight training, strength training. I haven't done much of that in my life.
Okay, so, then, I woke up again, and I imagined that my hand was being held, then someone putting their arm around my shoulder, and then picking me up. "I wonder what that means?"
I wanted to stay in bed but finally decided to get up!
Overly Obsessed With Children
I guess people born around 1960 have a big obsession with their children.
I imagine people with young fathers have cute kids, but isn't it ideal sometimes when the man is more mature and the woman is more youthful?
I imagine people with young fathers have cute kids, but isn't it ideal sometimes when the man is more mature and the woman is more youthful?
Not Feeling Anything
I do feel something, but like in another way I don't. Like, I feel comforts. It's hard to say how I didn't feel..
Tweet @TheEllenShow
Oh, yes, I am worried because my dad is born so much before my mom. How will I ever be like her? I was thinking, why would I say I want a mom of a different style? Why would I want to be like another woman?
Tweet @TheEllenShow
:)
So, I went at watched his deceased wife on YouTube and posted it on my blog. Wasn't she good? She was born just like a month before Johnny Depp, didn't have even to look it up. She reminds me a lot of you. Wow, people born just a little after you and into, well into the future, have a very condensed look, for some reason, and I don't know why! I saw the girl who played Veruca in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, the original movie. She was born I think about a year before you or 1|2 year. She looks very different now. I don't quite understand how you do it. I feel that people born like at certain times have this more metally look, like a sorta undetailed shaped head. I guess you go through steps in life, meet certain requirements, which is what I ended up doing, not how I wanted it. I would have been happy to have been like you, compared to how I was, but I was pretty smart, anyway, because I did art and things. Tim Burton is attractive. I also did gymnastics once a week as a kid. I wonder if he exercised more than me. He did swimming in high school. I've met people like that. :| I just started doing strength training now. I guess people'd want to know I did ballet, too, when it was available. I usually only went once a week. Audrey Hepburn did ballet, too, everyone knows... I think it made her very healthy. Some people think you're more interesting if you don't do ballet, but some people's lives revolve around that stuff. I watched "21 Jump Street" with Johnny Depp, and I remember the gymnastics part. It was interesting, too. The teacher seemed like a muscle woman, and the kid, who was younger than my mom, who was a gymnast in high school (did ballet as a kid and then in high school became #1 in Indonesia ... I think has ancestors all from China, probably all from South and Southeast China, 500 years ago... wanted to be figure skater, at first, but couldn't,) seemed pretty trashy. She was cute, but still.
So, anyway, I guess you were pretty smart. I have a lot of Dutch heritage, but I'm not like 3|4 Dutch myself. Hm. Audrey Hepburn's mom's last name was Swiss, I think. After I listened to the Swiss radio on iTunes at night, I had good dreams, but I started getting this very glossed over look I kept, which I like. I think I have Polish and Swiss Jewish, migrated to Germany. It's from my dad's mom's dad and mom, respectively. So, I guess I wouldn't have looked like you. I think I'm behind you but very old to ever be as good as you! I understand you're also Irish. I'm not sure if it's from your mom or dad. That's kinda like being Dutch. I thought I was almost 1|2 Irish, but I may be Anglo-Irish, which may be kinda special.
Oh, yes, so, my dad, as people may know who have seen his MySpace, is born in 1950, July 25, 1950. I think that's a Tuesday, like me and my mom. He's also a Tiger. So, I see this actor from Excalibur is born in 1952. Obviously, my mom is a lot younger. In fact, she's younger than you. 8^. I guess I can't give out her birthday. You know, I don't think she really cares at this point, but she's born in summer 1959. So, she's not in your class. I don't know if over in Europe or the 3rd world if they have generations, but I'm pretty sure that they do when it works. I saw my mom ... She said she was like a blonde, the fairest you could be, and very short but not the shortest. She has a friend here in Detroit who we used to visit when I went up north to visit my relatives ... my ancestors being from Northwestern Pennsylvania, my grandma being born in Cyclone, which had thick snow, at the time ... in mostly Southeastern New York, inland from the very West but at the Southern border. We stopped after we moved to the New Orleans area, to Slidell, which I'm sure you know well, though I don't know all the cities around where I lived as a kid. I lived there all as a teenger, and you know the reputation of it, kinda the worst place you could live. Still, I liked it and learned a lot and think it was worth it, could have been better, I hope. See, I used to stay up every night thinking I'd go to bed earlier the next day, mulling over homework, and mostly got the best grades. I used to be not as slow. I guess being mixed race made me feel bad, but I was capable, I guess. It might be because my dad's mom's dad's dad I think is Native American indian. He seemed like a cross of Johnny Depp and Viggo Mortensen... Viggo Mortensen looking like a tall, slim English boy with light brown hair. It seems that side has European tendencies or something, maybe stronger or something but seems pretty European, maybe has different stereotypes. It seems the descendents hvae been sorta whipped clean of their dignity, to say in the least, which I didn't notice before.
I guess I'm pretty worried because I guess I did go through life with a fascination for women born around 1950 and more older, though I was very jealous of women around your age. I thought my life should be like them. In fact, my dad's sister is born in 1960, the youngest one. Mid-1960. She had, I dunno, I saw pictures finally, kinda looked like the youngest girl from "The Brady Bunch" but thinner and more European in a way but not scrawny, would have been a good playmate for you, but always got in trouble I hear, though is pretty sweet, still, very much so. I grew up jealous of her, with her blue eyes. So, her hair used to be straight I guess and like darker than yours, of course, but pretty reddish and thick and course. It was fluffy when she was a pre-teen or older kid. I saw a picture of her in a dress like you wore, with buttons up it. I was so jealous and found something else with buttons up it that was snap buttons and not smooth material. I got 2 dresses of it, a short-sleeved one that was burgundy and a long-sleeved brown one I kept until I was almost 20. When I was a baby, I had crystally blue eyes, my mom said dark blue. It seems they were grayish blue. I guess I wanted to be something, but my dad had blue eyes, so I felt belittled. I'd love to sport sparkly blue eyes as a European. :^| I just posted some pictures, and they're light green, now. My hair seems to be glossing over in strawberry blonde or maroon, again. I've had my hair look purple, it seemed naturally, for maybe 2 days out of my life, when I was in Florida, still. I was born with like wood-colored hair. I guess I wanted to be like my parents. I saw it got pretty light as an infant and sometimes even had like white at the tips. I've had that as a young adult, too, but I guess my life got worse and it stopped. I wasn't as healthy and stuff, for some reason, and looked better with darker hair. Maybe I went to crazy doing things to change it. I found hairspray made the biggest difference, when I did my bun for ballet but quit so I would grow taller, to become like an actor and model and just as a person. I wondered probably about being 5'5"-5'10", like you! I guess I wanted to look more European. It seems I'm "workin' my way back to you, babe..." I was taking a walk, as I usually do, try to go every day or every other day, along the road with cars roaring past constantly, almost, it seems, sometimes. I saw my shadow, with bangs and ponytail for the first time, and I noticed I seemed obsessed with dancers from when I did ballet at a modern dance studio. I was into modern music and clothes before I left Florida. Then, I started dressing like you! Or people born in 1970 or 1950. I was only 12! I don't think I ever went back until now, though I did try to dress as a kid, all through high school. I guess kid clothes became more childish.
You know, so, you think about America ... and then you think like of things like Logan's Run, which I saw once, so far. My dad actually bought it on our TV like a month or so ago for me. The actors are English, though, and I was kinda thinking of it more for what it was than as being European. They're doing a remake, and I wanted to be in this movie, but I guess I can't.
It seems that people born in the 60s and 70s really have it going, you know? I like how you're born in the 50s, though, nice and cozy and smart and powerful. I don't knwo why people don;t trust me.
My arms aren't really that dainty, but I've gotten them to look skinny because I grew up with strong arms. So, I've suffered in that way, actually. I wanted them bigger for a different reason. I wanted to look like a "coral girl" saw working at a "coral store" in Downtown Disney, years ago. I went with my mom. She had bleached hair and was like hairy with white hair on her arms, looked like the ideal person, to me, totally knocked me out. She, like everyone who is accomplished, seemed to have an affinity for me. She was probably born in like 1975 or a little later. What about that bleached blonde who did the New Year's celebration around 2000? That English girl. She was pretty small but cool. Bigger than me, though, maybe not a bigger head than I had|have. I'm not sure my head is still big. I think when I had problems keeping up in school it got smaller and smaller, eventually. I didn't graduate but see you didn't, neither, though, apparently, you made the decision to leave and get a job. I enjoy living with my parents. I had fun on campus, even the semesters I suffered. I should have either taken less courses or come home. Because of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, I considered not even going to college, but that was after I got in. I did Music Education and was trying to graduate early and did some extra things.
I feel I've past that stage, wanting to look like a "coral girl."
I want to work at Disney World. It would be an awesome experience. My friend, a year older by shy of a month, worked there, pretty big, and she hasn't talked to me since ... well, after. We were keeping up. She's originally from San Fransisco and moved to Slidell as a pre-teen I think. We were on Facebook. I want to work for your ride. However, my hair is dark. I liked it frizzy because I guess it seemed cool, but it's not as thick, anymore. I don't know why, but, when people cut my hair, they said I had thick hair. I had a friend with lots of fine white hair. She was part Swedish, I remember 5% Swedish 5% French. I see my hair is getting less frizzy but in a bad way. I don't have as much hair. :( It was so thick and frizzy. I couldn't even comb it. Neither could a new friend in our group who had smooth black hair who was rich and was Clara in ballet, though she looked like a normal girl, not bony or anything. She looked like another rich girl I did baton with with like gold hair. They both had freckles and sparkly eyes and had that same look, for some reason. The baton girl was thinner. Her mom came in and cut her nails because they grew like a few centemeters every 2 days. I know I'm very sensitive and always have been very sensitive about my nails and cutting them. I think everyone else shares that same feeling. So, I was a bit weird and said I didn't like long nails, was a bit obtuse, and her mom said her nails were disgusting. A girl from NYC with fluffy black hair and blue eyes told me I was disgusting, too, probably after. I'm not sure why, maybe because I'm mixed.
So, yea, I used to have like big ball eyes and a big sorta rounded out head.
Ugh, I just went to the bathroom! And I felt so bad. I mean, I look like I'm addicted to fish or something, which I have a hunger for. Just not when I eat out.
So, it seems that, when you aren't mostly European, that when you look more generic that it seems more pleasing.
Your mom looked very good. I saw a picture of her as a kid next to a picture of you. You look kinda like my mom. I guess my Grandma is kinda in the middle when she was younger. I don't know why ... nevermind. Her mom I think had a supple nose and was suppsedly all Dutch, seemed reminiscent of Audrey Hepburn's mom, but her last name is from the northern Scottish islands. Actually, her dad's last name is supposedly from either Scotland or northern England. However, my dad's dad's last name isn't real Irish.
So, yea, I've definitely connected with my dad's race, primarily. I guess I see myself like as my mom and not as her race.
It seems my dad is definitely supple, not like you, though, but more supple, very supple. My mom is from Indonesia and so is different.
I find that with my German that I'm not really cut out like most mixed Germans are. I'm more European. Wait, but all I'm thinking of at the moment is people mixed with minority ethnicities. I was thinking in some ways that was from being Dutch, so it's more European, and I don't feel anything.
So, I guess I want to look cut out like you! Like all those other people. I'm not quite sure what program I was milking to.
So, I went at watched his deceased wife on YouTube and posted it on my blog. Wasn't she good? She was born just like a month before Johnny Depp, didn't have even to look it up. She reminds me a lot of you. Wow, people born just a little after you and into, well into the future, have a very condensed look, for some reason, and I don't know why! I saw the girl who played Veruca in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, the original movie. She was born I think about a year before you or 1|2 year. She looks very different now. I don't quite understand how you do it. I feel that people born like at certain times have this more metally look, like a sorta undetailed shaped head. I guess you go through steps in life, meet certain requirements, which is what I ended up doing, not how I wanted it. I would have been happy to have been like you, compared to how I was, but I was pretty smart, anyway, because I did art and things. Tim Burton is attractive. I also did gymnastics once a week as a kid. I wonder if he exercised more than me. He did swimming in high school. I've met people like that. :| I just started doing strength training now. I guess people'd want to know I did ballet, too, when it was available. I usually only went once a week. Audrey Hepburn did ballet, too, everyone knows... I think it made her very healthy. Some people think you're more interesting if you don't do ballet, but some people's lives revolve around that stuff. I watched "21 Jump Street" with Johnny Depp, and I remember the gymnastics part. It was interesting, too. The teacher seemed like a muscle woman, and the kid, who was younger than my mom, who was a gymnast in high school (did ballet as a kid and then in high school became #1 in Indonesia ... I think has ancestors all from China, probably all from South and Southeast China, 500 years ago... wanted to be figure skater, at first, but couldn't,) seemed pretty trashy. She was cute, but still.
So, anyway, I guess you were pretty smart. I have a lot of Dutch heritage, but I'm not like 3|4 Dutch myself. Hm. Audrey Hepburn's mom's last name was Swiss, I think. After I listened to the Swiss radio on iTunes at night, I had good dreams, but I started getting this very glossed over look I kept, which I like. I think I have Polish and Swiss Jewish, migrated to Germany. It's from my dad's mom's dad and mom, respectively. So, I guess I wouldn't have looked like you. I think I'm behind you but very old to ever be as good as you! I understand you're also Irish. I'm not sure if it's from your mom or dad. That's kinda like being Dutch. I thought I was almost 1|2 Irish, but I may be Anglo-Irish, which may be kinda special.
Oh, yes, so, my dad, as people may know who have seen his MySpace, is born in 1950, July 25, 1950. I think that's a Tuesday, like me and my mom. He's also a Tiger. So, I see this actor from Excalibur is born in 1952. Obviously, my mom is a lot younger. In fact, she's younger than you. 8^. I guess I can't give out her birthday. You know, I don't think she really cares at this point, but she's born in summer 1959. So, she's not in your class. I don't know if over in Europe or the 3rd world if they have generations, but I'm pretty sure that they do when it works. I saw my mom ... She said she was like a blonde, the fairest you could be, and very short but not the shortest. She has a friend here in Detroit who we used to visit when I went up north to visit my relatives ... my ancestors being from Northwestern Pennsylvania, my grandma being born in Cyclone, which had thick snow, at the time ... in mostly Southeastern New York, inland from the very West but at the Southern border. We stopped after we moved to the New Orleans area, to Slidell, which I'm sure you know well, though I don't know all the cities around where I lived as a kid. I lived there all as a teenger, and you know the reputation of it, kinda the worst place you could live. Still, I liked it and learned a lot and think it was worth it, could have been better, I hope. See, I used to stay up every night thinking I'd go to bed earlier the next day, mulling over homework, and mostly got the best grades. I used to be not as slow. I guess being mixed race made me feel bad, but I was capable, I guess. It might be because my dad's mom's dad's dad I think is Native American indian. He seemed like a cross of Johnny Depp and Viggo Mortensen... Viggo Mortensen looking like a tall, slim English boy with light brown hair. It seems that side has European tendencies or something, maybe stronger or something but seems pretty European, maybe has different stereotypes. It seems the descendents hvae been sorta whipped clean of their dignity, to say in the least, which I didn't notice before.
I guess I'm pretty worried because I guess I did go through life with a fascination for women born around 1950 and more older, though I was very jealous of women around your age. I thought my life should be like them. In fact, my dad's sister is born in 1960, the youngest one. Mid-1960. She had, I dunno, I saw pictures finally, kinda looked like the youngest girl from "The Brady Bunch" but thinner and more European in a way but not scrawny, would have been a good playmate for you, but always got in trouble I hear, though is pretty sweet, still, very much so. I grew up jealous of her, with her blue eyes. So, her hair used to be straight I guess and like darker than yours, of course, but pretty reddish and thick and course. It was fluffy when she was a pre-teen or older kid. I saw a picture of her in a dress like you wore, with buttons up it. I was so jealous and found something else with buttons up it that was snap buttons and not smooth material. I got 2 dresses of it, a short-sleeved one that was burgundy and a long-sleeved brown one I kept until I was almost 20. When I was a baby, I had crystally blue eyes, my mom said dark blue. It seems they were grayish blue. I guess I wanted to be something, but my dad had blue eyes, so I felt belittled. I'd love to sport sparkly blue eyes as a European. :^| I just posted some pictures, and they're light green, now. My hair seems to be glossing over in strawberry blonde or maroon, again. I've had my hair look purple, it seemed naturally, for maybe 2 days out of my life, when I was in Florida, still. I was born with like wood-colored hair. I guess I wanted to be like my parents. I saw it got pretty light as an infant and sometimes even had like white at the tips. I've had that as a young adult, too, but I guess my life got worse and it stopped. I wasn't as healthy and stuff, for some reason, and looked better with darker hair. Maybe I went to crazy doing things to change it. I found hairspray made the biggest difference, when I did my bun for ballet but quit so I would grow taller, to become like an actor and model and just as a person. I wondered probably about being 5'5"-5'10", like you! I guess I wanted to look more European. It seems I'm "workin' my way back to you, babe..." I was taking a walk, as I usually do, try to go every day or every other day, along the road with cars roaring past constantly, almost, it seems, sometimes. I saw my shadow, with bangs and ponytail for the first time, and I noticed I seemed obsessed with dancers from when I did ballet at a modern dance studio. I was into modern music and clothes before I left Florida. Then, I started dressing like you! Or people born in 1970 or 1950. I was only 12! I don't think I ever went back until now, though I did try to dress as a kid, all through high school. I guess kid clothes became more childish.
You know, so, you think about America ... and then you think like of things like Logan's Run, which I saw once, so far. My dad actually bought it on our TV like a month or so ago for me. The actors are English, though, and I was kinda thinking of it more for what it was than as being European. They're doing a remake, and I wanted to be in this movie, but I guess I can't.
It seems that people born in the 60s and 70s really have it going, you know? I like how you're born in the 50s, though, nice and cozy and smart and powerful. I don't knwo why people don;t trust me.
My arms aren't really that dainty, but I've gotten them to look skinny because I grew up with strong arms. So, I've suffered in that way, actually. I wanted them bigger for a different reason. I wanted to look like a "coral girl" saw working at a "coral store" in Downtown Disney, years ago. I went with my mom. She had bleached hair and was like hairy with white hair on her arms, looked like the ideal person, to me, totally knocked me out. She, like everyone who is accomplished, seemed to have an affinity for me. She was probably born in like 1975 or a little later. What about that bleached blonde who did the New Year's celebration around 2000? That English girl. She was pretty small but cool. Bigger than me, though, maybe not a bigger head than I had|have. I'm not sure my head is still big. I think when I had problems keeping up in school it got smaller and smaller, eventually. I didn't graduate but see you didn't, neither, though, apparently, you made the decision to leave and get a job. I enjoy living with my parents. I had fun on campus, even the semesters I suffered. I should have either taken less courses or come home. Because of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, I considered not even going to college, but that was after I got in. I did Music Education and was trying to graduate early and did some extra things.
I feel I've past that stage, wanting to look like a "coral girl."
I want to work at Disney World. It would be an awesome experience. My friend, a year older by shy of a month, worked there, pretty big, and she hasn't talked to me since ... well, after. We were keeping up. She's originally from San Fransisco and moved to Slidell as a pre-teen I think. We were on Facebook. I want to work for your ride. However, my hair is dark. I liked it frizzy because I guess it seemed cool, but it's not as thick, anymore. I don't know why, but, when people cut my hair, they said I had thick hair. I had a friend with lots of fine white hair. She was part Swedish, I remember 5% Swedish 5% French. I see my hair is getting less frizzy but in a bad way. I don't have as much hair. :( It was so thick and frizzy. I couldn't even comb it. Neither could a new friend in our group who had smooth black hair who was rich and was Clara in ballet, though she looked like a normal girl, not bony or anything. She looked like another rich girl I did baton with with like gold hair. They both had freckles and sparkly eyes and had that same look, for some reason. The baton girl was thinner. Her mom came in and cut her nails because they grew like a few centemeters every 2 days. I know I'm very sensitive and always have been very sensitive about my nails and cutting them. I think everyone else shares that same feeling. So, I was a bit weird and said I didn't like long nails, was a bit obtuse, and her mom said her nails were disgusting. A girl from NYC with fluffy black hair and blue eyes told me I was disgusting, too, probably after. I'm not sure why, maybe because I'm mixed.
So, yea, I used to have like big ball eyes and a big sorta rounded out head.
Ugh, I just went to the bathroom! And I felt so bad. I mean, I look like I'm addicted to fish or something, which I have a hunger for. Just not when I eat out.
So, it seems that, when you aren't mostly European, that when you look more generic that it seems more pleasing.
Your mom looked very good. I saw a picture of her as a kid next to a picture of you. You look kinda like my mom. I guess my Grandma is kinda in the middle when she was younger. I don't know why ... nevermind. Her mom I think had a supple nose and was suppsedly all Dutch, seemed reminiscent of Audrey Hepburn's mom, but her last name is from the northern Scottish islands. Actually, her dad's last name is supposedly from either Scotland or northern England. However, my dad's dad's last name isn't real Irish.
So, yea, I've definitely connected with my dad's race, primarily. I guess I see myself like as my mom and not as her race.
It seems my dad is definitely supple, not like you, though, but more supple, very supple. My mom is from Indonesia and so is different.
I find that with my German that I'm not really cut out like most mixed Germans are. I'm more European. Wait, but all I'm thinking of at the moment is people mixed with minority ethnicities. I was thinking in some ways that was from being Dutch, so it's more European, and I don't feel anything.
So, I guess I want to look cut out like you! Like all those other people. I'm not quite sure what program I was milking to.
Tweet @TaliaJoy18
I saw you on "The Ellen Show." I'm sorry you're about to die, soon. I've been going through lots of thoughts it seems somehow about like certain ways I might die but, honestly, abstractly. It must be really scary and makes me really sad. You know, I've lived in Orlando since 2005. I came home from college mid-2006. Anyway, I walk around at night, ready to live life by the day and do not wait for anything nor let anything get in my way. I've often felt in danger in how I've lived, very much so. I had a brain tumor, but it was very small, under my brain, affecting my period cycle. I didn't have my period for over a year. It was from psychiatric medicine. I'm sure I didn't need it. It affected that part of my brain. I have my period back, but, for instance, this time, it's not very heavy, which depresses me, because it was the last 2 times, though not as heavy as it should be. I was even always wearing diapers as an adult. It's very saddening. I had lucsious, thick, gooey, almost black it seemed blood. I'm waiting to get it back and should have not taken the medicine. You know, I ended up taking it at 16, forced. I got off it soon, and it didn't affect my period, the same medicine. I had problems with my brain then, too. I felt it totally go out, like it was useless, but I know I can get over it. My health has been pretty poor as well, maybe more than yours. It's neat that Ellen knows you now. I asked her ot go to Disney with me, on Twitter, but not directly. https://twitter.com/DisneyGhost. Hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe. (I didn't count that.) I don't really know, don't honestly feel she would go to Disney with her fans. She went on a roller coaster with Portia. A fan was behind her. I honestly think that stars should go to Disney together and invite like special fans, like ones who keep up online. I figured Mrs. Ellen DeGeneres was pretty special. People like you should meet her. I would honestly like to, but maybe I'm not the right person for that.
Michael Jackson
When I went to the wax museum in Saint Augustine, Florida, visiting when I was older, there was a section on Michael Jackson. Oh, this is the oldest continuing city in the United States, located in Northeastern Florida, the suburb of a major city, the most major city in Northeastern Florida and probably the most urban area of all Florida, where I lived when I was 5 & 6|7. So, we lived in the oldest city when I was 9, 10, & 11. It's what's shaped me most as who I am today as a European person, unless you want to include the New Orleans area when I was a teenager. So, we went back and it's gotten pretty trashy. It used to be more interesting. In some ways, it wasn't as annoying. There's a torture chamber, but I never went in it. I did peek in to get a general idea for the colors and whereabouts of it inside. So, anyway, they had like a big section barred 8^. off with Michael Jackson. He was leaning over in a gravesite. Like, maybe one leg was bent. I tried to get a good recording of it but lost it on my old computer. I heard cackling like a witch, well sinister laughter that was above my head there. Oh, this city is Spanish, and I probably soaked it in more than anyone. We used to walk around all the time, and it was like hotter than almost anything it seemed but not really. No, not really, in every way... So, it was so spooky. It was so stupid! You could hardly see in there. There must have been some "retarded crap" on there. So, my dad let me in on that it was a famous song he did. I think there was sinister cackling speech preceeding it and you only heard the laughter a bit.
Michael Jackson was sorta the one who "got me into music.." We studied whales in 1st grade. There was a movie that came out that he did called Free Willy. He did the theme music. I was only 6, when we studied the whales and were on TV for it. I think I lost it in the flood|hurricane. I was interested in singing before, tried when I was 5, which seemed much younger.
I see he's just a few days younger than Tim Burton? Ooh. So, he's more of Johnny Depp's generation? Johnny Depp is related to the first freed African-American slave. When I grew up, my mom always said she slaved away, but I remember helping and not really having much fun, myself. :| I mean, people thought I was kinda ugly, I think, like disgusting-looking, like an old person. I think I did that on purpose, but I wasn't dirty.
Michael Jackson was sorta the one who "got me into music.." We studied whales in 1st grade. There was a movie that came out that he did called Free Willy. He did the theme music. I was only 6, when we studied the whales and were on TV for it. I think I lost it in the flood|hurricane. I was interested in singing before, tried when I was 5, which seemed much younger.
I see he's just a few days younger than Tim Burton? Ooh. So, he's more of Johnny Depp's generation? Johnny Depp is related to the first freed African-American slave. When I grew up, my mom always said she slaved away, but I remember helping and not really having much fun, myself. :| I mean, people thought I was kinda ugly, I think, like disgusting-looking, like an old person. I think I did that on purpose, but I wasn't dirty.
Monday, October 1, 2012
Olive Garden
When I went to Olive Garden last weekend, there were these blond kids there. I remember I was thinking and I said, "Okay." Then, I mumbled on sorta and said some other things that sorta brought up lots of feelings. :|
Your Dignity!!
So, why do you happen to have bad things come up when something happens to you?
I guess some people are pretty literal, but I've lived life in the fast lane.
I guess, when you accept someone racially, you realize what you're supposed to do and what you're not supposed to do.
I guess some people are pretty literal, but I've lived life in the fast lane.
I guess, when you accept someone racially, you realize what you're supposed to do and what you're not supposed to do.
Dream
Also, when I was in an interim stage, a Chinese girl flew over by me. She was a general one, not like overly round nor smooth but with white skin. She looked into my face and said like ah you have a Chinese face. What is your mom? I said Chinese. Then, I ended up listing my father's ethnicities in order, save for Native American indian and maybe Jewish. I said, are you, and she nodded like before kinda scarily a bit and like weird, mid south Chinese, your skin is so light? She said yes. I said, I'm South Southeast Chinese, Chinese-Indonesian, 500 years, she was like yea and then it was done, maybe I woke up. I woke up with a feeling I had to, like I was unravelling, still alive. It's like on the shore. I lost the last names and the websites that led me to believe that.
Also, there was a scene where I was in school awhile. I got an award and thought school was done and explained that. It was Wednesday or Thursday. It was like a camp. I had a balloon, and my family was present. There was such a tall building with wires at the top. It was like it killed someone when it hit one of the many I think white or off-white fans. It came down, like a piece of food or something, LOL. :D I think we were eating, and there was a big long banquet table in the center of the room, just a big silver floor, pretty huge room. We were all standing. I don't think I was eating.
So, then, I was left like on a porch floor, thinking I should go back to a camp and take as little as possible, one or two classes. It was a week long or maybe a little longer.
I guess then it slipped into the mermaid sequence.
Also, there was a scene where I was in school awhile. I got an award and thought school was done and explained that. It was Wednesday or Thursday. It was like a camp. I had a balloon, and my family was present. There was such a tall building with wires at the top. It was like it killed someone when it hit one of the many I think white or off-white fans. It came down, like a piece of food or something, LOL. :D I think we were eating, and there was a big long banquet table in the center of the room, just a big silver floor, pretty huge room. We were all standing. I don't think I was eating.
So, then, I was left like on a porch floor, thinking I should go back to a camp and take as little as possible, one or two classes. It was a week long or maybe a little longer.
I guess then it slipped into the mermaid sequence.
Dream
I guess the biggest deal was when we were all lined up. I was able to flip in my mind and in reality, in a somersault in the air. I guess I was with like mermaids, which weren't very clear. Some at the end weren't. My back was flat, though, but I was okay. I wasn't as smooth when I curved my back. Then, I was told I hadn't done it in awhile and shoudl take an acting role. I heard if I didn't make that difference I wouldn't make "this difference" for the director, who was a homeroom teacher I had in 12th grade, who used to put on "South Park," a young woman with more reddish light brown hair who was dieting jogging a lot like every other day.
So, we started out ... we were in Italy, which was dangerous, alluring, crystally, wet myserious, dark, cold, and wet. :p
I was on the ground looking at rocks for awhile. Thinking about the filming.
What happened was the water seeped in "because it was Italy" and I almost drowned. We all swam up like ghosts, somehow. I had to pump water to keep my head above the water. Then we surfaced on a shore. I was on the ground there, ready for filming. It was so dark, with the shiney rock floor, kinda bleak. Then, for some reason, we had to go underwater. I said how would we breathe. They said, just breathe, and it was so cool, like a whisp of fresh air. Like a hose of cool, kinda, a light hose. That's where I did the flips.
I almost forgot. Before, I dreamed I was with Nell Burton and her mom, Helena Bonham Carter. I was picking up Nell. in dfferent ways, not very clearly, maybe in my head, but she was soft like a puffalump in my mind and I was so eager to do it and having so much fun. When I made the picture of Ellen DeGeneres carrying her, my eyes lit up so much at one point, not like a lot, more like a spark squinting with the corners of my eye|s. :p There were things going on, but I don't remember. This dream was first. Like, I probably kept moving her around. She was happy. Then, she had to go.
Also, I saw a wallpaper of mermaids from PotC, yesterday.
My favorite part was breathing underwater. I could probably flip on a trampoline and maybe in a real life. I could probably somehow flip off a ledge.
So, we started out ... we were in Italy, which was dangerous, alluring, crystally, wet myserious, dark, cold, and wet. :p
I was on the ground looking at rocks for awhile. Thinking about the filming.
What happened was the water seeped in "because it was Italy" and I almost drowned. We all swam up like ghosts, somehow. I had to pump water to keep my head above the water. Then we surfaced on a shore. I was on the ground there, ready for filming. It was so dark, with the shiney rock floor, kinda bleak. Then, for some reason, we had to go underwater. I said how would we breathe. They said, just breathe, and it was so cool, like a whisp of fresh air. Like a hose of cool, kinda, a light hose. That's where I did the flips.
I almost forgot. Before, I dreamed I was with Nell Burton and her mom, Helena Bonham Carter. I was picking up Nell. in dfferent ways, not very clearly, maybe in my head, but she was soft like a puffalump in my mind and I was so eager to do it and having so much fun. When I made the picture of Ellen DeGeneres carrying her, my eyes lit up so much at one point, not like a lot, more like a spark squinting with the corners of my eye|s. :p There were things going on, but I don't remember. This dream was first. Like, I probably kept moving her around. She was happy. Then, she had to go.
Also, I saw a wallpaper of mermaids from PotC, yesterday.
My favorite part was breathing underwater. I could probably flip on a trampoline and maybe in a real life. I could probably somehow flip off a ledge.
Double Messages
If my life were fair and under my control, I think I wouldn't have any real problems with my reputation.
Dream
It's hard to remember now.
The first one, I was thinking of Ellen DeGeneres and how I had to put up with her as a teenager struggling with desires to do ballet. She looked like Renée Fleming as a teenager, who I saw on YouTube before I realized it was a pirated interview. Then, she was who she was and I was ready to deal with her, except her hair was, as people might seem to envision, a little curly, like in small macaroni part ringlets. I hope she doesn't do that to her hair, but I bet most people would like that. I wonder if I'd stop watching her show. Her hair is okay now. She sure dyes it pretty white and has gotten pretty tan. I admit I like her now. I liked her before, too. I like how she was on the ride at Disney.
The first one, I was thinking of Ellen DeGeneres and how I had to put up with her as a teenager struggling with desires to do ballet. She looked like Renée Fleming as a teenager, who I saw on YouTube before I realized it was a pirated interview. Then, she was who she was and I was ready to deal with her, except her hair was, as people might seem to envision, a little curly, like in small macaroni part ringlets. I hope she doesn't do that to her hair, but I bet most people would like that. I wonder if I'd stop watching her show. Her hair is okay now. She sure dyes it pretty white and has gotten pretty tan. I admit I like her now. I liked her before, too. I like how she was on the ride at Disney.
Tumblr - Ellen DeGeneres
What do you think of this picture I made?
Tumblr
So, as you may have guessed, I figured, I've been watching her show and posting about her the most. So, I figured I should make a picture like this just to set the ... establish things better than they'd be otherwise. I keep getting this idea I'd jump up into her arms like I was scared, like I was lying down. People are so tacky and hope you'd do the things maybe they'd do or they'd make people do.
It's not so fun making those pictures. I made one of her with a little girl, first, you might know.
As you can see, it's not like it was a big deal to me, but for me also it's awkward to admit that it's sweet to touch and carry people because it's just not a topic that rings clear.
Like, I was just trying to establish an idea to replace worse ones. Like, I messed up on one work of art and made another to correct it. Nothing was really in some desire to create something, just to establish an idea in place of worse ideas. I don't really like any of them. I should probably take better pictures of me and try again someday. I'm not sure what I'll do tonight, maybe just post my thoughts on Tumblr, as well as IMDb, etc.
Tumblr
So, as you may have guessed, I figured, I've been watching her show and posting about her the most. So, I figured I should make a picture like this just to set the ... establish things better than they'd be otherwise. I keep getting this idea I'd jump up into her arms like I was scared, like I was lying down. People are so tacky and hope you'd do the things maybe they'd do or they'd make people do.
It's not so fun making those pictures. I made one of her with a little girl, first, you might know.
As you can see, it's not like it was a big deal to me, but for me also it's awkward to admit that it's sweet to touch and carry people because it's just not a topic that rings clear.
Like, I was just trying to establish an idea to replace worse ones. Like, I messed up on one work of art and made another to correct it. Nothing was really in some desire to create something, just to establish an idea in place of worse ideas. I don't really like any of them. I should probably take better pictures of me and try again someday. I'm not sure what I'll do tonight, maybe just post my thoughts on Tumblr, as well as IMDb, etc.
What to Do - Shower?
I don't feel like taking a shower but should. I guess I will go lie down and assume I'll be awake in an hour to watch TV, "The Ellen DeGeneres Show." I guess there are clips online, already. I think I saw one last night at a foreign website via Tumblr. I have some shopping to do, need to make a list, might not go today.
Unstable Personality
I don't really understand some people's trains of thoughts nor why they have an unstable personality and tend to cling to others.
I don't really reiterate things, so don't reiterate to me that I should. You're talking to a brick wall.
I don't really reiterate things, so don't reiterate to me that I should. You're talking to a brick wall.
Interactions
With me, people forget I don't want to interact with them in some ways because of who they are and because of who I am...
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However, the person I felt embarrassed in front of was even smaller than me and had white hair and blue eyes. The person whose back I got on had wavy hair that was partly white and blue eyes. She was from Northeastern Florida, where I lived at the time, and the other girl was from the Northeast.
Why I'm Unaccepted Racially
Supposedly, it works out I'm half Chinese-Indonesian, but my dad is Native American indian from his mom's dad's dad, I think. I was watching a clip I will post after I repost it on my Tumblr from "The Ellen DeGeneres Show." A lady was wearing burgundy. I thought of indian.
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Monday, July 30, 2012
Solving All Your Problems
If you can not make your anger come up, things should be okay. I dunno, just think ... everyone has something of an evil side. Why get mad over people just being concerned about your actions or attitude?
Why make people think of curse words?
I guess they want to get it out, see if you're ready to socialize with them.
A Message to Do With Negativity
I've received the message from England that, if a curse word or something like that happens, it was something that was supposed to happen. This is when it is like a response that you can't control at the moment or something. You were unable to fathom what was going on.
Being Negative
It shouldn't be in the program. It's interesting when people think they might touch dire issues.
Dodging Things Yet Getting Things Out
I'm literally dodging anything that has to do with curse words, like I mean in what I talk about, if something comes up, even if it's about something someone else seems to have done, which might just be "getting it out."
Not Wanting Me to Function
I have a feeling people don't even want me to have things down. I got mad and made a noise or something that sounded more harsh, and I think that's lighted a new fire.
I don't want to sit here and do nothing but unneeded things. Obviously, I'm onto something, though. :|
I don't want to sit here and do nothing but unneeded things. Obviously, I'm onto something, though. :|
Words Words Words
So, don't make a big deal of certain words like "stupid." Don't have to use them. If others get mad and do, please, do not make them feel worse.
Going Through My Thoughts
It seems like I have to go through some things in my mind and that a blog is just the way to do it.. I wonder if I should even take a break from exercising, but I don't think so. I settle thoughts, that way, too. Also, that's a basic need.
My Mood and Working
I guess I've gotta wait until my mood stabilizes. I'm quite sure it has to do with better housekeeping.
Why drive people nuts?
If someone is more settled in a more classical way, why would you assume you had it down by being more, like, childlike? Practice makes perfect, and I haven't seen certain things happen, yet, and it seems like they should have. I understand if you're really doing something, but, if you want to put on a show, why not nail down certain consistencies to make people feel alright? By alright I mean comfortable, settled, not like there's something that's gonna drive them nuts.
Antsy Issues?
Whenever I've settled from a downer, I've ricocheted back because of problems from other people.
Differences of Functioning
When you use bad times to your advantage, making use of the dark, how does that relate to making sure someone doesn't feel happiness when something bad has happened? I suppose there is a difference from being able to feel happy to being able to settle differences.
My Sanity
Wow, the blog is nailing down my sanity. I regret my anger. I don't know what to do. I was helping out, did the dishes twice and am on a second load of towels. I think I've adapted to the new protocols. I wasn't literally thinking bad thoughts. They popped up in my head, and I couldn't deal with what angered me. So, in a way, I was doing something, but I wasn't trying to do it. Sometimes it doesn't make me mad. I know what made me mad. Something was stimulating me in an uncomfortable way that I regret. I'm not sure what to do about that. I don't feel it now.
Doing Things to Annoy Others
Some people do some things just to annoy others, even if it looks like they really aren't having a good time, at all, in certain ways. You wonder if their options were closed. You wonder why they were outrageous, to begin with. Most people are like that, today, for some reason.
Ingrained in Your Head
Why do people think you have a problem if you have things stuck in your head that other people do on purpose? I thought everyone was important. Those people don't care.
New Fans of Johnny Depp and Tim Burton
Does it make you happy to see people shy away from admitting they are fans of Johnny Depp and Tim Burton because they have kids though aren't married technically. I'm sure they do that to annoy other fans from administering normal conversations with others online. Instead, we have people foreign enough to come on and, for no reason, be overly critical of them, doing suggestive things, even. It has happened a lot, but I think the newer posters are younger and merely shaping themselves into how they think predecessors were cool, maybe not being serious, though before I know they were and were doing it to annoy the fans. It was mainly annoying in that it was like smothering them to be stimulated through insults, like buckering them up. However, they bucker them up over your head, and it's nagging. It doesn't bother me, any more. I gradually got used to it. It helped me vent my frustrations, and I answer them correcting them but not being critical of them too much. I am just thankful they care more than just stating something that doesn't dig into the essence and substance of it.
People Surrounding You Whenever They See You
What do you think about people stimulating you if you can't help thinking certain things or if you look like you're doing something you're not trying to do? I know I'm in the process of cleaning up my thoughts and am not drawn to using curse words.
High Expectations
What do you think about people thinking being good, for some people, makes it not good for you because you can't fathom, at the moment, doing something you expect others to do.
What do you think about waiting?
What do you think about how some people do want some things but want to wait, and, then, when you know something about it, you do it with someone else, instead, and prevent them from doing it? In that case, you may as well had done it with the other person, instead of shaming it in their name with another choice, just to be annoying and risky for fun.
Monday, July 23, 2012
Monday, May 14, 2012
@TheEllenShow - Interesting Yet Shocking
You know, that's reeally funny because I was just talking about food and she went to school where I was born. Talk about being used. Who wants to dedicate their life in that particular way to food??? It seems we've had food troubles in Florida. I don't feel I can be healthy here like I was in the New Orleans suburb. I don't know. I mean, what is there to eat? I can understand if I ate out.
You know, I find it interesting she looks somewhat on target for her age, whereas most people look younger. I know I still look like I'm in high school. Maybe college. Actually, to me, too, she looks strangely old. I can imagine what her life was like in southeastern Florida. I personally don't like NYC. I've never been there. I did feel cool when I was changing planes there but stayed in the plane. I was alone and was 13.
I'm wondering if, like me, she started out eating cheap and then was able to experiment more and make better decisions. When you're focused on eating right, it really works. Having no white bread really boosts my esteem, I think. I mean, I'm not one to like give up bread. I haven't had it much lately. We have rice. It's okay, it's food.
I remember I hated eating corn. That was a staple of my diet when I was very little. It's funny how I've changed under my mom's tutelege.
Okay, something else obvious about Florida is that we seem to get a lot in way of self-esteem. It's like we've lived life when we haven't. It's strange when we realize the mistakes we make. In the New Orleans area, we always were able to live life figuring things out. My parents don't seem to be able to sort things being from the northeast and out of the U.S.
I guess, too, some people see themselves as perfect in certain light and are afraid in general to think outside of the box. They tend to go all the way, all the way for something. I'm thinking you've lived if you're not from Florida. About L.A., I'd rather not be there, neither. It's become to me, I think, like NYC. NYC is a place where like dark people and book writers live. That's okay, but I thought NYC was the place for families. I used to dream of living there, as a kid. I knew it'd be more physical than Florida. There is a very different feeling in certain areas of the country when you go there the 1st time and probably each succeeding time. (I'm not sure if I've heard the word "succeeding" used like this. Wait, I guess I would have because I think so now.)
Actually, I felt I wanted to be a writer and illustrator of my own books when I was 10.
I notice the little blonde at the bottom of the page. I thought that people prized their kids not only having white hair but white skin. Well, that's not what's important, but people still live in that fantasy. :(
I'm looking at all she's done and am glad I'm not from there. I guess I should consider myself from the New Orleans area. Where would I be today, otherwise? I think I was better off there. I still learned a lot in Florida, had a good base in a way. I didn't like leaving Fort Lauderdale, but it was interesting in other minor areas of the state. Well, they were major areas, too, but not like Fort Lauderdale. Supposedly, Fort Lauderdale is the epitome of Florida. I don't know how I know that. It's perhaps by watching people when I was young. Living in Fort Lauderdale suburbs is worth it. For instance, the boy at the beginning of Pirates of the Caribbean 3 is from the city Fort Lauderdale and so is the girl who played Belle from Beauty and the Beast. Johnny Depp is originally from Kentucky and some other places but mostly grew up in a Fort Lauderdale - Miami suburb. I don't know if he is like he is because he's not from there as a younger child or if it really is, like me, because of being from a suburb instead of a thinly-lived city.
I guess there are different ways of looking at the different places you are from, depending on where they are.
I seem to be at a loss being from the south. I seem to be following the beat of a different drum. I always was good but not aknowledged as such. I know I am grateful to my mom. I like my dad, too. I am different from them both, though. I eat very differently. I'm glad I was made into a different person. I always wished they were different, but, like, my mom I don't see how she could have been any different. I am different from a lot of people. It's interseting where I get my strength. Sometimes, I eat cheap, like now me shying away depressed while my little brother is home from college. I think my brother is still having superiority issues that are obvious like I had as a very young child. I'm glad I can make myself out to be attractive, with the assistance of the criticism of the world and both my parents.
You know, I find it interesting she looks somewhat on target for her age, whereas most people look younger. I know I still look like I'm in high school. Maybe college. Actually, to me, too, she looks strangely old. I can imagine what her life was like in southeastern Florida. I personally don't like NYC. I've never been there. I did feel cool when I was changing planes there but stayed in the plane. I was alone and was 13.
I'm wondering if, like me, she started out eating cheap and then was able to experiment more and make better decisions. When you're focused on eating right, it really works. Having no white bread really boosts my esteem, I think. I mean, I'm not one to like give up bread. I haven't had it much lately. We have rice. It's okay, it's food.
I remember I hated eating corn. That was a staple of my diet when I was very little. It's funny how I've changed under my mom's tutelege.
Okay, something else obvious about Florida is that we seem to get a lot in way of self-esteem. It's like we've lived life when we haven't. It's strange when we realize the mistakes we make. In the New Orleans area, we always were able to live life figuring things out. My parents don't seem to be able to sort things being from the northeast and out of the U.S.
I guess, too, some people see themselves as perfect in certain light and are afraid in general to think outside of the box. They tend to go all the way, all the way for something. I'm thinking you've lived if you're not from Florida. About L.A., I'd rather not be there, neither. It's become to me, I think, like NYC. NYC is a place where like dark people and book writers live. That's okay, but I thought NYC was the place for families. I used to dream of living there, as a kid. I knew it'd be more physical than Florida. There is a very different feeling in certain areas of the country when you go there the 1st time and probably each succeeding time. (I'm not sure if I've heard the word "succeeding" used like this. Wait, I guess I would have because I think so now.)
Actually, I felt I wanted to be a writer and illustrator of my own books when I was 10.
I notice the little blonde at the bottom of the page. I thought that people prized their kids not only having white hair but white skin. Well, that's not what's important, but people still live in that fantasy. :(
I'm looking at all she's done and am glad I'm not from there. I guess I should consider myself from the New Orleans area. Where would I be today, otherwise? I think I was better off there. I still learned a lot in Florida, had a good base in a way. I didn't like leaving Fort Lauderdale, but it was interesting in other minor areas of the state. Well, they were major areas, too, but not like Fort Lauderdale. Supposedly, Fort Lauderdale is the epitome of Florida. I don't know how I know that. It's perhaps by watching people when I was young. Living in Fort Lauderdale suburbs is worth it. For instance, the boy at the beginning of Pirates of the Caribbean 3 is from the city Fort Lauderdale and so is the girl who played Belle from Beauty and the Beast. Johnny Depp is originally from Kentucky and some other places but mostly grew up in a Fort Lauderdale - Miami suburb. I don't know if he is like he is because he's not from there as a younger child or if it really is, like me, because of being from a suburb instead of a thinly-lived city.
I guess there are different ways of looking at the different places you are from, depending on where they are.
I seem to be at a loss being from the south. I seem to be following the beat of a different drum. I always was good but not aknowledged as such. I know I am grateful to my mom. I like my dad, too. I am different from them both, though. I eat very differently. I'm glad I was made into a different person. I always wished they were different, but, like, my mom I don't see how she could have been any different. I am different from a lot of people. It's interseting where I get my strength. Sometimes, I eat cheap, like now me shying away depressed while my little brother is home from college. I think my brother is still having superiority issues that are obvious like I had as a very young child. I'm glad I can make myself out to be attractive, with the assistance of the criticism of the world and both my parents.
@TheEllenShow - Nice-Looking People
Wow, those people look nice. Wow, their hair looks neat. I could have done my hair like that at one point. That's something I would have liked. I used to have a certain look ... I watched "Happy Days." I just keep looking better and better. I guess I'm not dying, yet. D8 I thought upon moving away from Louisiana that I was. Moving there, I felt like I was, too, but I guess I wasn't. For my aunt's wedding, I had my hair scrunched by my cousin-in-law. It was black and in tiny curls. Usually, I've just had long black wavy|curly hair when I lived in Louisiana. I considered myself to be growing my hair out, now, but it seems I've gotten used to the length. Like I said in my last Tweet, I've been growing it out from shaving it after I didn't like it dyed. Later, I looked for non-permanent dye online but didn't find any. I don't think I could live shaving it again. For some reason, before, I knew it would be awhile until it was important to me to have my hair a certain length. You know, with short hair, you could style it with mousse, as well. Mine would stick up funny, though. I cut bangs but am growing them out. My hair is just its same ole same ole.
@TheEllenShow - Hair
That's funny. Not everyone has had their hair short at some point in their life. I know a lot of older people like shorter hair. I shaved mine twice because I was unhappy having dyed it. I didn't see lots of non-permanent dye online, nothing of use to me. I wanted to dye it 1st red and blonde and 2nd honey. I wanted it layered, at 1st. 2nd, I was growing it out. The reason I don't want to dye it is actually because I think it's neat how in the dark it looks black and in the light it looks blonde.
I feel kinda bad because I think I convinced my mom to get bangs when I was 8. She has long hair, and my dad likes it. Also, I used to want a dog. When I was 16, my brother wanted one because he watched movies like Air Bud for some reason. I feel guilty because having a dog is a hassle. I've asked my mom if she's growing her bangs back out, but I guess not.
I don't actually know how long I want my hair now. I'll probably just get it done like everyone else in a year around 1|2 foot below my shoulders and then tie it up. :| Everyone in Louisiana tie their hair up, I noticed because I'm not from there originally. I used to like mine down and to my shoulders most of my life. I grew it longer because I was a teenager but didn't always have it that long. I did actually get used to having it long. I just wanted to look modern.
It's interesting you look so young. I like how people today around your age sometimes look so young.
I feel kinda bad because I think I convinced my mom to get bangs when I was 8. She has long hair, and my dad likes it. Also, I used to want a dog. When I was 16, my brother wanted one because he watched movies like Air Bud for some reason. I feel guilty because having a dog is a hassle. I've asked my mom if she's growing her bangs back out, but I guess not.
I don't actually know how long I want my hair now. I'll probably just get it done like everyone else in a year around 1|2 foot below my shoulders and then tie it up. :| Everyone in Louisiana tie their hair up, I noticed because I'm not from there originally. I used to like mine down and to my shoulders most of my life. I grew it longer because I was a teenager but didn't always have it that long. I did actually get used to having it long. I just wanted to look modern.
It's interesting you look so young. I like how people today around your age sometimes look so young.
Friday, May 11, 2012
@ChloeGMoretz - "Dark Shadows"
Wow! You did really well in Dark Shadows! You were so cool! You had such a complex attitude and spunk. You seemed very proper, yet saucy! You looked so good! You have such an attractive figure! Like older ladies used to notice with me when I was 12 or around your age, you have good-looking legs! You did a really good job! I enjoyed your performance so much! I look forward to seeing you work with Tim Burton, Johnny Depp, and Helena Bonham Carter, again!
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
@olivianj - Health
Wow, that was a nice interview! You are very adamant about breast cancer survival! Like I said before, I have a 4 mm brain tumor, but I think they said I can just live with it. One option was to take medicine to dissolve it. A different kind of an eye doctor told me I'd have to keep taking it or it'd grow back.
@ChloeGMoretz - "The Ellen Degeneres Show"
Wow, Chloë, you were good on "The Ellen Degeneres Show" with Johnny Depp and Michelle Pfeiffer. I hope that you had a good time and that you will be on it again! You were soo cute!
@olivianj - Interview
I'm so happy for your wellness center!
I'm glad you had so much fun in Asia, as I heard you say you did, and also I presume in Australia.
Your pants sound really cool.
You have a really good mom!
Aw, I've wanted to go into entertainment for a few years. I'm very glad you did! :)
I'm glad you had so much fun in Asia, as I heard you say you did, and also I presume in Australia.
Your pants sound really cool.
You have a really good mom!
Aw, I've wanted to go into entertainment for a few years. I'm very glad you did! :)
Monday, May 7, 2012
@olivianj - Nice Interview
That's so cool your mother is Jewish. I hope my dad's mom's dad's mom's mom and dad's mom's mom's dad's dad's mom are Jewish. The names are also Polish and Swiss, Kifer and Shultz.
I guess you're just very captivating and so made it. I mean, you have a perfect figure.
Right, we need to care for our planet. I wanted to do Aerospace Engineering but am into the arts more.
I also look forward to becoming a mother.
That's so cool you do your laundry. I find that, if I like the clothes, it's easier.
I almost store a charm off a little purse when I was about 8. I felt like I would, too, but I didn't.
It's cool that you see your clothes from Grease as with age and so more special.
I'm so glad you survived cancer. My doctor thinks, with my little 4 mm brain tumor, that I shouldn't do anything weird like take medicine to dissolve it or get surgery through my nose.
I know it's up to you to decide your own life.
I guess you're just very captivating and so made it. I mean, you have a perfect figure.
Right, we need to care for our planet. I wanted to do Aerospace Engineering but am into the arts more.
I also look forward to becoming a mother.
That's so cool you do your laundry. I find that, if I like the clothes, it's easier.
I almost store a charm off a little purse when I was about 8. I felt like I would, too, but I didn't.
It's cool that you see your clothes from Grease as with age and so more special.
I'm so glad you survived cancer. My doctor thinks, with my little 4 mm brain tumor, that I shouldn't do anything weird like take medicine to dissolve it or get surgery through my nose.
I know it's up to you to decide your own life.
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